Should I Stay or Should I Go Now
If I go there will be trouble
And if stay it will be double
The Clash
He didn't know whether to laugh or cry as he hung up the phone. Their transient lifestyle often meant that if they ever needed to use the postal system they'd have to rely on another hunter who had a permanent address to inform them if they received any mail. When Sam first set his mind on this course, dreaming of the possibility of college, he knew he'd need to let at least one or two other people in his plans. It was about that time that their father had his blow out with Bobby so that crossed one of those two off his list.
Sam was never sure what the fight was about, but he imagined it might have had something to do with himself. It had been SAT season and their father had been particularly bull headed the whole month leading up to that period. Dean, in an unusually strong show of support, had argued with their Dad on his behalf to let him register at one of the testing centers near Bobby's in Sioux City. Sam had been in and out of the high school near Bobby's a few times during particularly long stays, usually when one of the three Winchesters recovered from a bad injury. The staff was familiar with Sam and his family situation (or a version of it) and had agreed to help despite his not being currently enrolled at their school.
The trick was getting their father to agree to three things, first to his taking the test, second to allow him the time to actually prepare, and third to get to Bobby's for the appointed date. Sam was still never quite sure how Dean pulled it off what with his Dad's particular mood but it had happened. Sam never mentioned that his father's mood after that particular battle had led to yet another forgotten birthday. Neither Dean nor John seemed to notice that May 2nd had passed. He felt that maybe Dean at least was punishing him in a way for forcing his hand against his father, because he had never forgotten the day before that year. Now that they were older and both more involved in hunting (especially Dean) things like birthdays and holidays seemed to slip through the cracks even more than before but this time seemed more personal.
As they were leaving the afternoon after the test Bobby had made his threat about filling John with buckshot if he ever came near his home again. He imagined there must have been a few heated words while he was cloistered in the auditorium with the other college bound juniors. A few weeks later Sam had received a call from Bobby informing him that he'd gotten a 1580…20 points shy of a perfect score and his ticket most any school he wanted. Sam had walked around with a grin for the rest of the day until his father snapped at him for looking foolish.
A few months later admissions for the class of 2005 opened up and many of the schools Sam wanted to apply to had early admissions programs that included better scholarship opportunities (which he hoped he could take advantage of). So he absconded to the library away from their most recent fleabag motel under the ruse of homework and research. His father was beginning to run shorter and shorter on patience for Sam and his schooling, had been ever since Sam was 16 and not legally required to attend (also coincidentally around the time Sam shot up to near his brother's height and no longer looked like a child, meaning less suspicion on the part of outsiders).
There had been times recently when his father kept him out of school because "it just wasn't worth wasting the time" to get him registered at the local high school. It had been early October and already he'd missed two weeks of classes and was on his third school. He had tried to remember what it had been like for Dean's senior year and if his father had been this hard on him about finishing school when he remembered Dean had dropped out partway through the year. That had been one of the few times Sam had been really disappointed in Dean. Dean redeemed himself, though; in another one of his rare battles with his father Dean had gotten John to agree let him take the GED test around the time he would have graduated. He remembered his father's inpatient pacing the whole day of the test, his mutterings about wasting time and imagined if that's how he felt about the GED he had probably been twice as bad during the SAT.
Feeling a bit like a back stabber and a traitor Sam had received his requested college catalogs at Pastor Jim's house (since he could no longer rely on Bobby) and had him forward the application materials to them as they came. Jim had also agreed to let Sam use his address as his own in order to receive the response letters. He had hidden the applications at the bottom of his duffel under his dirty underwear where Dean was sure not to look. He had a feeling Dean knew what was up considering Dean likely knew what the SAT meant and had commented on Sam checking their mail more often than usual but didn't say anything to Sam directly. So in secret Sam filed his applications to most of the ivy leagues along with recommendations from two of his current teachers. When he had mentioned to his English and debate instructors that he was interested in going into law they had been wholehearted in their support especially after he let drop his SAT score and 4.0 GPA status.
He also knew that his performance in their classes had helped that decision along. All those battles with his father had given Sam good practice at arguing. He was a force to be reckoned with when debating in class. While other students had to worry about their reputations if they took an unpopular stand or argued too heavily against a friend Sam had no such inhibitions. This led him to winning most of his debates and his teacher begging him to join the competitive debate team as well as the mock trial club. Sam had surprised himself in a way by enjoying these activities. Before attending this particular school he hadn't given much thought about what he really wanted to major in, but after finding himself enjoying both these extracurriculars so much he set his mind on being a lawyer. It was a natural choice in the end he decided. He'd spent most of his life defending others (from the supernatural), searching for justice (for his mother), making logical arguments (mostly with his father, but his brother at times as well) and doing heavy research. All these skills that would serve him well as a lawyer, too bad his father never saw it that way.
So here it was, February and two schools later. He had to admit that he missed that school from October and November and the friends he had managed to make through his activities there. His most recent schools hadn't been large enough to offer anything outside of meager athletic programs as after school activities. The PE teacher at his most recent school had eyed him and his 6'2" frame on the first day and asked him to try out for the basketball team immediately. Sam had rolled his eyes but had followed his request and gained a starting position right away. While Sam didn't particularly enjoy basketball over other sports his father's training regime had allowed him to be competitive in most sports and it was a way to make a few temporary friends with his teammates. Luckily between Dean's recent inattention to all things besides women and hunting and his father's personal activities they rarely noticed that Sam didn't get home from school until 6:00 when practice was finished.
February was also the time early admissions decisions had been mailed out. He had just gotten off the phone with Jim who had given him the news. Whether it was good or bad, Sam couldn't decide. Three big envelopes had made their way to Jim's rectory. All three of the big schools amazingly wanted him and had offered him decent scholarships despite his record of moving and absences. Yale, Harvard and Stanford had all said yes and it had left Sam reeling. All three had top law schools and if he managed to do well in the pre-law program he would have a good chance of going to one of the world's best law schools. Sam knew in his heart he wanted to choose Stanford, not just because California would have better weather than New England but they had offered him a full ride where the other two had offered only partial scholarships.
He had a decision to make. Should he stay, or should he go? It would be so easy to call up Jim and have him shred the letters and pretend nothing had occurred. He could make a flimsy excuse why he'd taken the SAT and once he was done in June things would continue on as they were. If he even made it to June, it almost seemed a pipe dream at this point to get his father through these next few months. He also knew things would change once he was done with school. There would be no-holds-bar on his father's mission and it would be full steam ahead with hunting. He could almost see his father chomping at the bit, biding his time when Sam would finally leave this 'foolishness' of schooling behind. They would be well and truly off the grid at that point, any sense of 'normal' gone. Sam almost shuddered thinking about it as he paced the room after Jim's call.
The other option felt just as disastrous. Their lifestyle left little room for permanent relationships. The only people Sam felt truly familiar with were his family. To others the Winchesters, if they were even known as that, were a passing phase here and gone before they really knew who they were. There were certain members of the hunting community that were familiar with them, obviously, but he was always John's youngest or Dean's little brother. They never really knew Sam as Sam. Sam's only true friend was his brother. If he chose college that would likely end the only real friendship he'd ever had and it frightened him more than any of the monsters they'd fought in his lifetime. Sam also knew if he didn't chose college he'd lose any chance at an independent life he'd ever had. Not that college was necessary for a 'safe life' but if he didn't make a stand now he felt his father's obsession would continue to drag him down and he'd never escape the murky depths. He'd be 18 in May and he felt that was old enough to make his own life choices, finally. There were deadlines, though, and he'd have to make a decision soon.
This would be a test, perhaps his first true test as a grown man. Would he stand up against the familial pressures or would he maintain the status quo? Could he bear to dissolve his ties in order to be independent? Would he go against his father, his brother? Could he be as selfish as they always claimed he was? It was a chance for him to show his quality as the youngest son of a hunter. To either fulfill his father's wishes or to follow his own path.
The following June as Sam fleetingly glanced back at the large Victorian house they'd been squatting in since graduation (which his father had deigned not to attend) he knew what quality he'd shown. While it was exhilarating to be in his own and free of his father he couldn't help but be racked with guilt for the selfishness of his choice on Dean's behalf. He'd left his brother to deal with the aftermath and he felt more than a little ashamed. He wouldn't forget his brother's look of betrayal at the announcement of his choice any time soon. Still, what was done was done. He would head to Bobby's to lay low until school started in August. It would be good to see the older hunter again and take advantage of his vast library with what free time he had left.
As he walked towards the bus station with shoulders slumped he couldn't help but feel that he may regret this decision in the long run.
A/N My legal research class is kicking my butt, so it may be a while before i can sit down and write the next chapter. I apologize. Reviews may encourage me to write sooner!