A/N: Sorry for this long overdue update. Just got back yesterday from a week long trip with the boyfriend. So here it is, and please enjoy me shamelessly forcing references from my favorite books down your throat. Also, I apologize for any mistakes. I have no beta, and I'm horrible at catching my own mistakes.

Sora was frozen to the spot. He could feel his blood moving slower through his veins, could feel it rushing through his ears like a drum. His mind momentarily told him that this wasn't Riku. It was just too perfect, too painfully perfect. There was no way that man, for he was a man in every sense now, could have been the usually quiet, reclusive, and extraordinarily odd waif and had become...

...This.

No faces in the crowd recognized him it seemed. There really were too few people who knew him. That was a sin in of itself. That was a sin so against Sora, and in Sora's mind, society. He hoped that the Destiny Islands would burn and sink into the ocean that birthed them.

In the midst of his thoughts, whatever Riku had been saying was good and over with. He noticed Kairi holding her breath beside him. He felt that if he could see her through the dense darkness her eyes would be wide as saucers. At least she knew. Roxas was acting much the same. Neither of them really remembered Cloud, but they certainly knew Riku.

He wanted to say so many things to him. He wanted to know so much about what had happened. He wanted to know why, why Riku left, why he was here now. He hands clenched into fists. He had been mildly excited about seeing the circus, but now he simply couldn't wait for it to be over.

The rings had gone quiet. Activity was entirely void, darkness descended on the single lighted ring and then came up on the left most one. Sitting in the center was Riku's hat. It sat innocently enough until a long fingered hand reached out from the darkness and tossed it. It was an inhuman toss, the action catapulting it towards the ceiling. The light went down on the floor only to come back up where the hat had landed in another hand.

Quite suddenly violently red light lit up the ceiling of the tent. The hand holding the hat was the insect like woman and she was hanging by one hand from a thin metal bar. Not only was she quite easily hanging in a way that seemed impossible, but her hand was clasped to the bar by an iron shackle, perhaps as a fuck you to safety precautions.

She was really quite amazing, but Sora's mind was elsewhere. Her whole number was just as dangerous looking and heart stopping as could be imagined, but Sora's heart wasn't in it. He only watched to gauge how long this whole thing would take. He became terribly antsy by the end of her act. But it was the very ending that caught his attention.

She crouched on the rod like a cat for a moment before swinging herself in a perfect arc to hang beneath it. The shackle cracked open by some force and the woman simply let go.

Gasps rose from all corners of the tent. Sora started forward as a reflex, hands itching, heart pounding.

"Oh God, Sora, that woman's going to die," Kairi said in a whisper, clutching his arm.

The blonde woman plummeted and plummeted. Watching her fall seemed like it took hours, maybe even days, yet it was so fast no one could save her. She didn't twist in the air, didn't scream. It seemed that she had entirely subjected herself to her fate.

She hit the ground, her whole body bouncing a minute amount before falling still. The lights went out. Sora could have sworn, just as the lights were about to go the woman had opened her eyes quite nonchalantly. He played that off as a trick of the light, there was no way she could have lived.

The crowd buzzed, people dialed 911, cellphone lights lit up the darkness. Talking swelled from whispers to frantic panic. Kairi had pulled out her own phone and was rapidly texting someone, her fingers working a mile a minute, injecting several typographical errors. She swore every time she had to correct herself.

Roxas just stared. From the light of Kairi's phone, Sora could only just make out his face, the glint of his eyes stagnant, pointed downward at the place the woman had fallen. He seemed in shock, his mouth a grim line. Sora was pretty sure that if he could see him properly his brow would be knit tightly.

The light in the center ring lit up and a rackish red head stood, twirling the hat on the pointer finger of his left hand. He looked terribly annoyed. "Yo!" he shouted, voice magnified by a microphone similar to the one Riku was wearing. "Hey!"

The crowd hushed the second time he addressed them.

"Look, thanks for being here and all, but there are signs everywhere asking that you guys don't use cellphones, goddammit! Signs are there to be read, not ignored. So put the demon voice devices back in your purses and pockets and such, and let us continue!"

He took a moment to observe people putting their phones away. A lot of patrons got up and left. It seemed a sense of morbidity was required to be here. The tall man barely seemed to care that a woman may have just died on the floor.

Kairi nudged Sora's arm as she flipped her phone shut. "Hey, that's the guy from school today," she said, her mouth close to Sora's ear.

He shivered from the proximity.

"Yeah, I recognized the crazy hair," he assured her.

The red head put the hat down on the ground and backed away from it. The light went dim again, concentrated on the spot where the hat sat. The last few cellphone lights were shut off, and the remaining observers fell silent.

All around the hat shadows seemed to grow around it like hands and claws and dripping maws. The light expanded ever so slightly. The shadows didn't vanish.

Little wriggling creatures pulled themselves from some two dimensional place up to the ground where they took dark and hunched form. Their heads moved back and fourth as though they were curious, but their eyes were very stupid and blank. Magic was not unheard of, but for Destiny Islands it was certainly unusual, especially the kind that summoned beasts like that.

No one really felt any threat. The creatures looked weak and almost cute, weaving around the center ring like they were being blown in a breeze.

"Heartless, no one forget those that are heartless."

Riku picked his hat back up and sat it on his head. "Ladies and gentlemen, what you see before you is... an oddity that has plagued the world, and yes, worlds even. We have gathered them from all places and brought them here. While I am present, no one is in any danger. These heartless beasts answer to me and call me master."

He raised a hand. One of the little beasts shrank back into shadow and curled up his body, laying itself around his neck like a shawl, big bright eyes blinking from Riku's collarbone. It seemed to be looking at Sora.

That made him very nervous.

In fact, they all seemed to be looking at Sora, big stupid eyes zeroed in on him. They looked almost hungry, almost longing. It was like he had something that they wanted. Riku noticed this and looked displeased by it, but he went on.

They followed his directions, doing a plethora of silly things, impressive things, and then some downright disturbing. To prove that they would listen to him no matter what, he ordered one to eat another. It did it without question. It took about two minutes, and the other shadow creature slid down willingly and bloodlessly. The whole time they watched Sora, never taking their eyes off of him.

Finally, Riku seemed to snap. He held up his hands and all the eyes were forcibly dragged to him. He said something very quietly, one finger nonchalantly pressed against the microphone on his cheek.

Then all the big bright eyes broke away from Riku simultaneously. They all looked at Sora and then sank into the floor.

"Obedient, small, and manageable," Riku said, adjusting one of his gloves in a terribly sexy movement. "But no real sense of danger exists here now. I feel that I need to try something more," he smirked dangerously, "monstrous."

A light went up in the back and shadows stirred. A tangle of darkness shifted like snakes in the air and it grew, and grew. A massive beast pulled itself out of the ground. It was all black and purple with the same massive eyes and vacant expression that the other creatures had. This one loomed over the crowd, huge, slow, and powerful. Where its chest met its neck there began a massive hole that extended most of the way down its torso. It was heart shaped and could be seen straight through.

Those cold bright eyes turned down, it was slow like years creeping by the young and wasteful. It lowered its huge head. Members in the crowd screamed this time. This thing was a threat, this thing was honestly dangerous, Riku or no Riku.

Its head came closer and closer to the stands. Riku's eyes glowed like hateful embers, but he made no move to stop the beast.

It came eye level with Sora and stared for a long time. It blinked stupidly and then rose.

Sora's heart beat in his ears. Roxas had already moved away and Kairi was trying desperately to pull him out of his seat, but he couldn't move. A massive ball of swirling darkness and nothing appeared in its hand.

At that moment Riku shouted, the monster started forward, and Sora's world turned black.

He came to in a curious white place. He was laying on a bed with white linens. There was little in the room, white curved walls (Sora determined that he was in a tent), a white table with a big white crystal ball in the center, and a white birdcage in one corner.

"Oh, good, you're awake."

The woman that sat across from him couldn't have been much older than him. She looked washed out, pretty, though painfully devoid of colour and light.

"Where am I?"

"Medical tent," she said easily. She had a sketchpad in her lap. She had been drawing him, he could make out his own hair.

"You've been in here for the better part of three hours. The show's over. Your girlfriend is still here waiting, as is your brother."

She stood and held out a hand for him.

"I don't get it... This is a medical tent, where's all the medical supplies?" he asked.

The woman blinked at him. She seemed to be thinking for a moment as she pushed her hair behind her ear, clutching the sketchpad to her chest possessively. It took her a long time to answer and when she spoke it was slow.

"We have what we need to do what we have to do," she told him. She held out her hand again. It was small, long fingered and pale as sin.

"Wait, Riku's here?" Sora asked, standing up, ignoring her hand. "Riku's messing with monsters!"

"Riku?" she asked.

This girl infuriated him. They hadn't even had a proper conversation and her misty voice and vacant eyes made him want to kill her. She was either brainless or had no memory at all.

"Riku," she said again. This time it seemed like she remembered. "Yes, he's here, he's been here for a while. Why? Would you like to talk to him. And they aren't monsters, at least... not really. They are people, or once were."

She was irritating him. Honestly, he didn't care. He had more important things to worry about, and a very important old friend to find again.

"Yeah, that's nice. Do you know where Riku is now?"

"Riku?"

He felt his hand, against the will of his brain, almost strangle her. That sparkle in her eyes made him even angrier. She knew what he wanted and she was making it purposefully difficult to get anything that he needed out of her.

"Riku," she said again, closing her blue eyes in thought.

"I'm Namine, I'm a witch."

"Augh!" Sora threw his hands up and glared at her. Her eyes remained closed though, she was blissfully unaware of the fed up man she stood beside.

He left the tent with her staring out after him, one hand holding her sketchbook, the other moving over it with a piece of well used charcoal.

Outside the tent Kairi sat, fiddling her thumbs worriedly. She had likely been waiting out there since he fell unconscious. There was a light sheen of mist hanging around her, making her hair lay flat around her ears. Roxas was no where to be seen, Sora imagined that he was waiting in the car as impatiently as possible.

"Kairi?"

She looked up and smiled that bright smile of hers. Seeing it almost made him forget that there was something wrong at all. But the memory of glowing eyes and of silver hair like liquid mercury. He hardly had time to think on it before she flew into his arms, her slight frame a gentle weight against his chest.

"Sora! Sora! I was so worried! That red head helped us get you out, his name is Axel, he does fire. Oh, Sora, you're okay, you're alive..."

"Kairi, I only passed out, I'm fine."

He smiled and turned his nose into her hair, smelling the fragrance of her. He was happy to see her, the best friends are always happy to be reunited, no matter the circumstances. But even now, holding her, his mind was certainly elsewhere.

"Kairi, that was Riku, wasn't it?" The way he put it wasn't a question. He knew it was, but he felt the need for closure.

"It was," she said, looking up at him with her huge blue eyes. Sora searched them for something, but all he saw was his reflection. In her eyes he saw no darkness, no forests, no creatures.

"But, Sora... You shouldn't talk to him."

"Why?" he asked, looking away, unable to face up to his own reflection, unable to face up to those unwittingly cruel eyes.

"He's just..."

Sora let her go and turned to look back up at the tent. In the darkness the dim lights around looked like halos on a demonic masterpiece of colours and horrors. It was so different when the manics and colourful clowns and freaks weren't ther.

"He's different, Sora."

"I have to talk to him. Where is he?"

She hesitated. She didn't want to say, that was more than clear. After a moment of the two of them staring each other into submission, she sighed.

"He's in the tent with some of the others. Just... be careful. I'll be in the car with Roxas. I... take your time, okay. Please, don't be upset." She held his hand and then dragged them to hook at the fingers. Sora flicked her hand off of his and turned away.

The entrance was still lit, but inside it was dark.

Sora nudged by the multi-colour curtain of beads that hung over the entrance. One tangled in his hair and held him back for a moment. He imagined it a harpy's claw. He imagined cages of wonderment beyond the curtain of beads, real and fake. Smoke and mirrors awaited him, and among them waited Riku.

He marched through.

The rings were lit dimly and spooky voices echoed through the tent. In one corner of the stands sat a group, feet kicked up. One of them was a smiling beast, eyes shadowed and blackened by a hat put over silver hair and sweeping bangs.

Riku was resplendent and beautiful, just like Sora remembered. His skin glowed like starlight and his mouth, pale, pert, full, ripe...

Sora shook himself out of his thoughts. There were others, but he didn't see them. Generally he would have avoided the crowd at all costs, but not now. Not when Riku was so close that Sora could see the colour of his cheeks, the slight lopsidedness of his smile, the individual silver and cobalt of his hair...

He stood at the bottom of the seating, looking up, hoping Riku would see him. He did.

Almost in slow motion Riku hopped down. It wasn't a jump a normal human shouldn't be able to make, but he made it, smiling like the Cheshire cat all the while. He hit the ground in a flourish, his coat swirling up behind him, his boots clicking one after the other. He tipped the hat back and eyes like sea glass looked out at him.

"Sora, it's been a while."

The sheer carelessness of the tone, the smile, the stance, all of it was wrong, utterly wrong. The man smiled like a coquette but his eyes reflected all the life of a corpse and all the wisdom of an immortal. He stood a few inches taller than Sora and his arms had filled out more, but his sense of pure femininity had never been corrupted. In fact, he seemed to have embraced his more feminine side. Lip gloss sparkled from his lips, doing little for their pallid nature, and his eyes had been heavily lined, making his already stunning face look more dramatic.

"Yes, Riku, it's been a while," Sora said. There was nothing of warmth in that tone, nothing of love or friendship existed there, at least not now. While this man smiled the past three years of pain swelled in Sora's chest.

"Riku?"

"Mmhmm?"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

Sora blinked, on the verge of hysterics. What was with all these damn people. One would think they had been emptied of everything, of life, of memory, of care. There had been something naturally odd about them all, else they would have never wound up in the circus. Riku lacked the longing look that other eyes had, but he acted just as oddly.

Sora wanted to beat the other man until he bled dry, until he was dying on the ground for all the pain, all the longing. He also wanted to gather him in his arms, crush this heartless thing against his chest, smother the life out of him with love. Kill the body so that the soul remained, free of whatever oddity plagued this circus.

"Why did you leave? Where have you been!" He grabbed Riku's shoulders and shook him. "Where have you been? Damn you! Where have you been?" he sobbed, fists clutching in Riku's shirt, dragging the first few buttons undone.

"I'm here now."

"And where were you three years ago? One year ago? How dare you come back here now? I almost forgot, just this one damn day remained. Every other day I was free of you, just this one damn day. This one day every year..."

Sora sank to his knees. The dark figures that had been sitting with Riku moved closer, crawling slowly down the seats to get a better look. He was relieved to find them all human. There were no dark twitching monsters among them.

"Sora, I wanted to see you. That's why we're here." The smile turned soft. No matter how soft it got though, it wasn't real.

He helped Sora back to his feet and fixed his shirt. "Can we talk a bit less hysterically now?" he asked.

He looked up, sending the small crowd into a fit of giggles and whistles. There were three of them, and they watched like vultures. One of them was the pink haired man from outside the entrance, though he was void of his Audrey II plant. The other two Sora hadn't seen before. One was short and depressive looking with silver hair and the other was a masculine attractive man with short blonde hair and a well groomed beard.

"Sorry." Sora took a breath.

"Riku, why did you leave? I thought you were dead... We all thought you were dead."

The ring leader looked suddenly uncomfortable in his own skin. Sora felt that he had shrank at least a foot even though he still had to turn his face up to look at him.

"It's... complicated. I had to though. I want you to know, more than anything else, that I am okay here. I'm better off here than there, in that house."

Sora thought of the monster he had seen in his dream, the satisfied and full monster that was all teeth and dark light. It made him remember the hungry ones, the monsters that hadn't fed. Looking at these people he was sure these were they. These were the ravenous monsters. The monster in the home had already eaten itself to a contented state, but these hadn't yet.

They looked on at Riku and Sora with starving eyes.

"Why? What could this life offer you?"

Riku's lips perked. Sora thought about kissing them.

"I'll just say, there are reasons. First of all it's impressive, fun, unique, and I get to travel. I climbed the ladder fast after the last ring leader went off to travel the world with some blue haired swordsman we met a while back...-"

"What were those things that you were with, those monsters?" he asked, moving a little closer. The heat off of Riku's body was almost chilly. But being close to him gave Sora comfort. Now if he could only reach around his back, tuck his fingers against the dip in his spine, rub it softly or possibly break it.

"They are the heartless, and they are no monsters. Really, they are as much human as we are, perhaps even more so. They are people that have given into the darkness of their own hearts. They are drawn to strong hearts."

"Like yours."

"... No."

Sora could feel the 'like yours' hanging in the air at the end of Riku's statement. His eyes were hateful suddenly.

"Why do they listen to you?"

"Can we talk about something else? Are you and Kairi together yet?"

"How long is the circus staying?"

Riku shrugged. Sora knew then that it may be a while. Confident that he'd be able to choke answers out of him later he let him change the subject.

"No, we aren't together yet, nor will we ever be," he said, willing to fall into meaningless gossip if it meant opening the other man up. "What about you? So much traveling must have turned up some girl or another."

"Yeah, well..."

"He's gay as a pride parade," the blonde man said.

The pink haired man giggled behind a gloved hand. "Yes, he's quite the charmer actually."

If Riku was capable of pouting he managed it, all the while looking reasonably annoyed.

"This isn't exactly the way I wanted to breach this subject, but I suppose that was the elephant in the room."

Sora smiled widely. "Honestly, it was pretty obvious that you're gay. I've probably known that longer than you have."

"Maybe he isn't gay, maybe he's just European," the flower man interjected, smiling softly, his pretty face stretching slightly, pink lips upturning impishly.

"That's stupid, Marluxia," the shortest one said, looking at the other two as though he hoped they would burst into flames.

"Shut up guys," Riku finally said. "Actually, just leave, it's getting late, and I owe Sora at least a minute with me."

They begrudgingly agreed to go, but they took their sweet time doing it. But once they were out Sora gave into the desire he had been fighting since he saw him. He leaned up and kissed Riku, planting his mouth right against his.

Riku's mouth was as soft and compliant as he had imagined it would be. He tasted like something sweet and something bloody, and he responded fiercely, seizing Sora around his back and shoulders and pressing him as close as possible, feverishly responding. His hair rained around them, making a curtain that almost blotted out the world around them.

One of Riku's large, though perfectly delicate and gentle hands pressed against Sora's shoulders and then moved around to his bicep and then down to his hand. He clasped it in his and squeezed as though letting go would kill him.

They pulled away simultaneously, Sora's tongue darted back into his own mouth, a thin trail of saliva connected their lips until it split and dissipated.

That wasn't exactly how he had intended for that to go. Really, Sora had just wanted to feel Riku, feel him close, closer than he had ever been. But there was such fire and such burn in him when their lips touched. Raw power and thundering darkness shuddered through his body when Riku had grabbed him. He felt as though Riku were trying to suck the light out of him, like he was trying to replace something.

And he found himself no minding that it had gone father than intended. In fact, he very much wanted to do it again, but the look on Riku's face kept him from it. Pure sadness lighted Riku's beautiful features. It took him almost three minutes to speak to him.

"Go back to the way it was Sora. Go back to fighting windmills for me, pretend that I never came back here."

"Why are you here?"

Riku was silent. His mouth, the light colour of anemia, pressed into a thin tight line. Darkness swallowed everything behind them. Brutal life and cold fantasy mixed in the colours of the tent and both young men were caught up in it.

Riku moved first. His hand rose and a purple aura surrounded the long contours of his fingers. "I'm drawn here. I'm drawn to several places all at once. And it's all because I'm like them."

One of the twitching shadows popped out of the darkness of the bleachers. It crawled up his body and ended on his shoulder. Like it had done earlier during the performance, its head twisted around to stare right at Sora.

"They listen to me. You know, you were never in any danger."

"Why do they listen?"

"I told you. It's because I'm like them. I'm made up of the same stuff they are." He held out his arm. The little black creature crawled down it, coming closer to Sora, blinking at him with its yellow eyes. "I'm drawn to you like they are."

"Why are they..."

Riku smirked.

In a movement so inhuman and fast that Sora didn't even catch it, Riku had him pressed against one of the seats uncomfortably. He was straddling him, tight black and red pants slick against his soft thighs, and leaving very little to the imagination. His hands were pressed into Sora's shoulders, but he kept his tempting face back, hiding in half darkness.

"We want you, Sora, because of that light. We want that light that you emit. We want the heart inside you. So... listen to me. I'll tell you once more. Go back to fighting windmills. Go back to thinking that seeing me again would only a pipe dream. Pretend that I died, anything to make all of this go away. We'll be gone in no time."

"Will you come back?"

"I'll always come back. We can't stay away from this place. There are other places that we have to go, but we'll always be back."

"Is everyone here like this?"

The hands were gone. Riku balanced himself above Sora's twiggy legs on his tiptoes, ass almost touching Sora's thighs. Sora looked down at Riku's legs. They were long and full, well formed and borderline utterly feminine. The contrast of their bodies was striking. Of course they were both healthy, but in two totally different ways.

"No, they aren't like us. But they are here for something too. The heartless and the nobodies are drawn here."

"You're heartless..."

Riku smirked again. In the darkness all Sora could see was the glitter off of his eyes and teeth. Riku looked like one of those monsters too.

He looked like the full, contented monster that had been looking out the window at his retreating figure.

"Riku, why did you leave?"

"God, your selflessness irritates me," Riku told him. He lowered the supple full body to sit on Sora's thighs. Sora lifted up to come face to face with the man sitting in his lap. Up close he just looked like Riku. Up close there was no monster. "Aren't you the least bit concerned about why these creatures are drawn to you?"

"No, Riku. No, I'm not concerned. I don't care about that, I don't care at all! Now will you stop acting like this and just fucking tell me why you left? You keep avoiding it!"

Riku closed up again. In his eyes existed another world, darkness and places that Sora had never seen. "I'm happier here."

Sora snapped. He lunged forward, knocking Riku onto the ground and slamming a fist into his cheek. One hand held down Riku's left shoulder harshly, pressing it unforgivably onto the hard ground. His fist met the other side of Riku's face.

Breathing hard and crying, Sora pressed the other shoulder down.

"For the love of God, Montresor!" Riku shouted, thrashing. He glared up at him, but his mouth looked amused.

"The hell are you talking about?" Sora asked. He let up. He sat back and watched Riku rise to his feet, knees bent so that he was almost squatting. He ran a hand through his silver hair and frowned.

"This isn't a game, Sora. I had my reasons for leaving. Just let it go. It'll make you a happier person to not know."

He brought a hand up to his cheek and managed to look distracted. There was no smile on his lips, and for that Sora was grateful. He was sick of those sticky untrue smiles. There were bruises on his pale flesh. Sora felt bad for marring that face, but he was happy he did it.

"I'm going, Riku."

"See you, Sora."

Their eyes locked. Sora turned away first and left the dark and depraved place behind.

Roxas sat at the wheel of the car, hands hanging over it casually. Kairi was asleep in the backseat.

Sora got in the car, feeling ashamed somehow. Roxas wasn't annoyed with him, but he was quiet and stony.

"You were in there for a while. Did you figure out what you wanted to know?"

"No, I didn't. But I'll have time to figure it out."

"I was worried."

They pulled out of the empty lot, Roxas looking behind them, one hand on the wheel. Sora watched him enviously. Everything he did was plainly sexy and easy. Sora was so awkward in comparison. It was astoundingly hard to be Roxas' twin.

"Thanks, for being worried."

"It's what I'm here for." Roxas' eyes were on the road ahead.

The farther they went the less and less morbid and haunted the world seemed. The trees stopped looming a few miles away, and when they were almost home it seemed like the world was able to breathe again. That circus was an odious place, that was for certain.

"While you were out a bunch of people called in for that blonde woman. The police showed up thrice. She's alive and apparently in pretty good health. It was all part of her routine."

"How could she have lived?"

The car stopped in the drive way. Leon hadn't turned the porch light on for them. Roxas turned to look at Sora.

"I don't know, Sora. Why don't you tell me?"

A/N: Okay, that is all for now, thank you.