I realized how vague these first letter is to you guys since you don't know the whole story, or rather, the history that brings this story to where it starts. So, I am going to post the first few chapters to get to the first big flashback so maybe you guys can get your bearings and decide if you like it or not.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Facebook or anything created in the real world that is mentioned in this chapter and/or any other chapter in this story.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Dear Edward,

So many things have been running through my head today, more so than usual, it seems. Right now I'm listening to some songs on Youtube to try and calm myself down. I'll try my best to tell you in a logical fashion, but bear with me if things seem muddled and confusing. Welcome to the dark recesses that are my mind.

I kept thinking about my stupid message conversation I had with you last night on Facebook. I really do hate that form of communication. It's so impersonal. I know you hate it, too. You told me once last fall. And I didn't even chat with you, I was too nervous. But I was looking for trouble last night, Edward. That and I was just messing with your mind. And I'm sorry that I made you uncomfortable. Believe me, it made me uncomfortable, too. But I really did want to know the answer to your first question. Thanks for the honest answer.

As for my reasons for getting so angry, I already told you. I talked to Alice last night about it because I was just so frazzled by it. Yes, she knows everything. She and Rose are the only ones, though my other close friends are suspicious. Am I really that much of an open book? I guess the answer is yes. But anyway, we were talking and I realized something, which is another step in the right direction for me. See, sometimes I don't even care anymore that I loved you as more than just a friend. I miss the way we loved each other as best friends. That's what makes me so sad. You made me so happy before and now the happiness is gone without a trace.

Talking to Alice helped me come to some conclusions, too. See, I'm so worried about losing your friendship. I need to tell you this, but in person for sure. I'm so tired of this virtual communication bullshit. We live 2 miles away from each other, dammit. But the problem is that I'm afraid, Edward. I'm afraid to talk to you. It makes me so nervous, especially a topic like this. I was never a confrontational girl, believe it or not. And I'm not too fond of heart-to-hearts, either. I don't know when I'll tell you, but I have to eventually. I thought of a good idea: I still need to take you to Hole-in-the-Wall. I can talk to you then, right? We could go to my Monroe Elementary (yours is obviously too far away) and talk in the park after our ice cream. Yes, it seems like the perfect plan. The only problem is that it's pretty much impossible to get you to do something with me that's not your idea.

I must cut this short. It's past 10 and I can barely keep my eyes open. On top of that, I have work tomorrow morning. Until next time, Edward.

Love?

BMS