Characters wildly OOC, dont hurt me!
This is Phoenix's fault by the way, she's a bad influence and takes me to these places!
That's it...Warning, nope, read at your own risk! *grin*
Feedback...err...okay sthogarth@supanet.com I want it if you'll give it!
Italics =Heeros internal voice, the one that's been soldier squished!
*= Heero's thoughts, and conversation with internal voice
"=speech
.=full stop
,=comma
Post office in the bowels of hell and to the left
*Lines, lines, lines, dont people have anything better to do? It's not as though he actually wants anything important, so why are you here, huh, shut up internal voice, you know why your here! Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyy, hey voice you know why, now shut up, before I... Have to tell you to shut up again, come on say it, why. Are. You. Here. Wasting. Your. Time? you were warned, now, "SHUT UP!"
"Hey Hee-chan, who you taking too?"
"..." *Ooh yeah, good come back you soldier God *
"Okay. Just please stop scaring the old people, they only want their pensions not a heart attack!"
"Hn" *Did it again you know, you know your only here cause he asked you to come, go on say it, well you already know, and I'm you so I know, so leave me alone, okay! Roger that psychopath! Well as much as I love those little confusing battles with the dumb half of my skull, I much prefer whats going on!*
Duo the braided baka had managed to wrap his braid around an old dear's shopping trolley, heh, even a Gundam pilot can't avoid the wrath of a manic lady with a very large handbag. Ooh. I winced inwardly as another blow hit him, of course this was between silent laughter induced gasps of air. Maybe I should help? Too good, help later!
Eventually I had to rescue the reddening baka from her hold, and now I'm bored, bored, bored, of course it's a cool, calculating bored but still we've been here for two hours and all he wants is a stamp. Stupid post offices, stupid damn pensioners dont they know there's a war on? I'll remember to destroy them later! Now, I have to wait, wait, wait, and what's with the dogs, little shop, big dogs, hey I can growl too you know, stupid dog, "GRRRR"
"Uh Heero?"
"WHAT, uh, I mean ....!"
"Didn't know you spoke bulldog"
"It's an art!"
"It's also biting your leg!"
"Hn" *ow ow, ow, ow, ow!* Duo's approach to everything, hit it on the head and it'll go away, (he got that from me!) So great, the stupid dog likes legs, obviously only mine! Uh Oh, so what usually happens when both of your feet leave the floor, yup, BANG, ! "Omae o Koruse!"
"Heero, it's a dog!"
"Grr"
"Bad dog!" Duo amended hitting the dog playfully behind it's ears, earning a hearty wag of it's tail, which managed to repeatedly hit me on the nose. Stupid, damn, small, stupid post offices!
"Hey, heero, I'm bored!" *Really not surprised!* "Play with me"
"Hn"
"Okay, I'll start, I spy with my little eye, something beginning with S"
"Stamp?"
"No"
"Stationary"
"No"
"Stupid dogs"
"Very, very close, actually, I'll have to give it to you, it was really, stupid ugly queen of the world Relena, but I think that you said it better!" He turned away just in time to miss the shudder, and announced "Relena-sama! We missed you, havent seen you for, oh, ten minutes, starting to think that someone had kidnapped you, ripped out your still beating heart, nailed it to your shrine of Heero and kicked you repeatedly in your soft head" I heard a whistful little sigh escape his mouth "Oh well, maybe you can do that tomorrow?"
She completely ignored him, and my attempts not to love the suggestion, and wrapped her arm around mine.
"Heero, will you tell him not to be so cruel, I'm only human"
"NO!" Stupid girl, in a stupid post office, so I did all I could, and fed her to the stupid dog! She made some vile cruncing, squishing noises, ah well, bye Relena!
"That was fun, do it again!" Duo was bouncing up and down like a cheerleader, his braid flapping against his back as he jumped
"..." *Wish I could!*
*WHY WILL THIS LINE NOT MOVE???* We inched forward *finally* then we stopped *Kuso!*
Half an hour later, I was tapping impatiently on the counter, while Duo danced insanely to the radio, he really shouldn't be in one place for more than an hour, he gets a bit, umm, how can I put this, INSANE!!! Oh no, not that song, Duo, please this is no place to strip, ooh, no "Duo stop", mmm, "You know, you were supposed to leave youe hat on!"
"What?"
I remind him of the song a little off key, and squeaky, but hey, I barely even talk, give me some credit "You can leave you hat on!" He looked a bit bemused, and then slowly looked down "ARGH!! My clothes!..Full Monty song?" I nodded, he bowed to the old ladies with goofy grins.
"Hey look"
"What"
"Cards!"
"Oh"
"Play"
"..."
He shuffled, and dealt the cards as we sat down in the middle of the queue, "Play snap!"
"With playing cards?" He nodded, and slammed the first one down.
After fifteen unsuccessful games he got bored again and asked me to play fifty card pickup, come on, I'm not stupid, then why am I nodding, no soldier, it's a trick, STOP. Urgh, great I'm not picking them up! "BAKA" Puppy eyes, damn, okay then, I will pick them up.
"Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, hey wait that clocks going backwards! No fair! So how long have we been here?" The many people waiting shrugged, and Duo sweat dropped, a smile threatened my lips, but I think I won. Still time. I was sat in a cupboard (Long story!) For six weeks and that was nothing compared to this, true I ended up gnawing on my own fingers, but hey, give me cannibalism over this anytime! Where's my self destruct button? Uh, oh yeah I gave it to that old woman battering Duo, heh, should have seen her face!
I've been with Duo for WAY too long, lost my discipline, no it's this damn place, a stamp, we want a stamp, that's all, just a stamp! Are you all members of OZ, are you sure, cause I can kill you then and we can buy one single damn stamp!
Ah ha, we win, we got to the front, and the majority of the people are still alive, so there, see still the perfect soldier! Now buy the stamp...come on, put the money on the counter and lets go get, coffee. Yeah cause you need caffeine! Shut up, you sarcastic little me voice, I do need caffeine, and sugar, and alcohol! "DUO, BUY THE STAMP!"
"Huh, yeah, okay!...umm...you got any money?"
"MUST SELF DESTRUCT! MUST SELF DESTRUCT! MUST SELF DESTRUCT! MUST SELF DESTRUCT! MUST SELF DESTRUCT! MUST SELF DESTRUCT! MUST SELF DESTRUCT! MUST SELF DESTRUCT!"
*END*
Though now I may need to write one with Heero on Caffeine, alcohol and sugar! *grin*
dRone