When she walked into the living room he was sitting on the couch watching ACN. "What did you think?" he asked with a smile.
"I love your shower. It is great, you're right. Only one thing was missing."
"What's that?"
"You," she said. That made him smile. He loved it when she flirted with him.
"I'll shower with you any time, Kenz," he said, taking her hand and pulling her onto the couch.
She thought he was pulling her down to sit next to him, but he moved further down the couch and pulled her so that she was now lying atop him.
"You okay?" he asked.
Instead of replying she leaned down and kissed him, pushing her tongue into his mouth, stroking and teasing his. He had his hands on her hips and pulled her into him as he arched his hips up, causing them both to moan.
"Fuck, Billy," she said, breathless, when she pulled out of the kiss.
"I've been hard since you took your bra off in the bathroom," he confessed.
She moved her hand down to his cock and squeezed him through his sleep pants. He quickly moved her hand away and brought it to his mouth so he could kiss and nibble on her fingers.
"Too close?" she asked.
He stopped playing with her hand and helped her sit up on him. "I don't care how close I am, the first time we make love it's going to be over way too quickly. I'm so on edge with you, I always have been."
"You think I'm not?" she asked. "You can look at me and make me wet." That made him smile.
"Can we talk some?" he asked.
"Sure, want me to move?"
He shook his head. "You feel good. Please stay," he said, his hands on her legs.
"Okay. What did you want to talk about?" she asked, rubbing his chest.
"I need to make sure you're okay. We jumped from being friends to engaged with nothing in between."
"You know that's why things are awkward, right? We need time to get acclimated to one another, again."
"I hate that it's awkward."
"We need to spend time together, talking, hanging out, cooking and sleeping. It will get better faster than you think."
His hand was in her hair, caressing her. "Are you still on the pill?"
"No. I switched to an IUD."
"Why'd you switch?"
"It's easier. No pill to be forgotten or refills that are hard to find over seas. Are you okay?"
"Honestly, Kenz, I thought this would be easier. It's not like we haven't ever been together before and we were very comfortable."
"It's different now. We'll get comfortable, we will." He took her hand in his and brought it to his mouth for a kiss. "We know each other very well, but for a long time we've kept each other at arm's length. To expect us to immediately be comfortable in these new roles isn't realistic. I'm not used to being able to put my arm around you, or kiss you whenever I feel like it, and you aren't either, Billy."
"I want us to be comfortable," he said petulantly. She chuckled and smiled at him. Instead of trying to talk about the whys she leaned down and kissed him.
He held her tight against him and managed to turn them over without falling off the couch. "God, you feel good," she said as he settled between her legs. His mouth was on her neck, teasing by nibbling and kissing her playfully. He kept himself pressed against her and very slowly he stroked his way to her breast, through her shirt. As he took her breast in his hand he pulled back so he could see her face.
"Okay?" he asked.
"Fuck yes," she moaned and arched up into him.
He stopped the movements of his hand and said, "open your eyes, Kenz." When she did as he asked, he moved his hands so that they were holding her head, totally focused on one another. "Are you ready for us to make love?"
After a couple of moments she said, "I'm not sure. Are you?"
"I want you," he started to say when she put her fingers over his mouth, stopping him.
"I want you, too, it's not that. Are we emotionally ready to begin that part of our relationship again?"
"I don't know," he said honestly.
She patted his side and said, "sit up a second." He did as she asked and she moved into the corner of the couch and held her arms out, "come here." He moved so that he was resting in her arms. She was letting them both calm down some. "Do we need to be more comfortable with each other before we make love?" she asked.
"I think it's going to be awkward if we aren't. We'll both get off, but I'm not sure it will be emotionally satisfying and us making love is about us connecting on a physical level, but also an emotional level. Don't think I don't want you, desperately."
She smiled. She loved that he was so open to talking about this with her. She was playing with his hair, running her fingers through the strands. "I know you want me, and I want you. It's not a question of wanting one another. If we made love right now would I be emotionally satisfied, yes, I would. But if we took the time to tease and play and get comfortable for a couple of days, would that make it even better? I think it would."
"Thanks for talking about this," he said and kissed her cheek. "I think you're right. It would be physically satisfying, but I want us to both be ready. I don't want it to be awkward, or a quickie because we have to be at the studio. I want us to be able to take our time, reconnect and make love when we're both ready."
"How about we spend the rest of this week reconnecting, personally. Which probably means a lot of talking, but also cuddling and making out and sleeping together. I need to get some clothes if we're spending the rest of the week here, though."
He thought about what she said. "I don't care if we're here or at your apartment, as long as we're together."
"We can stay at my place some," she said.
"Can we stay there tonight?"
"Sure, that's fine with me," she said. "We could go over there this afternoon and take our things before going to the studio."
"Okay, let's do that. I need to grab a quick shower and pack a bag, but then we can head over and maybe get some lunch out. How does that sound?"
"Like a very good idea," she said, leaning in to kiss him. They lay there kissing and touching one another, not wanting to let the other go. Will arched his hips into her when he felt her touch his erection through his pants. "Are you okay?" When she looked at him, he had his eyes closed, tight. "It's okay, Billy," she said, rubbing him gently.
All of a sudden he grabbed her hand, stopping any movement. "You need to stop."
She wasn't sure what was wrong but she stopped as he asked. "What's wrong?"
"I'm going to go take a shower, and pack a bag," he said getting off of the couch and walked to the bedroom.
He knew the second he got off the couch that that had been the wrong thing to do. He didn't think that she'd come after him. They weren't there yet. They weren't comfortable. Him walking away certainly wasn't the way to help them get comfortable with each other. And really, all she was doing was touching him. He'd been touching her, so what was his problem?
Mac had no idea what had just happened. She sat there trying to figure it out. They were trying to get comfortable with each other again. If he didn't want her touching him that was probably something he needed to tell her. Plus it wasn't as if he hadn't been playing with her breast a few minutes earlier. But if he wasn't there, he wasn't there and she wouldn't push. They needed time to get used to one another again.
While he was in the shower she quickly dressed and brought her bag to the living room.
When he came out he had on jeans and a navy blue sweater and he was carrying his overnight bag. She was reading something on her Blackberry when he sat down next to her. She didn't stop reading.
"Mac?"
"Yes," she answered, not looking at him.
He knew he brought this on himself and now he was going to pay the price. He reached for her Blackberry and took it from her, placing it on the table in front of them. "I'm sorry."
She shrugged her shoulder and said, "it's okay." She wasn't trying to touch him, or lean into him. He really put them back by his actions earlier.
"No, it's not, Mackenzie. Please look at me."
When she did as he asked he could see how upset she was and he put his arm around her. She didn't move toward him, or take any comfort from him at all.
"Are you ready to go?" she asked.
He knew that tone. She wasn't going to talk any time soon. She needed some time. "Sure, we can go," he said. He stood up and held his hand out for her. He wasn't sure she was going to take his hand but finally she did, but it was only to help her off the couch. She grabbed her bag and purse and walked to the elevator with him following. It was very awkward again. When they made it to the street Manny hailed them a cab and Mac gave her address to the driver. They didn't speak the entire way to Mac's apartment. Will never knew what a long drive it could be from his apartment to hers. It seemingly was never ending.
When they got to Mac's building her doorman opened the door and said hello to her. She returned the greeting and asked about his family. They chatted for a moment and she introduced Will to her doorman. They made their way upstairs and Mac opened her door.
"Let me have your bag," she said. He handed her his bag and watched as she walked into her bedroom. When she came back out he was still standing in the entryway. "You can sit down. Do you want something to drink?"
"Are you having anything?"
"Some water."
"I'll take a bottle, please," he said.
"Still or sparkling?"
"Still, please," he said and moved to sit on the couch. Mac walked into the kitchen and grabbed two waters and handed one to him as she sat on the couch. "Are you hungry?"
"Sure. Where do you want to go for lunch?"
"I don't suppose you have any food, do you?" He hadn't meant it as a dig but when he looked at her she had her eyes closed. He was batting a thousand.
"There's stuff for a salad and there's ham and cheese here. There might be some eggs."
"I didn't mean anything by that," he said. "You never really had food when you had an apartment here, before," he tried to explain.
"We're not those people any more. It's been six years, things change."
He got up off the couch and walked to her window. "I know things change, Mackenzie."
"Why did you pull away from me?" He was surprised she came out and asked him. "If you don't want me to touch you, that's something you need to tell me."
"I'm not sure why I stopped you and pulled away," he said.
"We don't have to talk about it, Will. Not now. Do you want to eat here, or go out?"
She wasn't even calling him Billy. "Let's go out, your choice. What do you feel like?"
"I don't care. I'm not really hungry," she said.
He came to sit in front of her on the table by the couch. "Are you not hungry, or are you nauseous?"
He wanted to know everything about her and give nothing up of himself. This wasn't going to be one sided. "Both."
"Do you want to lie down? Would that help?" he asked.
"I think I will lay down for a bit. Make yourself at home," she said and walked into her bedroom. A few minutes later he was standing in her doorway, watching her. "You can come in here, I don't mind."
"May I lay down with you?"
She held up the covers as her answer. He toed off his shoes and slipped into bed behind her. His arm went around her stomach and he felt her tense up. "I'm sorry," he said and moved back from her. "Do you want me to leave?"
"I want to understand, but you don't seem willing to help me do that, Will," she said and turned onto her back.
"It wasn't one of my finest moments," he said, still on his side.
"Do you not want me to touch you? It's okay if you aren't there, but I need you to tell me my boundaries."
"I don't want us to have any boundaries with each other. I'm sorry I pulled away."
"One minute we're lying on the couch, kissing and touching each other, both of us. The next minute you ask me to stop and you have your eyes squeezed shut. What was going through your head?"
When he didn't respond she started to touch his cheek, but stopped just before touching him.
"Fuck. You can touch me. Don't start second guessing yourself."
Her hand was caressing his cheek. "What was going through your head?"
"How much I wanted you. But, we weren't ready and we aren't ready. We're still awkward and we've spent most of this afternoon on very different pages."
"We will get there," she said. "I want you just as much as you want me. But, we've got to get there, together."
"I know, I swear, I do know, Kenz."
She kissed him gently and said, "easy. I know you do. Talking helps, Billy."
"May I hold you?"
"You don't have to ask," she said and turned on her side and pulled his arm around her, lacing their fingers together on her stomach. She could feel him reacting to the closeness but didn't move to take anything further.
She was letting him hold her but he still felt that awkwardness between them that hadn't been there before he got off the couch earlier.
"You touching me felt really good," he whispered in her ear.
"Good, it's supposed to," she said and brought his hand to her mouth so she could kiss the back.
That was the last they talked for a couple of hours. Will's phone ringing woke them up. He reached into his pocket and saw that it was Rebecca. He quickly answered and listened to her. Mac had turned onto her back and was watching him. When he disconnected Mac asked, "did she meet with Dantana's lawyers?"
"She did. She wants to meet with us as soon as we can get to the studio. She's already there, talking with Charlie, Reese and Leona."
Mac sat up and started to get off the bed when Will's hand stopped her. "I don't know what she wants to talk about, but whatever it is we'll deal with it together, Mac. I love you."
"I love you, too," she said and got off the bed. "Let me change and we can go in." She disappeared into her bathroom. When she came out she was dressed for work.
They made their way to the studio and for all of the awkwardness at home; there was none when they arrived at work. Mac went to her office and Will went to his. Will had called Rebecca and she explained that she'd be down to meet with them when she could. Mac had Jim in her office going over the stories they were working on for the broadcast.
"Hey, Mac, I'm going to order…I'm sorry," he said when he saw Jim in with Mac.
"What do you need?"
"I'm going to order some food, any preference?"
"No, whatever you want is fine."
"Okay, I'll let you know when it arrives. Sorry to interrupt," Will said and walked out of Mac's office.
Jim could tell something was up, but he didn't press and went back to telling Mac about the stories and what was going on with everyone, where their stories were at and his direction for the show that night.