"Lady Selachii, have you figured out who the unfortunate poor actually are yet?" Duchess Sybil Ramkin asked. The Ladies Who Organize organize everything of course, but they directly organized the Guild Charity Ball, it was just the Thing To Do.

Ledy Selachii sighed, "It wouldn't be so bad if the poor were more… clean. They're all just so disreputable and sticky. If only we can find the more respectable ones…"

"Well we'll give the money to the Free Hospital then, no sense in it just lying around," Sybil said in her most efficient, most Ramkin-y voice.

…

The Ankh Morpork Times

The Truth Shall Make Ye Freeze

Coldest Winter on the Disc

Says Rincewind, 57, Wizzard of Unseen University

Well-traveled professor Of Cruel and Unusual Geography says "What do you lot want? If it's me going off somewhere interesting again then forget it. "

Expect Eight Hundred to Twenty Thousand Feet of Precipitation

Including Some Snow

…

Somewhere in a nice warm house, Samuel Vimes recalled a not so pleasant cold drafty (but very clean) little house (1). The weather outside was mildly alarming, on the verge of becoming frightful. And Blackboard Monitor Vimes recited the traditional prayer for a snow day. He rattled a stuck drawer and chanted, Oh please gods let there be no school… erm no Ball today… please?

(1) It was most definitely a house and not a flat. One had Standards on Cockbill Street. Your house could be vertically, horizontally and diagonally challenged but you couldn't raise a family in a flat could you?

…

Monarchies are rather nice, safe and traditional and romantic. Democracies make everyone feel special. But things get DONE in a dictatorship. (1) The snow removal teams (drafted of course) were moving along rather well thanks to Leonard's it-melts-snow-machine.

Of course things work better when there's a Captain Carrot as well as a stick.

"C'mon there's a good chap now. Keep on digging we'll get to the roof tops eventually! Keep at it, um… good chaps!" The best bit of it was that Carrot truly believed that everyone was a good chap on the inside.

"Oh there's a toe here, would that be yours Reg?" The zombie checked himself all over but found he had his correct number of toes. (2)

"I believe it is mine Captain Ironfoundersson," came the dry, brittle voice of Mr. Slant, a lawyer so old he was legal precedent in himself. (3) He wasn't shoveling of course, he had paralegals for that.

"Thanks for coming out and doing your civic duty sir!" Responded Carrot.

(1) A benevolent dictatorship of course. There was enough to do all ready without having to go around not tolerating everything.

(2) Not ten necessarily…

(3) Contrary to popular belief, lawyers, most lawyers, have souls. As for the differently alive ones… well he's got to have something living on inside him.

…

The Sto Lat Herald

City Trapped By Snow

Mayor, 42, Says "The Ankh Morporkians

Would Never have Canceled Foot-The-Ball Game."

Newly appointed Lord Mayor says "Not only would Ankh Morporkians have not Canceled the Foot-The-Ball game, they would have walked to the game while shoveling streets and inventing a new form of 'rithmetic."

Sto Lat citizens reply, "So does this mean we can sack you for this?"

…

Assassins don't like snow. First of all, you can call white on black "modish" all you want, but it really is such a dreadful color combination. Snow crunches. It leaves imprints. It's messy and gets water marks on velvet and stains. Most importantly, It's Just Not Classy. It's positively crass-y. Inhuming a target without leaving a mark is subtle, understated, and timeless. Even inhuming one's target, and all his family, and the servants, and the dogs, and the neighbors, and the neighbor's dogs is acceptable. A bit quaint and old fashioned, seen as too ostentatious nowadays, but still on this side of acceptable. But tracking snow all over the inhumed client's carpet? Simply unacceptable.

Author's Note:

So yup I don't own anything…Anyways, In case you aren't in the U.S./ live somewhere south of the Mason Dixon line, the northern U.S. has had unusual amounts of snow this winter. Like ten times normal actually. The Sto Lat quote is a paraphrase of what the Governor of Pennsylvania said, "Chinese residents would have marched to the stadium, and done calculus all the way down!" in response to an Eagles game being canceled. (This is American football by the way, the one that doesn't use so much foot)