Two
Tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day, another gray, boring, ordinary day. Torch shuffles to his feet, rubbing his eyes. He doesn't particularly want to get out of bed, and he's really hoping his friend has decided to leave certain events of certain nights alone and not obnoxiously harp on them.
Leading statisticians report the likelihood fo that happening at a big fat zero percent.
He sighs and trips down the stairs to the cafeteria. The other men are there already, their trays full. He must be running a little late today. Torch plugs his card into the screen at the door, and it logs him in, the tray popping out of the slot beneath the card reader. He walks over to the buffet, accepting a scoop of whatever indeterminate gray thing is on the menu for today, and sits down at his assigned place.
Unfortunately, it's far away from Eli. They don't like to let two guys have too many things in common. He and Eli share a room, so they can't share meals- there's too much danger of inappropriate relationships developing.
He eats quickly, shoveling the tasteless food into his mouth so he can't appreciate just how unappetizing it really is. When he's cleared his plate, a message flashes up on the table beside him.
Work detail: Kitchens, shift A, Free, shift B, Study, shift C.
Not bad at all. He's guaranteed a study shift every day, since he's not eighteen yet, and of course everyone gets a shift free. He likes the kitchens, though. Even if it's only for a four-hour shift, the fields or the quarries can get fairly exhausting. He has trouble keeping up with the other men, although he'd never admit it, and he doesn't like the dirty, sweaty work.
He looks across the room. Eli hasn't finished his own meal yet, so he has no way of knowing whether or not they'll see each other at all today. If they have free or study together, they'll be able to talk some, but in the work period talking is pretty strictly monitored and any extra chatter is forbidden. Torch doesn't want to get in trouble.
He glances at Eli again. He holds up two fingers, and Eli shoots him a thumbs up. It's the signals they've worked out for their schedules. Free is the first thing they signal for, the number of fingers the slot the activity has taken. He holds up a three for study, next, but Eli only holds up one finger. He frowns, and Eli shrugs.
Someone kicks him under the table, and Torch's eyes flick back to his empty tray, realizing he's making a spectacle of himself. He stands and walks to the kitchen, taking the trays of everyone at the table. He might as well get a head start on the day's work.
The manager starts calling roll. Torch's name is near the end, and he is getting distracted by the light glinting off one of the slicing machines. He has to be called twice before he finally manages to get out- "Here! Right. Sorry. Definitely here."
"Keeping you away from anything hot or sharp," the manager murmurs under his breath, and Torch resigns himself to another day full of dishwashing.
Fortunately, there's salad on the menu that night. Although the less-than-fresh vegetables are unappealing, at least he gets to do something vaguely helpful. He spends a solid four hours tossing iceberg lettuce, cucumbers, and frighteningly un-reddened cherry tomatoes into something that at least resembles food. He even contains the urge to pop any vaguely ripened tomatoes into his mouth, where they so clearly belong.
When the manager blows his whistle at the end of the shift, Torch is quite impressed at the comparatively minor amount of lettuce he's spilled on the floor around him. He tries to kick that into a pile, but it winds up getting ground into the floor, making it all the more noticeable. The manager comes by to inspect his station. "Fast work, Torch- Fast, but sloppy."
Torch winces. Why does everyone say that to him? Seriously, it seems like ninety-nine percent of the conversations he has end that way. "Sorry, sir."
"That's all right. Just keep an eye on it in the future, okay?"
"Yes, sir!" Torch says, more than ready to get out of here. He has a whole four hours free, to spend with Eli, next. And that's just about the best thing ever.
"All right, son. You're dismissed."
"Thank you!"
Torch practically skips out of the room. Eli time! That is definitely the best kind of time. They make it a policy to meet in front of their room when they have free time together, so they don't waste whole hours looking for each other. It's happened before.
"Eli!"
"Hi," Eli murmurs. "You have a good time?"
"He said I was sloppy," Torch pouts.
"Probably because you were too busy not sleeping last night to get any rest."
"I thought we weren't going to talk about that."
"We only didn't talk about it because you pretended to be asleep. Which you obviously weren't, because your eyes are all red and baggy and sad-looking."
It's true. Torch is definitely trying to unleash the puppy eyes right now. And it's obviously failing.
"Come on, Torch. I just want to know."
"Nope." He tries to keep it light-hearted. It doesn't come out that way.
"I promise if you'll just tell me I'll never talk to you about it again. Okay? Just once, and then it's all over."
"No. I can't."
"Why not?"
"Because… Fuck, Eli. I just can't." He throws up his hands and starts to walk away.
"Wait. Torch!" Eli has to jog to catch up with him.
"I'm going to go get lunch." The midday meal is laid out in the cafeteria for whoever has free time to get some. It's usually no more complex than bread and cheese. "Are you coming?"
"No." Eli's voice is firm in that oddly attractive way that Torch should definiitely not be thinking about right now. "And you're not going."
Torch swallows and turns around. As he does, he finds himself being pushed against the wall. His friend's eyes are blazing as he grabs Torch's wrists, pinning him still. "Eli!"
"Tell me."
He can't resist. He realizes at that moment that, sooner or later, the truth will come out. "Promise you won't tell anyone else."
"Okay."
"Swear, Eli. If you never want to see me again after this, fine. I'll put in the room transfer request, blame it on me, that's all fine. Just promise you'll never tell."
"I promise, Torch." Eli tries to smile reassuringly.
"Let go of me?"
"No."
Torch swallows. "Eli, I… You're going to think I'm so disgusting."
"What? Torch, what could possibly be so bad?"
His heart thudding in his chest, his eyes sparkling with tears, Torch presses his head forwars, closing the space between them, and kisses Eli.
He only lets it last for a minute. It's just as good as he's always imagined in his dreams, and better. So much better, because it's real. Torch had never been kissed, had no idea how this would feel. Eli's lips are unbelievably soft, and for just a second, his grip on Torch tightens reassuringly.
Then Torch pulls back, and Eli steps away and drops his wrists. Torch slumps to the ground, burying his face in his hands.
"You know," Eli says. "How long have you known?"
"Since I was thirteen," Torch confesses, his voice breaking. "I'm so sorry."
"Why didn't you fucking tell me?"
"I'm sorry," Torch repeats. "Eli, I'm sorry-"
"Four fucking years."
He can imagine how awful that must be for Eli to realize. Every night, for four years, he thought he was doing nothing more than comforting his best friend. In reality, he's been easing the conscience of the pervert who's been lusting after him since they were little more than children.
"Four years, I went to bed every night dreaming of you. And you've known all along. And now this."
"What?" Torch says, blinking away the tears that are starting to roll down his face. That doesn't make any sense.
"It's not that I'm not fucking grateful you haven't told them, Torch. It's just… to mock me with it. You kissed me and you have to know…" Eli's voice trails off, thick with emotion.
"Mocking you?" Okay, Torch is beyond confused right now.
"I admit it," he whispers. "I want you. I've wanted you for years. I know it's disgusting and I'll never lay a hand on you, Torch, just don't-"
"Tell anyone?" he interrupts. "Eli, didn't I just finish giving you this speech?"
"What?"
"I… I thought…" he takes a deep breath, having honestly never imagined this course of events. "I thought you'd hate me if you ever found out." He's only pictured three possibilities. Eli finding out, freaking out, and calling the guards was always the most likely one. Eli finding out, freaking out, and avoiding him forever was another, and maybe worse than a nice quick execution. Eli finding out, not telling anyone, and silently keeping a secret was about as nice a pipe dream as he allowed himself.
"Found out what?"
"That I love you. Hell, Eli, I'm in love with you. And I know it's wrong, I know we can never be together, but I…"
"Oh." Eli's face is very serious for one second, but then he says, "We're idiots."
"Do you…"
"Feel the same way?"
Torch nods.
"Yes." He smiles, suddenly. "I love you, Torch."
Torch reaches back out for him, touching his face gently. The two of them shift together, before abruptly realizing that that's a terrible idea. "In the room?" Torch says, then realizes the implications and blushes again.
"Yeah. We can get a little privacy." Eli opens the door for his friend, then slams it closed behind them. There's no cameras in the rooms, it's a government policy. They're guaranteed at least that much privacy.
Torch is still blushing.
"Torch?"
"I just… I can't believe this is real, Eli. No one else… No one else could ever know."
"I'm aware," Eli murmurs. "I wasn't planning on announcing our engagement at dinner."
"But we'll have to keep it a secret. If we even… it's so dangerous, to do anything…"
Eli grabs Torch's chin, forcing the other boy to meet his eyes. "You know I'd never let you get caught, Torch. If I had to take the blame…"
Torch's eyes well with tears, because he knows what Eli is offering. It's happened in one hundred percent of homosexuality cases in the last thirty years. He doesn't know what the procedure is, whether it's all the accused's choice or if they're somehow tortured into confessing to it so the government's vision of same-sex relationships doesn't get challenged. Out of seven thousand cases, seven thousand men have confessed to rape and been stoned to death. Their seven thousand partners have either been acquitted or quickly hanged, depending on whether or not they were infected with any kind of disease and thus too corrubted to be reintegrated. "I won't let you do that."
"Good luck stopping me," Eli whispers. "I'd rather die than see you hurt, and I mean that, baby."
"We'll just have to be careful, then. Because I'd do the same thing. And they'd probably just have to kill us together." He's deathly serious. He's not going to let Eli sacrifice himself, not even hypothetically. "Can we not talk about this?"
"I…"
"I'm just… I want to be happy, Eli. I found out, today, that the best thing I could ever have hoped for, that I never even let myself dream about, wasn't impossible at all. It's true. You really… you really love me."
"I love you," Eli repeats, stunned. "I'm… I'm in love with you. And it's okay to say it."
"It's wonderful. As long as you don't say it to anyone that's not me." Torch squeezes Eli's hand, and Eli smiles, leaning in for another kiss.
The bell rings.