Ahahahha...aha...ha...
Don't know what to say, really. ¬_¬
Other than I torture our fav duckie in this chapter quite a bit.
Ahaha...
.
.
...
I'm hungry... *skips off to get food*
Who invented the sun?
Seriously...
What person or thing decided to create a gigantic ball of deadly and flaming gas, that would not only shine bright enough to burn your eyes out of their sockets upon contact, but would also come up at ungodly hours in the morning, pulling you viciously from pleasant dreams and forcing you to face a day that may or may not be your last one on earth?
Can you see my argument?
Quite frankly, the sun should be fired.
...
Ha ha.
I made a funny.
Not.
Ugh, what time is it anyway?
...
It's already ten?
What the hell sun? Why didn't you wake me up at seven like you're supposed to?
Argh, you're a useless ball of gas, that's what you are!
Okay, shit, get my shoes. Get my back pack. Got it?
Got everything?
...
Yep.
Okay, time to go!
...
...
Oh shit.
What is he doing there?
He's never there! Why is he suddenly there? That's our team meeting spot! So why is he there?.!
"Hey Sasuke!"
"Good morning, Sasuke-kun!"
"Good morning, Uchiha."
No! Go away you pansy! You're not welcome!
"What are you doing here, Hyuuga?"
What's with the smirk? And why is he standing so close to...
To...
Oh God no.
It happened.
"I'm simply waiting here with my boyfriend."
Wipe that smug look off your face, Hyuuga, someone might see the horns.
Bastard.
...
Wait...
"Hn."
Why do I care?
Naruto is gay, and he does have a crush on Neji, so there's no reason for me to be hostile.
"Wow Sasuke, you never change. When are you actually going to learn some proper greetings, teme?"
Ah yes, the familiar jibe at my conversation skills.
Or lack thereof.
"Dobe, only an idiot feels the need to fill the silence with endless words instead of silent intellect."
Sasuke 1.
Naruto 0.
Today's starting out pretty good, if I do say so myself!
"Unless, of course, the intellect is inferior, and therefore one uses silence in order to avoid humiliation of said inferior intellect, wouldn't you agree, Uchiha?"
...
...
"Wow! That was such an awesome comeback Neji! You're so cool!"
...
"I have to say, that was impressive, Neji-kun!"
...
...
"...Hey Sasuke, you okay in there?"
...
FUCKING ASSWIPE! HOW DARE HE TURN MY OWN COMEBACK ON ME AND LOOK SO SMUG!
WIPE THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE!
OR NO, LET ME DO IT FOR YOU, YOU PALE-EYED, LONG HAIRED, PANSY-ASSED SON OF A-
"Yo, team. And hello Neji-kun. What brings you here?"
"Just waiting with Naruto. But I shall take my leave now."
YEAH YOU BETTER RUN!
"I'll meet you after training, okay Naru?"
Naru?
Pet names already?
What the hell is wrong with them?
"Sure thing Nej."
I think I'm going to be sick...
Oh wait, are they...?
No...
NO...!
Holy shit.
I just witnessed...my best friend...and my enemy...kiss...
Smite me now, heavenly presence!
"Goodbye."
"Bye bye!"
"See you later, Neji-kun!"
"Goodbye everyone. Until next time, Uchiha."
Yeah, yeah, just get lost before I vomit all over your smug face you prick.
Ugh...this day is sucking three ways to my dick.
...
...
Where that came from, I haven't a clue!
Okay, Kakashi's explaining the mission for today.
...
...
...
Wow, this man must have been a preacher in a past life. I'm almost asleep. Just one more minute and I think my dreams will be surrounding me once more!
"Okay team, that's it. Let's go."
Oh, screw you! No sleep time?
Fuck...
Oh shit they're moving! Got to get my head in the mission.
"Hey Sasuke?"
Why must you open your mouth when we are running? Do you not know how much of a safety hazard that is?
"Hn?"
"I just want to say thanks for hooking me up with Neji."
"...Hn."
But seriously, talking while running at this speed is not good...
"Yeah, it was so great!"
I mean, we're passing things at high speed, and must keep concentration or...
"And our first time was so romantic too!"
Or else we'll-THEIR FIRST TIME?.!
"OW!"
"Holy shit! Sasuke are you okay! Fuck, Kakashi! Stop for a moment! Sasuke, can you hear me!.?"
Of course, right above the ringing in my ears and the way my vision is blurred as my head slowly cracks open from the force of running head on into a solid concrete beam.
"Sasuke-kun! Are you alright?.!"
No I'm not fucking alright! I just ran into concrete dammit!
But wait, why did I run into concrete?
...
OH FUCK!
"Naruto! What did you say before?"
"H-huh?"
"Before I hit the beam, what did you say?"
"U-uh, I was just talking about how mine and Neji's first time-"
"First time? You've already slept with that jerk?"
That Hyuuga bastard! He...He took advantage of Naruto! The idiot is so fucking niave, he probably thought it was normal to have sex on the first date!
...
Well...for some people it is but...
NO! Naruto is not one of those people!
He's a virgin!
...I mean...h-he was...
Oh fucking hell, Hyuuga has tainted my best friend!
"Sasuke! What are you talking about? I haven't slept with anyone!"
...
Processing information...
Taking in information...
...
...Becoming confused...
"Huh? But you said your first time..."
"I was talking about our first time going on a date! I didn't mean...that kind of first time!"
...
...
...Oh.
"...Oh."
Dear God in heaven...
Thank you, for protecting my friend's chastity from the devilish clutches of the evil Hyuuga.
Amen.
...
...
Why is everyone looking at me strangely?
"What?"
"...Sasuke-kun...y-you do realize that...uh...you were...thinking out loud, a few seconds ago?"
...
...
Oh...
Ha ha ha...
Uh...
Whoops?
"Sasuke...you don't like Neji, do you?"
Whatever gave you that idea?
It's not that I don't like him! I just prefer not having to see his face or hear his voice, and I don't plan on buying him any Christmas cards anytime soon, and the thought of his corpse rotting in a ditch brings a smile to my face!
"No."
I'm an honest man, okay!
...
Shut up, all of you! Yes you!
Don't pretend to be innocent! I know you rolled your eyes at my honesty comment!
YES YOU DID!
...
Fuck you all!
Ha! Take that! Yeah, what are you going to do about it, huh? Huh?.!
Nothing!
That's what!
...
Did I just argue with a presence that doesn't exist?
...
"Sasuke, maybe you should go home for the day. You look a bit lost..."
Oh, I'm not lost Kakashi.
I just have yet to find my way, that's all...
"...Hn."
But some more sleep does sound good. All of this inner monologue-ing is getting tiresome.
Bed sounds nice.
Three months...
It's been three whole months since 'it' started...
...
Three. Whole. Months.
Three months of feeling this odd pain in my chest, every time I'm near Naruto and Neji...every single time!
Without fail, if those two are there, the pain starts every time I look at them!
It's starting to worry me...
Am I allergic to homosexuals or something?
...
Ha ha.
No, that's not even possible...
...right?
No, it's not.
...
It isn't, right?
Agh, fuck me I'm confused!
And I'm not supposed to be confused!
Out of everyone in my team, I'm supposed to be the one that knows what the fuck's going on! At all times!
...
But I'm still so confused.
...
...
Oh man...
It's time to see Tsunade...
...
Please let me make it out of there with all, and I mean all, my limbs attached to my body...In the correct places...
Okay, here goes.
Take a breath, open the door and ask for advice! It's not that hard!
...
Dammit! I'm an Uchiha, and Uchiha's are not afraid to walk through doors!
So I'm going to go in.
Okay, here we go!
LEEEROOOOOY JENK-
Oh shit, wrong name...
SAAAASUUUUKEEEEEEEEEEEE UCHIHAAAAAAAAAAA!
-click-
"Hokage-sa-"
"AAH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
"Oh shit, Tsunade my fingers are still-"
-Slam-
...
...
...
...
...I...
I...I'm never...I can't...
...
I want to cry right now...
That was...the single most...
Oh my God...
Just...
...
I'm going to cry...
I can't help it...that was so...
What the fuck were they even doing?
Tsunade...and Jiraiya-sama...
And he was...and she was...
And his fingers...
And her...
...
...I NEED A BUCKET!
OH SHIT I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING! I NEED A FUCKING BUCKET! I'M GOING TO HURL!
Oh my God, this is the worse day ever!
...
Ugh...
My stomach is churning...
That was horrific, in every sense of the word!
"Hey there Sasuke!"
OH MY GOD! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!
I won't lie! I am screaming like a little girl on the inside.
"J-Jiraiya-sama...Uh..."
"...Oh, uh, about what you saw earli-"
"Saw? Saw what? I didn't see a thing! You think I saw something, because I didn't see anything! What was I supposed to see? Was there even something to see? Because I didn't see anything! And even if there had been something to see, I wouldn't have seen it anyway."
Okay, slow down! You're pointless rambling is not helping! In fact, it's only making it worse!
Stop talking!
"..."
Okay, good.
"...Uh..Okay then. Good...Uh, well, Tsunade can see you now."
Oh I bet she can...
"Y-yes sir. Thank you."
Okay, that went as smoothly as I could hope for I guess...
"Oh, Sasuke if you happen to see Na-"
"I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING!"
Get away, get away, get away, get away!
Door! Go through the door!
Yes!
...
Oh there she is...
"Hello, Sasuke."
"Hokage-sama."
"...Listen, about what you sa-"
"Tsunade-sama, I have this unexplainable pain in my chest, and I'd like to ask you to help me identify the cause, if you please."
Let's not linger in dangerous waters now.
"Oh, okay. Please describe it while I go over the normal check up."
Hmm...the pain..
"Well...it's kind of sharp...like someone is taking a kunai and stabbing just above my heart, or around that area...but it also has a sort of, dull ache to it at the same time..."
"Really? And how often does this pain occur?"
"Honestly, it only ever occurs when I'm around Naruto and Neji."
Ha ha.
Her 'surprised' face is kind of funny.
"When you're with Naruto?"
"No, Naruto and Neji."
"...What about just Naruto?"
"...No. It's only when both of them are present."
Seriously, am I speaking Spanish? Or French? Or Croatian?
I don't see the reason for such a confused look.
You're a doctor aren't you?
"...Sasuke...can you describe Naruto for me?"
...
...
I think she's gone senile.
"Hokage-sama?"
"Just describe him, as fully as you can and in your own words."
Is this some sort of psychological test thing? What's next? Is she going to pull out those cue cards that some Ink-using Gaara clone went to town on and ask me 'what do you see amidst the black blotches of failed creativity'?
"...Uh...Well, he's an idiot. And he often ends up screwing up missions due to his failure to think before he acts."
Yeah, that idiot. I've had to save his ass countless times.
"He's also way too trusting, in my opinion. He opens up to anyone that listens."
He also trusts that noob Hyuuga. Honestly, I don't even know why he thought we were friends.
The guy's a pansy.
And I bet he smells like one too!
"He's also got an innocent air about him, like a child. Sometimes I doubt if he even realizes how cold and cruel the world can be, because he's always smiling that huge, stupid grin of his."
That smile...Hell, it's always so wide. And so sincere. Why the hell is he always so happy, anyway? Whenever we're together, he's almost always smiling at me like that. It's weird.
"And he has this weird ability to light up a room, just by walking into it, really. Everything seems so much brighter when he's around. Like nothing could go wrong. Like the world isn't such a bad place anymore."
Like...the sun...
Just minus the suck-a-tude of it.
He's the awesome version of the sun.
The one that lights up the way rather than blinding your sensitive eyeballs.
...
...
Hang on...
I just went off into my own world there. I was just talking...
I don't talk!
...
Why is she looking at me like that?
It's that bloody 'you-poor-ignorant-fool' type of look again!
Why does everyone give me that damn look?
"Sasuke...there's only one reason I can give for the strange ache you've been having."
Oh goody, her doctor skills shall shed some light upon my body's strange new habits!
This ought to be good!
"Sasuke...You're in love with Naruto. And what you're feeling is heartache over the fact he is with another."
...
...
...
Old hag says what now?
"Excuse me?"
"It's true. You obviously have feelings for Naruto, and after hearing about his preferences, they came out of their dormant state into something more prominent. However, you're feeling heartache because Naruto is together with Neji, which is why every time you see them together, you get that pain. And it happens when you think of them together as well, does it not?"
No it doesn't!
...
Well...not really...
...
Not much...
...
Fuck it.
It hurts.
It hurt when she even mentioned the fact that they're together.
But she can't be right! I mean, me? In love with Naruto?
...
Ha ha ha!
It's a joke!
It has to be some kind of a joke!
"...You're...you're joking, right?"
Of course she is! Any moment now she's going to grin and laugh in my face. And say something about it being revenge for walking in on her and the pervert earlier!
Any moment now!
...
Now!
"No Sasuke...this is not a joke. You are in love with Naruto."
...
...
...I need a beer.
Poor Sasuke... XD Poor, poor Sasuke...
Lol, maybe I should change this story's title to 'I need a beer.' XD
Hope you enjoyed! Next one should be out soon!