I do not own Syfy's Alice.
I do not own Hatter. Shame.
Tales of the White Knight
Chapter 2: My Discovery of the Stone of Wonderland
Truthfully, now. 'Twas only knightly conduct to be ingenuous.
"Although, if I'm honest, it's strictly on a part-time basis."
I skirted casually around the vassal with his dark, prying eyes and approached the fair maiden. Certainly, she was a maiden with those big, blue, innocent eyes. The vassal quietly muttered some mocking retort to which I, of course, paid no mind.
I turned my gaze upon Just Alice. She of the long, flowing, black hair. She would believe.
"And I dabble in the . . ." Heavy pause for dramatic presentation. ". . . black arts now and then."
Now to really employ some grandeur, Charlie, my boy. Deep breath for optimum vocal articulation. Oops, a little snort. Stupid allergies. No matter. On we go, on we go.
I displayed dramatic hand gestures whilst conveying my most mystical of facial expressions and metaphysical of voice intonations. Make them believe it, Charlie.
"Soothsaying, toenail readings, that sort of thing,"
I waggled my fingers slightly, as though inviting the toes with their nails right into the palm of my hand.
Just Alice appeared to be on the edge of a smile. Brilliant! She was ready to believe! And now for the big demonstration. Day-o!
"Here, let me show you. Give me your palm," I requested in a friendly manner as I reached out for her left hand. Hopefully she would hold still better than the squirrels.
As I looked down upon her tiny delicate hand in mine, she jerked away with a clearly unwarranted reproach.
But . . . what had I seen in that instant? Surely not.
"What's that on your finger?" I asked, all my showmanship evaporated in an instant.
She frowned, clearly realizing she had been caught in a pretext. Her vassal may have inched closer to her in that moment, but I couldn't be distracted enough to notice. I teetered on the edge of a moment of grand discovery.
"It's the sacred ring," I spoke with a quiver belying my oncoming exhilaration.
The moment was upon us. The moment was now! Oh, the emotions whirling up within me! I could barely contain myself. Suddenly, Just Alice held my full attention. She had the glow of an angel and she was here to save us all and return the glory to the realm!
"The Stone of Wonderland. Our ring."
Dare I hope? Dare I dream? Had it finally returned home?
Just Alice's unsolicited vassal intruded forward into my encounter, dared to touch me, uninvited. Me, The White Knight. He dared to place himself between me and Just Alice, who bore The Stone of Wonderland!
He spoke some assortment of threatening words of which I, yet again, paid no attention. My joy was so overwhelming that I turned away from the glory of the Stone of Wonderland and sank to my knees in bliss.
It was so clear now! I held my hands in supplication out in front of me, my eyes shut tight in sincerest petition and words of extreme elation poured forth without my impediment or organization.
"It is meant to be! This time! This place! This meeting in the woods . . ."
My words continued on, unabated, whether in my head or spoken forth, I do not know. My heart was so full of the all magnitude of it. All my words spilled forth in a jumble, in a mass of gratitude.
Oh, the long years, now finally, over!
May chance, I might have even sung a little in gratitude!
The Oracle, the Oracle, I could speak to the Oracle, she could speak through me! Speak!
"The stars are aligned in a cosmic ray of hope!"
The joy, the joy, oh my joy!
". . . dressed like a car crash, but he's a survivor."
Just Alice, my Alice. I shall have to teach you some propriety yet, my dear.
"And I'm not deaf!"
Indignantly, I rose. The knee joints held. I spun about to face Just Alice and her vassal. The hip joints held as well. 'Twas a good day indeed.
"Just Alice," I proclaimed boldly. "I, Sir Charles Eustace Fotheringhay Le Malvoy III, White Knight and Guardian of the Curtsey . . ."
Dip down and up. Back held. Good . . .
". . . will be honored to escort you, your goods, and your . . ."
I tossed a dismissive gesture toward him, oh I do say, that boy does vex me so . . .
". . . vassal to my sacred kingdom."
My speech concluded, my vow proclaimed, I bowed my head in the most magnanimous of etiquettes and graciousness of gestures to the beautiful Just Alice.
And . . . there goes the spine. I was stuck. Blast and damnation.
Well, what are vassals for?
"Quickly, quickly," I spoke, calmly gesturing in invitation this time.
The vassal wore an expression of astonishment. Well, of course, to actually be invited to touch a knight, to aid him in his time of need, of course he was astounded. 'Twas quite the honor for him, I do imagine.
"Sacroiliac," I specified.
Come along then, Vassal. Time to move things along before I crumple onto the forest floor. Again.
He paused momentarily, no doubt building up his courage to actually approach me. He murmured something into the air, quite possibly a prayer of thanksgiving, and approached me slowly, reverently.
"Straighten, straighten, straighten. Hard, hard," A youth such as he required direct instruction.
No whimper in the voice there, Charlie. Stay strong. Dignified.
The vassal placed a hand on my back armor, one on my chest plate, and straightened me. The world once again regained its proper angle. Though no breath could enter or escape my lungs, I constrained my countenance to appear normal. Noble. Knight-like.
Start walking, old chap. Well done. One step at a time. You shall breathe again soon enough.
"Good-o."
Oh, Charlie. I just love him. Just want to hug him and then shake the crazy right out of him.