A/N: ok so i obviously don't own twilight. I may have over £300 of merch though. Thaks to the awsome thesunbehindtheeclipsedmoon for being my beta and also to my chatzy girls because you gus kick ass!

Chapter 1

She'd been like this for nearly 2 months now. Seeing Renee ill like this broke my heart. She looked so pale and skinny, nothing like the healthy, lively woman that had raised me. No one could give us any answers to how she get ill let alone whether she would get better, all we knew is that there was this horrible feeling that we didn't have long left and tonight that feeling was stronger than it ever had been.

Phil had gone home for a few hours to get some sleep. He had spent every waking hour at her bedside and a few hours every day he would rush home for a shower and a small nap. Phil was Renee's toy boy and they were madly in love and I could tell he made her happy. They had gotten married last year, I was the maid of honour of course. I held my mums hand in mine. It felt cold to touch like the life was slowly draining out of it. Something about tonight just seemed like it needed to be cherished, like it was our last. I looked up into her eyes. They seemed in pain but oddly peaceful today. It was as if she had that same feeling as me. My vision started to blur through the tears that were now falling freely down my cheeks.

"What am I going to do if you go mom?" I sobbed and looked at our hands.

"Bella, look at me." I looked up to see her eyes filling with tears as well now "You are such a cleaver, beautiful young woman. You can go on to do anything you wish. Just do what feels right to you. No matter what you do I will be proud of you."

"Mum please don't say that. It sounds so final. You'll get through this. You have to. I'm nearly in my senior year; you have been sat there when I graduate. You need to be there when I fall in love and when I have my first heartbreak. You need to help me get dressed on my wedding day and tell me I'll be fine. You need to hold my hand while I give birth. You need to stay mum. I need you to stay." I lay my head on the side of her bed and let the tears soak the sheets beneath them. Renee slowly reached up and began to stroke my hair.

"I will be there Bella. As long as you feel me there, I'll be there." she reassured softly. "No! You can't leave mum. Please don't leave."

"Sweetie, I don't think I'm given a choice here. You know I love you. I'm so proud of the young woman you're turning into. At least I did something right hey? You are the most caring daughter a mother could ask for. I know you'll go on to do great things, just never doubt you're self. Oh and stop being so stubborn! Give other people a chance once in a while." she tried to lighten the mood but it didn't work. I just couldn't get rid of the pain I had in my chest. Everything just felt like this was it, like everything I knew was coming to an end and I couldn't see where the light would begin again. Renee shuffled over making space on her bed and I crawled up next to her. She just held me to her, stroking my cheek. We both needed this. No more talking. We just lay there comforting each other thinking about the times that have past and the times that will never happen.

It was 1am when Phil gently woke me. I'd fallen asleep in Renee's arms for 5 hours. I looked over at her and she was fast asleep. She had a peaceful expression on her face so I decided not to wake her. "Bella you should go back home and get into bed. You'll be comfier there. You need a shower as well. I'll stay with Renee and call you if anything happens." Phil handed me the keys to the truck which I took reluctantly. I knew I had to go home but I just couldn't shake the feeling that I'd never see her again. "Yeah, I've got to get up for school in the morning anyway." I mumbled.

"You don't have to go to school you know, they'd understand if you had some time off."

"No. I want to go to school. It keeps my mind busy. Plus I need my girls to help keep me sane." I gently kissed Renee on the forehead and whispered "Goodbye mum, I love you so much."

I barely slept that night. It just didn't feel right. The house had never felt emptier and I'd never felt more alone. I could hear every noise the place made. I spent most of the night on my side staring at the picture on my bedside table of me and Renee at the beach last year. We had both just had matching henna tattoos and were showing them proudly to the camera. At times Renee had been more like a best friend than a mom. We were able to sit there and openly discuss what guys we thought were cute or who in my class at school was the bigger skank. Renee could be immature and I could be mature, in a way we just sort of met in the middle. Sure I had Cristine, Shalinda and Steph but I just wasn't as close to them as I was with my mum. They all loved her, of course, everyone did. She always encouraged me to have them over for slumber parties. It was at one of these slumber parties where Renee let us have our first taste of alcohol. We were 16 and she let us have a simple alcopop. Her reasoning was "If I let you girls try it now under my supervision then it's less likely you'll sneak out and get yourselves into trouble." This was just one of the reasons why my friends always told me I had a cool mum. I just couldn't imagine what it would be like without her.

I pulled up in the parking lot and the girls were waiting for me already. They all had sympathetic looks on their faces. I know this was upsetting them as well, Renee was like their second mom, but they all put on brave faces to hide their sadness from me, but I knew them better than they realized. "How was she last night?" asked Shalinda.

"Not good." there faces fell that little bit more. "Last night just felt so final. I felt like we were saying goodbye. I don't want to say goodbye. I don't." Christine pulled me in for a hug while a let a few stray tears escape. I hated when people saw me cry, I hated appearing weak. I dried my eyes quickly and tried to push the worries to the back of my mind. "Come on we'd best head to history. We don't want to miss out do we?" Steph stated as we began to walk towards the school building. "Yeah because I'd just die if I missed that pile of crap." giggled Christine.

"History isn't that bad." Steph said shyly.

"Only because you get to drool over Taylor. Seriously Steph just jump his bones already! I doubt he'd complain." Shalinda teased. And with that we made our way to class. My girls always knew how to lighten the mood. That why I loved them. I wasn't kidding when I told Phil I needed them to keep me sane.

It was 45minutes till lunch and I was sat doodling. Somehow I had absentmindedly drawn a pair of dark piercing eyes. For some reason I felt like I was supposed to be afraid of the eyes yet I found them comforting. I was lost in thought when the school secretary walked in and whispered something to the teacher. Then the teacher turned to look at me with a sympathetic look in her eyes. That one look cause my heart to sink. I knew it was bad even before she told me to go to the main office for a phone call.

I reached the office and the other secretary was already waiting for me. She also had a sympathetic look on her face. I was already getting fed up with those looks but I had a feeling there would be many more to come. She handed me the phone and that's when my whole world came crashing down.

She was gone. Even though part of me knew this was coming, it was still the hardest thing I'd ever had to listen to. They said she was asleep when she went. I know that information was meant to be comforting but how can anything be comforting when you find out that you will never see your mom smile again. What was I supposed to do now? The school decided it was best if I went home for the rest of the week. By this point I was in no mood to argue or decide anything, so I simply did as I was told. I barely registered getting home but I did it somehow. As soon as I reached my room the full force of what had happened hit me. I collapsed on my bed, and tears began to My mum was gone. My Mum. I don't know how long I stayed that way before I had managed to cry myself to sleep.

I woke up the next morning feeling nothing. Not a single thing. It was like I had become completely numb to everything. Maybe it was because I just couldn't imagine life with out Renee and so I stopped living in a way.

I stayed that way for the next 3 weeks. Being there, but not. Just going through the motions of living but not actually doing it. I ate, showered dressed and slept. That was all. At night I'd find myself looking at the picture of us again and remembering when she was full of life. It wasn't even that long ago. Just 2 months ago we were beginning to plan for our regular shopping trip to Paradise Valley Mall and we were thinking about inviting Shalinda, Steph and Christine for the first time, but that trip would never happen.

Renee's funeral had come and gone. It was a big service from what I noticed. Many people came showing just how much she had touched everyone's heart. My girls had been to visit a few times but they just couldn't get through to me. They were sad about her passing and being near me just brought them down further. I just didn't know what to do with myself anymore. Renee was always the one to make the decisions and I just went along with whatever crazy scheme she had. But now what?

I was lying there just staring at the picture but not really seeing it when Phil lightly knocked the door. He hadn't left his and Renee's room much either. He seemed to be taking it as bad as I was. "I don't think I can do this Bella." he seemed so defeated. "I can't live here. She's everywhere. I can't handle this much sadness. I'm moving back to Florida to live near my family. My dad offered me my old job back in the family business." He was beginning to babble now.

"But I don't want to leave Phoenix. The girls are here and I feel closer to mom." I was beginning to cry again. The pain was back. The thought of leaving everything I knew was too much to bare. I didn't know Florida at all. I had no memories there. "Bella, I spoke with Charlie on the phone this morning. We think its best if you went to live with him back in Washington." I hadn't expected this news. Sure Charlie was my dad and everything, but I barely saw him, just a few holidays when I was younger and I'd get a phone call every birthday and Christmas. In all honesty I had forgotten about him over the past few weeks. Charlie and Renee split when I was 6. I never understood why, maybe they had tried to explain it to me but what 6 year old understands things like that. To me they simply didn't love each other any more. After that I and Renee moved to Phoenix. I didn't know how I felt at the prospect of going back to Forks. Sure I had happy memories there of a happy family but it wouldn't be the same now and I wouldn't know anyone anymore. Phil went on to explain how he was sorry but we were bringing each other down and it would be easier if we weren't just left to wallow in grief together. He had a point, I guess, but it didn't mean I was happy that I had to leave my home because of him.

I spent the next week packing everything I would need for Forks. Which it turns out wasn't much. I already had a room there from when I was a child and Charlie assured me he had updated the furniture. All I needed was clothes and other bits and bobs that were special to me. I used this time to say good bye to the girls as well. I had no idea how long it would be till I saw them again and it made it so much harder to say goodbye to them. I was really beginning to hate goodbyes. They were happening everywhere now and no matter how many times you say it, it never gets easier. Phil, Shalinda and Christine helped me dump the rest of my bags into the back of the truck. Steph couldn't come because she'd been invited to lunch at Taylor's and I told her to go. We'd said goodbye enough now and I just wanted everyone to be happy so then, maybe, I could begin to be happy again. I gave each of them a hug, which ended up very wet hugs because none of us could stop crying, even Phil, though he tried to hide it. I got in the passenger side and Phil got in the drivers side. I watched as the girls and the place I thought of as home shrank in the rear view mirror and headed towards the airport where there would be another fucking goodbye. Everything was changing now and I didn't like it. I didn't like it one bit.

A/N: I hope you guys liked it! remember to review so i know if I'm doing ok. Thanks for reading

Michaela xxxx