Chapter Two
The psychologist asked Jane and Maura to come alone to the first session. Beginning with the second she would see Angelo and Caitlyn, separately. She agreed to make a house call to Angela's home so Caitlyn didn't have to be disturbed.
Caitlyn hadn't been back to school since her father died. She played at Angela's house when no one was around; she seemed to prefer solitude. When her mother came over to visit Caitlyn shrieked and ran back to her bedroom, curling up once again and sticking her thumb in her mouth.
She only allowed Maura to enter the room. Maura would sit on the bed, speaking in soothing tones to Caitlyn. Eventually Maura worked her way onto the bed and Caitlyn crawled into her lap. Jane watched carefully from the doorway, her heart breaking as she saw her daughter fall apart.
This was the one aspect to her job she never liked. Now, it affected her family in the worst possible way. Jane hated this, hated that she couldn't comfort Caitlyn, couldn't have her daughter climb into her lap for comfort. Jane didn't know if she could forgive herself for this. Or Paddy Doyle. Sometimes she wanted to speak to the mob boss and her future father-in-law so he could see the damage he did. Man of honor my ass, Jane thought.
Maura continued to comfort Caitlyn as Jane watched in the hallway. Jane longed to go in and hold Caitlyn. As Caitlyn's eyes began to get heavy and she nodded off toward sleep Jane slipped into Caitlyn's room. Maura shifted the child to Jane's lap.
Jane rubbed circles on Caitlyn's back like Maura did, then shifted her hands to the little girl's hair. "I used to curl up with her like this when she was a baby. Her hair was so soft," Jane murmured. Maura smiled. Just then Caitlyn went to shift her body, opened her eyes and saw she wasn't in Maura's lap.
"AHHHHHHHHH," Caitlyn screamed. Jane pulled her up to face her.
"Shh, it's okay, sweetie, Mommy's here," Jane tried to soothe her daughter. Caitlyn wasn't paying any attention. She continued screaming.
Angela ran into the room. "What's happened?"
"Caitlyn woke up and saw me holding her and screamed," Jane said dejectedly.
"I think you'd better leave Jane. Come here, sweetie, let Grandma hold you," Angela said. Caitlyn pulled herself away from everyone, rolled over to face the wall and curled up once again. Jane was crying so hard by now that Maura had to take her by the arm and lead her downstairs. There they settled on the couch together.
Jane leaned into Maura's body. "She can't stand me, Maura. My little girl wants nothing to do with me. How can I help her? Damn you, Joey," Jane choked out. Maura held Jane close, soothing her much like she did with Caitlyn.
"It's just that she associates you with Joey's death, Jane. When she's out of this state she'll be better. She loves you." Maura stroked Jane's hair.
"She's asleep," Angela stated. "Care for some tea or coffee?"
"No, Ma. We should leave. I don't want to scare Caitlyn if she wakes up again," Jane's tears renewed and she felt like she was going to tear into two pieces, the pain of Caitlyn's rejection was so fierce.
"We're seeing the psychologist tomorrow afternoon, Angela. So we'll be by later in the day," Maura said. Angela started to say something then changed her mind. She managed a small smile as she kissed Jane and Maura goodbye.
Jane went straight to bed when they got home. Maura fed Bass, took Joe for a walk then changed into her pajamas. She slid into bed next to Jane, pulling Jane's body to hers.
"Come on, love, it's just temporary. Caitlyn knows you love her."
"Maura, what if this doesn't change? What if she's so badly damaged she never comes out of this?"
"Then we'll get her the best doctors in the world to work with her. Someday Caitlyn will be the bright, charming, beautiful little girl you knew before Joey's death. She's your little girl, Jane. She's strong like you. She underwent a major trauma, seeing her father killed. The doctor tomorrow will be able to help us understand where Caitlyn is right now and hopefully she'll have some input as to how to best help Caitlyn."
"If Joey were here right now I'd kill him," Jane said. Maura laughed.
"I think that's been taken care of. Let's go to sleep so we can do our best for Caitlyn and Angelo tomorrow."
Jane was silent for a moment. "Maur, I don't believe I deserve to have you in our lives. But thank you for being here."
Jane felt hung over the next morning and knew it was because of her emotional upset the evening before. She called Angela first thing and found out Caitlyn never awoke last night, sleeping until this morning. But the little girl wasn't eating.
"I took her a tray, Jane, thinking she might find it adventurous to have breakfast in bed. But she didn't want anything."
"Did she say why?"
"No, Jane, she never made eye contact. It was like she never noticed the tray being set down beside her."
Jane set the phone down and felt new tears threatening. Abruptly she stood up and headed for the morgue.
Maura was dressed in her surgical scrubs, gloves, protective glasses and booties on her feet. Blood was splattered across her gown from the rib spreader when she cracked the body's ribs to get to the internal organs. She looked up when she heard Jane's distinctive step.
"This is a nice surprise, Jane," Maura managed to say before Jane erupted into sobs. Quickly stripping off her scrubs Maura pulled off the gloves and enveloped Jane into a hug.
"Tell me," she said. Jane repeated her conversation with Angela. Maura felt tears start down her own face.
"This is worse than I thought, Jane, she's nearly catatonic."
"What's that?"
"Catatonia is a state of mind where the person does not move on from a tragedy. They are not cognizant of reality or anything happening around them. They stare off into space, their mind locked on whatever caused them to slip into their catatonic state."
"How long before they recover, Maura?"
Maura didn't want to meet Jane's eyes or answer her question. She tried to deflect.
"We should ask her doctor that question, Jane."
"Maura, tell me."
"It depends, Jane," Maura sighed. "It can take awhile or they never recover."
"You mean Caitlyn could be like this for the rest of her life? Oh dear God, no." Jane slid to the floor and wrapped her arms around herself, her head between her knees. She began sobbing and rocking back and forth. Maura kneeled next to Jane and cradled her.
"Jane, listen to me. It may not be that bad. This could just be temporary, for Caitlyn's mind to absorb and deal with the shock. Things will get better, Jane."
"You just said Caitlyn might not get better. Maura, I don't think I can handle it if my little girl doesn't get better."
"Have faith, Jane. Caitlyn will be just fine. We have plenty of resources to try if and when the time comes," Maura whispered. She continued to hold Jane until Jane finally calmed down. Wiping her eyes she looked at Maura.
"I love you," she said.
"I love you too, Jane."
"I should let you get back to work, Maura. I didn't mean to interrupt." Maura moved back in front of Jane who had pulled herself up. She cupped Jane's cheek.
"This was not an interruption. You came downstairs to tell me about our daughter and that's important, Jane."
Jane smiled. She noticed Maura referred to Caitlyn as 'their' daughter for the first time.
"I'll see you a little later," she whispered and went back upstairs. As the elevator door closed behind her Jane couldn't help but think of how lucky she was to have Maura in her life.
TBC