A/N: Thanks to all of those who reviewed. Your comments are much appreciated. Also, all mistakes are mine.

Disclaimer: Oh how I wish

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He totally lets her break down, holding her firmly against his chest as her sobs wrack her small frame. A part of him wants to berate himself. He should be furious with her. He should be shaking her and yelling and letting her see what the last four years without her, without the knowledge of a son has done to him. He's missed so much time that he will never get back. That part of him wants to push her away, make her see and feel the hurt that she has caused.

But the other part of him, the hopeless romantic is doing backward flips at the thought of holding her again. He never in his wildest dreams expected to be given another chance. And so his hands continue to rub comforting circles across her back and his chin rest lightly on her head. God, he's missed her so much. Her scent permeates his senses bringing back to him countless memories of their short time together. How much time did they actually have? Two, three month at most, but why does he feel like he lost a lifetime when she walked out on him? And now she tells him they have a son. Wow, it hits him like a ton of bricks. He has a son who is sick and who needs him. And suddenly he's filled with a sense of purpose that he hasn't had in years. He will be strong for him. He will push all these feeling of hurt and disappointment- of missed opportunities to the back and lock them in a box and throw away the key. He can do this. He can focus on a future with his son and if he's lucky and the stars all align, with the mother of his child- always the optimist.

"Hey, hey, it's ok. Kate, look at me." She sniffles trying to bring her emotions back in check.

"I'm sorry, Castle. I'm such a wreck." And when she looks at him with those red rimmed eyes, when he sees the bags under her eyes that no amount of makeup can conceal, when he sees how pronounced her cheek bones are because she is so thin, he truly understands what this is costing her. Because the Detective Kate Beckett he knew would never break down like this- would never let him see any of those vulnerabilities. That Detective Kate Beckett is strong, she's independent, and she's not a mother. And all of a sudden he understands just a little more. This is Kate- Kate who is a scared, needy, a mess. And suddenly the need to know is over whelming him.

"Kate, tell me about him. Tell me about...Tommy?"

"Tommy is..." She begins worrying her fingers in the cusp of her thighs. "He's perfect, you know." She smiles at him under her dark lashes her knees softly bumping into his. "He's sooo smart and brave. He loves books and stories..." like his father, but she doesn't say it. "He's also pig headed and stubborn." She laughs at the knowing look Castle throws her. "But above all he's just a good kid. . . He's got my father wrapped around his little finger not to mention the nursing staff here. He's a mini-celebrity." She finishes on a sigh.

"That's my son." Castle beams proudly and Kate has to turn away and choke back a sob.

"Tommy has a rare form of leukemia, Castle. He needs a stem cell transplant. My dad and I... we aren't a match. That's why..." She looks back at him the tears once threatening to spring forward. He can tell it's taking all of her strength to keep it together.

"That's why I am here." He finishes for her. She nods her agreement and instantly sees the hurt flash across his face; his blue eyes blazing with the realization that if son wasn't sick he may have never gotten the chance to know him. What a cruel twist of fate.

Castle runs a hand down his face in frustration. He can feel the color start to rise in his neck as he tries to taper the anger that is threatening to boil over. He paces the room once again, running his hands through his hair. Kate almost smiles at the site of his hair sticking up on its ends- almost. He looks like their son after his bath and the thought makes her suddenly horribly dejected. She had really believed at the time that she was doing the right thing, now as she looks at the man in front her and sees the emotions storming in his eyes: anger, disappointment, betrayal... it makes her realize what a fool she has been. Her shoulders slump in frustration as she turns away from him, thinking about the last time they had been together. He had handed her new evidence in her mother's case, interfered despite her warnings.

"Castle, you touch my mother's case and we are over."

In retrospect, she knew that he had done so out of a need to help. But what she had felt then was a sense of utter helplessness and betrayal. One look at that folder and she knew the vortex would swallow her back up. She had spent two years of her life clawing out of that rabbit hole and he had put her back on that precipice. She would jump right back into it- she had no doubt. She would not stop; she could not stop until she had the answers no matter the consequences to herself or to those around her. She had known this then -the indisputable truth of it. And so, when he had insisted, she had pushed him away. This was her cause to fight and she would not drag him into it too- two lives sacrificed were enough.

And so she had licked her wounds, and taken the plunge as she knew she would. But after weeks of dead ends, she began to feel the uselessness of it all. She wasn't eating or sleeping, running on fumes and caffeine. Every free moment was spent looking for new leads that were nonexistent. Until one day, her world had come literally crashing down on her. She remembers running into the warehouse after the suspect, she remembers seeing the crates stacked on all sides, she remembers waking up in the hospital with a horrendous headache and a nurse smiling down on her telling her she would be ok- and so would her baby. The shock, she had been 3 months pregnant and hadn't even known. How could she not have realized it? But that had been her wake up call. The energy she had poured into her mother's investigation would be diverted to the baby growing in her.

So when she had read about Castle's re-launch of the Clara Strike character, when she had seen his smiling face on page 6 of the Ledger with his arms wrapped around his renewed love interest, she had known she would do it alone. He was getting on with his life and he didn't need her broken self or a baby to ruin it for him. Because she had known even then, he would try to fix her. She wasn't the fixing type and when he realized that, he would leave her and she could not deal with the potential consequences of it all. And so she made a pledge to herself. She may have failed at bringing her mother's killer to justice, but she would not fail this child. The bitter irony was that despite all of her efforts to protect her son, to protect her heart, to protect this man from the burden and responsibility of an unplanned pregnancy, she had ended up hurting everyone in the process. She was not enough and she could not win this battle alone.

"Rick, I know you'll never forgive me for keeping him away from you, but I did what I thought was best- at the time." Maybe she can make him understand. She owes him that at least.

"By raising him on your own without me?" He asks incredulously, struggling to keep a tight lid on those emotions he thought he could control. It is much harder to do than he anticipated. "You think that was the best way to go? Honestly, Kate. I thought you had more confidence in me than that. You know that I raised Alexis all by myself and she turned out just fine- better than fine, if I do say so myself." He has to get up- has to move. She's up now too running a frustrated hand through her hair.

"I am not questioning your parenting skills, Castle. I know you are a great father." There is tenderness to her voice now- because she knows the truth of it. She wants him to understand that it isn't about him, it is about her and the insecurities and the demons she used to battled on a daily basis.

"But you and me, Rick? Let's be honest. We were never going to last. I was looking for an excuse to push you away because I couldn't give in to what you were offering. And then what? You said it yourself. You raised Alexis all by yourself. I couldn't take the chance that you would want to do it again." She releases the grip on his arm and turns away from him then, wrapping her arms around herself as she makes her way towards the small alter at the front of the room.

"Kate, I would have never done that." He whispers following in her wake. He takes the taper she is trying to light a candle with from her shaking hands. "You have to know..."

"How do you know?" She interrupts, spinning to glare at him. "How did I know that then? If I couldn't trust you with the one thing I asked you to stay clear of?" She snaps. Wow. He totally didn't see that coming.

"I don't want to fight with you, Rick." She places a conciliatory hand on his chest and looks at him- fighting the urge to touch his face. "I'm sorry. I can see now that I have hurt you, but there is nothing I can do about the past, and I really don't have the strength for any more battles right now." She ducks her head almost in defeat. He nods his head in acceptance, though this conversation is far from over, he thinks.

"Come; let me introduce you to your son, "She says reaching a hand to guide him. He takes her proffered hand intertwining their fingers as they make their way out of the chapel and down the corridor.

Rick slows his pace as they make their way down the hospital corridor. Sensing his hesitation, Kate stops giving him the moment he clearly needs.

" Kate?"

"Hum?" She replies

"What did you tell him about me?"

"What, who?" She isn't following his train of thought.

"Tommy." He simply states. "What have you told him about me? Does he think I abandoned him?" She can see the fear in his eyes and it breaks her heart to hear him say those words. Once again she wonders how she had managed to bungle things so badly.

"No, Castle. He doesn't think that." She tries to appease. The truth of the matter is that the issue has never come up. Tommy has never asked and she has never volunteered the information hoping to put off that topic of conversation as far into the future as possible. Well there was no postponing it now. Man up, Beckett. She thinks.

"How about we just take this one step at a time? I can introduce you as a friend for now until Tommy gets used to you, and then when the time is right, we can tell him together?" She sees the hesitancy flicker across his eyes at first, before he realizes the validity of her suggestion.

"Sure, ok. That sounds good. But, Kate. No matter what happens, I need to be in his life. He's my son."

"I know, Castle. I know you may not believe me, but I am truly sorry I kept it from you. When I realized that we could lose him and that you didn't even know he existed, I realized how selfish and cowardly I have acted. I know that I can never give back to you the time you lost with him, but I promise you..." She chokes back a sob. "If we get through this... I won't stand in the way of you building a relationship with Tommy. He needs his father."

"Kate, look at me. We will get through this. Tommy is fighter like his mom." She doesn't answer only gives him that small shy smile, barely a curl of her upper lip. She just tightens the grip of their hands as they make their way into the child's room.

Castle's breath leaves his body at the sight of his son through the pained window of his hospital room. He looks so small curled up in his bed with the blanket held firmly in his grasps a slight pout to his lips. His son. Wow. He can't get over that.

He stops right inside the door way as Kate makes her way towards the bed. It takes all of his will to restrain himself from diving forward and cradling him in his arms. But, Kate is right. They needed to do this right.

"Tommy," Kate says running her fingers along her son's forehead.

"Mama?" The questioning eyes peek up from under heavy eye lids.

"Hey, baby."

"Go home?"

" Soon, baby, soon."

"Now, Mama." The boy pouts. Even though he can't see the boy's eyes Castle can only imagine the puppy eyed look he must be giving his mother. It's a look he knows well. One that he has perfected mastered even. And judging by the eye roll his mother gives him, it's one his son got patent down as well. Huh. Just then the small figure takes note of him standing by the door. He's got blue eyes Castle notices. Those same blue eyes that are now are taking him and becoming bigger by the moment as he turns to his mother and stage whispers.

"Mama, it's the man ." He says in awe pointing to the copy of A Rose for Ever After lying on the small table next to the bed.

Beckett turns to Castle a slight flush to her face. Busted. Another secret revealed. She truly is a fan girl so much so that her 3 year old son recognizes him from his book jacket. Another "huh" traces through Richard Castle's mind. Despite the awkwardness Kate feels she reaches her hand out beckoning Castle towards the bed. Rick takes her fingers relishing the soft feel and slight clammy grip on his hand. So she's just as nervous. He thinks to himself.

"Tommy, this is my friend Rick." The little boy looks at him and Castle feels his heart melt. It's like a mini me looking back. He thinks. And Castle feels his heart melt a little more.

"Cool PJs." He blurts out trying to alleviate a bit of the tension. "You like airplanes?" The boy nods. "And Superman too." He smiles showing his toothless grin and Castle thinks he is the most adorable child he has ever seen.

"He likes anything that flies actually." His mother interjects smiling at Rick's reaction and the adoration flickering across his face.

"Cool. Me too." Rick says as he sits on the side of the boy's bed.

"Ya, well, it's not so cool when he thinks HE can fly and then takes a flying leap of the couch. " Kate says seriously but there is a hint of smile struggling not to escape. Castle unconsciously rubs at the scar on his forehead and smiles remembering a similar misadventure that his mother told him about. Like father like son he thinks but doesn't say out loud. He doesn't want to freak Kate out any more.

"I tired." Tommy states as he rubs his eyes and yawns.

"S'oky. Sleep." Kate says placing a kiss on her son's forehead.

"Rick and I are going to be right outside talking with Dr. Davidson."

"No go, Mama."

"I won't baby. I promise."

"We aren't going anywhere, buddy." Castle tells Tommy while looking at Kate. The subtext is not lost on her.