It has been ten months since I was changed and everything was almost the same since then, except for the fact that I now talk more to Edward and Esme. I only talk to Carlisle once in a while. Most of the time he is at work and when he's home he spends time with Esme. It didn't bother me at all but it was a little awkward for me to see them kiss all the time.

Edward and I were getting along fine. We fought a lot but just for fun. I was starting to see him as a brother and I think the feeling is mutual. Esme and Carlisle were growing on me but I missed my family.

I heard Esme coming home from the store. I looked out the window and I saw her car was completely full. I rolled my eyes and laughed. She always bought so many things even if she already had them.

"Do you need any help Esme?" I asked once I got downstairs.

"Not really darling. But some of those bags are for you if you want to take them back with you," she answered. Suddenly a delicious scent hit me. My throat started burning and my mouth filled with venom. "Mat-"I took off running to where the scent was. Before I realized it I was standing in front of a girl's body that was drained. I stood there looking at her in shock. I did that. I killed a girl; a human being .I was a little scared at how ugly the girls' body looked. Her eyes were open and kept that look of fear. A couple of seconds later Edward was at my side. He didn't say anything but he looked disappointed. He took the body and left. My guess is that he buried it somewhere far. When he came back he seemed a little calmer.

"Come on let's go," he said. I couldn't move. I was still staring at the ground where the girl had been. "Matt," Edward said louder trying to break me out of my trance, "let's go." I obeyed and followed him home.

When we arrived Esme and Carlisle came towards me with their faces full of pity as soon as they saw my face of shock. All for me and that infuriated me. I didn't need anybody feeling sorry for myself so I pushed past them and stormed to my room.

I can't believe I killed someone and just left. I killed a person. I was a murderer. I kept thinking that for a while. The worst part was that I liked it. I enjoyed the taste of the blood soothing my burning throat. I tried to remember step by step what I had done but I couldn't. I just took her and bit her throat and in five seconds she was dead. I saw my reflection and saw that my irises were red. The blue was gone and the blood covered the iris of my eyes.

I don't really know how long it had been or who was home but I went running to Carlisle's office.

"Why did you do this to me? I didn't want this!" I yelled at him without control. He seemed a little surprised at my outrage but managed to keep a calm face. "Because of what you did to me a person is dead! Who gave you the right to choose for me? Why couldn't you just let me die? It sure would've been better than this. I would have been free from what I suffered as a human but now I have to live with what I am and now I will never be able to forget that I killed a person! And it's all because of you!" Carlisle just sat there and stared at me and Esme had stood behind me for, what I guessed, the whole time I was yelling.

"Matthew," Carlisle started, "I'm sorry that you feel that way. I didn't mean for you to suffer but I couldn't have just left you there to die. It felt wrong."

"It felt wrong? All I wanted was to die and you took that away from me! Or who knows? Maybe I could have gotten better but now I will never know because you took away everything from me! I'll never be able to see my family thanks to you! Now I have to live with this horrible life you have given me!" I spitted the last part out. I heard Esme shift behind me but Carlisle put his palm up saying to stay where she was. What? He thinks I'm going to hurt her? He is the one I am mad at not at her, I would never hurt her.

"I don't know what you want me to say Matthew. I do not want to force you to live a lifestyle you don't want. This is permanent and none of us can do anything about it," Carlisle said with such a soothing, sad, understanding tone I almost felt bad for yelling. I was mad but I didn't feel like yelling anymore so I left.

"Where are you going?" Esme asked with a cracked voice.

I replied bitterly, "Anywhere but here."

"Will you be back?" she asked. I wanted to say no but when I saw how broken she looked and sounded I said, "I don't know." I didn't feel that bad for her.

I wonder where I am, I thought. I had been running for quite a while so I think I was maybe halfway Canada. I kept thinking about everything that has been happening to me, turning into something unknown, killing someone, now having to live with constant thirst, not being able to see my family whom I missed very much and most of all, just being alone in general. I wanted to go see my family so bad but I didn't want to risk killing them. What do I do? I kept asking myself. Should I go back or leave far away from here? I also kept thinking about what I had yelled at Carlisle. I didn't feel great about it but I still think he deserved it.

After maybe days of thinking of what to do I decided to go back. I didn't know where to go or what to do by myself. When I arrived Carlisle wasn't home; my guess was that he was at work. Esme was suddenly embracing me, it caught off guard so I tensed but soon hugged her back. The thought of never been able to see my family again popped into my head hurt me and made me hug Esme harder.

"I understand it's hard but we have to make an effort to adjust. We can't live in the past Matthew. We have to make sacrifices we don't want." Esme said almost crying. Even I felt like crying but didn't. "Now you have two options. And whatever you choose we will understand," she said leaving her hands on my shoulders, "this constant thirst will make you want human blood more than anything but you can do what we do; hunt animals. Of course it is your choice."

"I'll think about it," I said and left to my room.