Abby snapped back to reality when the siren went off.

"Code Blue!" Someone yelled. She was in the thick of it now, a mess of arms and movement.

"Charge to 640!" Abby said loudly to an assistant. Joel Robinson's life was in her hands. The monotone of his heart monitor rang onto infinity. The blond held the steel pads of the defibulator. A nurse placed gel on them.

"Clear!" Dr. Linde shouted above the clamor as she rubbed them together. All hands were pulled away. She placed one over his heart and the other on his side. His chest seized and fell back. His heart monitor spiked and continued to flat line.

"Again!" she yelled. The pads were recharged and applied again. The young man was pulled upward and his head fell to the side. A wave of panic washed over her entire being. Abby said nothing and pressed the steel together to place them back onto his dead body.

"We've lost him …" Someone said. Abby charged the pads again and shocked his heart over and over again.

She suddenly tossed the pads to the side and interlaced her fingers together. A sweaty latex gloved palm was pressed to his bloody chest. She rammed herself down three times and ducked her head down to recessutate him.

"Doctor." Abby ignored any distractions around her. Blonde strands of hair strung before her grimaced face from effort. A hand was placed on her shoulder; it held crushing weight and she felt herself break on the inside. Abby's hands rested on his still warm body. Her faculty began unplugging the equipment. The deafening tone went silent.

"Time of death; 11:46 pm." Was all she said before turning to return to her office.

Joel Robinson's death was on her hands now. A file needed to be reported. A crying man holding his face moved into the newly unoccupied bed. Abby had a long night ahead of her, with no end in sight.

"Dr. Linde!" a voice shouted behind her as she was walking out. Abby turned to see her former intern, James, running up.

"Hey, what's up?" he said enthustically.

"Oh nothing much, just heading home… Someone has to bring home the meow mix." Abby was notorious for her bad jokes around the hospital. And this time, she hoped her bad joke would be enough to deter him.

James forced a laugh. "That's great, I had no idea you had a cat. Cats are really great pets, so independent, affectionate and-"

"Yeah, it's great having a pet that can keep up with an ER doctor's schedule." Her body began to pivot as she inhaled to say goodbye.

"Hey!" His voice made her want to wince. Abby stopped and smiled at him. James looked at her soft shoulder length light blonde hair, her pretty caramel-brown eyes and her small curvy frame and felt his cheeks grow red with effort.

"W-Would it be alright if we went out for some coffee later?" James said looking away. "If you wanted to, that is…"

She nodded, still smiling; "We'll see…."Abby turned and rolled her eyes.

It was another chilly October night. Abby could see her breath in the air as she tucked her arms closer to her body. She liked that the holidays had all passed. She wanted to blame her distaste for the cheery season on the terrible experiences she had as a cashier in a department store, but her discomfort with holidays ran deeper than a loathing for repetitive, overplayed Christmas songs and materialistic frenzies.

She had grown up in an orphanage and never had anything close to a family. She had friends at work and was well respected by people who met her, but such acquaintances could never cover up the hole she felt in her heart.

Abby was jubilant when she went to her first thanksgiving party with a friend's family. That is, until she realized how awkward it was to be around so many strangers while trying to fit in. it was not long until she saw the other family members grudges against one another. Abby felt ashamed and excused herself early, claiming to have just remembered some imperative work that had to be done by tomorrow.

After that, she always refused any invitations to any sort of social gatherings. At work, whenever it was someone's birthday party, Abby would pitch in for a cake and a lavish present. It was her way of making up for her poor social graces. She would stop by say her congratulations and promptly leave.

And so coworkers and patients stopped asking her if she wanted to come to their children's birthday party, or weddings, or baby showers- knowing that the answer would always be a simple and smiling 'No, sorry. I have work.'

Abby wanted to believe that she wasn't putting up a wall. There was a detachment she felt with the world, it never felt like she really belonged anywhere. She wanted to blame it to her immunity disorder that prevented her from being around children when she was very young. Abby believed that since her time developing social skills were so badly shortened as a child, she became some sort of a social retard.

She grew out of the severity of her disorder and became healthy by keeping it under control with a few medications. Abby was still never comfortable around people though.

And there was James, that curly haired new doctor that was earning his residency at her hospital, formerly being under her as an intern. He was strong arming his way into her life and she was finding it harder and harder to keep his out while still being kind. Abby held no interest in romance; she found the notion of it as a mere form of escapism for the average young girl. Linde seemed to prefer burying herself in work to escape her misery and self loathing.

The air was painful on her face and Abby decided to take the short cut home. Her feet begged her in throbs of pain to get home as soon as possible. She never liked taking the alley way home. The back of a bar that was there had a very bad reputation. I swear twenty percent of our patients come from that place alone. Just then she heard voices coming from sed alleyway.

"… Tell me the truth." Said a dark voice.

"I did-!" said another. His sentence was cut short by the sound of something hitting something hard and a stifled groan. Abby walked up to a man in a long coat holding another up against the tall brick wall adjacent to the bar by his twisted arm. In the poor light, she could barely make out the brown color of the man's coat.

"Try again." Said the raspy stranger.

"H-Hey you!" She managed to find her voice. "Stop that! Leave him alone." The perpetrator made a shallow noise and turned, placed his hands in his pockets, and walked into the darkness. The other man collapsed on the ground holding his arm close to himself. Abby rushed over to his side.

"Let me see it. It's okay I'm a doctor." She reached out her hand. Other than a bit of swelling and a tendon that was soon becoming inflamed, he was fine.

"You should be alright. Just put some ice on it from the bar and don't do any heavy lifting for the next couple of days." The man rose, still holding his arm.

"My name is doctor Linde, if you need anything don't hesitate to call me. I work in the emergency room at the nearby hospital." The man said a quick thank you and opened the bar door. The quiet air was momentarily blasted by the pounding music from inside in the brief instance when the door swung open. It closed, leaving the quiet to return and Abby alone.

"Home at last…" she relieved with a sigh as she removed her shoes at the entrance to her small apartment. There were not many decorations or furniture, inside it was plain and white. Some would say that it barely looked lived-in. A purr and the warmth of a furred body rubbed up against her leg.

"Hello, Rorschach. Good boy." She bent down to pet the orange and black spotted white tom cat. Abby stepped over him as he continued to try and weave himself through her legs and walked over to the kitchen.

A meow sounded next to her. "I didn't forget about you, Rory." The blonde rolled her shoulders and rubbed the side of her neck and opened a can of tuna. Rorschach the cat purred and stretched up his body to touch his paw against her arm. She opened the can as he arched his back and knocked his body into her leg; she smiled at his antics and placed the can down.

Abby rubbed her aching head and slipped out of her work scrubs and wrapped herself in the warm covers of her bed to soothe away all of her troubles.

She walked back to work the next day. A nurse was informing her on the current patients when the hospital manager called her into his office, immediately. It was never fun interfacing with her boss.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" She said walking into his office.

"Joel Robinson died yesterday under your care, true?" he said while holding a report in front of his face.

"Yes, sir." It made her uneasy when he spoke in questions.

"And you wrote in the report that his injuries were serious?" Before she could respond, he asked another rhetorical question. "And yet, he was not placed in the ICU?"

"You see I-" a hand was held up to Abby to stop her from talking.

"The boy's mother is going to be suing us due to your poor choice of words. You are going to be suspended without pay until further notice."

She opened her mouth to protest but he merely spoke louder. "Your status as a doctor will be dealt with after this matter has been settled in court. You are dismissed."

Abby Linde left the building in a hurry, rushing past James with a raised eyebrow. She wanted to scream out loud.

It's not my fault, I made a mistake. I didn't mean to… A flood of bile rose in the back of her throat; He didn't even let me explain. It's his fault for giving us such shitty hours.

She sat down at a random bus stop to quell the tears welling up in her eyes. Abby drew a shaky breath in and out. She tried staring at the dirty sidewalk. There were lines and cracks and a few black spots of old bubble gum stuck to the floor.

Her brown eyes gazed up to see a sign. 'The End is Nigh?' She almost wanted to laugh at the sad irony of her situation. She looked down at the homeless man holding the sign. His piercing eyes made her look away ashamed.

Abby got up and walked over to the bar by her house. She wanted a drink to forget her problems. Abby wasn't an alcoholic, the last time she drank was in medical school as a celebration with all her fellow students. She knew the health risks of metabolizing alcohol in her body, but she just wanted its mind numbing effects to drown out her misfortune.

Once inside, the side glances of many shady people peered at her through sunglasses and red rimmed eyes. Abby sat by the bar and looked at the bar tender's name tag. It read 'Happy Harry' and she noted that he did not look at all happy. She ordered something heavy on the rocks and sipped her drink. She was getting even more suspicious stares from nearly everyone in the bar, they seemed to intensify every moment of her lingering there. The rest of her drink was guzzled down and she ordered Harry for another.

"You lost?" a man with slick back black hair asked as he took a stool next to her.

"No, I'm not." She said curtly, not looking at him.

"Yes, you must be." He continued, "Because only people who don't know me disrespect me."

"Robert!" a voice called from behind that made them both look. It was the man with the hurt arm from the other day. "How's it going man?" They shook hands.

"This is Dr. Linde, she helped me out yesterday." Robert raised an eyebrow.

"She did? Well, excuse me Mrs. Linde, I didn't mean to be so rude." He held out his and flashed her gentleman's smile. "We don't get newcomers too often." He had dark pink lips, dark brown eyes with a clean shaven face that smelled of men's cologne. Abby bet by the shape of his face and the light tan of his skin that he was part Italian.

The man whispered something in Robert's ear. "Excuse me, I have some business to attend to. Please have as many drinks as you wish on the house." He nodded in the direction of her newly placed glass. She held the frosty drink in admiration and nodded in his direction as he left outside the bar. The next few drinks were sloshed down unceremoniously. The fluid was cold and tasted bitter down her throat. It was not long before she felt the depressants taking effect.

Abby felt sick with herself, both physically and mentally. It was only noon when she left the bar. The bum on the street was sitting by the bar with his sign still next to him. Linde went up to him and did something she would never do sober.

"I'm very sorry sir … I just thought it was a joke, well not that you're making a joke. More like, it's a joke of my life… er.. situation, actually… Doctor's aren't supposed to make mistakes, but they do." She noticed a small cut on his hand. Abby handed him a band aid and stumbled off.

*

Rorschach Journal, October 9, 1985

Saw her again. Spewing forth a garbled mess that reeked of alcohol. She's just like all the others. Hypocrites and molesters, drunks and elitist garbage. Tonight, a step closer to uprooting the festering maggots that plague this city.

She vomited her stomachs' content before entering the house to shower and curl up in her bed. As her mind began to slip into sleep, she wondered where her cat could have gone.

(Reentry)

Doctors take an oath when they are sworn in to never refuse a patient. How noble. There must be pliers in the house… (the rest are brown smudges on yellowed pages)