Darkness... a sensation of spinning. Picard felt... lost, beyond lost, a sense of absolute disarray where thoughts and matter seemed meshed together in an incomprehensible manner. His memories slowly faded in and out... the Enterprise... what had happened... where was he, and what was going on? He seemed to remember very little, and the spinning sensation amongst the darkness only made it worse.

"What... what is this... where am I?" he sternly grumbled out, finding his lack of control over his own situation beyond frustrating. The black cloth tied around his head, blinding him, was immediately removed – revealing a whirlwind of magnificent color as he continued to spin. Slowly the spinning came to a stop, clarity regaining its force and allowing him to gather his bearings.

Still in a state of mass confusion, becoming more profound, everything was visually clear... a Christmas tree lit, with presents wrapped beneath... in this... Victorian home. The smell of old oak and a burning fireplace was so foreign, so unknown, yet... so familiar.

"SURPRISE!" the children yelled, running to him joyously from his side.

"We love you father!" One of the older children said pleasantly, a boy.

"Were you scared?" a young girl asked. "Look at the tree!"

"I helped decorate it!" an even younger girl stated proudly. They all seemed to continue to interrupt each other in their overwhelming excitement, proud of what they had done and more than enthusiastic to share this with their father.

Father? Jean-Luc thought to himself. This all was so incredibly vivid and real... was he now descending from his momentary lapse in memory? Was this his family? This... Enterprise... was it something of imagination? As he came down into this reality, he was uncertain... but quickly lost any care. Those precious moments were beyond unbelievable, a pure state of heavenly bliss.

"I love you, father!" they began to say as they descended toward him for a warm, loving embrace.

He couldn't help but light up in this bliss with a smile. "I love you too!" he said, his world of confusion becoming one he wouldn't trade for anything. As they ran off to the tree to open their presents, it was as if his heart widened, feeling love and comfort in a way never before imaginable.

To his right, a hand extended to him... he looked up to see an incredibly beautiful woman, extending his hand to be held by hers. His... wife? The mother of his children? How bizarre yet even more wonderful...

"Cup of Earl Grey?" she asked, lovingly.

"That would be perfect..." he said, in an odd bewildered state of peace.

As she walked away toward the kitchen, his bewildered eyes moved back toward the tree... as he was approached by René... his nephew that he was ever so close with. His memories flashed again... his nephew had... died in a fire? Yet it couldn't be, as before his eyes René approached him with love.

"This one's for you." the boy said with a smile, handing him a present.

"Oh, thank you very much, René." Jean-Luc said pleased, those flashing memories having faded.

"Merry Christmas, uncle." he nodded.

"And a Merry Christmas to you too..." this was all too wonderful. His wife called the boy into the kitchen for some help, and as he walked away those flashing memories became immediately clear. Reading the news from the computer screen on the monitor of the Enterprise's holodeck – the absolute pain he had been feeling since. Discussing the matter with Counselor Troi... René... Jean-Luc's brother and sister in law... they had died in a fire. Yet, there he was, more real than reality itself. Jean-Luc was sent into a near shock. "René..." he called out as the boy turned. "Come here..."

His mind shot in a million directions... he tried to soak in each and every instant of this reality, that pain confusingly washed away. René was gone yet... there he was. He stared at the boy as he approached, grabbing him lightly by the shoulders. It couldn't be real, yet... it was. He pulled the boy in for an embrace, an embrace of such warmth that he had never shared any like it before in his life.

As the boy left to help his aunt, Jean-Luc sat back in his chair, embracing this new reality. He allowed himself not to think of the confusion, not to question the meaning of all this. But to just... accept what it was. Pure bliss.

Sipping on the small glass of wine he appeared to be holding, he watched as his children... his children... opened the presents. He stood, walking toward them slowly as he began to study his surroundings, the beautiful home – one no more perfect than he could have ever imagined. He walked toward the tree, as an ornament began to stand out. It was made of clear glass... inside it, a small light that seemed to explode, over and over. The explosion of the Veridian star, the death of his crew and the millions who inhabited the Veridian Star System.

The roller coaster of back and forth, of two distinct realities seemed to be all too much. And the pain and realization, allowing himself to acknowledge that this reality was but a dream-state, the Nexus... and that great pain and suffering was the reality... it was too much to bear. He tried to push it down, to shove it away. It wasn't right... wasn't fair.

He walked into his study, trying to force out the reality that he knew he couldn't avoid. He made his way to the window looking out onto the blissful snow-covered world, a large evergreen in the yard covered in lights and ornaments. Again, that ornament... multiple of them, small flashes of light inside of them. Even in bliss, he couldn't hide himself from reality. A reality he didn't want.

"This isn't right... this can't be real..." he said aloud, allowing himself to admit to himself exactly what was going on. It was impossible to resist the reality of the situation, as much as he wanted to.

"It's as real as you want it to be." a calm, soothing voice said from behind, nearly startling him into shock. He turned to see Guinan, the server at the Enterprise's Ten Forward lounge, and often a good ear in times of distress. She had told him of the Nexus, she had been there... pulled away by tragic mistake and not of her own accord nearly eighty years earlier. Being El-Aurian, she hadn't appeared to have aged a day since that time.

"Guinan..." he approached her, "Why am I here?" he asked sternly in his frustration.

"You're in the Nexus."

"This is the Nexus?" The reality was hitting him full throttle.

"To you. This is what you wanted."

"But... I never had a home like this..." he said, walking forward, looking at his fabricated family. "Nor a wife and children... but these are all mine..." How permeable the Nexus was, the feelings, the smells, the emotions... even knowing it was only the Nexus... it was so real.

"Guinan..." he turned to her, "What are you doing here? I thought you were on board the Enterprise..."

Slowly she turned to him. "I am... I'm also here. Think of me... as an echo of the person you know. A part of the subconscious mind."

"But the Enterprise-B beamed you up from the Lakul..."

"Papa..." one of the children interrupted, "Help me build my castle!"

Jean-Luc knelt down to him with a smile. "Yes, I will in a few minutes..."

His daughter, that of the Nexus, walked up to him. "Papa, thank you for the doll." she said, kissing him on the cheek. That kiss... the love of his children, it was intoxicating. "She's very beautiful."

Jean-Luc stood laughing lightly with a broad smile, overwhelmed. "Those are my children... these are my children..." he said beyond pleased. He wanted so desperately to grasp on to this new reality, and to never let it go.

"Of course." Guinan said calmly. "Time has no meaning here. So you can go back and see them born, or, go forward and see your grandchildren." she smiled.

"Dinner's ready everyone!" his wife said, entering, as her children followed her to the dining room.

One boy, his... son... approached him. "Dinner's ready, Papa." He put his arm around his son as they walked toward the dining room, Jean-Luc struggling to repress the reality and to accept this new, beautiful one. A world where everything was perfect, exactly how he wanted it. Seeing his family, that family, in the dining room... the reality overwhelmed him.

There was no escaping it, he had to accept that. He was sworn with conviction to the uniform he wore, to that of Starfleet and the United Federation of Planets, and in this case – to his crew and the people of the Veridian Star System. He wanted so desperately to stay, to float eternally in this heavenly dream, but he had a duty. The seriousness with which he took that duty outweighed his own desires, his own needs.

He crouched down to the boy. "Go on..." he said. "Go on without me." He smiled, trying to give the boy a sense of warmth as he turned and made his way to the dining room. He studied that family for one last blissful moment and stood, pacing back into the living room. "Guinan?" he asked, searching for her. He approached her as she remained where she had stood. "Can I leave the Nexus?" He spoke with a sense of urgency.

"Where would you go?" She asked.

"I don't understand..."

"Well as I said, time has no meaning here. So if you leave, you can go anywhere, any time."

He spoke with a quick pace. "Alright, I know exactly where I want to go. To the mountaintop on Veridian III, just before Soran destroyed the star, I have to stop it. I'll need help, If you were to come back with me..."

"I can't leave." She interrupted him. "I'm there already, remember? I bet I know someone who can. And from his point of view, he just got here too..."

Immediately a blinding light, and... mountains, trees... it was a beautiful day, slightly cool. Jean-Luc had completely transformed into a different reality, a different realm of the Nexus. As he walked forward he could hear wood being chopped... and then he saw the man. A man he'd never met, yet whose name resonated throughout history. It was unbelievable – he appeared just as he did moments before his supposed death so many years earlier on the Enterprise-B.

Picard couldn't help but whisper out in awe. "Kirk..."