Hi, Dad. I am so glad you decided to meet me for an early dinner.
No problem, Katie. I was just surprised by the call. Why aren't you at work? It is 5 o'clock on a weekday. Is something wrong? Did something happen at work? Are you okay?
Dad I'm fine, just a day off. It's the first one I've had in over a week. Nothing is wrong. I was just thinking about you earlier today. I went for a run earlier and ended up at the cemetery. I spent some time talking to mom and noticed that someone had left her a beautiful bouquet of flowers. It made me think of you. Where did you find such gorgeous flowers in the middle of a New York winter?
What flowers? I haven't been to see your mom since the anniversary of her death weeks ago.
Who else would give mom flowers? As far as I know, we are the only ones who ever visit her. We are her only family. Right?
Yes, honey, we are her only family but many people loved your mom. Anyone could have put those flowers there.
It just seems odd Dad. Today isn't her birthday or the anniversary of her death. It is just a normal old weekday.
What are you thinking Kate? I can see the wheels spinning in that brain of yours. You aren't going to let this drop until you know who put the flowers there are you? I guess it is yet another mystery for you to solve. You can't just take a day off can you?
Don't be silly. Of course, I can take a day off. It just seems strange that Mom had fresh flowers on her grave this morning and they weren't from either one of us.
How are you doing? How is your therapy going?
I know what your doing. Not a very subtle or pleasant subject change old man!
I am serious young lady! How is your therapy going? Are you making progress?
I am finished with my physical therapy and I am only going to see Doctor Burke occasionally now. I am finally starting to feel comfortable in my own skin. I think I have made great strides towards becoming the person I want to be.
Who do you want to be?
I want to be a better person. I want to stop closing people out and I want to be able to let go of her case. I want to be happy. I want to be the kind of person that he deserves.
The person who deserves? Am I to assume that the "HIM" you are referring to is Mr. Castle?
Yes, that is exactly who I am talking about. You know what I put him through this summer. I was so cruel to him. I cut myself off from all of them. I avoided Lanie, the boys and especially Rick for months. How could I be so selfish? They were hurting and scared too.
Kate, you were shot! You had lost your Captain! You had every right to take some time to yourself and clear your head. I am sure your friends understood. You just needed some time.
You're right Dad. I had experienced so much tragedy in the matter of a few days, losing Montgomery, being shot, almost dying. I did need to get some distance from all of it. But if I am truly honest with you and myself, there was another reason I ran away and hid from everyone. It is probably the most important reason.
Is there something that you haven't told me Kate?
Yes, the only person I have told this to is Doctor Burke.
Can you tell me? It's okay if you can't. You can tell me when you are ready. I won't judge you. You might feel better if you tell someone what is bothering you and why you ran. Your words, not mine.
Dad, I told everyone who knows me that I don't remember anything about being shot. I claimed that everything is just a blank. I lied! I remember everything about that day. I remember being at the podium giving the eulogy and Castle yelling my name. I remember the feeling of that bullet ripping through my chest and being tackled to the ground.
It's okay it's all over now. You're fine. You are getting better everyday. I am here for you honey.
No! Nothing is okay Dad! When I was lying there bleeding to death in Rick's arms, he told me that he loved me. He loves me Daddy and I told him I don't remember anything! I looked him right in the eye in May and lied to him. I sent him away with the promise to call and I never did. I have been keeping this from him for months! He is going to hate me when he finds out about this secret that I have kept from him. He won't be able to be in the same room as me let alone love me when he finds out.
Oh, Katie, that explains some of the stuff that went on at the hospital why you were in surgery and why he looked so devastated. Do you want to hear this? It might not be easy for you?
Hear what? What happened while I was in surgery Dad?
Josh came down the hall ranting, "This is all your fault. You pushed her to look into her Mother's case!" Josh shoved him into the wall and your partners had to intervene.
Castle just sat there covered in your blood with his head in his hands. He said Josh was right that it was his fault that you were shot. That he put you in the crosshairs. I also think he feels guilty about not being able to protect you.
Why would he feel guilty? It's not his job to protect me?
I went to see him the night before your captain was killed and asked him to convince you to walk away. I told him that he might be the only one who could. I could see it in his eyes then how much he cares about you.
You what?
I'm sorry Katie. I couldn't lose you to this too!
Dad! Oh my God, that is why he came to my apartment that night. We got into a huge fight when he asked me to walk away. He came for you!
I knew there was more to his visit. He never gives up on anything. Now I understand why he was so adamant about me walking away!
Katie, you realize, the longer you wait to tell him that you remember, the harder it will be and the angrier he will have?
Yes, especially in light of what you just told me. I sent him away when he needed me the most. He was probably hurting as much as I was! What have I done to him? He has every right to never speak to me again after I tell him.
He loves you Honey. You heard him say it.
Do you think he still does?
He may get angry and be hurt but he needs to know. He needs to hear the truth from you and soon!
I know that but how to I tell him and risk destroying my chance at a future with him?
Are you going to tell him? What does Dr. Burke say about this? Is he encouraging you to come forward?
He says that if I want any kind of relationship with Rick that I need to be honest with him. He says I need to tell him that I remember and most importantly I need to tell him how I feel about him.
How do you feel about Rick? Huh, when did you start calling him Rick?
I don't know when I started calling him something other than Castle. Maybe it all started when I realized that I was in love with him too!
Oh.
What?
I can't believe that you actually admitted that you are in love with him. You said it out loud and to me, your dad. You never talked to me about boyfriends or stuff like that with me before. That was always your mom's department.
I still talk to Mom about this stuff. That is kind of what I was there earlier today about.
So, when are you going to tell him?
I want to be fully ready to commit my whole heart to him. But…
But… you aren't quite there yet?
I am closer than I ever have been. I just need a little more time to prepare myself for what my life will be like without Mom's case being at the forefront of my life. I have decided with my therapist's help that I need to walk away from it. I need to live my life and be happy. I have to believe that she won't be disappointed in me.
Your mother would never be disappointed in you for setting her case aside in favor of your own happiness. All we ever wanted for you was to be happy.
That is what the shrink says too! I just have to convince myself that it's true.
Dad, all of this has made me see how much I have missed you. We need to make more of an effort to spend time together. We've lost so much time already.
I have missed you too Honey. Maybe, we can meet for a meal or just a cup of coffee and good conversation once a week or whenever my beautiful daughter can get a day off from work.
It's a date! Thanks for listening to me and joining me for dinner.
Maybe next time we do this, you will have some good news for me. Or, maybe a certain writer/shadow could join us?
Maybe! I better get going. I have a few errands to run before the stores close. I'll call you when I get another day off from work. I love you Dad.
Love you too! I'll talk to you soon. Bye.
Bye.