FEEL

remorse
n

1. a sense of deep regret and guilt for some misdeed

.

The relationship between Duke Crocker and Nathan Wuornos was — for lack of a better word — complex.

Both boys were of almost the same age and lived in a small town, so, of course, they were bound to run into each other at some point. There was only one school in Haven, after all.

Nathan was a quiet kid, not more studious than your average student, but still someone who liked to keep to himself. He enjoyed walks along the coastline on his own more than long hours spent playing pinball with groups of youngster. His father, the Chief of Police, didn't really care that Nathan was a loner. As long as the boy kept out of trouble, and was home before the curfew; all was fine by him.

Duke was the exact opposite. He was loud, full of energy and tricks. His father was a fisherman. Well… that was the official title he gave himself — after all, people didn't really need to know that his cargo wasn't always legitimate. Crocker senior enjoyed the company of women (a little too much) and he enjoyed drinking (way too much). What is kid was up to, most of the time, was completely lost of him.

Nathan and Duke often ran into each other; they exchanged smiles and sometimes even talked a little. They weren't exactly friends, but there was no animosity between them. It got to the point where it wouldn't have taken much effort, from any of them, to turn their acquaintance into something more. Sadly neither kid ever bothered to take that first step.

As both boys grew up, it seemed like an invisible rift was growing between them as well. With time, there were more and more differences, and less and less things in common to be found.

Nathan started wishing for normality more than ever. Duke wished for something else altogether.

The fisherman's son wished to leave, he wished his father dead, and even sometimes surprised himself by wishing for his comrade's ability not to feel. How that would have come in handy when his father's fists violently connected with his face or his stomach. Duke always had good excuses to explain the bruises though, stories tucked up his sleeve and ready to be told. Funnily enough, no one ever cared to ask.

Honestly, that's how Duke would like to remember the story, but truth be told, there was one boy who did ask once. He didn't like thinking back to that day. Remembering Nathan's concerned gaze and cautious words always made a different kind of ache well up inside his chest. He had fed him a story of fishing and sliding on deck and falling flat on his face. It was a funny story and Duke had forced himself to smile when he told it. Nathan hadn't smiled, he'd just nodded. There had been something in his eyes, some kind of silent understanding, but Duke had forcefully ignored it and turned his back on Nathan, calling him a freak over his shoulder as he left the room.

And then puberty hit and along with it stupidity rose. A father died and the other was more distant than ever. By then there were jokes which weren't so funny and experiments with pins and blunt objects that should have hurt but didn't. Nathan was feeling more insecure than ever. When other boys were showing growing interest in the fairer sex (and Duke did a lot of that), he remained his quiet self and spent even more time on his own. When others were talking about leaving town and seeing the world (and Duke promised himself he would do just that), Nathan knew he would always remain in Haven. Like his trouble, he belonged to this land; he'd even started considering becoming a police officer.

Time passed. The Troubles went away and then, they came back. And one day, there was a new boat docked in the harbour.

Although he wishes he could forget, Nathan remembers every hurtful word that was ever said to him. He tried ignoring it all, tried being angry, tried fighting back. Nothing ever worked and there are days when those memories still bring tears to his eyes.

Recently Duke tried to remember too, but it all became rather blurry to him. Sure the biggest things are kinda clear in his mind — like the pins in the young man's back (that one he will never forget) — but most of his words seem to have vanished somewhere in the back of his head, along with the Periodic Table and the History of America. Sometimes he feels bad about it all and thinks he really ought to try harder to remember what he's done and said. Maybe he could —should— apologize about some of it, but he never gets around to actually doing it.

Duke came back to town a little while ago and Nathan has to admit the man who came back isn't the same person as the teenager who left years ago. Okay, he is still a bit of a shady character and he has taken way too much after his father. But he's also more grounded now, and there is some good in him that shines sometimes.

Duke isn't the only one who's taken after his old man, Nathan sometimes muses. The lonely boy grew up and he became the town's Chief of Police, and he is a changed man too. No one makes fun of him anymore (or at least, not to his face), but his protective walls are still up strong. He's hardened and rougher around the edges.

Nathan and Duke still are not friends, and there are some memories that will never be forgotten. But it seems, they are back to the status quo they had going on, when they were little. They have some things in common and they have their differences. And once again, it wouldn't take much for them to become friends. One of them, just needs to take that first step…

TBC