Drip drip.
Rain lands on the roof, rolling off in tiny beads. Each droplet contains the reflection of light. Sparkling, shimmering, living. Each tear of water… lives.
My tears.
They're dead.
They have no glimmer, no twinkle, no shine. They reflect only darkness, dropping to the ground where they belong. Light has long faded, leaving nothing but shadows. Darkened wisps. There's no life.
Drip drip.
I lifted my head, eyes peering up towards the sunshine that now flooded the room. Rays on light brightened the space, illuminating the pages of my notebook. They flipped in the wind, a cool breeze coming from the door. I growled.
Getting up, I made my way over to the black curtains. They had been closed the night before, protecting my eyes from the light. Another pathetic attempt from my teammates.
It was a bright day, sky a clear blue. Large green oak trees swayed in the wind, bushels of flowers drifting through the air. The city was bustling with movement, cars speeding down the streets, buses stopped at the corners.
There were people walking outside, in large crowds or in small groups. They were full of joy, a trivial emotion that meant nothing. None of them knew that eventually, their perfect little world would come crashing down. Shattering like the fragile glass it was.
"Sasori!" I stiffened, yanking the curtains closed. Kisame's shadow drifted down the empty hallway. "Sasori, are you still sleeping?"
"Get out." I hissed, glaring as he stepped into my room, his expression worried. He studied my face for a moment before moving towards the window, and pushed the curtains pen. Bright light poured into the area for the second time. "Hey, did you hear me. I said, get out." I motioned towards the door, impatient.
Kisame sighed. "You stayed up last night, didn't you?" He touched my desk, hand brushing over the smooth surface. I quickly snatched my notebook away, glaring, and received a curious look. "Sasori, you need to start sleeping. It does you no good, just writing away, concealing your thoughts and feelings within those pages. You got to start living again. Get up and get out, you know? You're a mess."
His face was impassive, but his eyes revealed his true emotions. Worry, sadness, and pity. So much pity.
I grit my teeth together. "I can do whatever I want. Please, just get out."
"No." Kisame stood firm, surprising me just a little. For the past six months, my teammates had let me be, engulfed in my sorrow. The six months before that had been spent grieving, and even then, I had been left undisturbed.
He sighed. "It's time for you to leave the past behind, Sasori. We've given you time to mourn, to isolate yourself from everyone else, to remember. But you've got to move on, man. You have to start living again." Kisame stopped, thoughtful. "You have to start over, and forget about what happened last year-"
"Just don't, okay?" I was now standing, hands curled into tight fists at my sides. I barred my teeth. Anger shot through my voice. "Drop it. I don't need to forget anything, anything at all. You have no right to come in here, dragging your pity for me behind you. Just leave me alone. I'm fine."
Kisame laughed; a cold, saddened sound. "You're… fine?" He snarled, eyes narrowing in anger. "Look at what you've become, Sasori! You've stayed in this room for the past year, doing nothing but wallow in your own self pity! When was the last time you saw the outdoors, huh? Remember? The outdoors? The old Sasori would wake up every morning, leaving us all in the dust, and live. You were always so good at finding the special parts of the world! But now… you're nothing!"
I dug my nails into my palms until I could feel the blood dripping across my skin. My eyes blazed with fury.
"The old Sasori?" I yelled, kicking over the wooden desk next to my bed. I ripped the blinds closed, nearly cracking the window, hands shaking. "The old Sasori? The old Sasori isn't here! He'll never be here again! He's dead, okay? I'm dead. I died the moment Deidara disappeared, even if it was only slowly at first. Every day that he's gone, every day since the accident, I spend wishing he'd walk on right through that door." I pointed to the entranceway, wiping furiously at my eyes. I knew that no tears would come, but by now, it had become a natural instinct. "That door… He left… and never came back…"
"Sasori…" Kisame's expression had suddenly gone soft, sympathetic. He placed a hand gently on my shoulder. "Sasori, you know that-"
"Deidara will come back," I shrugged off his hand, voice dropping to a cracked whisper. "H-he'll walk right through those doors. H-he'll come home. He'd never leave his family, his teammates, m-me." My tone wavered.
Kisame took a deep breath, looking away, as if in pain. "Sasori," He spoke quietly. "Deidara… Deidara is dead. He died the night of April 4th, 2008, in the tragic accident of which you are well aware. He's not coming back, Sasori. Deidara is… dead."
My shoulders slumped, feeling the weight of his words. Deidara… My lip trembled. Deidara… is dead.
I had known the truth since the day he died, but I knew that he would come back. Every time someone spoke of Deidara's death, I would be pushed deeper and deeper into numbness, trapped by the weight of my sorrow. I had died along with him – nothing left of me but the body of a hollow ghost. There would never be feeling, never be light. I would never be whole again, not without Deidara, my Deidara, at my side.
"Fine." I heard Kisame mutter. His voice drifted through my daze, barely a whisper, pushed away by the darkness. He took a step towards the door. "I'll go. But you can't stay locked up forever, Sasori. You can't."
And then he walked away.
I didn't even bother to watch him leave.