Chapter 2: Listen to Me

The sensation of hunger awoke Nick a few hours later. His stomach was softly growling, reminding him that he needed nourishment soon. As he slowly came back to full consciousness, he became aware of a weight on his left arm, and that his right arm was hooked up and over something solid, but soft. And rhythmically moving up and down. Opening his eyes, he saw a dark curtain of hair just centimeters from the tip of his nose. Speaking of his nose, he inhaled the citrus scent of oranges and something else he wasn't quite able to place. There was a woman spooned up against him, and then, what had happened earlier came back with a bang.

He'd slept with Sara.

Nick gently slid his arm out from under her head and sat up, taking in her appearance. Sara lay on her side, her back against his chest with the sheets pulled up almost to her chin. Judging by how the sheets clung to her body, he guessed she was still naked underneath, as was he. He let his side of the sheets pool around his waist as he sat up and looked over her to see if she was still sleeping. Her eyes were closed and she made no movement as he leaned over her, so he assumed she was still in dreamland. Sighing deeply, Nick sat back and scrubbed his face with his hands. What had he done?

I'll tell you what you've done, a loud voice inside his head screamed at him. You just slept with your best friend, the woman you love, while she was in her most vulnerable state ever and have now just ruined any chance at a relationship with her as well as your friendship with her. That's what.

Maybe not, a soft voice countered. She said she wanted this, too. It's possible that she wasn't just saying that to make herself feel better, but that she really did want you.

Nick felt like a character in a cartoon, one with a devil on his left shoulder and an angel on his right, each whispering to him like a conscience. He shook his head a few times, trying to rid himself of those voices before looking over at Sara again. Sara, who was sleeping so peacefully next to him, who looked so beautiful that Nick couldn't help it but reach out and gently run his fingers up and down her hip. She stirred briefly and Nick stilled his fingers, barely breathing, not sure if he wanted her to wake up or remain asleep. When it appeared that she remained sleeping, he let out the breath he'd been holding, removed his fingers and left the bed before his body did anything else of its own volition, throwing on his discarded pair of boxers. Being as quiet as possible, he left his bedroom and made his way to the kitchen, making sure the door remained slightly open behind him, in case Sara woke and needed him.

The first thing Nick did when he entered the kitchen was start the coffee. He wanted it, and he knew that as soon as Sara woke up, she'd want coffee too, even before she said hello to him. The second thing Nick did was take out all the ingredients he would need to make chocolate chip pancakes from scratch. His mother had taught him how to cook starting at an early age, so that by the time he was on his own, he could feed himself. Then, he'd learned what an impression his good cooking made on women. He hoped it would impress Sara as well.

Sara. His mind wandered to the events of a few hours ago as he slowly stirred the pancake batter. It had been wonderful, the most amazing experience of his life. Being with Sara had been perfect. They'd fit perfectly, both physically and metaphorically. It had been as if the whole world has stopped, as if they were the only two people in existence for the entire time. He knew what she'd been thinking and feeling and she knew the same. Neither had had to say anything to know what the other wanted; it had almost been an instinct, making love to Sara. They had suddenly become one in mind, body, and spirit. He knew that was a bit cliché, but there it was. It was a connection he'd never felt with anyone before, and never wanted to feel with anyone else other than Sara.

He just hoped that Sara was feeling even a fraction of what he was, or else their friendship, and anything else that might stem from it, was over. And without Sara in his life, as a friend or anything else, his life just wasn't worth as much.

He looked to the hallway then, sensing Sara standing there, watching him, wearing the same clothes he'd found her in when he'd come home. He tried to gauge the look on her face, her stance and pose, but was unable to come up with anything other than the fact that she was in desperate need of a cup of coffee. Abandoning the pancake batter, which was nearly ready anyway, he poured her a cup of Columbian blend coffee and slowly walked over to her, offering her the Dallas Cowboys mug. His favorite Dallas Cowboys mug. He hoped she'd see that and takes it as a sign that he was happy about what had happened and that he would do anything for her.

Nick stood right up into Sara, invading her personal space to hand her the coffee. It took her a moment, and after rubbing her eyes briefly and sniffing the mug, she took it and offered a small smile in thanks. Quickly retreating, Nick went back to the kitchen stove and started to pour the pancake batter on to the griddle, measuring out nice, evenly sized and spaced pancakes. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sara take a small sip of coffee and then slowly make her way to the round table in the kitchen. She sat down facing him and held the coffee out in front of her, as if to shield her. Nick knew that if she didn't say anything in a few minutes, he'd have to break the ice. He'd just wished she would, since he already knew what he was feeling, but had no idea what was going on inside her head. It would make having a conversation much easier if he did; they he wouldn't be so afraid of saying the wrong thing and scaring her away. Because, no matter what they said, he was going to make damn sure that Sara knew how much he cared about her before she left his apartment this day.

"I'm sorry," Sara squeaked softly from the table, face bent downward so she wouldn't have to look into his eyes.

"Sorry for what?" Nick asked casually from the stove as he flipped his pancakes over.

"For what happened between us," Sara answered, still keeping her gaze on the table.

"You're sorry that we slept together? Are you saying that it didn't mean anything to you?" Nick questioned, suddenly scared. This was not exactly the conversation he'd been expecting, or even hoping for. He'd figured that he'd be the one doing the apologizing to her for taking advantage of her in her vulnerable state

"No, Nick, no. I just…I mean…I…" She looked up then, pleading with her eyes for him to understand.

"Because it sure as hell meant something to me last night," Nick declared, too upset to actually see the anguish on Sara's pale face. "It was special to me, Sara. You're special to me, and…" He stopped, not really sure what he was trying to say.

"I only meant that I was sorry I took advantage of you, Nick!" Sara practically shouted to make sure he heard her.

"Huh? Took advantage of me? What?" he asked, now thoroughly confused. He looked at her quizzically, biting his bottom lip and furrowing his brow. She looked so upset, so sorry, so full of fear that it was all Nick could do to keep from running over to her and wrapping her up in his arms and vowing never to let her go. Then, he did the unexpected; he laughed out loud.

"What's so funny?" Sara demanded in a hurt tone.

"Nothing, really, just that that was the last thing I expected you to say to me. I had it figured that I'd be apologizing to you for taking advantage of you," Nick said, eyes twinkling. "You having taken advantage of me was the furthest thing from my mind."

"But I was the one who came over here and practically forced you into, uh, comforting me with, ah, sex," Sara informed him, turning as red as a strawberry in embarrassment, shifting uncomfortably in place on the chair.

"Yeah, you really twisted my arm on that one, Sunshine," Nick sarcastically replied, smiling broadly at her.

"You mean you, uh, wanted to sleep with me?" Sara asked incredulously.

Pancakes forgotten, Nick came over and knelt in front of Sara, taking her hands in his and squeezing them gently. He stared at her with his dark brown eyes, trying to convey all the love he could into her through his gaze. "I wanted to make love to you. Sara, you didn't force me into anything. I didn't do anything last night that I hadn't wanted to do for a very long time. I just never thought I'd ever get the chance. You seemed so wrapped up in Grissom to the exclusion of anyone else, even though he didn't always treat you right."

"Nicky," Sara started to protest, but Nick cut her off by placing a finger on her soft, pink lips.

"No, I want you to listen to me now, okay? I know it may be hard for you to hear, but he really hasn't treated you the way you deserve to be treated. Sometimes, I wonder why you haven't given up on him, but I know that it's because you feel you love him, and you can't choose who you fall in love with. Believe me, I know," he emphasized, bringing one of her hands to his lips and planting a kiss on her palm. "And I've also thought that maybe you fixated on Grissom because he was unobtainable and that way, as long as you were focused on him, you couldn't be hurt by someone else, someone who may truly love you who you could love back."

"I've often wondered that myself," Sara admitted, and when she saw Nick's shocked look she elaborated. "It's hard for me to trust people, to let them in. Maybe Grissom was a way to keep others at bay without even realizing it."

"But the fact of the matter is, Sara, that you still get hurt by Grissom. Constantly." Nick leaned in towards Sara and brushed a stray lock of hair off her cheek and hooked it behind her ear, leaving his hand on her cheek. "I would never treat you like he does. I would never hurt you like he does. I would love you like you deserve to be loved."

"Nick," Sara said tearfully, beginning to fully understand where Nick was going with this conversation, "I'm not sure I'm ready to give you what you want…"

"I know you're not, Darlin', otherwise we wouldn't have slept together; we would have waited until it was right for us. What we just did, it was about comfort and friendship, not love, and that's okay right now. I can live with just being here for you whatever way you need, even comfort sex. But I do want you to know what's out there for you, when you are ready. I've watched you circle Grissom for almost four years. I've waited this long; I can wait longer. You're well worth it."

Nick watched as the tears Sara had been forcing at bay slowly made their way down her freckled cheeks. He reached around her to the window sill behind her and pulled a tissue out of the dispenser, holding it out to her. Sara sniffed and wiped her nose with the tissue Nick offered her. "I just…I don't regret anything we did. But I don't…I don't want to hurt you, you know? I don't want to use you to make myself feel better. And I certainly don't want this to ruin our friendship."

"I promise you it won't," Nick assured Sara, running one of his hands through her dark hair. "And about what happened between us, it won't affect our friendship and how I feel about you. And. well, it doesn't have to happen again. Not until we're both ready for this relationship and we both want it."

"Whoa there, Cowboy. You're getting a little ahead of yourself, aren't you?" Sara asked.

"I don't think so. It's only a matter of time before you fall for me," Nick grinned roguishly.

"So, you're not mad at me?" Sara asked, a little tremor of fear still in her voice.

"Not even a little bit," Nick replied, trying to assuage her fears.

Sara sniffed the air, and then looked at Nick as smiled. "I think your pancakes are burning." Jumping up quickly, Nick raced back to the stove and turned it off. Grabbing a pot holder, he picked up the griddle and placed it on an unused burner. With a spatula, he tried to pry off the burned on pancakes, making a huge mess. In the end, he filled up his sink with soapy water and stuck the griddle in there to soak.

"Plan B," he announced grandly, taking down a frying pan from one of the hooks over the stove and then spraying it with cooking spray. "A frying pan works almost as well as a griddle."

"You're determined to have these pancakes, huh?" Sara asked, smiling grandly for the first time all day.

"I'm determined for you to have them," Nick countered. "You need to eat, and I'm trying to impress you with my cooking skills."

"I don't deserve this. Or you," Sara said sadly.

"Stop it, Sara. You do. In fact, you deserve far more than I can ever give you, but I'm going to try to give you everything, anyway," Nick informed her pointedly, trying to end her way of thinking. "You're very special, and it's about time someone told you. And I'll tell you over and over, everyday if I have to, until you believe it. Then, I'll continue to tell you just because I want to."

"But, Nick…" Sara pleaded, trying to get a word in edgewise.

"No, Sara. You're beautiful, smart, funny, beautiful, wonderful, special…did I mention beautiful? It's about time you heard all of that, and more. Now here," he said, kissing the top of her head as he plopped a plate of pancakes down in front of her, drowned in syrup, "Eat these because I know you'll like them, and then I'll take you home so you can change before shift starts tonight."

Nodding her head, she dug into the pancakes, unaware until that very moment how hungry she was. She smiled at Nick to let him know how good those pancakes were, and continued to eat as he added some to another plate and joined her at the table.

"Thanks, Nicky," Sara said, smiling at him. "For everything."

"Forever, Sara. I'll do it again and forever," he replied, smiling back.

tbc