Meredith held Emma close to her as she stood in line to hand her ticket over. She took a casual look around her as she stood among the other passengers, some of them well rested, some of them frustrated, none of them smiling. She felt lonely among the group of strangers around her, the warm feeling that she had felt as her daughter opened her gifts beneath the small airport Christmas tree had dissipated into something colder, darker. Something impersonal and as far away from where she was at that moment. She took a step forward, pulling her bags along as she reached her hand out with her ticket for she and Emma as she carried the now sleeping child against her. The airline person handed her ticket back to her, scanned and approved and she glanced back one more time, perhaps to see if she could see that dark haired stranger one last time before she disappeared down the long hallway toward the plane. She didn't see him, or his pint sized angel anywhere in sight and sighed deeply as she turned her head and walked down the hallway toward the plane.
She reached the plane, finding the smell of the old airliner to be stale and old, the flight attendant that greeted her was also stale and old, and she ushered Meredith and her daughter along without even looking into her eyes. She swallowed hard thinking of the impersonal services she was receiving from this early morning flight, wondering for a moment if an evening flight would be any more enjoyable, knowing that it probably wasn't, especially not on Christmas Eve. No one wanted to work on Christmas eve, well, no one other than her mother would want to work on Christmas eve, and Meredith imagined that the 'friendly skies' was only a myth this time of year.
She walked far into the back of the plane, the 'cheap seats' as she had dubbed them, a small, cramped space with room for only one small bag beneath the seat in front of them. She slid the little girl's pink backpack beneath the seat, and lugged her heavy, sickly body over the two seats in front of her, to the window and it's mate. She glanced behind her, seeing an impatient man, standing staring at her bags on the two remaining seats in the row, as the line of passengers behind him grew. He stared at her bag, and instead of offering to move it, he waited impatiently while she placed her sleeping daughter in the window seat and moved to put the bags above the row of seats.
He huffed a frustrated sigh at the young woman, as she glanced to her daughter, who began to cough loudly and with an unhealthy bark that sent the man's eyes rolling as he waited for her to slide her bag into the overhead compartment. She attempted to give him a glare, only succeeding in giving the man a desperate glance as she turned sharply and flopped down in her assigned seat beside her daughter, reaching into her purse for the small bottle of water that Derek had purchased for her little girl. The little girl grabbed the bottle with both hands as her eyes went to her mother, tears brimmed at the base of her eyelids as Meredith whispered promises of feeling better. The man who had been waiting, slammed himself into the seat with a frustrated growl as he elbowed Meredith mistakenly, and without apology, pulled his arm back and adjusted the items in the seat pocket before him, searching his coat pocket for a cough drop or perhaps a gas mask, the way that he was trying to avoid the little girl's germs.
Meredith watched each of the people who entered the coach section of the plane, unable to see the first class passengers, she waited to see if she recognized anyone, only to see more and more grumpy, tired, frustrated faces walking onto the plane. She sighed and looked down at her hands as she reached across and buckled Emma into the plane seat. She leaned down and kissed the tiny four year old on the head as she ran her thumb over her forehead, feeling the fever. She lifted her purse into her lap and looked once more for any more medication for the little girl, sighing with a slight pout as she only found the empty container of children's Tylenol deep in the depths of her purse. "We'll be there really soon, baby…" She whispered, watching as an older woman sat beside the impatient man, his hand now covering his mouth and nose with a handkerchief. Meredith wondered for a moment if he would be keeping it there for the entire trip. She sighed to herself and shook her head, glancing to her little girl once more as her eyelids began to droop, when suddenly she heard a familiar voice ring out.
"Adam!" Derek shouted as Meredith looked up to see the row of people all dodging something below her line of vision as suddenly, a dark haired little boy skidded to a stop in the row of Meredith.
"Mommy!" He exclaimed as he waved.
"Adam?" Meredith said, a slight smirk on her face as she tried to figure out what the little boy was thinking. Why was he calling her Mommy.
"Mommy, I was looking all over for you! Daddy said he didn't think you were going to be here! We thought you missed us! Daddy was so wrong!" He turned his head and waved his hands as more impatient people were moving aside as Derek worked his way through the aisle of people toward his son. "Daddy! Here she is! Here is Mommy!" He exclaimed happily as he pushed his way past the old woman and the impatient man, depositing himself in Meredith's lap, she couldn't help but smile at the little boy's boldness as she took him into her arms and hugged him. "Oh, Mommy, I missed you so!" He said as Derek finally reached the row.
"There you are!" Derek said with an exasperated sigh, watching his son hug the young woman as she glanced at Derek.
"Derek… what is…?"
"I can't believe the airline did this again… separating our seats like this… Sweetheart…" Derek said as he shook his head. "We're up in first class… let me see your ticket…" He said as he turned to the flight attendant as she worked her way toward them as more impatient people watched on, the man in the seat beside Meredith was becoming more agitated by the second.
"Sir, you're going to have to go back to your seat." The flight attendant said with a sigh.
"Ma'am… my wife was placed in the wrong seats… my daughter and my wife were supposed to be in first class with me." Derek said as he watched the little girl as she looked up at Derek, her eyes filled with pain as she coughed. She looked to her mother and then back to Derek.
"Ma'am, let me see your tickets, please?" She said as she shook her head.
"I think I'm in the right seat…" Meredith said as she pulled her tickets out and held onto Adam as he continued to hug her, kissing her neck and cheek, mumbling 'mommy' the entire time. She handed them to the flight attendant and waited.
"No, sir… this is her seat…"
"Well, I'd like to pay for them to move up to first class with me… I don't want my family separated on our first trip home for Christmas… it'd be a shame…" He said, his voice was inflecting strangely and Meredith shook her head in disbelief of his antics.
The flight attendant opened the seating chart in her pocket and looked at Derek's ticket as she nodded. "Sir, the two seats beside you are free… Ma'am…. If you come with us, we'll move you to your new seat."
"Derek…" Meredith shook her head as he smiled a brilliant smile at her, making her heart melt as he held out his arms.
"Here… give me Adam…" He said as Adam held tightly for a moment, and let go after a second as Derek lifted him up, and to the floor. Derek held his shoulder as he held out his other arm. "Give me Emma's bag…" he said as he reached over the irritated man, nearly elbowing him in the face as he lifted the pink backpack over their heads, he shoved himself into the seat as he reached for the little girl. She held out her arms to him, and he was able to lift her, the doll, and her blanket all from the seat in one swoop, lifting her over the seat, the man, and the old woman on the end as she reached and gripped his shirt, her face moving to Meredith as Derek shook his head. "Let's go, dear… they're not going to wait all day!" He said as he held the sick child to him and watched Meredith as she stood up, shoving her way from the seat as she 'accidentally' stepped on the irritated man's foot, whispering a halfhearted apology as she went.
Derek held the little girl against him as Meredith reached up for her other bags. "No." Derek said softly. "I'll come back and get them in a couple minutes…" he said as he pushed himself back, letting her in front of him as he pointed. "Second row…" He said, pointing ahead of them as Adam grabbed Meredith's hand, grinned up at her, and led them proudly to their new seats in the front of the plane, as Derek held the sick little girl to his body, kissing her tiny cheek, as she cuddled into him for the long, crowded walk to their seats.
Meredith kept glancing back to Derek as they walked down the aisle, Adam pulled her along as they pushed past people in the aisle and made their way back to the front of the plane. Adam pointed to the second row, hopping slightly as he grinned. "There's our seats!" He said as he giggled, his eyes shining to his father's as Derek held up his finger to his lips. He watched Adam straighten up, and Meredith didn't miss it either, she turned her head to look at Derek, and noticed his hand moving down. She gave him a sideways glance, with a perplexed look and he shrugged as he nodded toward the seat.
"Your choice of seat." He said, nodding to the four seats in a row as Meredith glanced to him again.
"Meredith, you can sit here… and Daddy can put Emma there… and I can sit here!" Adam said excitedly as he showed her the third seat in the row, patting it with his little hand as he grinned at her. "That way you can sit next to me AND Emma!" He said excitedly as he lifted his toys from the second seat, moved toward the window and sat down, patting Meredith's seat again, a bright smile on his lips as he tilted his head.
Meredith looked to Derek, who shrugged, moving Emma slightly in his arms so that he was cradling her, her arms still securely on his neck as she pushed her body farther into him. She glanced around the seats as she sat down, noting that Derek and Adam's belongings were already stowed away, and it looked like they had been sitting for a while already. The extra leg room was enough for Derek to turn in the seat and pull Emma's blanket out, wrapping her securely with it, he crouched slightly as he extracted her arms from around his neck. "It's alright, sweetheart." Derek whispered as the little girl groaned, coughing slightly into his neck as she was pulled from his arms and carefully deposited in the seat beside her mother. Derek sat in his seat and reached for Emma's seatbelt at the same time that Meredith turned and reached for her seatbelt. They nearly smacked heads as Meredith's hands touched his. He paused for a moment, moving his hands slowly away as she tilted her head in thanks and buckled her daughter in.
"Are you buckled in, buddy?" Derek asked Adam as the little boy leaned forward around Meredith and nodded.
"Uh huh!" He nodded as he looked out the window. "I can see the ground, Daddy…" He said with a smile as he pointed out the window.
"We haven't gone anywhere yet…" Derek said with a humored expression as Adam giggled and looked back out the window.
"Derek…" Meredith said as she looked over at him, lifting her head from Emma's attention. "You really didn't have to do this."
"Give me a break…" Derek said as he shook his head. "There is no reason that my friend should have to sit way in the back of this airplane with that stuck up Scrooge that you were seated beside… really, what was his problem, anyway?"
"Derek…" She shook her head.
"What?" He said as he started to stand up.
"Did you two plan this whole thing?" She asked as Derek's eyes flashed to his son as a giggle was heard beside her, Meredith's eyes never leaving Derek's as his widened in a silly warning as the giggles increased.
"I'll be right back." Derek said, ignoring her question as he turned and started walking down the aisle. She turned her head and watched as he rushed down the aisle toward her old seat to get her bags.
Meredith sat back in her seat, staring for a moment at the seats in front of her, her eyes passing to the little boy sitting beside her. "Meredith?" He whispered as he looked up into her eyes.
"Yes, Adam?" She said as she watched the little boy's blue eyes sparkle. He turned in his seat a little and tugged on a small plush bear that had been tucked away beneath his arm, where Meredith didn't notice until just then.
"Can you hug my bear, please?" He said in a small voice, a deep thoughtful sigh coming from this little boy, was enough to send her heart beating faster, and a small lump forming in her throat.
"You want me to hug your bear?" She asked, watching him nod delicately as he insisted on her taking it from his hands.
"Please?" He asked again, waiting patiently for her to take it from him.
"Okay…" She said softly as she took the worn bear from the little boy's hands. He pushed a little forward in his seat as he watched her take it into her arms, hugging it close to her.
"Hug him a little tighter…" Adam said as he smiled, leaning in as he pressed his nose against Meredith's coat, she watched him smile and breathe in.
"What are you doing, you silly boy?" She asked as he pulled back and held his hands out to her, as she handed the bear back to the little boy.
"He's smelling you." Derek said, interrupting their conversation, a soft smile on his lips as he opened the overhead compartment and slid her bags inside. "Adam…" He said as Adam sat up and looked into his father's eyes. He shook his head and Adam brought the bear to his nose, breathing deeply.
"Mmm…" he said with a smile.
"Smelling me?" She asked as she glanced to Adam, and then back to Derek.
"He says you smell like a mommy." Derek said nonchalantly as he sat in his seat and buckled his seatbelt.
"A mommy?" Meredith said, glancing to the little boy, who still had his nose pressed against his bear as he stared out the window.
"I think he's wrong…" Derek said as he leaned forward to check on Emma as she cuddled her doll, he felt her forehead and leaned down for his bag. Meredith remained quiet for a moment as she watched him shift through his bag for a moment. He reached in and pulled out a bottle of children's Tylenol and handed it off to her with a smile.
"Wrong?" Meredith whispered as she accepted the bottle with no questions, she glanced to Emma as her eyes moved back to meet Derek's.
"Yep…" He nodded. "I think you smell more like… a flower… or a nice perfume…" Derek said with a half smile. "But he could be right." Derek shrugged. "I'm not going to argue with him."
"You two are way too much…" Meredith said as she shook her head and glanced to Adam, his head turning as his eyes sparkled when his lips curled into a smile.
"Daddy says that you and him are soulmates." He shrugged. "Whatever that is…" He giggled as he snuggled his bear and looked out the window again, not seeing Meredith's eyes snap to Derek's as he laughed nervously.
"Sole mates… SOLE… mates… like the bottom of your shoe… the sole of your shoe?" He said defensively as he pointed at her shoe, waiting for her reaction, her eyes still wide as suddenly a sparkle appeared in her eyes as she laughed, her giggle was uproarious and foreign, a sound so beautiful him, unlike anything he had heard before, sending shivers down his spine as she laughed, a smile brought to his face as he laughed as well, the only two people laughing in the entire plane, but it didn't matter, because to the two of them, they and their two little partners, were the only things that mattered.
Derek and Meredith settled into their seats, and Meredith was able to give Emma her medicine with minimal mess, kissing the little girl's nose as she mumbled and coughed. "Oh, don't you be a grumpy bump with mommy…" Meredith said as the little girl's lower lip stuck out in an angry pout, her blue-grey eyes glassy. "Please…?" She whispered as she held a tissue for the little girl's nose, who swatted at her mother's arm.
"No…" She muttered angrily as she slapped her mother's hand. "No… leave me alone…" She groaned as she shifted in her seat, leaning forward as she coughed. "Bad, Mommy…" She grunted as she snuggled with her doll.
"Emma bug…" Meredith said softly as she reached for her daughter's hand, her little hand slapping her mother away.
"Stop! Stop…" She growled as Meredith retreated to her seat as the little girl curled herself into the seat and closed her eyes against her blanket, leaving Meredith feeling embarrassed and alone, her only companion for the past several months and she didn't even want her help.
"She's just not feeling well…" A deep voice caught her attention as she tried not to look up at him. She was trying to distance herself from him, but was finding it very difficult to do it. He was way too sweet, way too attentive, and way too prepared with his children's Tylenol, his packets of tissues, his extra lap blanket that he held in his carryon bag, to cover the little boy that sat on her other side. He was well prepared for this trip, whereas all Meredith wanted, was to be there already. Derek watched as she stared blankly at the chair in front of her, seemingly lost in her thoughts as Adam continued to stare out the window.
The plane began to move, and Meredith's attention still remained on the seat in front of them and nothing else as Adam became excited. "See… see, Meredith." He said as he reached for her hand, pulling her attention to the window. "See, that? We're going down the runway." He said with a smile. "We're driving down the runway and then… then the plane goes… WHOOSH!" He said, demonstrating with his hands, the ascent that the plane would soon be taking. "You can hold my hand if you get scared." He said tipping forward to see if Emma was paying attention, finding the little girl had closed her eyes and drifted off again. "Emma might get scared… has she been on a plane…?" he asked as Meredith nodded.
"She has…" She said with a nice smile, watching the little boy become visibly relieved that his job of calming them could be reserved for Meredith, he squeezed her hand. "Watch…" he said, poking at the window. "Watch out the window." He pointed.
"What are we looking for?" Meredith asked as the plane started to go faster.
"Do you feel that?" The little boy asked excitedly, pointing out the window. "Look how fast we're going!"
"Wow…" Meredith said, smiling slightly at the little boy, grateful to have a little distraction for the moment.
"Here we go!" Adam exclaimed as the plane lifted from the ground, dipping slightly as Adam giggled excitedly. "You're not scared, are you?" He asked as Meredith turned her head from the window. "If you're scared, squeeze my hand… it'll be alright." He said as he glanced to Derek, who watched his son proudly as he held the woman's hand tightly.
"Thank you, Adam." Meredith said with a slight smile as she squeezed the little boy's hand in thanks.
"it's no problem… I've been on a plane like a million times… right, Daddy?" He asked, looking toward Derek. "Right, Daddy? I've been on a plane like a million times, right, daddy…"
"You've been on quite a few times, yes…" Derek chuckled as the little boy smiled proudly at Meredith. "He's very good at flying." Derek said slightly as Meredith smiled, her eyes passing to her daughter, who was sitting, sleeping soundly, her head resting against Derek's arm.
Meredith watched her daughter sleep, soundly and peacefully against the stranger's arm and she could feel the lump, growing in her throat. She could feel the frustration of it all, the sickness making her own body feel exhausted, her own fever was taking its toll on her strength. She paused for a moment as she yawned, watching for the little boy to look to her again, his eyes mesmerized by the land below them as he smiled happily at their adventure, his eyes staring out the window as he smiled at the woman in the seat next to him.
Meredith sighed as she looked to her daughter, seeing that her doll was falling from the seat, she reached down and touched it, tugging slightly to pick it up, when suddenly her daughter's eyes opened, and the sick little girl swung at her angrily. "Mommy, stop! Stop bothering me, stop bothering me… Bad… Bad, Mommy!" She exclaimed as she slapped her mother on the hand.
In a flurry of movement, and before Derek could stop her, Meredith was out of her seat and moving toward the bathroom. It was against the lights of the plane, the red seatbelt sign still brightly lit, as Meredith moved forward sharply, turned the corner, and slammed the door on the portable bathroom, before Derek had a chance to stop her.
"Mommy?" Emma whimpered, her lip sticking out as she realized her mother had disappeared without her. She suddenly felt lonely and sad, as the tears began flowing down her cheeks, Emma let out a loud, frustrated sob, that nearly broke Derek's heart, as he tried to calm both children and himself, as he tried to figure out a way to get to the bathroom, and to Meredith… without completely abandoning his tiny sidekicks.
Derek was stunned for a moment at Meredith's departure, and Emma had burst into a fit of tears that seemed never ending. Derek leaned forward and tried to get her to look at him, tears streaming down her face as she held her hands out toward the bathroom door where her mother had disappeared through. "Emma…" Derek said softly. "Emma, look at me, please?" Derek said desperately, unsure of exactly how to soothe her. The one thing she wanted was gone, and he was sure she felt as guilty as a four year old could feel about making her flee so quickly and without a word. "Emma…"
"Mommy! I want Mommy! Please don't leave, Mommy!" She exclaimed as she held out her hands, her tiny fingers flexing as she screamed, pushing Derek away from her as she sobbed.
"Emma…" Adam said from beside her. "Emma, your mommy is just going potty!" Adam said as he plugged his ears and looked to the little girl. "Emma!" He shouted as the little girl turned to the little boy as he shook his head, his nose scrunched, his eyes narrowed as he shook his head. "Stop screaming!" he said as the little girl's howling slowed.
"But my mommy… she left! She left and I want her… want my mommy… want… want…" She started to pant as she coughed, her lungs catching every breath as her coughing became more loud and forceful. Derek touched her shoulder as she turned her head toward him, her eyes wide with surprise as she coughed violently.
"Calm down, little girl… Calm down…"
"But… But… but…" She wheezed as she tried to catch her breath, only to have one cough after another take over her body. Derek could sense everyone in the first class section staring at him, he could feel his ears burning, but right now the only thing he needed was for the little girl to stop coughing before she made herself sick. "Ma… Ma… Mama…" She said as she continued to wheeze and cough.
"It's alright… it's okay…"
"Sir, is she alright?" The sound of the flight attendant behind him sent his eyes up to her.
"She's just trying to catch her breath." Derek said softly as the little girl continued to wheeze. "That's right… breathe deeply, baby…" He said softly, his voice gentle and soothing as the flight attendant stood above them as Derek watched her try to calm herself. "There you go… there you go… big deep breaths…good girl." Derek said as the little girl's eyes stared into Derek, and she copied his big, deep breaths, a smile coming to his lips as he watched the color return to her face, and her body calm at his soothing voice. "Now do you want me to get mommy?" He said tenderly as she nodded her head, her lip trembling. Derek then turned his head to the flight attendant. "Ma'am?" He said softly. "My… wife…" Derek swallowed as he glanced to the kids. "She is in the bathroom… and she's pregnant… I think she's sick… would it be too much trouble for you to keep an eye on these two while I check on her?" He asked as the flight attendant looked at the two children who looked up at her curiously.
"No problem." She said, smiling slightly as she glanced to the two wide eyed children as they watched the flight attendant for a moment as Derek unbuckled his seatbelt.
"Thank you." Derek said as he turned to the two children. "Kids… I will be right back… please… please, behave…" He shook his head as they both nodded. "I will be right back… thank you so much." He said softly as he glanced one more time at the children as they sat watching as Derek turned, and walked as quickly as he could to the plane lavatory, where Meredith was hiding.
Derek walked toward the bathroom door and leaned his ear against it gently. Over the sounds of the engine on the plane, he could hear the faint sound of sobbing on the other side of the door. His eyes passed to the front row passengers as they watched him address the woman behind the door that had stirred up such a ruckus when she left, and he took a slow deep breath. "Honey?" He said, his voice squeaking slightly as he tried to keep a straight face. "Sweetheart, are you alright in there?" He said, his voice rising slightly in volume as he addressed her. "Sweetheart?" he said again as he listened to her crying soften slightly. "Meredith, sweetheart…?" He said as he tried to play up his lie as best as he could. "Please open the door."
"No!" She exclaimed through the door, that sound coming through loud and clear as he sighed softly and looked to the floor.
"Please sweetheart?" He said, his voice slightly begging as he listened.
"No! Derek… Leave me alone! And stop calling me sweetheart!"
"Oh… you don't mean that, sweetie… please open the door, I want to check on you." He said, his eyes flashing to an older woman sitting in the front row, who was watching him with a concerned look, he gave her a flash of a smile as he leaned into the door slightly. "Sweetie… we're causing a scene… you're not supposed to be out of your seat… and I'm worried about you. Emma wants you to come out. She misses her mommy."
"Emma doesn't need me." She said from within the bathroom. "Emma doesn't need me." She repeated.
"Just open the door, Meredith… there's no use having this conversation through the bathroom door…"
"Go away, Derek!"
"Oh Meri… that's just your hormones talking… just let me in…"
There was a pause when suddenly, the door to the bathroom swung open. "What did you just say to me?" She growled angrily as Derek's jaw dropped.
"I… I…" before Derek could finish his sentence, she grabbed him by the sweater and pulled him into the bathroom with her, slamming the door and locking it as she pushed him to the other side of her. "I… I…"
"Shut up…" She said as she growled at him. "Just… shut up for a minute… " She shook her head as she grabbed her forehead with her hands and looked up at herself in the mirror. She could see the dark rings under her eyes, her hair, disheveled, her cheeks were stained with tears as she snapped her head in his direction.
"These things are a lot smaller than they appear." He said as he watched her angry glare.
"What did you want?" She asked as she wiped the tears from her face, trying to compose herself. "What did you want?" She asked again, sniffling as she watched his eyes soften at the sight of her.
"I needed to check on you."
"Where are the kids? You left them out there by themselves? Are you crazy?" She asked as she reached for the handle, he leaned forward and grabbed her hand.
"They're fine." He said, turning her around, he pressed her back against the door slightly as he kept his distance as best as he could, the tiny bathroom was hardly big enough for one person, let alone two grown adults. "Whisper." He said, watching her shake her head. "The entire plane doesn't need to know what is going on in here."
"That's because nothing is going on in here." She whispered angrily at him, trying to turn around, he grabbed her arms lightly.
"Meredith… please." He whispered.
"Please what? Please what, Derek? Please stop acting like a deranged fool? Please stop acting like a bad mother, a bad wife, a murderer? Please what, Derek?"
"Meredith… slow down." Derek whispered, shaking his head. "Slow down."
"Slow down? I don't want to slow down. I can't slow down, Derek… I've tried to slow down, and it isn't going to happen… I can't… I have to raise my baby… and I have to get her better… I have to get her to Boston so that I can make her better…" She said as she suddenly began to cough, her breath wheezing as she tried to catch her breath. "I can't…" She said between coughs. "Slow … down…" She coughed violently as she sucked in her breath time and again trying to catch her breath, she shook her head and tried to catch herself, as she tumbled forward into Derek.
"Woah…" He said as he grabbed her carefully, pulling her into him as she used his body to support herself for a moment, her coughing finally slowing as she continued to grip him. "It's alright…" He whispered. "It's okay…" He said as he felt her feverish body against him. He could feel her trembling, the heat of her fever and clammy sweaty skin of her hands. He felt her grip him hard with her fists, as she suddenly burst into a fit of tears against him, loud and forceful as he wrapped his arms around her and held her, unable to move an inch in the tiny bathroom, he was content to stay in there with her and hold her for as long as she needed. "I'm here…" He whispered.
Derek held the sobbing woman in his arms, feeling her weight against him as she gripped his sweater tightly in her grip. She buried her head in his chest and sobbed. She had been trying for months to remain strong, to remain whole and emotionally stable for herself, for her daughter and their situation. She had spent all of the time and effort that she had available in keeping her little girl safe and secure, that she had no idea how quickly and how far she had deteriorated herself.
"It's alright…" He whispered. "It'll be alright…" His voice was soft and soothing as he gently rubbed her back, holding her close to him. She sniffled and cried for several moments until she realized what she was doing, hugging a stranger in the bathroom of an airplane while her daughter sit alone and probably scared half to death in her seat.
"I have to get out of here…" She whispered as she released his sweater and began to turn in his arms. "I have to get out…" She said again.
"Meredith…" he said, touching her shoulder, she turned and looked him in the eyes.
"Thank you for… checking on me, but I have to get back out there to Emma." She whispered.
"Meredith, you can't do this alone." Derek blurted out before he could stop himself, her eyes narrowing in anger. "Stop looking at me like that." He said, trying to stop himself from digging the hole he was in any deeper, but finding himself unable to look at the anger in her eyes any longer. "I haven't done anything to you… I haven't done anything to you but wonder who you are and where you're coming from, because I have found you to be so goddamned intriguing that watching you look at me like that makes my goddamned teeth hurt." He said as the anger in her eyes drained slowly, her eyes widening to a nearly surprised expression as he shook his head. "So stop looking at me like I'm doing something wrong… and just talk to me." He said with a whisper as her mouth hang open just slightly.
"I don't know you." She said simply, the truth behind her pulling away was staring him in the face, and he knew that fact was a road block.
"And that should only help you." He replied.
"I don't know what you want from me." She said as she shook her head, feeling herself swallow hard as she looked into his eyes. "What do you want from me?"
"I don't want anything from you, Meredith. My intentions are clear… there are no intentions… you were a stranger to me… but the moment your shoe connected with the back of my head, you became something to me… what that is, I'm not certain… but I'm not a threat, I'm not a creep…and I've asked you to be my friend and you accepted… are you trying to tell me that you want to take that back?"
"No." She whispered.
"Then you can talk to me." He said. "What are the chances we'll see one another again after this plane lands? You don't have anything to lose." He replied.
"Self respect." She whispered. "You've bought my daughter water… you've gotten her Tylenol… you even moved us from the back of the plane to first class… I feel like I'm in the middle of a swindle. I feel like you want something from me, like… I don't know, it just makes me feel weird, and I don't want sympathy, and I don't want hand outs… I can take care of myself. I can take care of my daughter, and I can take care of myself!" She said as she turned, reaching for the handle, he placed his hand on hers as she paused.
"You can take care of your daughter, Meredith… but please don't do it at the expense of yourself. Because she can survive a cold, and she can survive you crying from time to time, showing her that it's alright to have weaknesses… but she can't handle you dying because you're too consumed with taking care of her to take care of yourself. That is something she shouldn't have to live with." Derek whispered. "That is something that you can control." He replied as she continued to pause, her eyes never leaving the door.
"Are you finished?" She whispered, waiting for him to remove his hand from her hand, he did so and she swung the door open, pushing her way into the aisle of the plane, she turned toward the seats.
Derek paused for a moment, his eyes watching the door close behind her as he took a slow deep breath. He then reached for the door handle and walked out into the plane following Meredith. When he reached the seat, Meredith hadn't sat down yet, but was instead looking back toward the bathroom for Derek. When he reached their seats, he smiled when he saw what had stopped Meredith in the aisle.
Adam looked up from his picture book, the arm rest beside him was raised, and Emma's head rested on his shoulder. Their blankets covered both of them as the little girl's eyes remained closed in a delicate slumber. He smiled at his father and Meredith, and lifted his finger to his lips to indicate that they should be quiet. Meredith turned to look at Derek, her eyes brimming with unshed tears, but the delicate smile on her face indicated that they were tears of gratitude.
"It looks like my looks aren't the only thing he got from me." Derek said with a wink as Meredith let out a nervous laugh, shaking her head at his brashness, she sat down in the third seat, buckling her seatbelt. She looked up at Derek as he turned to sit down, and as his butt hit the seat, he felt the armrest between them lifting. He didn't say a word as he buckled his seatbelt, and felt her exhausted, sweet smelling head tilt slightly and rest on his shoulder as he reached his arm around her and held his worn out friend, as silence filled the second row of the airplane.
Meredith's nose was buried into Derek's chest, her body was warm to the touch, and Derek knew she was in need of rest, so he held her securely to him as she cuddled into him. He held her for a long time, trying his very best to relax, finding his mind wandering in directions that he knew were not right. Derek's eyes glanced to the two seats beside Meredith, his son sitting up comfortably, the sick little girl cuddling against his arm, he smiled at the symmetry of the situation and raised his eyebrows at his son's inquisitive look when he noticed that his father was looking in his direction, and their eyes met.
"How are you doing there, buddy?" He asked, watching Adam nod, careful not to jostle his friend who had found him to be a worthy pillow.
"I'm okay." He shrugged, flipping the page on his book, he looked over the pictures and sighed softly.
"Just okay?" Derek asked as his son's blue eyes lifted to his father's.
"Yeah…" He shrugged.
"Do you care to share your troubles with an old guy looking for someone to talk to?" Derek asked as he watched the corners of his son's lips turn up.
"You're not an old guy, Daddy." He said with his lips curling a little more as his eyes moved to the woman resting on his father's chest. "I like Meredith." He said softly as he shrugged his shoulders, looking back to her book.
"You like her?" He asked softly, his eyes passing to the woman's closed eyes as she didn't move an inch, sleeping peacefully against his chest.
"She's really nice… even though she threw her shoe at you." Adam giggled.
"Yeah… little did she know it was going to get her stuck with us, huh?" He asked as Adam nodded his head, watching Derek smile at him.
"Do you think she'll want to be my friend too?" Adam asked.
"I think she might have that in her schedule…" Derek said as he watched the concerned look on Adam's face. "What's wrong?" Derek asked.
"Do you think she knows how to sing?" Adam asked, his eyes darting to his father's eyes.
"Sing?"
"Yeah… like a lullaby… Do you think she sings lullabies…?"
"Buddy… these are all questions that you're going to have to ask her…" Derek said as he watched Adam's eyes fall on the little girl who was leaning on him.
"Girls are heavy." Adam said as he shifted slightly, Emma's head lifted as her eyes fluttered open. "Sorry." He said as she looked around, her face turning to a pout as she turned her head to see Derek looking at her, a tender smile on his lips as she noticed her mother was sleeping against him.
"Mama…" She whispered.
"See… mama came back…" Derek said softly as the little girl smacked her lips, it was obvious that she wanted to reach out and touch her mother, to wake her, to hug her. "Are you thirsty, sweetheart?" Derek asked as Emma nodded her head, glancing to the bag below them under the seat, she saw the bottle of water poking out of it. "Adam…"
"I'll get it." He said as he unbuckled his seatbelt and slid from the seat, reaching for the bottle, there was a sudden slam of turbulence as Adam fell forward.
"Woah…" Derek said as he reached out to grab his son before he landed on the ground, sending Meredith jumping in fear as she had a sharp intake of breath, her eyes opening wide as she grabbed hold of Derek's other arm, she looked around rapidly as Adam stood up, glancing to his father with wide eyes. "Are you alright?" He asked as Adam nodded his head.
He grabbed the bottle of water and handed it off to Emma as he scooted to his seat and jumped into it, buckling his seatbelt as another bout of turbulence hit. "Oh gosh! That was a close one!" The little boy exclaimed wide eyed and surprised as Derek nearly laughed at his expression. He would have laughed if it weren't for the fingers of Meredith digging into his arm.
"It's alright… It's alright… just a little bit of turbulence…" he said softly as Meredith released her grip and sat up, sending her hands to her face as she rubbed the sleep from her face. The plane began to settle, and after a moment, they were flying smoothly again.
"I'm sorry…" She whispered. "I'm sorry… that was…"
"Mommy?" Emma said as she held the bottle of water in her hands. "Mommy, are you alright?"
"Mommy is okay, sweetie… she's okay…" Meredith said as she leaned to the side and felt her daughter wrap her arm around her mother. "You're looking like you feel a little better…" She said as she touched her daughter's cheek. "Look at you…" She smiled as Emma gave her mother a soft smile.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you, mommy…" She whispered as she hugged her again. "Don't leave me again…"
"I'm not going anywhere…" She whispered as she kissed her daughter's head. "I'm not going anywhere…" She said again as she held her little girl against her.
"Meredith?" Adam asked as he watched the woman's eyes lift to his inquiring blue eyes.
"Adam…" Derek said, shaking his head as the little boy sighed.
"No, you can ask your question, Adam." Meredith said as she gave Derek a sideways brush that she was fairly sure she could hear a chuckle from.
"Do you sing?" He asked as Meredith continued to hug Emma as she watched Adam as his eyes passed between her and his father, as if he was asking permission from him to continue his questions.
"Do I sing?" She asked, a tiny giggle escaping her lips as she tried to understand what he meant.
"Do you know any lullabyes? Daddy said that mommies know lullabies… and not daddys… that's why he doesn't sing."
"Daddy doesn't sing because daddy would keep you up all night with nightmares if you heard him sing." Derek said as he listened to the tender sound of Meredith's giggles beside him.
"I've been known to sing a lullaby or two." Meredith said as she unbuckled Emma's seatbelt and pulled her into her lap. She kissed her daughter's forehead as she cuddled the little girl. She leaned slightly and pulled up the last arm rest as she patted it gently. "Here… we have a couple more minutes before we have to get ready to land… scoot over here…" She said as Adam grinned, unbuckling his seatbelt, he crawled across and settled against Meredith, cuddling in her arm, and against Emma. "Are you ready?"
"Uh huh!" Adam nodded as he closed his eyes and rested.
"Okay…" Meredith whispered as she very gently began to sing. She tilted her head down, so that it was between her daughter's and the little boy's, her cheeks turning a soft rosy pink as she tried to not think about Derek listening to her. She sang a tender lullaby to the two children, feeling their bodies relax against her, her voice moving up and down tenderly with the sound of the plane lulling them to sleep.
Derek found himself closing his eyes, a last chance to rest before the plane landed in Boston, as the gentle song sent him into a deep, satisfying sleep to the melodic sound of her heavenly voice.
-------------
Derek was sure that he felt something wet touch the side of his face. His eyes were closed and he knew he had been sleeping, but there was something different now that he was mildly cognizant of what was around him. He felt it again, something wet touching the side of his face, and a tiny giggle.
There was something missing. The sound of the plane. He had been on a plane, and now it was almost silent, and that wetness again, a louder giggle. "Alright… alright…" Meredith's voice interrupted his train of thought as he heard Adam's giggle again. He opened his eyes just in time to see a wet finger reach out and touch his cheek again.
"Oh! Ew!" Derek exclaimed as he reached his hand up and wiped the slobbery wet mark from his face as he gave his son a warning glance.
"Time to wake up, Daddy…" Adam said with a laugh, as Emma giggled as well, leaning on the seat behind them as they sat in the taxied airplane while the last of the passengers exited the plane.
"We're here?" Derek said in a low gravely voice, his head tilting when he watched her glance to the two children as they stood waiting to leave the plane.
"We're here." Meredith confirmed.
"Someone looks like they're feeling a little better." Derek said as he nodded toward the little girl. Her blonde hair had been tied back as they waited, and her cheeks were still rosy with fever, but her blue-grey eyes were sparkling like he hadn't seen before.
"Thank you for the Tylenol." Meredith replied as she handed the bottle back to him. He shook his head and nodded toward her purse.
"No…that's yours…" He said as he looked around, noticing they were the only four on the plane, besides the flight attendants. "We should probably get off the plane before they take us someplace else." He said with a wide eyed expression that made Emma giggle.
"Don't want that!" Adam exclaimed as he grabbed his backpack and his teddy bear, along with his rocket toy. Emma grabbed her doll as Meredith lifted her backpack and took her hand.
"Let's walk to baggage… and then we can part ways…" Derek shrugged as he smiled politely at her. "Unless you'd like to go to Christmas eve with me… and Christmas day tomorrow at my mother's house… we can play house… you can be my expecting wife, and I can be the proud papa of a beautifully growing family." Derek teased as he stood up and pulled his bag from the overhead compartment.
"I think that one is enough for now." Meredith nodded as she gave him a shy smile.
"I get it…" Derek said with a sarcastic smile. "I'm not marriage material."
"Destined to be a bachelor." She teased as she glanced to Adam. "That one though… someone is going to snatch up that charming little thing really quick… you better watch yourself, Derek." She said as she reached her hand for Adam, watching Derek pull her bag from the overhead compartment, he hauled all of the bags onto his shoulder as Meredith took the two children's hands and led them from the seat, the four of them making their way happily down the concourse hallway toward baggage.
Derek jogged a bit to keep up with them, holding the bags was weighing him down, but he did it effortlessly. "So are we going to trade numbers or something?" he asked, shrugging as she stopped.
"Numbers?"
"Phone numbers… you have a cell phone, don't you?"
"No." She replied, staring at him blankly for a minute as she shook her head.
"Address?" He asked as he tilted his head.
"Why don't… you give me your phone number and address." She said with a shrug. "And… I'll call or whatever… we don't have to trade information, Derek."
"Sure we do. I want to make sure you and Emma are feeling better… besides… Adam is pretty attached to you. You don't want to disappoint him, do you?" He said, indicating his son who was bouncing around on the carpet with Emma, skipping from blue square to blue square.
"Oh… that's right… I don't want to disappoint Adam…" She said as she laughed to herself. "I'll take your information… and when I get a cell phone… I'll um… I'll call you, okay? Let you know how we are."
"That sounds good." He said with a nod as he glanced to the kids. "Adam… Emma… come over here…" Derek said as the two kids ran over to their parents, and they all walked toward baggage claim together.
They got to baggage claim and they stood at the carousel for several minutes, Adam jumping as he asked if he could go for a ride as Derek just shook his head. Meredith and Emma stood beside them as they waited for their bags. After several minutes, Meredith saw a bag come out of another carousel and smiled to Derek. "That's my stuff…" She said as Derek nodded, seeing his and Adam's things coming around.
"It was really… nice to meet you, Meredith." He said as he pulled a pen from his pocket, along with an old business card. He wrote his address and phone number and smiled as he handed it over to her.
"It was nice to meet you, Derek." She said as she accepted the paper and slipped it into her pocket. "Thanks… for… being…my friend." She said with a sweet smile as Derek smiled back.
"Thanks for being mine." He replied as he leaned forward, giving her a soft peck on her cheek as he smiled at her slight smile. She stared at him for several moments until she felt the tugging of a small hand beneath her, pulling on her coat.
"Meredith… thank you for being my friend too." Adam said with a smile as Meredith bent down for a big hug. "Thank you too, Emma." He said as he waved to the little girl as she gripped her mother's hand and waved.
"Bye, Derek…" Emma said softly as she felt her mother tugging her as they walked toward their bags.
"Bye, Meredith… Emma…" Derek said one more time as he gripped his son's hand, reached forward and grabbed his bags from the carousel. By the time he turned to the other carousel, Meredith and Emma had disappeared, and the bag that she had claimed had been hers, continued to move around the carousel, alone.
------------------
Derek grabbed his bags in his hands and looked around again, the throngs of people swallowed any chance of him seeing her again, his eyes flashed back to the bag on the other carousel. He could feel his throat getting dryer as he watched his son move quickly through the airport directly in front of him, glancing back excitedly as they walked through the crowds that were greeting and hugging their families and friends who had met them at the airport. He looked around quickly, hoping to catch a glimpse of her, or the little golden haired angel, only to find the people were pushing and shoving past him to get on the escalator.
"Daddy, let's go! Aunt Nancy isn't going to wait forever!" He said as he grabbed Derek's hand, not realizing the look of longing on his father's face as he tried to locate Meredith.
"I'm coming, I'm coming…" Derek said in a playful tone as he finally gave up, he lifted their bags and followed Adam to the escalator as it led them down to the front lobby of the airport. He immediately spotted his sister's face among the people greeting, and she waved her hands in a hurried motion as she indicated that she was parked right outside.
"Aunt Nancy!" Adam exclaimed from the escalator, pointing down to the waving woman. "Daddy, t here's Aunt Nancy!"
"I see her…" Derek said flatly, his normally playful tone had disappeared and Adam watched his father's face for a moment as he held a grumpy expression in his eyes. They got to the bottom of the escalator, and Adam leapt from the step, running at top speed into his waiting aunt.
"AUNT NANCY!" He exclaimed as she grabbed him into her arms and spun him around as he giggled.
"Oh, it's my favorite little traveling man! Merry Christmas!" She said as Adam hugged her tightly.
"Merry Christmas to you, Aunt Nancy!" He exclaimed happily as he looked up at Derek. "Santa came to the airport this morning! He brought me this awesome rocket missile!" He said as he held up his new toy and Nancy gave him a surprised look.
"Wow… Santa came early…" Nancy said as she raised her eyebrows at Derek as he grumpily walked toward her.
"Santa was stuck in an airport… Santa didn't care to wait any longer for Adam to smile…" Derek replied as he ushered his sister. "Let's go… you probably parked illegally or something…"
"How did you know?"
"There's no other way to park in this airport… let's go." He said grumpily.
"What's gotten into you?" Nancy asked as Derek lugged the bags alongside her as they walked out of the airport.
"Nothing." Derek said as he shook his head. "Let's just get out of here, I'm tired." He said, taking one more look around the airport before they walked outside.
"So how are you boys doing?" Nancy asked her nephew as she tickled his tummy a little, listening to his giggle. "I have missed you so much! So, so much!" She said as she kissed his cheek.
"We missed you, Aunt Nancy…" He said with a grin as he glanced to Derek, watching his father's grumpy expression as he stared at the ground as they walked.
Meredith walked down the long hallway toward the taxi stands and bus stops, lugging her carryon bags along as Emma held her hand tightly.
"When are we gonna be there, Mama?" Emma asked as she coughed a little, her tiny feet slapping the pavement as she rushed to keep up.
"We'll be there when we get there, buttercup." Meredith replied with her standard answer for her daughter, unsure of exactly how to explain to her that there really wasn't anywhere for them to 'be'. "You and Mama are on a little adventure… we're going to get you to the doctors… get you some medicine… and then we're going to try to find someplace to stay." She said as she ran her fingertips over her daughter's head, feeling her cling to her side as Meredith stopped at the bus stop. She stepped into the shelter and lifted Emma onto the bench, her eyes shifting to the man sitting on the corner of the bench, staring at her. She shifted her body in front of her daughter, blocking her from his view as she reached her hand into her pocket.
"Crap…" She whispered to herself. "Where is that… ten dollars…" She mumbled as she pulled out a tissue or two, shoved them back in her pocket and then reached in again, her hand grasping the money that she had in her pocket. Her finger grazed a piece of cardstock and she swallowed hard. She pulled the card with the phone number and address from her pocket and stared at it. His writing was eloquent and readable, unlike a doctors handwriting. She wondered if he had written it extra clear so that she would be sure to call it. She sighed as she shook her head, her eyes grazing back to the man who was staring at them again, sending a chill down her spine, she swallowed hard.
She then crumbled the card up and turned, flipping it off her thumb she watched it tumble into the garbage can beside her. "Wishful thinking, Meredith." She whispered as she closed her eyes tightly, sat down on the bench and pulled Emma onto her lap. She tried to ignore the man staring at them from beside her, and she closed her eyes as she pushed her nose into her daughter's hair. "Where the hell has that ever gotten you?" She whispered to herself as she sighed.
Meredith sat at the bus stop for a long time, staring ahead as not to get any more attention than she already had from the man who was sitting on the bench with them. The man's eyes remained on her and her little girl, and the longer they sat there, the more uncomfortable she became. She wanted to tell him to go away, to stop looking at her, to stop invading her personal space, but she knew if she brought any more attention to herself from the man, it could make things ever more uncomfortable.
"Mama?" Emma whispered as she looked up at her mother. "I'm cold…"
"I know, baby… the bus will be here soon…" Meredith said, feeling the frigid air whipping against them as the little girl trembled in her arms.
"I'm cold…"
"Shh…" Meredith said tenderly as she pulled her daughter into her a little farther, the wait for the bus becoming more and more frigid for both fever laden mother and daughter. She sighed as she stood up, glanced to the taxi down the way, sitting in the taxi stand. She pulled her daughter into her a little more, and with a quick movement grabbed her bag and made her way down the sidewalk toward the taxi stand.
The farther she got from the staring man in the bus stop, the better she felt. She held her daughter close to her as she reached the taxi and opened the door. The taxi driver opened his door and she shook her head. "No… no, it's alright…" She said as she shook her head and lifted her daughter into the car. "This is all I have." She said as the taxi driver climbed back inside. She closed the door and buckled her daughter in as the driver waited patiently.
"Where can I take you?" He asked softly, watching the mother and child as she shivered.
"I have ten dollars." Meredith said as she looked at the driver. "Take me as close to Massachusetts General as you can, please?"
"That's not going to get you far, lady…" The taxi driver said with a shake of his head.
"Then take me to the nearest hospital… or as close to the nearest hospital…" She said as she began to get anxious. "Please… ten dollars, it's all I have…" She said as the taxi driver nodded his head, and started on his way as Meredith wrapped her arm around her daughter and waited for them to arrive at their destination, wherever that was.
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Derek opened the back seat of the car and let Adam climb in. Nancy got into the driver's seat and helped him buckle his seatbelt as Derek moved to the back and put his bags in the trunk of the car. Derek could hear Adam talking with an animated grin on his face, his voice squeaking out his happiness of being back in Boston as Derek walked around the car and climbed into the passenger seat.
"Everyone is waiting for you at home." Nancy said with a smile, watching the sullen look on her brother's face. "Derek… seriously, what is wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong." Derek said with a sigh as he glanced to his sister. "I should have been home yesterday, that's all… being stuck in the airport isn't exactly my idea of a good time." He said as he glanced back to Adam.
"Daddy got hit in the head with a shoe…" He giggled as Derek gave his son a half smile in return.
"You got hit in the head by a shoe?" Nancy asked, incredulous of her nephew's claim, but she noticed the way Derek's eyes shifted back to the little boy when he said it, and the small smile on his lips.
"Yeah… it was only Meredith though…" Adam said with a giggle. "She was telling daddy that I had to go potty."
"Meredith?"
"It's just someone at the airport… she was stuck there too… with her little girl." Derek shrugged. "Was trying to get my attention when I feel asleep and Adam had to go to the bathroom… So she tossed her shoe in my direction…"
"She hit him in the head!" Adam laughed uproariously from the backseat, not catching that his father was trying to end the conversation before it even began. "Then daddy stole her shoe and we went and sat with her when we gave it back… she was nice… she smells like a mommy…" Adam blabbered as Derek continued to stare out the window as his sister started to drive.
"Smells like a mommy?" Nancy asked, looking over to see her brother avoiding eye contact.
"Yes… she hugged my bear for me, and daddy gave her a slinky for Christmas… Emma was really sick, so when we went on the plane, daddy gave Meredith a lots of hugs to make her feel better, and Meredith sang me and Emma a lullaby… she has such a pretty voice, doesn't she daddy? Doesn't she? Doesn't Meredith have a nice voice?" Adam stated from the back seat, unsure of why Derek wasn't responding right away, he paused as he waited for the answer. "Daddy?"
"Yep." Derek said with a nod as he looked back at his son, seeing his hopeful face as he smiled back at Derek. "She had a very nice voice… very pretty…"
"Daddy said that he and Meredith are soulmates." Adam said with a definitive grin as Derek coughed from the front seat as Nancy's eyes shot to her brother. Derek coughed loudly as he tried to pretend. "Daddy, are you sick like Emma and Meredith? Do you need Tylenol?"
"I'm fine, buddy…" Derek recovered as he sighed, again ignoring his sister's stares. "Just drive, Nancy." Derek muttered as he looked out at the early afternoon gloomy weather, as they crossed over into Boston proper, and headed toward Nancy and her family's home.
"Good… I don't want you to get sick like them…" He said softly. "I hope they're doing okay…"
"I do too, Adam." Derek nodded as he gave his son a hopeful smile as the little boy cuddled his bear, and silence filled the car.
Meredith sat anxiously in the back of the cab, she tended to her daughter as she listened to the sound of the car moving down the street slowly. She glanced out the window as the car passed to the city proper, and he drove down a smaller road. "Hey… where are you going?" she asked as she tapped on the plexiglass divider. "I wanted you to take me to the hospital… the hospital is that way…" She said as she pointed in the opposite direction, having been in Boston several times, she knew at least where the hospital was, and the cab driver ignoring her was making her upset. "Sir… you're wasting my fare!" She exclaimed. "I have to get my daughter to the hospital!" She exclaimed as he turned his head.
"Don't worry, I'm taking you someplace safe for you and your daughter." He said. His voice was kindly and polite, but she didn't like the idea of being taken away from where she had wanted to go.
"I need to get to the hospital… Seriously, do you speak English?" She asked angrily as she banged her palm against the divider.
"Ma'am… please relax, I'm taking you to a safe place."
"Stop the goddamned car!" She exclaimed, feeling herself panic as she banged on the plastic. "Stop the fucking car!" She exclaimed, feeling the anger building up inside her as she watched him turn into a driveway. The sign was large and in block letters. "YOU BROUGHT ME TO A FUCKING BATTERED WOMAN'S SHELTER?" She exclaimed as she slammed her fist into the plastic.
"Ma'am…you look like you need help… you look like…"
"I don't need your help! I don't need their help! I need a fucking doctor!" She screamed as she looked to Emma, who was staring at her in complete and utter fear. She had never seen her mother scream like this. She had never heard her mother speak so angrily, and it was frightening for the little girl. Emma's lip trembled as she suddenly began to cry. "Oh crap…" Meredith said as she turned and put her hands on her daughter's cheeks, feeling that the fever had come back, she glanced to the driver. "Look what you did, you idiot… merry goddamned Christmas to you… taking me to a fucking battered woman's shelter… what the hell do you think you're doing… here is your goddamned ten bucks!"
"No…" The driver said defensively. "Keep the money… keep it…" he said as Meredith pulled her hand back.
"Damn straight I'm keeping it!" She exclaimed as she grabbed her daughter from the seat, pulling her bags awkwardly.
"Ma'am… I'll help you from the…"
"No! Don't bother! Don't even bother!" She exclaimed as she flew backwards out of the car, slipping on the ice, she fell on her back in the middle of a snowbank, her daughter slamming hard into her as she sobbed. She just wanted to cry. She was mortified and broken, and she could feel the cold snow seeping through her clothes as the cab driver stood helplessly beside the car.
"Ma'am… I'll take you to the hospital if that's where you want to go!" He called, feeling bad for his assumption, he watched as she tried to stand up. He started to walk around the car.
"Don't you touch me! Don't you touch me or my daughter… I can handle this myself!" She exclaimed as she started to stand up, the frigid wind whipping her hair, the afternoon sky was dark and gloomy giving the sky an almost early evening shadow on everything. It matched her mood perfectly. She stood up carefully, feeling the pain in her body, sharp aches shooting through her body as she felt hot tears rolling down her cheeks. "My husband doesn't beat me, you asshole! My husband is dead!" She screamed as she turned and pulled her daughter into her as she slammed her feet in the snowy sidewalk, as she made her way down the street.
"Stupid idiot… stupid, stupid idiot!" She exclaimed as she felt her daughter crying against her. "Oh baby… oh don't worry, baby…"
"I'm so cold, Mama! I'm so cold!" She exclaimed as she cried, tears rolling down her cheeks, the snow from her mother's fall had fallen against her face as she continued to cry.
"Mommy is such a bad mommy… she is such a bad mommy… you poor little baby… my poor little angel…" She said as she pulled Emma into her and continued down the street. She listened to her daughter crying as she trudged through the snow, the busy road beside them sending slush and wet snow onto the sidewalk as it soaked through her shoes and made her toes sting. "Mama is going to get you to the hospital, baby… we're going to get you there…" She whispered as she heard another car drive by, and another, and another, all fast and almost angry, as she sobbed against her daughter, as Emma cried as well.
"Mama will get you there…" She said, breathing heavily as she stared at the snowbanks, finding them increasingly tempting to sit in, to rest, or to lie down. She shook her head as she felt the Christmas eve snow falling against her face, the snowflakes hitting her skin as they stung her fever heated cheeks, mixing in her daughter's hair as she walked angrily down the street mumbling to herself as she cried.
She was oblivious to the sound of the feet behind her, and she was oblivious to the sound of a man's breathing behind her, running to catch up with her, but as soon as his hand touched her shoulder, she had whipped around angrily, swung her foot as hard and as quickly as she could, sending the man behind her, and her shoe, flailing across the ice with a loud, deep, shout and a resounding 'thwump' as his body hit the ground, leaving the shocked woman and child standing above his body, staring wide eyed and stunned, unable to move or even comprehend what had happened.
Meredith stood above the man she had just flattened, her jaw dropped, and she could do nothing but stare at him as he grasped the back of his head. His eyes were clenched closed as he tilted his head back on the icy sidewalk.
"What the hell did you think you were doing?" She exclaimed suddenly, the sound of her voice was high pitched and filled with anxiety as she watched him roll onto his side, grasping his head.
"You're not even going to ask if I'm alright?" He asked as he groaned, cringing as he held his head.
"Oh!" She exclaimed suddenly, as if she had only just realized that she had hurt him, she placed her daughter on the ground as she rushed to his side, leaning down to cradle his head. "Are you alright?" She asked as she held his head softly, watching his eyes open and his blue eyes to stare into hers for a second.
"I think I'm all right…" He groaned as he held the bump on his head.
"Good…" she exclaimed as she grabbed her shoe from where it had landed on his chest. She smacked him hard on the leg with it. "NOW TELL ME WHAT THE HELL YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING!" She exclaimed as he jumped.
"Ow! That hurts!"
"Damn straight it hurts! Who sneaks up on a woman on the sidewalk and grabs their shoulder? Seriously! Who does that?" She whapped him with her shoe again as he started to skitter away on the ice, backwards away from her reach.
"I was calling your name! You weren't listening!" he exclaimed as he sat up carefully, reaching up to touch his head. "Jesus Christ, Meredith… I have another bump on my freaking head now!"
"Good! You deserve it! Are you stalking me or something? Where the hell did you come from?" She exclaimed as she stood up carefully, trying not to let her foot hit the snow, she attempted to slip on her shoe as she stood one footed on the ground, watching him carefully start to stand up, his hand still on his head. She balanced as she lifted her cold foot and started to wobble. He leapt up and grabbed hold of her arm to steady her. She got her shoe on her foot, slammed it down on the ground and wrenched her arm out of his hold. "Thank you!" She exclaimed angrily. "Now if you'll leave me alone! I have to get my daughter to the hospital!" She exclaimed, leaning down to pick Emma up from where she stood staring at the two adults. She grabbed her bags and started walking away from Derek.
"Meredith… the hospital is like twenty blocks from here." Derek said as he followed her down the sidewalk.
"Wait." She said as she stopped in her tracks. She turned sharply, and would have laughed at the way he hopped out of her way if she had any humor left in her soul at all. "Where DID you come from?" She asked as she looked around, noticing an idling car in a driveway, nearly a block away, she glared at him.
"That's my sister. She picked me up at the airport." He said as he pointed to the car. "Adam saw you… while we were driving down the road… how did you get all the way out here?"
"I took a cab." She said indignantly, as she took a step backwards.
"You took a cab into the edge of the city?"
"No! I was trying to take the cab to the hospital, but the stupid moron brought me out here!"
"He dropped you off out here? Meredith… I don't understand…" Derek said as he watched her take another step back.
"There's nothing to understand! We said goodbye! SO GOODBYE!" She exclaimed as tears sprung to her eyes, and she turned around to stomp down the sidewalk. Her foot caught on a patch of ice, and she felt her feet lift out from beneath her. She gripped her daughter tightly, bracing for the impact, when suddenly, she felt two strong arms around her and Emma as he caught her mid-slip. She wanted so badly to struggle. She wanted so badly to fight against his arms, against his catch, against his will. She wanted so badly to struggle, but instead found herself giving in. She was a dead weight in his arms. Her daughter was wrapped securely around her, and he was wrapped securely around them both as he stood, holding her in his arms as she leaned back precariously against him.
"Meredith?" He whispered in her ear. His hot breath slipped across the skin of her outer ear, and cascaded down her wintery cold cheeks, red with fever and windburn. "Meredith?" He whispered, his arms continuing to support them.
"Mama?" Emma's voice squeaked through her mother's silence as she was suddenly jerked into reality.
"Do you want me to drop you?" He whispered, a soft cascade of breath lingered on her skin as she swallowed hard. "Do you want me to drop you… or pick you up, Meredith?" He whispered.
"Pick me up." She whimpered, her eyes closing tightly as she felt herself beginning to crack. She felt herself beginning to fall apart. She felt like a thinly iced lake on a warm winter day, feet slamming at her surface sending webs of cracks over her body, her heart, her soul as she felt her hot tears begin to flow. "Pick me up, please…" She whimpered, as she felt Derek's arms lift, placing her feet firmly on the ground, he continued holding her tightly around her waist for another moment. He held her firmly against him until he was sure that she had her footing, and then for another moment.
Suddenly, another voice broke through the quiet afternoon air, knocking the snowflakes in its path to dust as it traveled so sharply, that it jolted them all to attention.
"Meredith!" Adam's voice shouted, as the door to the car in the driveway swung open. "Meredith!" He screamed again, as Nancy's voice called for the little boy, he paid it no heed whatsoever, and instead took a fully fledged leap from the car, his feet slipping on the ice as he ran as quickly as he could at the three of them. "Meredith!" He exclaimed excitedly as Derek stepped behind her, bracing them all for the impact he knew was coming.
"Watch it, Adam!" Derek exclaimed as suddenly, the boy took a mighty leap, his feet leaving the ground for a moment, as he wrapped his arms around the woman who only moments before had been falling to pieces on the icy sidewalks of Boston. He gripped her tightly and buried himself in her cold embrace as he looked up at her and grinned the brightest grin she had ever seen.
"We found you!" He exclaimed as he looked into his father's eyes. "We found you again!" He said.
And all of the cold, and all of the fear, and all of the anger that had been soaking through her shoes, her skin, her soul, and her heart, melted away instantly, as she looked into the crystal blue eyes of the little boy below her, as he leaned his head down on her again, and squeezed her tightly, as if he were never going to let go.
Meredith stood in the snowy sidewalk with her arms wrapped around the little boy as he squeezed her tightly. "Meredith, you must come with us!" Adam exclaimed as he pulled himself from her and pointed toward the car. "Aunt Nancy is in the car… you need to meet her! We told her all about you, and she told daddy that she must meet you!" He said as he started to pull her toward the car.
"Adam…" Meredith shook her head. "Adam… I'm trying… sweetheart…" She said as she tried to explain to him that she couldn't go with them. She very carefully lifted Emma to the ground as she tried to get his attention. "Adam, sweetheart…"
"Let's go, Meredith…" he hopped, his happiness was completely shading the concern in her eyes as she glanced to Derek.
"Derek…"
"Would you like a ride?" Derek asked.
"Derek…" She said as she shook her head.
"Come on, Emma…" Adam said, reaching his hand for the little girl. "You can sit with me, and we'll take you to where you gotta go… the car is nice and toasty…" he said, glancing to Meredith, he realized he had the key. "Let's go, Emma… I'll race you…" She said as Emma's eyes lit up.
"Emma…" Meredith said as the little girl's eyes lifted to her mother as she waited for a cue.
"Come on, Emma… I'll race you!" Adam said again.
"Derek…" Meredith whispered as she glanced to Derek.
"Meredith?" Derek whispered.
"I…I…" She muttered.
"I won't drop you off in the middle of a snowbank." He said softly. "And I promise my sister isn't a serial killer… yeah, she's not the best cook in the world… but I don't think she's killed anyone… um… yet." Derek teased. "What do you say, Mer?" he asked softly.
"Derek…" She said as she glanced to her daughter, who was still watching her. "Emma…" Meredith sighed. "Don't slip on the ice when you beat Adam's butt!" She exclaimed as she pointed toward the car. "Run!" She said as the little girl grinned and took off down the sidewalk.
"Oh no!" Adam exclaimed. "Wait up, Emma!" he exclaimed. "Aunt Nancy doesn't even know who you are!" He shouted as Meredith laughed at the little boy's concern.
She turned her head and glanced at Derek as he gave her a tender smile. "Thank you." He whispered as he gave her a sad smile.
"No." She said as she took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. "Thank you." She swallowed as she glanced to the car to see both kids struggling to get into the car.
"Let's go…" he said as he swung her bags into his arms and reached his arm out. "Before they get stuck trying to beat one another into the car." He smiled, as she glanced at his arm for a moment and smiled up into his eyes, before she looped her arm in his, and let him lead her down the sidewalk to the car.
Derek and Meredith walked toward the car and as they reached the car, he watched as Adam chattered over the seat to his aunt as the door remained wide open. He slowed as they reached the car, and peeked in the door. "I see that you've met Emma." He said as Nancy nodded, watching as the little girl coughed into her hands and sniffled, her seatbelt was already buckled and Adam was sitting happily beside her as he grinned at his father. "Pop open the trunk… I'll put their bags in there…" He said as Nancy nodded. Derek closed the door to keep the cold and conversation out of his sister's hearing range as he led Meredith behind the car when he heard the sound of the trunk opening.
He turned his head toward Meredith as she fidgeted with her fingers, her fingertips were bright red as she twisted them awkwardly. "Are you sure you're okay with this?" he asked as she looked up into his eyes, her hands dropping to her side.
"I don't have much of a choice, do I?" She asked in an almost playful tone, though there was a hint of resentment hiding in her words.
"Not really…" He said as he shrugged, carefully lifting her bags into the trunk.
"So you guys… just saw us walking…"
"Actually… we nearly hit the crazy cab driver as he was pulling out of the driveway of the shelter." Derek admitted in a whisper. She took a step back and he reached forward to take her hand. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about." He said as she seemed to be withdrawing by the second. "Meredith." He said softly as she looked up at him, their eyes meeting as he paused. "It's alright." He said softly.
"It's not alright, Derek." She swallowed. "You shouldn't have to give me a ride… I should be able to handle this myself. I'm not helpless, you know… I'm not weak. I don't need charity, and I don't need someone telling me that I look like I've been beaten. Do I look abused, Derek? Do I really look that bad?" She asked as tears began to form in her eyes.
"You look beautiful." He said honestly, her cold hand was enveloped by his warm palm, the heat was becoming unbearable as she tugged her hand slightly. "I mean it, Meredith." He said as he shrugged and shook his head. "I wish that you believed me. You should really trust me."
"I don't trust anyone, Derek." She whispered as she tugged her hand completely out of his grip. "So are you going to give us a ride to the hospital, or are you going to stand here and make ridiculous remarks about your blindness?" She asked with a playful smile.
Derek smiled playfully and reached for her hand again as he lifted his other hand up and closed the trunk on the car. She stared at his hand for a moment, before he moved his fingers to beckon her hand to be placed in his. "Come on, Meredith." He said with a shrug. "Give a guy an inch?" He asked.
"There are so many ways to reply to that, Derek. None of which would be very flattering to you."
"You're feisty when you're fired up."
"That's right." She nodded. "That should teach you… good and early, Derek." She said as she took his hand as he smiled. "Don't make me angry…"
"You see…" Derek said playfully as he helped her around the car. "The way you say that… 'good and early' … it gives this allusion of the possibility of seeing you again, after we drop you off at the hospital." He said as she shook her head. "You' see… you're not angry now… when would I have the opportunity to make you angry, unless we see one another again?" He asked as she shook her head.
"Are you trying to make it right now?" She teased as Derek grabbed the handle to the back door and opened it for Meredith.
"Most certainly not." He said as he tilted his head.
"Thank you for offering the ride, Derek." Meredith said softly as she climbed into the seat and looked up at his smile. "I appreciate your kindness."
"Thank you for accepting it." He replied as he closed her door behind her, turned and opened the passenger side door, climbed in and buckled up, as he began his round of introductions.
Nancy was driving while Derek sat a bit sideways in his seat, his eyes on Emma as she leaned against the door and looked back at him. "How are you doing there, princess?"
"I'm okay." She whispered softly as she gave him a delicate smile, her eyes sparkling into his as she coughed a little, her eyes not leaving his.
"Emma is a princess, you know?" Derek said to Nancy, who nodded and gave him a glance. "She is… I asked… she said yes… and come on, how could you doubt that face?" He asked as the little girl giggled from the back seat.
"Nancy…" Meredith said softly as she saw Nancy's eyebrows rise in question from the driver's seat. "I just… thank you for doing this for us, we really appreciate it…"
"There is no problem at all." Nancy said with a smile. "A friend of Derek's is a friend of ours."
"They're my friends too…" Adam said from beside Meredith as he grinned at her.
"Same goes for Adam…" Nancy said with a playful roll of her eyes as they laughed softly. The silence that was filling the gaps of the conversation were awkward and deafening, and Meredith tried to busy herself with watching Emma, so that she wouldn't focus on Derek glancing at her. "Mass. General is fine, right?" Nancy asked as she watched Meredith nod.
"Yes… I mean… I just need to get to a clinic." She said as she nodded her head. "Again… thank you… I know I must be messing with your Christmas plans… Christmas eve is a special time, you shouldn't be dragging strangers around to the…"
"Meredith." Derek interrupted, his voice was soft and she felt the warmth in her cheeks as she lifted her eyes to his. He gave her a tender smile and she watched his head shake slightly. "You're not messing anything up… You're fine… just relax, warm up…" He said as he tilted his head slightly.
"I just…" She sighed softly as she watched him. "I just… you know…" She shrugged.
"I know." He said with a smile as he turned his head and looked out the window as Nancy pulled into the hospital parking lot. "Why don't you pull around there…" He pointed as Nancy nodded. "I'll bring her in… and…"
"Derek, you don't have to bring me in… I am perfectly…"
"So everything's about you?" He said with a playful chuckle. "I was talking about the princess…" He said with a laugh. "I'll grab your bags, and carry her in for you… and I'll show you where the clinic is…"
Meredith paused as she stared into his eyes. He was giving her a kind smile as Nancy pulled to the front of the hospital. She stopped the car and glanced to her brother. "What are you going to do about…"
"Adam?" Derek said as he turned his head and the little boy nodded. "Do you want to stay here with Aunt Nancy, or come with us?"
"I wanna come with you!" He exclaimed as his seatbelt flew off.
Nancy looked to her brother as if to ask him how long he would be, and he unbuckled his seatbelt and smiled. "You can come back and get us later if you want."
"I'll wait." She said as she shooed him along, he climbed from the car and smiled at his sister.
"Thank you, Nance." Derek said as he opened his door and swung around to the back door, opening it for Meredith, he watched her shake her head as he held his hand out to her. She tilted her head and sighed. "Come on…" He said, wiggling his fingers as she smiled. "I'm trying to be a gentleman here."
"You are quite a gentleman…" She said as she grasped his hand, feeling the strength of his grip on her hand as she allowed him to help her out of the car. She stood on the ground as she turned, watching Adam climb to the doorway, he scrambled out and grasped Meredith's hand as they both watched Emma slide to the other side and climb out, her arms lifting as Derek lifted her from the car. He planted a kiss on her fever reddened cheek and closed the door as he walked to the back of the car.
"Derek, you don't have to hold her… I can take her, or she can walk…" Meredith said as she and Adam walked toward the back of the car, following Derek as he opened the trunk and pulled their bags out.
"Nonsense… she's a princess." Derek said as he set their bags on the ground for a second and lifted his hand up, he closed the trunk and bounced a little, sending the little girl into a series of giggles as she gripped him tightly. "I can handle it…" He said as he grabbed their bags, winked at her and nudged her as they walked past them toward the hospital. "Adam… make sure Meredith comes with you…" He said as he grinned.
"Come on, Meredith… let's get going…" He said as he tugged her arm, leading her along as they followed Derek in through the front doors. Derek walked in and looked around, the nurses behind the main counter smiled as he approached them.
"Well look at what dragged its way out of Seattle!" One of the women exclaimed as Derek only smirked, walking close to the counter.
"Hey, girls…" Derek said as he felt Emma turn her head.
"Home for Christmas, I'm assuming?" The nurse asked as she looked to the little girl curiously, and noticed Adam with Meredith as they walked through the door. "Adam…"
"Nurse C, Nurse C!" Adam exclaimed as he pulled Meredith along. "Meredith, this is Nurse C!" He exclaimed as they approached the counter and Meredith smiled politely as they walked closer.
"Well, who is this?" The nurse smiled at Emma as she peeked out at the nurse and then turned and buried her head back in Derek's neck.
"This… is my friend Emma." He said with a nod. "And this is her mama, Meredith… We're looking for a doc to take a look… make sure she's alright, maybe get some antibiotics." He said. "They both have a pretty bad fever, and cough… I just want them to be really well taken care of." He smiled. He turned to Meredith who was watching curiously and he shrugged. "I used to work here." He said as she nodded in acknowledgement, her eyebrows raised for a moment as she smirked at him slightly. She then turned her head as she smiled slightly, shaking her head as she looked around as the elevator door down the hallway opened and several doctors walked out, all quiet and professional as they made their way down the hallway, when Derek noticed Meredith's eyes widen in surprise as she looked at him with a look of fear, mixed with something else. "Meredith?"
"I… I…" She whispered.
"Are you alright?" Derek whispered as her eyes shifted.
"I'm okay." She swallowed as she released Adam's hand. "Sweetie… stay with your daddy, I will be right back." She said as Adam nodded his head and glanced to Derek as Derek watched her kiss Emma quickly, turn sharply and walk in the opposite direction of the doctors as she slipped around the corner and down the hallway toward the bathrooms.
Derek stood for a moment, surprised by Meredith's quick departure, his mouth was left slightly agape as he glanced to the doctors that were walking toward him. He turned to the nurse and smiled. "Carrie…" He said as she tilted her head, looking up from her paper. "Can you get an exam room ready in the clinic… for Meredith and Emma… when she's done in the restroom, I'll bring them down there…"
"Sounds great, Doctor Shepherd." She said with a nod. "It's really nice to see you again."
"It's nice to see you again, Carrie."
"Yeah, Nurse C… nice to see you…" Adam waved as the nurse smiled and picked up a lollipop from the jar in her office, one for Adam and one for Emma. "Thank you, Nurse C!" He said excitedly as he grabbed the lollipop.
"Thank you." Emma whispered as Derek then turned, nearly running right into someone. She continued to walk and Derek stepped aside quickly before running into her.
"Chief Grey." Derek nodded. "It's nice to see you again."
"Doctor Shepherd?" She said as she turned around to face him as he grabbed his son's hand as Adam moved behind his father's leg. "I thought you left us for another hospital." She said, her voice was cold and angry, and Derek felt as if a breeze had run through the room. He felt Emma's head rest on his shoulder as her hand lifted to rub her sore, sniffly nose.
"I have." He nodded. "I'm here with a friend." He replied. "Her daughter is sick, and she needed to get her to a doctor. I recommended your clinic."
Ellis' eyes flashed to the little girl as she looked at her grey-green eyes, her soft tendrils of blonde hair, and for a moment she could see something familiar about her, some kind of connection to this child. She shook it off as she looked back at Derek. "Our clinic is the best in the city." Ellis said stiffly. "You picked a good place for her to go." Ellis said as she sighed. "Have a good day, Doctor Shepherd." She said coldly.
"Merry Christmas, Chief Grey." Derek said as Ellis made a huffing sound with her voice, turned and walked away without acknowledging Derek's words.
As Ellis disappeared from sight, Derek looked to the clock. He noticed that Meredith had been in the bathroom for quite a long time, and wondered for a moment if she had just abandoned them there. He took a slow deep breath and walked down the hallway toward the woman's room, he glanced around as he put his hand on the door. He pulled his hand back and turned around, looking down at Adam.
Adam stood in front of him, looking up at Derek with a curious expression. His eyes flashed to the bathroom and back to his father. "You want me to go in there?"
"How about if I chase you in there…?" Derek shrugged as he watched a wicked grin across his son's face.
"She's gonna yell at you…" Adam giggled.
"Oh, I'm used to being yelled at… ready?"
"Uh huh…" He nodded. He took a deep breath and gave his father a sideways grin. "YOU CAN'T CATCH ME, DADDY!" He exclaimed as he slammed his hands on the door, and flung it open, sending the little boy running inside.
"Adam! That's the ladies room!" Derek exclaimed, as he listened to Emma giggle. "You're going to give us away…" he whispered to the little girl, as he went running into the bathroom after Adam, with a half smirk on his face as he listened to the little boy squeal in laughter from within the rest room as he followed him inside after Meredith.
Derek held Emma tightly as they chased Adam into the woman's room, and Derek was very happy to find that no one else was inside. "Adam… You shouldn't be in here…" Derek said as he glanced down the line, noticing that there was only one stall closed and locked.
"Derek?" Meredith's voice echoed off the walls as Derek breathed a sigh of relief that she hadn't disappeared completely.
"Meredith?" Derek asked. "Are you alright?" he said as he turned and locked the latch on the ladies room door as he walked toward the stall she was in. "Adam, don't do that…" Derek said as Adam started to get down to crawl under the stall.
"He's fine… I'm not going to the bathroom." She said as she unlocked the stall and walked out.
"You were hiding." He said as he looked toward the door.
"I was…" She shrugged as she walked toward him. "Not… hiding, I wasn't hiding." She replied as she tried to walk past him, reaching her hands out for Emma. The little girl moved into her mother's arms and looked back at Derek as she cuddled into her mother. "I'm ready to go…" She said as she reached for the door handle.
"No." Derek said as he put his hand on hers delicately, watching her shoot him a glare. "Not until you tell me what's going on."
"Nothing is 'going on', Derek." Meredith said with an irritated tone. Her eyes narrowing as she tried to pull the handle, noting that he had locked the door. "You did your good deed, Derek. Thank you… I'm here, I'm safe… that's all I needed. Thank you." She said as she reached for the lock, only to have him put his hand over it. "Derek, please…" She said as she stared at his hand, feeling the heat rising up in her cheeks as she sighed.
"You were hiding from something." He said as she continued to stare at the lock, and Derek's hand.
"I wasn't hiding from anything." She said. "And if I was, it isn't any of your business." She said as she glared into his eyes. "Now thank you for helping us get to the hospital, but my baby is sick, and I have to get her to a doctor now." She said as she reached to pull his hand from the lock, digging her nails into his skin as she started to pull. "Don't make me yell for help, Derek. I will yell for help." She said as he shook his head.
"You won't yell for help, Meredith, because you don't want help." He said as he gave her a determined glare. "You are trying everything in your power to make sure that you don't get any help whatsoever… well I have news for you, Meredith… the world is a hell of a lot harder for people who don't ask for help… it's a hell of a lot harder for people who don't take what they can get, and it is a hell of a lot harder for people who are trying to do it all alone!" Derek exclaimed as Meredith started to pull on his hand harder, her fingernails were nearly drawing blood as she pulled.
"Let me out of here!" She growled.
"You owe me, Meredith!" Derek exclaimed as suddenly she stopped. He knew it was the wrong thing to say, but he knew it would be the only thing that would keep her from struggling, to keep her from ripping his hand to shreds.
"I don't owe you a damned thing!" She exclaimed as she pushed at his chest with her loose hand, gripping her daughter with her other arm.
"Mommy, don't hit!" Emma exclaimed as Meredith grabbed her bag that Derek had dragged in there with them. She swung it over her shoulder and reached for the lock again.
"I don't owe you a damned thing, let me out of here!" She exclaimed as hit him again, this time harder, he pushed back as he let her go. He watched her flip the lock, and disappear out the door with an angry huff, as she left him standing there.
Derek shoulders slumped as he stood for a moment, watching the door latch behind her as he suddenly realized that someone was tugging at his arm. "Daddy, why are you just standing there?" Adam exclaimed stamping his feet. "Go get her!" He said as Derek scooped his son up and ran out the door after the quickly retreating woman.
"Meredith…. Come here." Derek said as he approached her, trying not to make more of a scene than he already had. "Meredith, please." Derek called as she turned sharply and glared at him, stopping in the hallway, several steps ahead of him. "Please." He said as he tilted his head.
Meredith glared at him as she stood in the hall, glancing to the lobby that she could just as easily run to if she wanted to, and back to Derek again. "Thank you for your kindness, Derek." She said as she wiped a tear from her eye. "But I think we're done here." She swallowed.
"Meredith…" Derek said as he took a step forward, watching her retreat another step, he stopped. "Please?"
"What more do you want from me, Derek? I said thank you… I don't have any money to give you… I don't have anything to give you in return…" She sighed. "What more do you want from me?" She asked as she took a step forward.
"I just want the truth, Meredith." He whispered, taking a step toward her, he lowered his son to the ground, taking his hand.
"The truth? What truth? I told you the truth…" She said softly as she took another step forward. "I'm exhausted, Derek." She whispered. "I've been doing this for days… running… running from things that are there, running from things that aren't there. I'm tired… and I'm sick, and my baby is sick… and I'm tired of running. I'm here, I'm in Boston… and I'm in the hospital… I can take it from here." She said as she coughed slightly. "I can take it from…" She started to cough a little harder as she felt herself trembling slightly, her daughter's weight weighing on her suddenly as she started to feel dizzy. She coughed harder and felt herself starting to tremble harder as she gripped Emma tightly in her embrace as she felt herself starting to tumble forward. She began to lose her grip on Emma as she tumbled forward, her head filling with loud sounds and ringing as she grabbed her head as everything went black, the last thing she heard was the sound of Derek calling for the nurse's help, and his arms wrapping around her as he caught her and Emma before they hit the floor.
The room sounded hollow, almost empty. The cool air of the room washed over her skin as she felt someone tugging at her arm, her eyes remaining closed as the smells of the room filled her senses. She drifted away, and back again, hovering between awake and sleep. She could smell the sterile smell of the room. Hospitals always smelled this way, faux clean and like band aids. Hospital rooms. Hospital? She took a sharp deep breath, feeling the pressure on her chest, the stinging of her lungs as she tried to open her eyes, a dizziness instead keeping them closed as she listened to the sounds around her.
She heard a man's voice, a woman's voice. She heard a small child's voice, and she remained out of it, the room and it's sounds, smells, contents swirling around her as she lie alone in the bed, in the hospital, alone.
Emma.
Meredith's eyes opened wide as she automatically tried to sit up in her bed, her arm tugged back by something attached to it as she came face to face with a familiar set of eyes as his hands touched her shoulders and gently pushed her back on the bed. "Emma!" She exclaimed. "Where is… where is… Emma?" She breathed erratically as her eyes moved rapidly around the room as Derek talked in a soft, tender voice as he tried to calm her.
"She's right here… she's right here, Meredith… calm down… calm down and lay down…" Derek whispered. "Calm down…" Derek said as her breath wheezed from her lungs as she stared up at him as he touched her cheek, her head resting on her pillow as he gently turned her head. "Turn your head… she's right there…" Derek said as he nodded. Meredith turned her head slightly and saw her daughter sitting on the bed beside her, the little girl's hand was waving slightly as she popped the popsicle from her mouth out.
"Hi, Mama." She said, her voice instantly calming Meredith as she turned her head toward Derek again.
"What am I doing in this bed?" She asked as she tried to get up, only to be stopped by his hands again. "Stop holding me down, I need to get up!"
"No…" Derek shook his head. "You can't get up… you have an IV in… you need fluids… Stop struggling, and let the doctors help you…" He said as she shook her head and continued to try to sit up.
"No… no… I can't be in the hospital… I have to go… I have to take care of my baby, I have to go, I can't be in the hospital… I can't afford the hospital, I can't afford to do this, I… I can't… I have to go… I…" she said as tears began to fall down her cheeks as she tried to grab her IV.
"No." Derek said sternly as he put his hand on her arm, holding the IV in as she stopped. "You need fluids, Meredith." He said, shaking his head. "You have pneumonia… you need fluids."
"I don't have pneumonia… I have a little cold." She said as she wiped the tears from her eyes and looked into his as he watched her tenderly. "I don't have pneumonia… I am okay… I have to go… I can't afford this… I can't…afford this, Derek… stop making me do this…"
"You can't afford to die, either, Meredith." Derek whispered as he watched her lip tremble. "It's alright… you will be alright… we have antibiotics, and fluids… you need food… Emma said she can't remember the last time you ate." Derek shrugged.
"Emma is four years old, Derek… she can't remember the last time she went to the bathroom." She said sarcastically as she sniffled.
"Alright… that's enough sarcasm… just relax… just rest… rest and relax…"
"But Derek…" Meredith sniffled. "I…I…Emma… is she okay? Is my baby okay?" She asked as she looked over at the little girl, who waved and wiggled her fingers at her mother again, sliding the popsicle from her lips with a popping sound.
"Mmm… popsicle, Mama." Emma said as she tilted her head.
"She has a cold, Meredith. It was the starts of pneumonia, but she's on some antibiotics. She had a little Tylenol, and a popsicle, and she's feeling a lot better. We're more worried about you." Derek whispered.
"I have to get out of here, Derek." She whimpered. "If they find out I'm in the hospital, they'll take her from me. They'll say I can't take care of her, Derek and they'll take her from me." Meredith started to panic, she started to sit up and Derek put his hand on her shoulder very lightly.
"No one is going to take her, no one is going to find out you're here… Meredith… relax." Derek whispered. "You're safe… you're not running anymore, you're safe, you're with me… no one is going to take Emma."
"But if they find out I'm sick…Derek. If they find out…"
"Meredith, stop… please…" He whispered as he ran his fingers through her hair delicately. "Just stop… you're alright." He whispered. "If you don't rest, and you don't take the fluids and the antibiotics, you're going to be worse than sick, you're going to be dead… and that's not going to do anyone any good." Derek said softly as he reached for her hand. He grasped it in his tightly and squeezed it. "No one is going to take her… you need to rest…"
"What happened?" She whispered, her voice was raspy and her head was pounding. She felt dizzy and confused as she swallowed hard, feeling the soreness in her throat as she breathed in slowly.
"You passed out." Derek whispered. "Between exhaustion, and starvation, and dehydration… we're lucky you woke up." He whispered.
Meredith looked around the room and her eyes flashed upon the window, noticing that it was now dark outside. Her head snapped in Derek's direction. "It's dark outside…" She said, her voice mildly panicked as she swallowed. "How long was I out? What time is it? Why didn't you go? You're missing Christmas with your family… why are you still here?" She whispered as she watched Derek's head tilt slightly as he watched her.
"It is about eight o'clock." He said softly as he very carefully ran his thumb over her hand as he watched her eyes. "You passed out… and we took care of you…" He said softly. "It's as simple as that. We got a doctor in here, and we had Emma looked at… and she needed to be here with you." Derek whispered. "I sent Adam home with Nancy, Meredith… he's having his Christmas eve with his Aunt Nancy and Uncle Bill… and all of his cousins… but there was no way that I was going to let you wake up, and not have your little girl right next to you." He replied.
"You should be with Adam." She whispered.
"Oh, Adam will be here in the morning…He's a tough kid… he was more worried about you than he was Christmas." He said softly.
"Derek…" She shook her head as she coughed slightly, rolling her head on the pillow as a tear began to roll down her cheek. "Why are you doing this for me, Derek?
"Because… you… are doing everything you can to fight against me." He replied. "Because you're feisty, and beautiful, and strong. Because you're trying so very hard to prove to everyone that you can do everything for yourself, when you know deep down in your heart that you can't." He sighed. "But most of all… because you remind me of myself." He said softly. "When Anna first died… I was up every night with Adam… I was super dad… I worked and played with him… I slept maybe… two hours a night for months… I hardly ever ate, I hardly ever did anything other than be with Adam and work." Derek said softly. "Finally… I got sick… I wore myself into the ground, and I got sick… and I couldn't be with Adam… and I couldn't be at work… and I was stuck in a stupid bed for weeks… alone…" Derek said as he watched her swallow, her eyes were red and tired, her lips dry and cracked as her eyes moved to the little girl with the sticky fingers as she finished off her popsicle.
"Can I have my baby?" She whispered as she slipped her lower lip out as it trembled slightly.
"Of course." He said softly. "Emma?" Derek said as the little girl lifted her hand up with the popsicle stick.
"Mm… good, Mommy!" She said excitedly.
Derek smiled as he turned and stood up, taking the popsicle stick from the little girl, he tossed it in the trash as he lifted the little girl from the bed. He turned her around quickly as she giggled from his arms. "Derek, careful!" She giggled as Derek lifted her into his arms and walked toward Meredith's bed. He walked around the bed and gently lifted the little girl on the side without the IV. He watched the little girl crawl into the bed with her mother, wrapping her arm around her mother tightly as she kissed Meredith's cheek. "I love you, Mommy." She whispered softly as she snuggled into her mother.
"I love you, baby…" She whispered back as she let her tears fall slowly.
"I love Derek too." She whispered as she closed her eyes and cuddled against her mother, as Meredith kissed her head as she turned her head slightly and let her eyes meet Derek's as he watched Mother and daughter together.
"He's not so bad…" Meredith whispered with a soft smile to Derek, as he watched the two of them lie together on the bed. "Thank you." She whispered, as she kissed her daughter's head once again, though her eyes never left Derek's.
Sleep had soon enveloped Meredith in its warm, wooly cocoon. She found her mind in beautiful places; the warmth and tenderness of the man who was watching over her sent her mind into the safest, most comfortable place that she had been in, in a very long time. Her mind drifted to happier times, to laughter and warmth of her family. To a time when her little girl was giggling and happy, a time when her husband's soft, tender voice could fill her senses in a way that nothing else could.
She rested and dreamed, feeling the fever diminish slowly, eventually breaking during the night. She woke once or twice, no panic in sight, but with her daughter by her side, and the soft glow of the bedside lamp lighting the man on a sleepy watch in the chair beside the bed. He sat awkwardly crooked, his head resting on an extra pillow, his hand stretched out as it enveloped hers, keeping it warm, and ensuring that any movement would rouse him from his slumber so that he could dote on her wants and desires.
She carefully slid her hand from his, noting that despite his plan, he did not move or stir at all, but remained asleep, deeply asleep as his nose wiggled slightly in his sleep, bringing a slow smile to her face as she watched him sleep. She watched him for several moments and she openly wondered about him. She wondered how such a caring, handsome man could have remained available for so long after his wife had died, though she paused her thoughts knowing the extent of the pain that he had to be feeling, the thought that if he were happy, it may be seen as a betrayal of his love for his wife. He had a son, a wonderful little boy who seemed to live and breathe by his father's word, so charming and well behaved, their relationship was unmatched. She stared at his hand as it lay delicately and still on the bed, as she turned her head to look up, catching her breath slightly when she noticed he was watching her.
"You know." His voice was soft and tender, his words rolling from his tongue as a slight smirk played at his lips. "There's nothing in your IV… I just hooked it up to you so you couldn't escape." He whispered as she smiled and gave him an incredulous look.
"Really?" She said in a teasing tone, her eyes sparkling as she watched him lean forward slightly, stretching his back as he yawned.
"Yep…" he said softly.
"So holding my hand… while you sleep, that's how you make sure I don't disappear?" She asked as he nodded.
"So you don't disappear without me… I've invested in you… so you're a commodity of mine." He said as she laughed slightly, her eyes sparkling in the light of the lamp as she leaned her head on the pillow. "How are you feeling?"
"Hungry." She whispered as she sighed. "Too bad this place doesn't have room service." She said as she gave him a sideways glance as he leaned forward slightly.
"You want something to eat?" He asked, watching her nod her head delicately as he looked at his watch, he sat up straight and yawned again. "Let me see what I can do." He said as he stood up.
"Derek…" She said with a slight giggle as he turned around and looked back at her, he tilted his head. "You don't have to… I was just… thinking out loud… it's not a big deal." He said as he shook his head.
"Nonsense… you're hungry… hang on…" He said as he took a step out of the room for a moment, the door slowly closing and latching behind him.
She shook her head and smiled to herself as she listened to the sound of his voice outside of the room. He sounded sweet and sincere, and he then heard the nurse's voice, and then his voice again, as he thanked the nurse, turned and opened the door. He stepped in and smiled as he stretched. "She'll have something in for us in a minute…" He said with his eyebrows raised. "See that… I'm good." He said as he watched her roll her eyes.
"What did you have to promise her?" Meredith teased as Derek laughed.
"I told her that I'd give you a sponge bath so she wouldn't have to…" He said as he wiggled his eyebrows, making her laugh. "Oh, you think I'm joking!" he teased as she laughed a little harder as she started to cough slightly, her body shifting as she coughed, shifting Emma in her arms as the little girl looked up and yawned.
"Oh… poor thing, sorry, baby…." Meredith whispered as she kissed her daughter's head, the tired eyes of her little girl looking up at her for a moment.
"Here…" Derek said as he reached for the little girl. "Let me put her over there in her own bed…" He whispered. "That way you can both get some solid sleep, not worry about waking one another up." He bent over Meredith, leaned down and lifted the little girl from the bed, pulling her quickly into his body as she curled within it, her lips moving as she made tiny sleep sounds that melted his heart. He kissed her softly and turned toward the other bed, and Meredith watched as he held her to him with one arm and very delicately pulled the covers away with his other hand, settling her within the bed, he covered her with the light hospital blanket with a tender kiss to her forehead, and very quickly plucked her doll from Meredith's bed and tucked it beside her, where it was quickly swallowed by the little girl's arms, a soft, tender smile on her face as her thumb found its path to her lips and snuck between them, as her long eye lashes hid her beautiful grey-green eyes from view, as she fell back to sleep just as quickly as she had been roused. Derek turned toward his chair between the two beds, and immediately noticed that Meredith was watching him the entire time.
"You are good…" She whispered as she coughed slightly, her eyes closing tightly as she tried her best to stave off the sore throat. "You see what you did to me?" She whispered. "You made me weak…" She whispered.
"What are you talking about?" He asked with a humored expression, leaning closer to her so that his voice wouldn't interrupt the sleeping child across from them.
"Weak… you made me weak… I was doing fine on my own… running on empty, and you come along and you find me a comfortable bed and blankets and clean, dry clothes… and food… Derek, you found me food… and water…" She babbled as he watched her with a humored expression. "What are you smirking at?" She asked as he chuckled slightly.
"Nothing…" He shook his head. "Just… your amazement at someone being nice to you." He replied. "You're a beautiful young woman… you seem to have good sense… why on earth are you traveling across the country with ten dollars in your pocket and no food in your stomach?" He watched her swallow hard, her eyes shifting slightly as she sighed. "You don't have to lie to me, you know. I figured out pretty quickly that those bags at the airport weren't yours. You made me worry."
"Derek…" She swallowed. "I…"
"What else did you lie to me about?" He asked as he tilted his head. His voice wasn't accusing, it was knowing, and she knew that he wasn't being rude or intrusive. He was asking for an explanation, and the more she stared into his eyes, the more she wanted to tell him, but she didn't know him, she didn't really know him, so there was no reason for her to burden him with her issues and worries, there is no point in him knowing why she was… "You don't have to think of excuses, Meredith." He shrugged. "You could tell me the truth."
"I don't know what truth you want." She whispered. "What truth do you think you are owed?"
"What are you running from, Meredith?" He asked.
He watched the pain in her face at his question, the way that she seemed to retreat from him, at his question and he remained strong and stoic, and persistent in the way that he watched her. "Derek…"
"I mean… if it's personal, and you don't want to share, that's fine." He said softly. "But if… you're in some kind of trouble… or if you're worried about losing Emma… I can try to help. You love her very much, and you take very good care of her, Meredith… I don't want you to…"
"I'm not… really in danger of losing her." Meredith whispered. "I don't…think." She whispered. "When Rick and I were married… I was still in school." She whispered. "I was in college, finishing my senior year… here, in Boston. I fell in love, and became pregnant… and we married against my mother's wishes." Meredith whispered. "Rick was in a similar situation, but… with the tension between him and his family, and me and my mother… we left before the baby was born… and married somewhere else. I was an adult, I could make adult decisions… and now I was a mother and an adult…" Meredith said as she cleared her throat. "I started medical school… about a year after Emma was born… and it was tough, but I was getting through it…and um… then when Rick died… I needed to become a full time mother…not to mention that I couldn't support myself and Emma, and go to school, and work at the same time… and as I said before… Rick was in a coma for almost a month." She swallowed as she talked, her eyes were filling with tears, and Derek's hand had never left hers as he listened to her story. "I'm sorry." She whimpered as she wiped her tear.
"No… no, it's alright…" He whispered with a tender smile as he turned and grabbed a box of tissues from the table behind him. "I'm sorry they're scratchy…" He said with a slight chuckle as she smiled a little through the tissue, her eyes continuing to water as she dabbed her eyes, and lean her head back on the pillow as she watched his eyes. It wasn't necessarily the fact that she was talking to someone about all of this, or that she was admitting her fears and sadness that was making her cry, it was the fact that his eyes too were filling with tears at her story, his smile was just as sad as hers, his body language was speaking volumes at the way her story was affecting him, and he was trying so hard to hide it from her. He was trying so hard to remain strong for her as she continued her story. "Go on…" He whispered, nodding toward her as she wiped her eye again and sniffled. She stared at the tissue for a moment as she continued her story.
"Rick's family… didn't really like me that much… obviously… because you know… I stole their son away from them and forced him into marriage…" She said slightly sarcastically as Derek nodded, understanding that she was only being flippant and not truthful, she was upset, and he was invested in the story. "And … my mother had long since disowned me… from the moment I told her I was pregnant… She kicked me out of the house, and told me I was worthless, and that she never wanted to see me again." Meredith whimpered. "That hasn't changed, by the way." Meredith sniffled. She watched as Derek nodded. "When Rick died… when he… was… gone, completely gone… his mother was there too." Meredith whispered. "And she looked me in the eyes… and she said… 'Meredith'…" She whispered as she stared across the room at nothing as she remembered the woman's words. "She said… 'Meredith… you will never be half the mother to your child as I was to my son. As God is my witness… I will make it so that you don't even get the chance to try.' She said that… and she walked out of the room." Meredith whimpered. She refused to look at Derek as she continued, knowing if she did, the kindness in his eyes would break her, and she needed to finish. "I spent… a couple of weeks after Rick's death… making plans and making arrangements. I took leave from school, I was fired from my job… and all of our savings went into the funeral." She sighed. "He had a small insurance policy… but… it wasn't enough to cover much more than food and utilities." She whispered. "Then the phone calls came…" She whispered as she did finally lift her head to Derek. "His mother, his father… his sister… calling me on the phone… demanding to see Emma. They called me a murderer." She whimpered. "They called me a hateful, soul sucking, murderer…" She said as her lip protruded and she closed her eyes tightly. She could feel Derek's hand in hers, firm and strong as he squeezed her hand tightly, his other hand moving to her arm as he very delicately ran his hand across her arm and whispered soothingly. "I didn't kill him, Derek." She whimpered as she looked him in the eyes. "I am not a murderer, am I?"
"You know that you're not." He whispered. "You know deep down inside your heart, you did what you needed to do." Derek replied. "You were brave… and you were… tender… and you were thoughtful in your decision." He whispered.
"I didn't want him to suffer, Derek." She whispered. "They said he'd never wake up… there was no brain activity… nothing… there was nothing they could do."
"Can I tell you a secret?" He whispered as she nodded her head tenderly. He closed his eyes for a moment as he took a very slow, very deliberate deep breath as he opened them again, his eyes on hers as he looked into her eyes. "The day… that Anna died." He said softly. "I mean… it was… she was… she had been sick for a very long time." Derek said as he tried to speak without too much emotion, this story having been something that he hadn't even told his therapist, he was finding it hard to find the exact words to convey it. "In the days… up to her death…" He said as he looked her straight in the eyes. "She had been getting worse and worse…and… she had been finding it more and more difficult to speak… she was on respirators and all kinds of machines that were… keeping her alive… you know?" He said as he avoided her eyes for a moment, finding them again after a second, his mind obviously focused on communicating his story as he tapped his fingers slightly in her hand.
"She…was becoming weaker… and they said… that there was going to be this point… they, being her doctors… of course… They said that there was going to be this point… where… she was going to fall asleep… you know, she was just going to fall asleep, and she wasn't going to come back." He said as he choked slightly at the memory, he felt her hand grip his tightly as he spoke, his eyes lifting immediately to hers. "So when… they told me this… I was just absolutely devastated, you know? I was just… how will I know that the last time she goes to sleep is going to be the last time that I see her… you know?" He whispered. He watched Meredith nod tenderly as he watched her. "So… as she became weaker, and sicker… she was sleeping a lot more, you know? And… I had Adam with me… I always had Adam with me… he was always, always there… I didn't care what the doctors had told me… he needed to be with his mother. I needed to be with her… and I held him to her… and put him in her arms on that morning… I… just knew it was going to be the last morning that her eyes were going to be open. I knew… somehow deep in my heart, that this was the last time." He said as he let the tears roll down his cheeks, as he told her the story, Meredith's thumb was rolling across his skin as he spoke, her touch seemingly calming for him as he spoke. "And… I felt her pull him into her slightly, her nose brushing against his soft, delicate black hair, her eyes closed as she relaxed, her whole body relaxed, and in that split second, Meredith…"
"She was gone…" Meredith whispered, her voice was broken and she watched as his eyes met her with a surprisingly hopeful glance.
"She was gone…" He repeated as he took a slow, deep breath. "But she was still with me." Derek whispered as he squeezed her hand. "She is in Adam… in my heart… my memory… and I didn't want her to suffer… I didn't want her to die… and you know… if you wanted to take your mother in law's perspective… I could be perceived as being a murderer… you know? Allowing her to carry my child for months. That could be perceived as torture… only to have her die in the end? Only to lose the one person that made my heart soar above the clouds…" Derek said as he leaned closely, taking her hand firmly in his palm as he leaned in to look her in the eyes. "You're not a murderer, Meredith… I'm not a murderer… and if getting your child as far away from the people that claim that you are… is how you protect her from the evils of this world, then you Meredith, are one of the best mothers that ever lived. You are her protector… her livelihood… her guide."
"Then why am I here?" She whispered. "Why did I travel halfway across the country to a place where I am not wanted, and I have no life, Derek?" She whispered.
"That is one question that I can't answer, Meredith." Derek said as he looked up as the door opened and the nurse walked inside. "You have to be the person in charge of your own destiny… and you have to make decisions that are good for you, and good for Emma…" He said as he took the trays from the nurse at the door and smiled at her, nodding his thanks, he walked over to her bed and pulled one of the rolling trays over to the bed and placed it in front of Meredith as she set her bed up a little more. He pulled the second tray over and reached, lifting the covers from both.
"I'm going to start by giving you the mashed potatoes." She said as she looked up into his eyes. "Ick." She said with a hopeful smile.
"Good start…" Derek said with a tender smile, as they pushed their deeper conversation aside for a moment, as they dug into their midnight snack.
Meredith and Derek were both fairly quiet while they ate their meals, she giggled when he reached across and scooped the mashed potatoes from her tray and plopped them down on his, and he gave her a slight smirk as he took a spoonful of them and shoved them into his mouth, making a face as if he was eating something horribly disgusting.
"They're not that bad once you get used to them…" he said, sticking his tongue out in a disgusted way, as she giggled.
"I'm so hungry, I might have eaten them…" She said as she put another forkful of food in her mouth and shook her head vehemently when he offered a spoonful of the mashed potatoes to her. "I said 'might'…" She said, pointing the fork at him as he laughed. "I'm not drugged up enough…" She said with a laugh. She ate the rest of her meal, swallowing every bit on her plate as watched him finish his meal, a smirk here and there as he covered their trays again and rolled the tables to the side. "You look tired." She whispered as he smiled and nodded.
"I am… I am quite tired." He said as he watched her lay her head on the pillow, and pull her blanket up slightly.
"I…don't like the thought of you having to sit on that chair all night." She said as she watched him smile at her as he shook his head. "You don't have to…"
"I'm staying." He said with a nod of his head as his eyebrows raised.
"I wasn't asking you to leave." She said as she shrugged, and watched a slightly confused look slide over his features. "I was going to say… that you don't have to sleep on the chair… if you don't want to…" She shrugged, her eyes drooping sleepily as she smirked at him.
"Then where would I sleep?" he asked as he tilted his head and watched her close her eyes as she moved the blanket to block her face and blushing cheeks.
"You can sleep next to me…" She whispered as he chuckled.
"What was that?" he asked, his voice obviously humored by her invitation as she kept the blanket covering her face. "Meredith? I don't think I heard you quite right… what was it you said?" He asked as she peeked out from under the blanket.
"Shut up and take your shoes off… slide into the bed next to me… because if you're not careful, I may sneak out of this room if you don't hold me." She said. "I could disappear…" She said as she watched him stand up quickly and kick his shoes off.
"I wouldn't want that to happen." He said as he moved around the other side of her bed as she turned and watched him glance at the small bit of room she had for him. "I should go get a…"
"You can borrow my pillow…" She said as she watched him shake his head. "I am very good at sharing." She nodded as he smirked and shook his head.
"I'm only doing this so you don't disappear." He said, as she nodded and giggled slightly.
"Right…" She said as she felt him sit on the bed, his legs lifting as he lay his head on the pillow. She noticed that his nose had dipped into her hair as she reached her hand around to grab for his arm. He very gently gave her his arm, and she pulled it around her snuggly as she sighed at the sound of his slight groan. "Now you have me…" She whispered. "That means I can't disappear." She said softly as she felt him nod his head. She felt him cuddle into her as she melted into his arms and closed her eyes for a moment, she thought of something she wanted to tell Derek and she whispered his name. "Derek?" She whispered delicately, her voice floating in the air for a moment as she realized that he was already asleep, his arm around her securely, his nose buried in her hair, and he had fallen asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. "Sweet Dreams, Derek." She whispered, as she closed her eyes, and reached her hand down to hold his, as she too drifted off into a restful slumber.
The first thing that Meredith noticed when she woke up, was that the strong arms that had been around her through the night were missing. She felt strangely cold, alone and slightly anxious as she lie in the bed with her eyes closed, the blanket pulled up over her shoulder, the itchy pillow beneath her cheek, when she suddenly heard his voice as delicate as a soft wind float into her ears.
"He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle… And away they all flew like the down of a thistle." He said softly, the inflection of his voice was playful and sweet as he paused.
"What's that?" Emma's voice twittered through the room, tickling Meredith's eardrum as she felt herself smile slightly, her eyes still closed as she listened to her curious daughter's question, so happy and relieved that she was awake, talking, her tiny giggle resonated through Meredith's soul as she listened carefully.
"What is what?" Derek asked, his voice humored by the little girl's question.
"Thithle… thith… That thing you said…" She said as she pointed at Derek, her light eyes meeting his as she tried to say the word, smiling at the happiness in his eyes.
"Thistle?" He asked. "Thistle is a type of flower… and…"
"What color is the flower, Derek?" She asked as she tilted her head. "Is it pretty…?"
"It's kind of um… prickly… but the soft part at the top… is called down… so it's really soft… like… your doll's hair, or your teddy bear's fur." He explained as she nodded her head. "More story…" She said as she giggled.
Meredith's eyes opened, her head turning as she watched Derek sitting in the chair beside her bed. He was positively engrossed in the book in front of him, as her daughter sat nestled in his lap, her blonde hair messy and matted slightly as she scratched her head with her tiny hand, her eyes lifting to meet Derek's as she watched him lift the book slightly to continue the story.
"But I heard him exclaim… as he drove out of sight…" Derek said softly, as he began to turn the page.
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL! AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT!" Emma exclaimed excitedly as Derek laughed, putting his finger to his lips as he shushed her gently, listening to her giggle as he gently closed the book.
"I thought you said you never heard that story before…" Derek teased as the little girl giggled in his arms, her head leaning back as he tickled her and her mouth opened wide as she laughed a loud laugh.
"I didn't want to hurt your feelings, Derek." She giggled as Derek laughed and tickled her, listening to the infectious laugh as it filled his heart and mind, both of their eyes falling upon Meredith as she lie watching the two of them laughing together, a small smile on her face as Emma raised her hand and waved. "Hi, Mama." She said as she giggled. "Sorry we waked you up." She said as Meredith smiled.
"It's okay." She whispered as she watched her little girl slide from Derek's lap.
"Sorry we waked you." Derek said as he tilted his head and watched the little girl scramble onto the bed, he leaned forward and helped her up, as he set the book in his hands on the table beside him. "Merry Christmas." He said softly as he watched Meredith wrap her arm around her little girl as she shimmied herself up her mother, kissing her mother's cheek.
"Merry Christmas to both of you…" She said softly as she kissed her little girl softly and turned her head back toward Derek.
"Derek was reading me a story… when we waited for you to wake up, Mommy. It was about Santa… he rose such a clatter and they didn't know what was the going on!" She exclaimed with a silly giggle as Derek laughed.
"She changes the words to stories…" Derek teased as Meredith laughed.
"It's a habit she can't break, I'm afraid…" Meredith teased. "She's been doing it for years…" She said softly as Emma settled in her mother's arms and they all became quiet with their own thoughts, the awkwardness level rising slowly as Derek pulled a clipboard from the table beside him. "What is that, my will?" She asked slightly as Derek chuckled.
"Discharge papers." He said softly as he shrugged slightly, watching her smile disappear slightly. "You need to fill out the medical history part… the contact information and stuff…" he said as he watched her push the button for the bed to help her sit up, she repositioned herself on the bed and glanced to Derek. "Really, it's just my sneaky way of getting your phone number and knowing what diseases you might have." He said with a playful smirk as she smiled back at him.
"I see how it is…" She nodded. "You drug me up, force me into bed… and now you're throwing me out on the street?" She said as she took the clipboard from him and began to fill out her name and information.
"That's right." Derek said as he smiled, watching her face turn serious as she wrote her information down, he noticed that she had become very quiet as she wrote. "Meredith." Derek said softly as he watched her eyes lift to his as she looked at him for a moment. "My offer still stands." He said, shrugging. "I mean… for Christmas. I was only kind of joking when I invited you and Emma along… I'd really like it if you would join us."
"I really can't Derek." She said softly as she watched his eyes ask her again. "I do appreciate the offer though." She said softly. She looked up as Derek tilted his head and watched her. "Derek… thank you… really… for everything." She smiled. "But it's not up to you to rescue me. I got myself into this situation… I should be able to get myself out." She whispered. "You got me through this far…some sleep, some food… I appreciate it, but you have your son and your family that you have to worry about. I'm at a hospital… I'm safe… thank you." She whispered as he watched her eyes.
"Where are you going to go?" He asked as he watched her sign her name at the bottom of her paperwork.
"I'm not sure…" She said softly. "But… have a couple of people here in Boston that I can call." She said with a shrug. "I haven't talked to them in a few years, but they don't hate me… and I can always try my mother… But it doesn't matter, it's not your concern… go on…" She said softly. "I have to deal with this hospital bill, and…"
"Your bill has been taken care of." Derek replied as he watched her eyes widen. "Don't look at me like that, you owe me." He said as he pointed at her and watched her shake her head. "You threw a shoe… at my head! I could have been severely injured… and then the slinky thing… I got you a slinky for Christmas… and I haven't even seen you play with it yet…" He argued before she could say anything else. "And then… then, you kicked me! You kicked me and I fell on the ice… you owe me, Meredith…" He said with a smirk and a wink as he watched her mouth open and close several times as she tried to retort. "You look like a fish when you do that."
"You look like a… like a…"
"See, if the insult doesn't come naturally, it wasn't meant to be." Derek teased as he smiled as Meredith tried to look shocked, though her smirk was quickly deceiving you. "I am going to… take your paperwork to the desk…" He said as he leaned forward and grabbed the clipboard. "The nurse is going to come in here to take out your IV… your bag is over there, and you can get dressed." Derek shrugged. "I will beg you more to come to Christmas with me when you come out of the room." Derek said as he nodded and stood up.
"Derek, I can't come to Christmas with you." Meredith said as Derek ignored her as he walked toward the door.
"Bye Emma bear…" Derek said as he waved. The little girl waved back at him and giggled. "Think about it." He said as he opened the door.
"I already thought about it!" She exclaimed as he walked out of the door mid sentence. "I said no…" She mumbled as she sighed, looking down at her little girl as she smirked back at her mother. "He's a stubborn, stubborn man." She whispered as Emma nodded. "You don't even know what I'm talking about, do you?" She said as her daughter shook her head. "You'll learn…" Meredith nodded with a slight smile as the door opened and the nurse entered the room, ready to help discharge Meredith.
Derek waited patiently outside the room, when his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of two small pounding feet as the screeched across the floor. He turned his head to see Adam coming right for him, and Nancy quick on his heels as she watched the smile appear on Derek's face, his eyes lighting up at the sight of his little boy. "Daddy, daddy, daddy!" Adam exclaimed as Derek stood up and caught his son in mid air as he leapt into his arms. "Merry Christmas!" He exclaimed as he kissed Derek on the cheek, his grin was bright and happy as he kissed Derek on the cheek again, leaning back , he looked into his eyes. "Where's Meredith?" He asked as he tilted his head and watched Derek nod toward the room.
"She's in that room… she'll be out in a minute…" He said as Nancy caught up with her nephew and breathed a sigh as Derek looked to her and sighed. "Hey… Thank you for watching him last night…"
"You know it's not a problem…" She said as she gave him a friendly smile and watched as Adam watched the door carefully. "Nick and the kids are in the car… we're just waiting for you." She said as he nodded and smiled. "Did you ask Meredith if she and Emma would like to join us?"
"I did." Derek nodded as he watched the door with his son. "She said she'd think about it." Derek replied as he shrugged.
"Awesome!" Adam exclaimed as he slipped from his father's grip, to the floor as Derek glanced to the nurse.
"Doctor Shepherd?" She said softly as she tilted her head. "Meredith McKennon already has a file here." She said as she watched Derek tilt his head.
"You're sure it's her?" He asked as he walked to the counter and looked at the screen.
"Yes, sir." She said as she glanced up at him. "Same social security number." Her… emergency contact is… Ellis Grey."
"Ellis Grey?" Derek said as he straightened his stance and gave her a strange look.
"Yes… relationship… mother." She said, looking up at Derek.
"What?" Derek asked as he leaned in and turned the screen. Sure enough, he read what the nurse had told him. He turned his head toward Nancy, and then to Adam as the door to the room opened.
Meredith walked out clothed with her bag over her shoulder. Emma was dressed and bundled up as she waved to Derek.
"Meredith!" Adam exclaimed as he ran toward her and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly as he grinned up at her. "I am so glad you're okay! Daddy fixed you up, didn't he? He fixed you up and you feel all better now…"
Meredith smiled at the little boy, touching his forehead softly with her fingertips as she as she smiled at him. "Adam, Adam, Adam…" She smiled as he hopped a little. "Merry Christmas." She said softly.
"Merry Christmas to you! Merry Christmas to you, Meredith…" He said excitedly as Emma reached forward and pulled on his arm slightly.
"Will you get off my mommy, please?" She said as Adam scowled at her.
"Didn't your daddy ever teach you how to share?" Adam asked with a frustrated pout as he watched Emma react to his words. He had no idea how deeply he had hurt her feelings, until tears started to roll down her cheeks and her lip trembled.
"Adam, that's not nice!" Derek said as he saw the little girl starting to cry, having heard what Adam had said. He knew that Adam didn't understand his actions, or the trigger of the little girl's tears, so he reached over and grabbed his hand, tugging him from Meredith as Emma pushed her face into Meredith's leg as Meredith glanced to Adam and back to Emma as she tried to figure out what to do.
"Derek… I mean… Adam, It's alright… it's okay…" Meredith said as she reached down and lifted the little girl into her arms, letting her push her head into her shoulder as she cried.
"I'm sorry." Derek said sincerely. "I'm really sorry." He said as he reached his hand for Emma's hand. "I'm sorry, sweetheart…"
"It's alright, Derek…" Meredith said softly. "She's okay…" She said as she turned and watched the concern on his face as he watched the little girl whimper into her mother's shoulder.
"How are you feeling?" Derek asked as she looked down at Adam and held her hand to him to let him know that it was alright, that she wasn't upset with him. The little boy latched onto her hand and squeezed it, smiling up at her as he brought it to his lips and kissed it.
"I'm feeling… sick…" She shrugged, her voice sounding slightly congested as she released the little boy's hand as he hugged her, pulling a tissue from her pocket, she rubbed her reddened nose as she watched him carefully. "Good morning, Nancy." Meredith said softly as she smiled.
"It's good to see you up and about…" Nancy said softly. "You look like you're feeling much better."
"I am…" She nodded as she turned her head toward Derek. "But not well enough to go to Christmas with your family, I'm afraid." She said with a slight shake of her head. Derek suddenly took her arm and started to pull her down the hallway a little as she walked with Adam holding her tightly, and Emma securely in her arms as Nancy leaned against the wall and sighed as she watched her brother nearly beg this stranger to go to Christmas with them.
"But Meredith… I…"
"I know." Meredith said softly as she stopped him from pulling her, she turned to face him, her hand moving down to touch the little boy's head. "I know you have your speech all ready, and you have this plan that you're going to rescue me from whatever evils that sneak up on me, Derek… but I have this under control now." She said softly. "I think I can handle this…" She nodded.
"Meredith… I just…" Derek said as she shook her head. He paused as she continued.
"I am sorry that I've kept you from your plans… and I think that Emma and I have caused enough trouble for you and your family…" She said, holding her hand up to stop him from interrupting her again. "I know… I know you're going to say that it wasn't any trouble, and that you didn't mind… and that you were just helping me… and I appreciate your help." She said as she nodded. "I do appreciate it very much." She said as she wiped her nose again. "But I really need to do this." She whispered. "I need to do this on my own. I need to do this on my own, because if I don't… then I will have to admit to myself that I couldn't do it."
"Where are you going to go?" Derek whispered as he watched her eyes carefully, trying to see if they would give away any clue as to her thoughts. "Where are you going to go?"
"Well… for one thing… I can start with going to my mother." She said as she shrugged.
"And if that doesn't work?" Derek asked, knowing Ellis Grey's stubbornness, he couldn't even begin to know what kind of life she had to endure under her care.
"If that doesn't work, then I have other friends here in Boston that I can call on… people that I haven't seen in years, but at least I'm on the right side of the country to call them for help, right?" She asked as she took his hand. "Derek… I do need to do this…" She whispered. "I need to do this for myself… for Emma… I need to do this, Derek."
"I don't like not knowing if you're safe." He whispered. "You are still sick… Emma is sick… it's cold outside, Meredith."
"But it's warm here…I am alright, Derek, I promise you…" She said softly as Derek sighed.
"Meredith, I just…"
"Doctor Shepherd?" The voice that interrupted him was enough to send a shiver down his spine. He knew that voice, and he knew better than you make a smart ass comment to that voice. He turned sharply and came face to face with Ellis Grey.
"Doctor Grey?" He said, his voice was irritated and almost harsh as he spat her name from his lips. When he had worked for her, he had never really liked her, and she was one of the main reasons that he had left Massachusetts General for another hospital. However, learning just the brief history of what she put her own daughter through in her pursuit of happiness, and he was genuinely unhappy with her presence.
"If Mrs. McKennon has declined your offer, it is only polite to respect her wishes." She said as she pushed her nose into the air and glared into Derek's eyes, her steely glare made his jaw clench as he swallowed hard.
"I don't believe you were a part of this conversation, Doctor Grey." Derek said with a great deal of contempt, his anger was beginning to boil over, and he clenched his jaw.
"She is coming with me, Doctor Shepherd. She is my daughter… I can take things from here." Ellis said angrily.
"Derek." Meredith whispered as she carefully touched Adam's head. The little boy looked up at her as he squeezed her tightly.
"Please come with us, Meredith… please? Please?" Adam begged as he whimpered.
"Derek… I…" Meredith whispered as she watched his eyes meet hers. His crystal blue eyes held a delicate sadness, that she wanted so badly to quell. She held her daughter tightly as she looked down at Adam. "Baby…" She whispered as she crouched down to Adam's level with Emma in her arms. "Adam…" She said as she ran her fingers through his dark hair as he whimpered, his lip trembling as tears came to his eyes. "Adam… I am so sorry…" She whispered as she watched his lip tremble.
"No…" He whimpered. "No, Meredith…" He whimpered. "You and Emma are supposed to spend Christmas with us. You're supposed to be my mommy for Christmas! I told Santa that I wanted a mommy for Christmas!" He exclaimed as he cried, tears rolling down his cheeks as his crystal blue eyes sparkled with sadness. "You were supposed to be my mommy for Christmas!" He exclaimed as he turned and slammed himself into Derek's leg as he began to sob. Derek's hand went to his son's head and he looked up at Meredith to see the tears in her eyes. Ellis watched the two of them closely as she watched the unspoken conversation between the two adults.
"Derek." Meredith croaked as her heart broke for the sobbing boy as he gripped his father's leg.
Derek was obviously spooked by his son's words, and his obvious attachment to Meredith. Though he'd be lying to himself if he said he wasn't attached to her as well. He took a slow deep breath and his eyes flashed to Ellis as she stood sternly beside them and then back to Meredith's. "I should… probably…"
"Go." Meredith whimpered as she also took a slow, deep breath. "Thank you, Derek." She whispered, as she watched him lift his sobbing son from the floor, his head burying in his father's neck as his tears wet Derek's skin, his hot breath and deep, guttural cry was breaking his heart.
"I'm sorry, Meredith." He whispered, as he glanced to Ellis and then back to Meredith. "Emma…" Derek whispered. "It was very nice to meet you… to meet you both." He whispered, as his eyes passed to Ellis. "You had better take very good care of them." He said as he watched her sneer at him as he took a step backwards, trying desperately not to be affected by Meredith's tears. "You have my number, Meredith." Derek said as he took another step backwards. "Make sure you call me if you need anything." He said, nodding his head. "I'm serious… anything." He said, as he took another step backwards.
"I'm sorry." She whispered as she watched him turn. "I'm sorry, Derek." She said, as he turned around and walked down the hallway toward his sisters, only to watch as Adam lifted his head, and wiggled his fingers in a sad and desperate goodbye. "I'm sorry, Adam." She whispered, as they disappeared around the corner, leaving Meredith and Emma, and perhaps, a tiny piece of his heart behind.