Buffy sat on the couch, staring wide eyed at Spike. He was standing in front of her, not sure what else to say. "A soul?" she asked quietly.
"Yeah pet, seems I didn't quite want what I thought I did." He said, sitting down next to her.
"That's why you left?" She asked, looking over at him. "To get your soul back?"
"Not quite." He sighed and rubbed his hands together, dropping his eyes to the floor. "I never really wanted to be a poof like Peaches…Iwenttogetthechipout." He mumbled, not looking at her.
"What?" she asked, taken aback. "You wanted the chip out?' She felt more let down in hearing that one statement than when she had seen him and Anya together… He wanted to be a killer again.
"I thought so. I figured that if I got the chip out I could just be me again, you know, go on some mad killing spree… maybe come back here, kill you lot." He took an unnecessary breath. "Or.."
"..or?" she asked softly, trying to get him to look at her.
"Or I'd come back here and prove to you it wasn't the chip that kept me from killing. It was you." He looked into her eyes and shrugged. "I thought that was what I wanted, but that demon knew it wasn't true, even if I didn't. When I finished the trials, I told him…I told him to give me what I needed to take care of you, to give you what you deserved. I thought I wanted to get something to hurt you, but wound up with a bloody soul instead…"
She stared at him in shock. He had wanted to kill her. "Why?"
He shrugged. "I didn't have anything else to point a finger at, so I blamed the chip. I know I could hurt you before, but just the thought of it drove me mad. I would never have hurt you, Buffy. Never. I guess I thought it was the chip that made me love you and if it was gone I could kill you with no problem." He smiled and shook his head. "Boy was I wrong…"
"It doesn't work anymore?" she asked softly, trying to take all this in. Spike went to Africa to get the chip out. He got his soul back instead. And now the chip didn't work? Dammit, she hated her life.
"No." he answered simply.
"Have you…"
"…killed anyone? No." He looked back to the ground nervously, resting his hands in his lap. So what if he hadn't killed anyone? That was no reason for her to forgive him, not after what he had done to her. His eyes shot up as she entwined her small hand in his and smiled.
"Thank you."
He looked at her like she was mad. Okay, not quite what I was expecting… "You feelin' okay, Slayer?"
She smiled and shook her head. "Spike, believe it or not, seeing you again was the best thing to happen in the past few months. Everything's been Hell: Willow's depressed, Giles is leaving soon… As hard as it is to believe," she sighed and looked at him. "I missed you…. a lot"
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"So Dawn's really fighting demons and what not now?" Spike asked, his hands buried in the pockets of his duster as he walked alongside the slayer.
Buffy smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I won't let her patrol by herself, but she comes along with me. She'll probably be pretty mad that we didn't wake her and bring her with us."
"She'll probably be pretty mad that I'm back." Spike corrected.
"Maybe, but she'll get over it. She loves you." Buffy assured him.
He chuckled and shook his head. "Remind me to have a chat with her about that, it's an unhealthy habit."
"Yeah, I guess vampires and love don't mix very well. I mean, look at what happened with me and Angel…" She halted and looked at him. "You don't have that little…clause, do you?"
He grinned. "Nope, no soul-slipping for me. I'm stuck with the bloody thing for good."
She couldn't help but smile as she started to walk again. "Good."
"What's that s'posed to mean?" He asked, grinning. God, he hadn't smiled this much since that bloody creature had given him his soul. Hell, he hadn't smiled at all – he cried. But he had been back in Sunnydale for barely more than an hour and Buffy had him grinning like a idiot.
She shook her head but didn't reply. "Maybe we should head back, the sun'll be up in a few hours and it doesn't look like very many creatures-of-the-night are wandering the street."
"I guess so, 'sides, you should get some sleep."
"Me? Look at you, you look like you haven't slept in months." She shot back playfully. He didn't respond. Her face fell. "Oh…"
He shrugged. "Nightmares… well, not really, more like memories."
"Sorry."
"S'not a big deal." He shrugged and grinned at her, trying to lighten the mood back up. "I'll live."
She smiled warmly. "Yeah, you will."
He smiled adoringly at her, amazed. He couldn't believe how many sides this girl had. One minute she was Pyscho-Bitch-Slayer ready to tear his head from his shoulders and the next she was smiling and joking with him like they were old friends. And you know what? It didn't matter, he loved every bit of her. "You want me to walk you home 'fore I go back t'my crypt?"
"Your crypt?" She asked, stopping once more. "Uh, you can't do that."
"And why not?" he asked, giving her a coy smile.
"Well, Clem sorta got tired of squatting there and left. Some D'ygryme demons are kinda staying there now." She said sheepishly.
He remained quiet for a moment. "Bugger…"
"Don't worry too much," she paused for a minute. "I went back and got most of your stuff before they could destroy it. It's all in my basement." He looked at her, thoroughly surprised. She smiled and offered him her hand. "Come on, you can sleep on the couch tonight."
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Spike laid there on the Summer's couch, his hands folded behind his head, staring blankly at the ceiling. A silent tear rolled down his face. He had gotten an hour of sleep at most before being jolted awake by another of his gruesome memories. There was no point in trying to go back to sleep so he just sat there, trying to clear his mind. His head rolled over to look at the clock. 7:03am. He sighed and was about to back to his staring contest with the ceiling when he heard Buffy come clomping down the stairs. He wiped the tears from his face and walked over to the stairs to greet her, "'ey Slayer, sleep g…."
Dawn stopped dead halfway down the stairs and stared at the blonde vampire with wide eyes.
Spike gave her a small smile. "'ey Bit…"
"Spike?" she asked, knitting her brows together. "When did you get back?"
"Last night."
Her eyes continued to scan his face as she descended the rest of the stairs. She ran her warm fingers down the side of his face. "God, you look horrible…"
He chuckled. "I'm fine, Nibblet."
Her shocked expression suddenly faded into one of anger. She pulled her hand from his face for a brief second… and slapped him. "Where the Hell where you?!"
"Bugger…" He muttered, rubbing the spot where she had hit him. The girl could hit, he'd give her that. He shook his head and dropped his arms to the side. "Guess I deserved that."
"You deserve a lot more than that, Spike." The teen spat angrily.
Spike took a deep breath and closed his eyes. This was the type of reaction he had expected from Buffy, not Dawn. "I'm sorry, Bit. I had some things I had to think about."
"What? About how you tried to rape Buffy?" she shot stubbornly.
His eyes grew wide and he looked at her in disbelief. "She told you?"
Dawn cross her arms defiantly over her chest. "…No. I found out… someone told me, not her." She dropped her arms and shook her head in disgust. "You know, you were the last person I'd expect to run from your problems."
"Bit, I wasn't runni…"
"And you know what bothers me the most?" She asked angrily. He cocked his head to the side, watching her angry features. "You didn't bother to say goodbye, not to her, not to me, not to anyone." She spat, pushing past him and grabbing her coat.
"Dawn…" He tried to explain as he turned to follow her. She threw the front door open, sending a wave of sunlight over her body. Spike halted, staring at her in despair. He wanted to go after her, but the stream of sunlight prevented him from going any further. She glared at him.
"I have to go to school." She raised her eyebrows and clenched her jaw. "You're free to walk with me if you really wanna talk." They both stood there for a moment, silent, before she shook her head and disappeared out the door. Spike stood there staring at the door is disbelief.
"You okay?" Spike jumped when he felt Buffy's hand on his shoulder. "I told you she was mad."
"She hates me…"
"She doesn't hate you. She's mad because she loved you, looked up to you, and you left. I know Dawn, she's glad you're back."
He let out a grim laugh. "She's the only one I thought would be glad to see me… and she won't even look at me."
"Spike, she's not the only one glad to see you." he turned his head away from the door to look at her. She smiled. "I have to go to the shop to talk with Giles, you wanna come?"
He shrugged.
"Come on, you've been on your own for four months, I think some social time would be good."
"Social time with people who hate me?" he asked skeptically.
"Social time with people who will learn to except you. You gotta start somewhere."
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"Oh, there you are Buffy. I've been waiting for you." Giles said as he looked up from the weapons cabinet in the training room.
"Sorry, had to make a pit stop on the way, pick some things up."
"It's quite alright. It's just…I have something I want to tell you."
"Oh, good, cause there's something I have to tell you too, but you first." She said, smiling. He was gonna flip when she told him about Spike.
He sighed. "Buffy, I'm leaving tomorrow morning." He took his glasses from the bridge of his nose and squinted at them as if looking for a smudge on the glass, trying not to look at her stricken expression.
"Tomorrow?" Buffy asked quietly. "Giles, isn't that a bit soon? I mean, what about Dawn? You're supposed to be training her, remember?" she asked frantically, trying to come up with a reason for him to stay.
"Buffy, there's nothing I can teach her that you can't. You can teach her just as well as I can, if not better." He assured her, resting a hand on her shoulder. "You just have to be strong."
Buffy shook her head. "What about Willow? Giles, she needs you, Xander needs you, I need you…"
He smiled fondly at the girl. "No, Buffy, you don't. You'll be strong, and you'll survive, just like you always do."
The slayer clenched her teeth to keep from crying. Why did he always have to leave? Couldn't he see that they all wanted him to stay here? "Do the others know?"
He shook his head. "No, I'm going to tell them later. I thought you should be the first to know." She nodded solemnly as he pulled her into a hug. "Come on, we can talk about it some more when the others get here." He told her as he began to walk towards the door. He grabbed his cup of tea from the table by the door and walked out into the main part of the newly-rebuilt Magick Shop. Buffy followed behind him. "Now what was it you wanted to tell m…." He dropped the cup, shattering it.
Spike's head shot up from the book he had been flipping through on the table. He grinned at the expression on the Watcher's face and swung his boots up to rest on the table. "'ello Rupes."
"Oh, yeah. Spike's sorta…back." Buffy muttered, looking at Giles nervously. She waved her hand in front of his face. "You okay?"
TBC….