It's always You – Sherlok Fix-it Fanfiction
And chapter two! Yay I actually updated! I wish I could write a chapter per day or at least one chapter in a couple of days, but school has me on a rope. Anyways no more excuses. Enjoy!
Chapter 2: Letters
"Mhmm…." John lightly hummed something in his sleep as he curled up closer to whoever was providing him the pleasant warmth. Luckily, during the night the man stopped shaking and warmed up, any symptoms that might have hinted at hypothermia were gone and he managed to get at least five or six hours of sleep.
Of course, that was all thanks to Sherlock, the detective had pulled John closer when he woke up and saw the shorter male lightly shivering. He was a light sleeper. He pulled John closer and wrapped his one arm around him, letting John's head rest on his shoulder. When the trembling stopped Sherlock ended up falling asleep, holding John close with his head resting on the others.
And so the two slept. For quite some time. John ended up waking up first, his mind didn't register the whole situation yet and he ended up turning his head so it would be tucked into the crook between Sherlocks neck and shoulder. It felt so right, so warm, so peaceful and the sent he thought he was used to after all these years seemed like a completely new reality to him.
Only when he heard a soft clearing of the throat his eyes snapped open and he quickly moved himself away from the detective. John almost fell down the couch, almost, but luckily Sherlock had grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him up. Sherlock let go once he knew John regained his balance. The two just sat there like that for a moment. The detective staring right at him while the doctor desperately tried to think of something to avoid the awkward situation and the intense gaze from the other.
He felt like he was going into a panic, he felt blood rush to his face and sweat forming on his forehead. The last thing he wanted was for Sherlock to get the wrong idea.
John parted his lips and sucked in a breath as if he was about to say something, he wanted the words to just spill out, but just then Mrs. Hudson had walked into the room, carrying a small tray with two teacups. That made John exhale with relief and look over at Mrs. Hudson with a warm smile on his face. Meanwhile Sherlock didn't seem as happy, clearly, he wanted to know what John was going to say.
"Oh, you two looked lovely sleeping like that" exclaimed the landlady as she set the tray onto the table in front of them "It's already 10 am and your friend stopped by with Rosie. I didn't want to wake you boys up. You looked very comfortable"
"Thank you, Mrs. Hudson" John said and the woman softly smiled
"I'll keep Rosie occupied and you two drink your tea" she added before leaving the room
Sherlock leaned forward and picked up the cup with the green tea, he sat up straight and handed the cup to John. The doctor took it, feeling Sherlocks fingers merely brush against his. As the detective said nothing and simply picked up his own cup of tea John let himself sink into the couch. He brought up the cup to his lips and took a small sip.
Once again, the two sat in an almost unbearable silence. Quietly sipping their drinks. One of them hoped the other would say something, anything to start up some kind of conversation, finally Sherlock did.
"John…" he began rather softly, his voice cracking a bit. The way Sherlock said his name clearly told John that something was definitely wrong "I….the letter, I can't forget about it" he muttered. It seemed like Sherlock was going to say something else but changed his mind at the very last second.
"Sherlock I told you to forget about it. I didn't mean it, what I said. I wasn't thinking straight, I thought I had nothing to live for. I was in shock and again I'm sorry for saying all that I said" John replied. He couldn't believe he said all of that to Sherlock. He called him a horrible friend and told him how he had broken a vow, of how it was his fault Mary died and how he would never be able to fix it. It was John letting all of his emotions out on paper and he let them reach the person for whom he cared the most for.
"Of course." Sherlock simply said, not really having a reaction, though his hands were gripping the cup so tightly they were starting to shake a little bit.
"If there's anything you need to talk about I'm here" John said reassuringly
"Perhaps, after all of this that happened I need to let some things out" Sherlock set the cup on the table and stared down at his hands that he had folded into his lap "I've been thinking, for years now that perhaps there is more to me than I want to believe in"
"What are you saying?" John asked, now setting the cup onto the table just like Sherlock did
"Clearly I am very capable of emotions and lack the certain capabilities to control them like my brother does. I've realized that, but I still believed that love was not something that I would be familiar with at all. The different love, not the friends and family kind of one the….." Sherlock trailed off
"Romantic?" the doctor turned to face him
"Yes. That." He buried his face into his hands and let out a shaky breath "I don't know why I'm like this all of a sudden forget I said anything it's…fine…all fine"
Johns eyebrows knitted together in confusion and he spoke up in a firm voice "No, Sherlock, it's not fine. Just because you say it is, it doesn't make it fine"
"Please, forget about it, it's just me with my thoughts"
"For Gods' sake Sherlock! For once in your life would you just let it out and make yourself and everyone else feel better?! We can't help you then!" John raised his voice and watched as Sherlock dug his hands into his own hair
"It's too soon!" the detective cut him off, knowing very well there was something else John wanted to add
"For what?" John asked, letting his voice calm down just a little bit
"Everything…." Sherlock muttered, scratching his head to find some kind of form of stress relief but that seemed to only make him more irritated "I'll tell you some other time…maybe" he mumbled the last word to himself
John got off the couch and came to stand in front of Sherlock. He crossed his arms over his chest and eyed the other suspiciously. He had a good feeling of what the other wanted to say, John wasn't an idiot, he knew.
"Get up" he simply said to him and much to his surprise Sherlock stood up, looking up from the ground he found himself directly in front of John, their chests would have been touching if it weren't for Johns crossed arms "I'm not stupid, Sherlock. I'm nowhere near your talent, but even I can notice some things. Now I want you to say it before I get Rosie and leave and mark my words I won't come back until you're ready to talk to me"
Sherlock let out another shaky breath and rested his hands on Johns forearms, he lowered Johns arms to the side and gulped down the words that wanted to escape. He stood like that for a few minutes, trying to get the courage to talk and desperately trying to put all the words together in his head. Lucky for him, John was patient.
"I….." he finally began, making John raise his eyebrows and focus on the expression Sherlock was making, he was like a child, hopelessly trying to speak his first words "I….I don't want you to go" his bottom lip quivered and he gripped onto the fabric of Johns hoodie "I don't want to be alone. I need you to stay"
John could see how hard Sherlock was fighting back the tears, was it fear? Sadness? Disappointment? He couldn't figure it out, but he didn't try to either. Not now at least. Quickly the doctor pulled the other into a hug, letting Sherlock rest his head on his shoulder. John still had to stand up on his tiptoes to fully support Sherlock since the other gripped onto his clothing like there was no tomorrow.
There was this feeling again, as Sherlock held onto him and lightly shook from time to time, John felt the feeling in his stomach again. His stomach was twisting in knots and his heartbeat elevated. Why did having him so close feel so right?
"Don't go…." Sherlock managed to say, his voice breaking
"I won't" John said reassuringly and lightly brushed his hand up and down Sherlocks back in an attempt to comfort him. What Eurus had done to him, it broke him emotionally and this was one of the rare times Sherlock Holmes, the so called high-functioning sociopath, which clearly he wasn't, opened up to him.
They stood like that for God knows how long. Nothing mattered at that point, they just held each other like that, afraid to let go and go back to the awkward silences and small talk. But Sherlock was the first to break the hug, however he didn't back away, his hands traveled from Johns back and clung to the fabric of the sleeves again. He was staring at Johns chest now, biting his lip and hoping to find the right words again.
"Anything else you need to say?" John asked, noticing how clingy he was acting
"Yes." Sherlock said quickly
"Well go on then" he encouraged him
Sherlock swallowed another lump in his throat and lifted up his head to stare right at the blue eyes of the shorter male. He parted his lips and just let the words he wanted to say for so long out. It felt so relieving to finally say them
"I love you"
But the relief didn't last long because almost immediately that feeling was replaced by a sense of fear and panic. Sherlock felt his breathing quicken as if he was trying to get more air and he was basically begging John to say something to him.
"How long?" John asked
"I don't…. know" Sherlock replied, slowly lowering his gaze "I never liked women, they never attracted me, it was so weird because I found myself being attracted to men more. That was until I started ignoring all of my emotions and focused on work. It was fine until you came along, but you seemed to be interested in women and you were happy with Mary when I came back. I didn't want to ruin it. You were happy and I didn't care about anything else, because I thought that even if it hurt me you were happy and then I let you down. I didn't want to tell you how I feel. With Mary gone I didn't want to rush into any of this, I didn't want to be a jerk. Which is why I started using again…. I was desperate to get rid of the pain" his lip began to quiver again and John couldn't take it anymore.
He grabbed onto Sherlocks shirt, squeezing the fabric tightly in his hands before he pulled Sherlock closer and pressed his lips against his.
Clearly Sherlock was taken aback but he soon melted into the soft kiss and let himself get closer to John, if that was even possible. They kissed and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. The kiss said all the unspoken words and it felt so right. John could feel Sherlock tug at his sleeves as the kiss became more eager, the detectives' lips were soft and he could pick up a slight taste of black tea from before.
Meanwhile Sherlock did his best to calm down his racing heart, so many questions flooded his head and it was hard to ignore them. John was so close to him and the kiss felt rather sloopy and wet by the end, in a good way. They broke apart, the grips they had on each other loosened up, but they didn't let go, thinking that if they did they would lose each other forever.
Both of them, were breathing heavily, they didn't know for how long the kiss lasted but it was long enough to leave both of them breathless.
Sherlock just stared at John, admired him. John was always the hardest puzzle for Sherlock. His attitude always changed, first he was nice and innocent but he could become angry and dangerous in a second. Of course, he could read him, deduce him, but his feelings were always a mystery to him. Not anymore though.
"Does…. that mean?" Sherlock asked, unsure of himself
John just tucked his head into the crook of the other neck again and closed his eyes "You're such an idiot" he muttered. John didn't need to look over at Sherlock to know he was even more confused now, probably trying to process everything that had happened "Yes. I love you too"
Thank you for reading! All mistakes were made by me I'm sorry.