So now I have a good set out of where this is going... here's your next chapter. The story is Laurens POV and is set in June 2014, after she's been in rehab for 12 months, all shall be come clear (I hope) x

Chapter 2

There are lots of feelings that cannot be defined; they can only be felt in the cruellest of ways. Like Love. Everyone has their own definition of the word; their own way of describing it to you and themselves, but it is undefinable. Every movie has a different way to express the feeling and some are so completely unreal, it drills you into a false sense of reality. The films you watch when your little , give you the dreams, that as you get older, you realise won't come true, because not everyone has a price charming waiting to rescue them or a fairy godmother to magic away the harsh reality.

Every little girl out there has her precious little heart set on finding her prince. She has the vision of her perfect life, with her prince living in her castle. I know because I was once that naïve little girl with dreams, but now the dreams seem a far, painful cry from the real world. From what Love really is.

I think Love is all about missing someone isn't it? How else can you define it… it's a feeling? Other than that what can you say? It's painful, it hurts? It does yes, but surely that would be defined as heart break and not love. I am pretty sure, that every person who has ever loved has missed that very same person. They would have missed something or someone at some point in their life and I'd guarantee if you asked them now, they will have, at some time or another loved that person.

Missing someone is so simple to say, yet so hard to feel, to miss someone you have to remember them and remembering them is agonizing; so damn agonizing. I noticed over the year I was in rehab, that because I miss him – everything reminds me of him. It is as though everything around me in this world is just there to remind me that he does still exist and I have to acknowledge the fact that I love him still.

I wake up in the morning hearing the alarm beeping signalling 8:30; and it instantly reminds me of the wake up calls from Joey. I stand in the bathroom at the sink imagining his toothbrush in the holder next to mine, his towel on the rail. A single look in the mirror and I see him standing behind me, hurrying me up telling me I was perfect as I was. My clothes- each item reminding me of the complement they received or the appreciative looks they got from him. Every song I listen to somehow manages to link me back to him, be it the song we first laughed to, kissed to, even cried to, each one brings back a bittersweet memory that you want to forget because it's too painful, but you want to cherish it all the same. The list of things is just endless, literally everything links to him and then you realise it's because for 6 months of your life, it wasn't just your life, it was the both of yours, it was lived together.

It's stupid really and I know it is; these things have always been there, it's just because I'm missing him, that everything triggers a memory. Even though most of the time there is no relation, it's just the heart craving.

Sometimes you smile because it reminds you of what you had and sometimes it brings on an onset of tears that seem unwilling to stop once they've started. The worst part is I am reminded every single time, that I did love him (and probably still do) and what we had was something special. My dreams are haunted with memories of him and the longer I'm away the more I can feel myself falling into his gravity.

Something always brings me back to him. It never takes too long to feel I need to be around him; even if it's just to see him. It doesn't matter what I say or do; or how long I'm away it's always him I end up needing. It's like he's chained to my memory and there's never been a time when he wasn't there and I didn't want to drown in his love.

But I think it's time. I need to be set free. I need to cut the invisible cord that keeps me bouncing back to him. I'm begging for the truth, my heart and head need to know. It needs to be able to feel again, because right now, a whole 12 months later it's still a little numb from the pain he caused. I'm glad of the time's we had that I could say I was happy, but in all honesty, I wasn't ready to let him go when I did. Him, combined with my parents, lead to the situation in which I'm in now; Standing on platform 4 of Walford tube station contemplating jumping straight back on the train to Bristol, pretending like I never left there. It sounds like the best idea I have right now. I went step back onto the train, my foot barely touched the step as a warm hand rested on my shoulder, turning me round so our eyes met.

"Lauren?"

As and when this will be updated I don't know... but I will try and get one a day up for you. Hope you enjoyed Who's stopped Lauren?...I'll be back tomorrow x