PRESENTING LORELAI GILMORE:
Did Shakespeare Wear Tails?

(the day before her coming out)

"You're so lucky," Lane insisted, sitting down at the counter at Luke's next to Rory.

Rory looked up from her copy of The Incredible Lightness of Being and blinked.

Lane decided to elaborate when Rory showed no signs of understanding. "Dean," she replied simply.

Rory's face wrinkled in confusion. "Lane, are you saying that you...like..."

Lane laughed. "No!" she remarked, tapping Rory playfully on the shoulder. Rory set her book down on the counter. "I meant that you're just incredibly lucky to have a boyfriend who is so into you that he's wearing a tux...with tails."

Rory grinned. "That is true," she nodded. "But it's really not that big of a deal..."

"Belgian waffles," Jess muttered, sliding Rory's order towards her. He turned to Lane. "Eating?"

Rory answered for her. "She'll have cheese fries with extra cheese and some bacon if you have it." She grinned at Lane. Lane wasn't given an allowance, partly because Ms. Kim thought money led to greed in young girls, and partly because Ms. Kim feared what Lane might buy. Cheese fries was certainly one of those fears.

"Thanks," Lane beamed back.

"Anything to drink?" Jess asked.

"Water's fine," Lane commented.

"What not a coffee fiend like her?" Jess asked, pointing the pencil he used for scribbling orders at Rory.

Lane shook her head. "Not allowed to drink coffee or anything with caffeine for that matter," she shrugged. "And if I snuck a cup here and there..."

"Might lead to terrible caffeine withdrawl that your mom could smell a mile away?" Jess finished, shortly. "Got it."

He started to turn to the kitchen.

"Hey, Jess!" Lane called.

Jess made no effort to hide the agitation on his face as he spun around. "Hey Lane," he mocked in a cheerleader-type voice.

Lane ignored his comment. "Would you wear a tux with tails?" she asked.

His face darkened. "I can only hope you're being rhetorical, cause I didn't have you pegged as the stupid type, but I may have to reevaluate my judgment."

Lane rolled her eyes. "I meant for a girl," she replied, as if that information would explain everything.

Jess stared. "Does it look like I would wear a tux for a girl?" he asked, his scowl leaving no room for interpretation.

"See," Lane reported back to Rory. "It is a big deal. Which makes you lucky and me insanely jealous."

Jess's interest peaked. "Market boy's wearing a tux?" He snorted.

Rory frowned. "Shut up, diner boy."

"Ooh," he remarked, pretending to look frightened. "You really got me there."

Rory stabbed her waffle, imagining it was her head. "Don't you have tables to turn or something?"

Jess looked around. Aside from Rory and Lane the diner was pretty much deserted. He grinned proudly. "You really like to be in positions of power, don't you?"

"What are you talking about?" Rory questioned.

"I mean, trying to boss me around, forcing your boyfriend into going to some weird event where he needs to wear tails..."

"I did not force him," Rory insisted. "I asked and he accepted."

Jess nodded as if this made even better sense. "So he's whipped?"

Rory's eyes narrowed. She turned to Lane. "Would you tell him that Dean is not whipped?"

Lane paused.

"Lane!" Rory remarked.

Lane fumbled for the right words. "It's not a bad thing!" she remarked, unable to lie.

Jess laughed.

"Not funny," Rory hissed.

Lane recovered. "Dean's not whipped whipped," she insisted. "He just does nice things because he loves you."

Rory flaunted her smile. "Ha."

Jess shrugged. "You win, Portia."

"Portia?" Rory questioned. Lane looked stumped.

"Figure it out," Jess remarked mockingly, his eyes teasing her. He set off for the kitchen.

"Oh! Merchant of Venice!" Rory shouted, nearly jumping off of her stool. Jess let the swinging door swing shut, leaving Rory unsure as to whether he heard her or not. She turned to Lane. "I'll lost that round, didn't I?"

Lane smiled sympathetically. "Just think about the tails," she assured her.

"Right, the tails," Rory agreed, plopping a piece of waffle into her mouth.

xXx

(note: Portia from Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice was the most powerful character in the play, and perhaps Shakespeare's most powerful woman character...hence the reference.)