Title: New Adjustments: Part Two
Fandom: One Piece
Author: Danyella Skyler Silverfire
Website: Livejournal, or Insanejournal
Rating: PG
Genre(s): Humor/General
Pairing(s): Sanji/Zoro mentions
Summary: Zoro wakes up with some changes. So now the Strawhats have to make some adjustments.
Beta: Bronze Tigress
Warnings: Genderswitch, which will never be explained. Ever.
Disclaimer: Checks reality meter (It's remarkably Magic Eight Ball shaped). {{shake}}{{shake}} Do I own One Piece? Nope still the right reality. Go eat a tuna sandwich instead. {{stares}} Damn.
Author's Note: From here on out it'll be scattered scenes that'll be written as they occur to me. Also I got fanart. By Kage Kashu & Sybile. Can be found on my LJ.
Part Two
Whitebeard Talks to Ace
Word Count: 288
The Whitebeard Pirates had seen Ace's type before: enthusiastic, talented, and naïve about certain aspects of life. They were willing to give him a little room and ease him into the wenching. But he always seemed to find a way to either shake them off or disappear.
Instead of joining his crewmates in blowing their shares on women (or men), he went to plays, bookstores and once a museum. The last was the breaking point and several went to Whitebeard with their worries for the boy.
Taking a paternal role, Whitebeard summoned Ace to his cabin to educate him on the time honored sailor tradition: wenching.
That was three hours earlier.
The door to Whitebeard's cabin suddenly slammed open and Ace stormed out carrying two casks of rum on his shoulders. He glared darkly at the crew he saw before flaring up to the crows nest and kicking the lookout off.
Whitebeard came out with a thoughtful expression and sat in his deck chair.
"So it went well?"
"The boy didn't need me to talk to him. He knew a few things I didn't."
"So he isn't a virgin?"
"Oh, he is. He just didn't need me to tell him anything."
"And I'm staying that way! I don't want to know what kind of freak I am!" Ace yelled down angrily, and more than a little tipsy.
When one of the crew laughed loudly a cask lid hit him hard in the chest.
"I'm just glad I'm a Logia and not a Zoan. Shanks warned me about you Whitebeard, you furry freak!"
Several of the crew choked while Whitebeard just laughed in amusement. Ace had a creative mouth on him. More so when you got him liquored up.
New Couch
Word Count: 115
Zoro stopped, frowned, and crossed his arms to scowl at the couch that had taken his usual nap spot while he was below deck. Moving again, he circled the couch three times. After peeking under all the cushions - as well as shaking them for good measure - he circled the couch one last time before lying down on it and taking a nap.
From their hiding spot Nami leaned over to Robin and whispered, "He's very... animalistic."
"I think part of that is just caution," Robin agreed, but felt it needed to be pointed out.
Nami gave Robin a flat look. "Which part?"
After a long, thoughtful moment Robin conceded the logic. "Good point."
Mr. Peanut
Word Count: 197
After staring in horrified fascination at the gift to him from the Baratie he had to ask, "Why peanuts?"
"Apparently someone told them that she craved them while she was pregnant," Sanji offered after checking the letter that came with the crate.
Zoro sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Right. But did it have to be a six foot tall jar shaped like a peanut?"
Sanji shrugged. "With them? Just be glad it's only peanut shaped."
Zoro winced. "Right." After a moment he shrugged and moved on to the good of the situation. "Well, at least Luffy seems to like it."
Luffy looked up at Zoro and said something, only to have it lost due to his mouth stuffed so full of peanuts he had chipmunk cheeks.
"Yes, Luffy, you make a good chipmunk." Turning back to Sanji he continued, "Well, tell them I'm not going to have cravings, so stop sending weird stuff."
Sanji grinned ruefully. "You shouldn't have a problem with the baby. You already have the mom thing down."
Zoro gave the blond a narrowed eyed look. "What?"
"Never mind." Shrugging, Sanji wandered back into the kitchen. Some things just shouldn't be explained to Zoro.
Mr. Squishy
Word Count: 104
Zoro sat on his nap couch and stared at the jellyfish in the now water-filled peanut jar.
Luffy sat proudly on the lid and grinned at Zoro. "So?"
"Why a jellyfish?"
"Ace had one in a jar when we were kids. I always wanted one too, but Ace said I'd eat it."
"Must've been a big jar."
"Nah, just a mayonnaise jar. Mr. Squishy wasn't as big as Mr. Hardass."
Zoro lowered his head to look at the jellyfish that had defensively hardened its back. "Good name."
"Isn't it? I think he can take Mr. Squishy."
Zoro snorted and shook his head. Only Luffy.
Cravings
Word Count: 90
Zoro scowled darkly at Sanji's pestering questions. "No! I'm not having cravings!"
"Tell me if you are though," Sanji ordered.
Growling Zoro grabbed the jar of hot sauce from a passing Usopp's hand and dumped some into his fruit drink, stirred, and gulped down a mouthful. "There! I ate something weird! Happy?" Then his expression changed to surprise when he noticed the flavor. "Huh. Add this to my fruit drinks from now on," Zoro ordered shoving the jar at Sanji's chest before turning and going to sit on his couch.
Mihawk Returns
Word Count: 169
Robin frowned down at the lower deck where Zoro was lounging on his couch chatting with Mihawk, who was lying on the deck a few feet away. "He's going to give Zoro bad ideas."
"I'd be more worried about Mihawk. He seems to be too interested in the whole 'now a girl' thing. That or the pregnancy. I'm not sure which interests him more."
"Not that. The lying down on the deck thing. We just broke Zoro of that habit."
Nami looked up and over at the two swordsmen. "You're right. Maybe a second couch?"
"From where?"
"I don't know. Ask Franky?"
"Good idea."
"Excuse us, would you mind standing up?" Chopper asked Mihawk.
"What?" Mihawk turned his head to eye the man-deer.
"We brought you a couch."
Mihawk eyed the couch that Chopper and Franky were carrying. "Sure."
The two set the couch down in Mihawk's previous spot and spent a few moments arranging it before leaving the two alone again.
"You have a good crew."
"I'm lucky."
Dumb Marines
Word Count: 534
The Strawhats stood tensely waiting for the Marines to make the first move.
The Marine captain stepped forward and eyed them closely and then their ship before blowing them out of the water with his first question. "Just to be sure; you are the Strawhat Pirates, correct?"
"No, not in the least," Zoro sarcastically answered.
The Marine gave him a confused look. "Then who are you?"
"Well, I'm a pregnant transsexual sword aficionado."
"What about him?" the captain asked, pointing at Luffy.
"He's our monkey."
The Marine gave Luffy a long look before nodding reluctantly, "I guess he is. What about him?"
Zoro didn't even hesitate. "Perverted slave driver. We keep having to remind him that we don't keep slaves."
Sanji shrugged and threw a rude gesture at Zoro's back.
The Marine nodded knowingly, "I know the type. Her?"
"Sea hag." Zoro shrugged, "I know she doesn't look like one, but that's because she's evil and drains the energy and life out of anyone that'll let her."
"I do not!" Nami yelled furiously, throwing a rock and hitting one of the Marines instead.
"Very tragic. Can't get rid of her," Zoro said with a shrug. "She controls the weather after all."
"Ah. A curse."
"Exactly. Don't go saving random women."
"Her?"
"Criminal historian."
"Ah. Very nice to meet you, ma'am," the Marine captain said with a bow to Robin. "There are not enough historians that specialize in criminal history."
"It's a fascinating subject," Robin conceded.
"Him? The big man, with the strong hair?"
"Perverted thief. He keeps stealing my stuff."
"Should we arrest him?"
"No, I know why. It's so I won't over-train," Zoro said with a pointed pat on his slightly round belly. "Mostly he stands around and poses for the women. So he's actually a cyborg statue."
"Good man. Him?"
"Mad inventor. No ship is complete without a mad inventor." Usopp gave Zoro a surprised look before grinning and preening.
"The little furry boy?"
"Mad scientist. Don't ask how he got the fur and hooves. Really. Don't."
The Marine nodded quickly and pointed at Brook. "Him... it?"
"Our captain."
Brook grinned, laughed, and took off his hat and gave them an elaborate bow; getting shocked looks when the Marines realized that Brook was a skeleton.
"Oh. Sorry for the mix up."
"Don't worry, happens all the time," Zoro said, waving off their concern.
The Marine was almost back to his crew before he turned back suddenly. "What about the sail?"
"It's a portrait of the captain."
"He wears a top hat."
"The monkey stole his hat. We had to get a new one for him."
"That makes sense. Sorry to bother you."
Zoro sighed tiredly, unable to believe the Marines were actually buying his bullshit. "No problem. Thanks for not just assuming."
Two days later the Marines ran into a ghost ship, and were boarded by a pink haired girl named "Perona" who after reading their encounter with the strange Not!Strawhats, left them far behind after a rousing speech about giving "Him" a reason to enjoy life.
It left the Marines realizing that the other ship had to have been a ghost ship that was being pursued by another, creepier ghost ship.
Baby Sea King Crib
Word Count: 161
Zoro looked around the lazy bazaar, slowly turning a full circle before nodding. "Okay. Set it down here."
Sanji sighed and set down the monstrosity of cuteness that was the Sea King shaped crib Franky had made. While nice - if creepily cute - it looked like it was going to eat the baby when it was born.
Zoro took one more look around the mostly empty bazaar before pulling out the For Sale sign. He had barely taped it to the side of the crib when several women appeared seemingly out of nowhere.
Sanji jumped and stared as Zoro somehow charmed every single one of them. It was one of the craziest things he had ever seen, and with his life, that was saying something.
In the end Zoro got way too much for it, a new crib, and a date with one of the women. Sanji really had no idea how, and he was standing there the entire time.
Fear the Belly
Word Count: 361
Zoro wondered if it was only the Strawhats that ran into all these freaks. He knew who to blame for this mess though. Nami had gotten wind of a more plausible than usual treasure. So she insisted that they find it; which they did. Unfortunately another group of pirates had shown up at the same time.
After some tense negotiations they decided on a series of competitions to decide ownership of the treasure.
Zoro sat off to the side sipping from his spicy fruit drink when the other crew's captain selected him for the first competition.
"Hey! Zoro isn't competing!" Luffy protested.
Zoro ignored the argument as he swiftly thought over the first competition and what he knew of his opponent. "I'll do it."
"What? Zoro...!" Nami protested.
"I can win this." Getting up, Zoro walked over and entered his circle. "All I have to do is get him into my circle without leaving mine. Simple."
"Yeah, but he's thirty feet away!" Chopper protested.
"Zoro, come on..."
"I can handle it." Zoro gave his crew a withering look before turning back to his opponent. The idiot was bragging about having never lost at this game while throwing a rather predictable array of booby trapped chains at the swordsman.
Zoro boredly blocked with a sheathed sword for a few minutes before finally catching and pinning the chains. Frowning, he looked down and put his empty hand to his stomach. "Huh, the baby's kicking." He looked over at his opponent. "Want to feel?"
"Really?" The other pirate ran over and pressed his hands against Zoro's third trimester belly with an awed expression. "Wow."
"No, Luffy," Zoro automatically rebuked as he felt Luffy's hand approach his belly from behind.
"Aw! No fair," Luffy whined.
"He... he... he didn't even shift stance," Nami said in shock. "He won, without even moving! How does he do that?"
After letting the pirate coo over the baby for a couple of minutes Zoro rapped him lightly on the head. "Okay, that's enough. I need a nap."
"Thank you for letting me feel the baby." The pirate bowed before scampering back to his own disgusted crew. "That was incredible!"