A/N: I know this was originally a one-shot, but I've been asked to continue. And I live to appease my fans. So here is chapter 2. Not sure where this will go. Or if it'll be that long of a story. So enjoy and review. Harshly if you'd like. Any advise is, as always, much appreciated.

It's been three months since she left me. Three long months filled with agony and despair. I don't even know who I am anymore. When you share every waking moment with someone for so long, you no longer know what makes you happy. Only what made her happy. You only know how to breathe when she's around. You only know how to talk when you're talking to her. I sit in my room every day not knowing where the hours go. Going to work, coming home, sleeping and doing it all over again the next day. You don't feel anything anymore. You can't cry anymore. Eventually, it hurts more to cry. And that's the scariest part. You shut off from the world. Not wanting anything, or anyone. You seek refuge in music and mindless shows. You throw yourself into work. Doing more than your body can take. But you don't care. Anything beats sitting alone to your own thoughts. They take you back to the moments when you were happy. To the moments when her smile made you warm in the cold winter nights. To the days where the sun shined off her back on the beach. Or to the days where you sat in silence, not a care in the world. You go back to the days where you had no money, and only each other.

They say that everyone must go through heartache to know what true love is. But what if I missed my chance? What if Spencer Carlin was supposed to be the one for me? What if I messed with fate and re-wrote our futures? I don't believe that I could love anyone else now. I feel like when she left, she took my heart with her. And I can't decide if I should stick around while she continues to toy with it. Should I do as she wants and be her friend? Is it possible to be friends with someone you love? Love as much as I love her?

My mind is at battle with my heart, and I don't know who will win. I feel like she sits back and watches the war, unsure herself if she should intervene. Does she suffer as I do? I don't believe so. She's already moved on. Already met someone else. I wonder if she left for her. They began before she and I even ended. How could she do that to? To us? To what we were? I know I was never the best, but I loved her. I don't think anyone could love her like I do.

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. When I checked it, I noticed a new text from Spencer.

Do you want to come over and watch a movie or something? - S

I'm not sure if that's such a good idea - A

Oh...I understand. - S

Fuck. I should just say yes. I need to be the better person. Allow her to be happy. For once in her life.

Nvm. Yeah. I'll be over in 20 - A

Okay - S

As I got dressed, I spent five minutes just picking out my shirt. This is what my life had succumb to. Spending way too much time on my outfits around her, being sure to wear things that I knew she liked. I settled on a plaid button up, and matching Vans. As I entered my car, I lit up a cigarette and cranked up my radio loud enough for all the neighbors to hear. Drowning out all my emotions.

I walked into our old home without knocking. I wasn't accustomed to it yet. It still felt like my home. Like our home. Although I had my own place now, this house felt like it was still mine. Like I still belonged here. I closed my eyes for a moment and breathed in slowly. It smelled like a mixture of her and our dogs. Before I had another chance to breathe again, I felt my big pit jump on me. I knelt down and smiled at her. She missed me. She always does. She doesn't understand what's happening. We raised her from a young puppy. She knew me as her other mom.

"Hey there Nala. How's my big girl," I said as I laid on the floor, allowing her to sniff and lick my face. Before I knew it, my jack russell came running towards me. "Dobby! How's my man?" I was so consumed with their company I hadn't even realized that she was now watching. Looking down on us, smiling.

"They missed you," she said, not moving.

My gaze moved to her, and I froze. I moved them off me and started to stand.

"Sorry I didn't knock. I just-I'm not used to it."

"It's okay. I don't mind. I asked you over. I was expecting you," she said, moving over to the couch. Nala joining her shortly after.

I remained standing there in front of her, unsure of what to say or do.

"How have you been?" she asked.

I hated that question. She knew how I was doing. She knew I was a wreck. She knew I was lost without her. She knew I was crumbling before her.

"I'm okay. How are you?" I finally responded.

"Stressed. With work and school. Rent's a lot more expensive now that I'm paying for it myself."

I didn't want to respond. I felt bad. I truly did, but at the same time, I didn't. She took everything from me. I couldn't help but take pleasure in her misery. Did that make me a bad person? Did that make me love her less? In a way, I had started to hate her.

"You can sit down you know," she said, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"I think...I'm going to go smoke first."

She frowned, but nodded her head. I stepped out on the porch and sat down on the porch. I know she hated me smoking. I know she knows that she's partly responsible. I only started smoking after we broke up. I hadn't smoked for years, but it brought me comfort in this hard time. It gave me a small escape from her. It wasn't long before I heard the door open. I quickly put out my half finished cigarette.

"You didn't have to do that. You could've at least finished it," she said, sitting down next to me.

"I know, but I didn't want the smoke to bother you," I replied, staring straight ahead avoiding her gaze.

"I knew what I was coming out here to."

"Why did you come outside?"

"I thought we should talk. Without the dogs and other roommates hearing us."

"Okay, well what do you want to talk about," I said, lighting another cigarette.

"Ash, I know you're not doing well. Just talk to me."

"Spence," I breathed, finally looking at her. "You don't want to hear the things I want to say to you. I don't want to hurt you more than I already have."

"It can't be worse than how you're feeling. I can take it. You not telling me what was on your mind was part of why we didn't work."

"Fine. I'll tell you. But don't say I didn't warn you."

She nodded her head, and waited as I got ready to speak again.

"I love you. I always have and always will. I don't know whether to fight for you or let you go. I once told you that I'd let you go if your love faded. I once took away your fears and said that I'd be proud to be the one to show you what love was. Even if ours was not forever. But God Spence, I don't know if I can do that. I'm afraid that I'll never love again. I'm afraid that I don't want to love another. I almost want to live and die loving only you. I spent so many years praying for someone like you to come along and take all my demons away. And one day, you showed up. You turned the night into day. You made me smile. You made me dream. You made me want to be a better person, for you and for myself. You brought me so much joy that I didn't even know what pain was until you left me. Now I sit alone in the darkness, thinking of we could've been. What we maybe still could be. And it tortures me. I can't be left alone to my thoughts. But I always am now. I have no escape. Don't you see? You were my escape. You helped me stop seeing all the darkness in the world the world, and I only saw the beauty. Now I see things for what they really are. Empty and bare."

She was crying now. I said all that I could. I couldn't make her hurt anymore.

"Please don't cry. You asked me to," I said, unsure of whether to get up and leave or comfort her. I forced my hands in my pockets. Avoiding temptation.

"It's okay," she said, wiping her tears away. Something I used to do.

"I should go now," I said, getting up.

She stood up. "No, don't!" she pleaded.

I didn't look back. I merely got in my car and sped off, leaving her behind.