Unfindable

Part One

Bill

"Why she had to go, I don't know. She wouldn't say."

-Yesterday, The Beatles

"How could you do this to me!" cried Bill Turner, yet again dressed in his wedding suit, flowers and all, while his bride-to-be gazed out the window onto the stormy ocean off North Carolina, dressed extravagantly in white, the long veil shrouding her teary eyes.

"I just can't do it, Bill," she attempts to explain. "There's something just telling me that it's not right. I'm sorry." She pulls her fiancé into a deep embrace, apologizing for stopping their marriage for the second time. "I really care about you. I'm sorry."

"If you love me," Bill reasons, "than why is this so hard for you, Arabella?"

Arabella Smith bows her head and lets out a shallow breath. "I don't know…"

"Arabella, look at me," Bill softly suggested. He gently sets himself down next to his fiancée on the window seat. He eases into his words, unsure how Arabella will react, "If I'm not the only one…"

Arabella turns viciously and looks at Bill severely. "There is no one else, Bill, how often must I remind ye?"

"I trust you, you know that, but…"

"You don't! Why won't ye believe that I'm not a bloody pirate wench? Stop treating me like an unfaithful scarlet letter!" Arabella demanded.

"I didn't mean it that way," Bill apologized, clearly sorry for bringing it up.

"Then how did ye mean it, Bill?" Arabella snipped through her tears.

"I just meant that I wanted to be your only one, like you are mine. I just thought that marrying you would be proof for me, so until then, I'm going to assume the reason is because there is someone making you not want to get married." Bill explained, some spite actually leaking into the serenity of his quiet monotone.

"Well, if that's what ye think of me, then maybe I don't want to marry ye!" Arabella shot back.

"Arabella!" Billy exasperatedly exclaimed. This is not where he meant to go with this. He knew Arabella inherited her mother's fiery temper, but he didn't think she would go this far.

"No, Bill. I mean it. If ye think I'm just a cheating tavern girl, then ye really must not know me as well as I thought." Swallowing the lump in her throat, Arabella pulled the beautiful engagement ring off her finger and put it in Bill's hand. With this she walked purposefully up the aisle, tears staining her gorgeous dress as she attempted to run out of the church.

Billy watched her go, hot tears running down his cheeks, he looks at the engagement ring and runs out the front doors past his almost bride and throws the beautiful ring off the sea cliff to the cold Atlantic. He hangs his head as the sun goes down.

Bill doesn't know what to do. He knew that she would too soon be gone. Out with the tides, following her unanchored heart, changeable as the wind, carelessly whipping his cheeks. He didn't know how she would get away, but something inside him knew that she was going to go with the other one. The one she said never existed, and will never matter to her. That one last boundary in his way to happiness.

He didn't even know who he was. It didn't matter to him, all he wanted was Arabella, back safely in his arms. Feeling as fulfilled and wantless as he was when she was with him. How could she not feel the way he did? She said she loved him. He knew he loved her. What was so wrong that she couldn't marry him?

Father Matthew stopped Bill before he left. This was the second time he almost married Bill and Arabella. He put a hand on Bill's shoulder. "May the Lord grant you peace in your hour of grief. Bless you, Bill."

Bill felt little comfort, but thanked Father Matthew. It helped to know that someone cared in this empty, meaningless world. He walked on the beaten dirt path to the small cottage. Crumbs, his loyal dog, walked solemnly up to him, sensing the sadness weighing down his master's heart, he nudged Bill's hand tenderly trying to comfort him. Bill ran his hand through Crumb's matted fur.

The door squeaks open, Bill's coat in on the nail in the wall, his shoes on the mat, Crumbs on his pillow. The cottage is silent. Bill waits for the warmth of Arabella's small hand in his, or her smooth voice coming from the kitchen. He waits, but all he can feel is the aching loneliness deep inside him.

He wondered where she was. Right that second. Was she thinking of him? Could she forget him so simply? This brings him to tears, that he could be so worthless to the only one who matters to him.

But on the other side of town, Arabella Smith's wedding dress was being replaced with britches and a billowy blouse, her elegant veil being substituted with a leather hat, her high heels for brown boots and her wedding flowers for a new blue bandana.

"She'll come back," Bill assured himself. "She'll come back." Wind whistled through the empty cottage by the sea. "She'll be back by tomorrow, surely." He stated as if it were an obvious fact. "She said she cares about me, she couldn't just leave." Bill feels momentarily comforted by these words. "But, she did," whispered doubt, sadness, and pain. It takes a long while for poor Billy to finally fall to a fitful sleep, filled with callings for his loved one.

Arabella grinned broadly and screamed to the ocean with joy. Golden hoops flashed in the dim light, and her most charming smile glittered. "She'll come back," Bill told himself.

But Bill didn't know what happened before; he didn't know who his former fiancée found when she visited Port Royal. He just knew that when she came back, she was different. Her pleased smile vanished, welcoming the troubled, conflicted glassiness into her sparkling eyes.

That night, Bill didn't speak to her before bed. He just took her hand, she allowed him to take her in his arms. She rests her head on his shoulder and before long he can feel tears through his shirt. He looks out towards the ocean, the moon is full and moonlight bathes the cottage, but in his arms, Arabella is covered only in shadows.

'Cause I cant make you love me if you don't
You cant make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'cause I cant make you love me, if you don't*

Bill could feel tenderness of his heart aching with the pain of his love, but Arabella looked up at him, and turning away, she speaks: "Goodnight." Bill hears nothing in her voice. She lays down in the chair and is fast asleep.

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me 'til then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight*

Bill can feel it then, all the love he feels for her is still there, but hers is gone. She doesn't care at all. Bill refuses to believe it. He pushes this thought from his mind, with all those treacherous thoughts like it. They were to be married tomorrow. Of course she loved him. Of course.

Bill looked back on this now, with the knowledge of today's events in mind, heart falling and worst fears confirmed. Bill felt hollow now, nothing left. Reason gone. The world seemed to frail around him, the black cloak of dreamless sleep choking out the light.

Arabella, the Faithful Bride's beautiful daughter, seems to be contrary. That night, Arabella Smith ironically became the Unfaithful Bride.

*Lyrics from "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt.