Chapter 2

Violation

"Why do you bite people?" Kamui asks me when everyone at the party has left and he's finally allowed to speak to me. He makes a gesture as if he wants to move to come and sit beside with me on the couch but remembers that he's nine and not five.

"I didn't bite anyone," I say simply and hold my arms out for him. He hesitates then rushes into them and I haul him onto my lap as he winds himself around me. He enjoys the touches and motions most people would deem appropriate for anyone under the age of seven, but he's so starved for physical contact and affection that I'm sure he'd let me burp him if I tried.

"I saw you biting three people just now," Kamui argues and pulls my tie down to fiddle with it curiously.

"I wasn't biting them," I sigh, looking around the apartment, as I bounce him a little. It's old and well used by the previous occupants, but it's still a privilege to have it for my younger brother and myself at the age of eighteen.

"Then why were you licking their hands? That's gross."

I have to laugh, even if it's a little tired.

"It's a mark of respect," I explain, "Everyone does it. You just haven't seen it before. Let me show you."

I turn him around on my lap and take one of his small arms while he watches, fascinated. I fold his fingers into a fist and hold it to my lips for a few moments before dropping it.

There's dramatic silence for a few precious seconds.

"Eeew," he says, killing the atmosphere instantly and wipes the back of his hand on my pants, "What was that for?"

"It means that you respect a person…that they mean the world to you and that you're willing to die for them or their cause," I say, trying not to break into blushing. It's a heavy thing to tell a child.

That stops him.

He stares up, horrified and tries to push himself off me but I grab him and don't loosen my grip.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Let go!"

He squirms like a fish but I'm just as stubborn as him.

"Once you tell me what's bothering you."

"I don't want you to die," he says, almost hysterical as he lurches.

"It's just a promise. It doesn't have to come true," I tell him.

"Then don't make it! It's stupid!"

"I don't think so," I say and lean back, "You'll understand this when you get older, but the action isn't what matters. It's when you do it that's of significance. The meaning is just a reminder for the other person. It's the timing; not the promise."

He clearly doesn't get it, but after a pause where he relaxes doubtfully, he leans down and drops a misaimed kiss on my knuckles.

"Good night," he says and goes to his room after sliding neatly off my legs.

I realize that I've forgotten to reply to him only after his light goes off.

XXX

"Are you sure that brother of yours isn't lurking around?" I ask tersely, as Seishirou-san slides a hand into my shirt through the open collar.

"He isn't here, Subaru-kun," he replies, from where's he's standing behind the sofa I'm seated on. I lean back against his stomach and stare out at the night through the window ahead.

"He mentioned something about tutoring Kamui in life sciences in the bedroom," Seishirou-san idly remarks and I jump as he laughs.

"Seishirou-san!"

He relents when I reach for my jacket that's lying on the arm-rest and pulls me back.

"Kamui-kun's virtue is safe at home. Fuuma-kun has a night class at school," he admits and I exhale, "Really, Subaru-kun, you worry about him too much."

It's impossible to tell when he's playing with me and when he's serious. It always has been.

"I have good reason to," I point out. I know he's thinking of everything that's happened so far to us and I am too.

"He's fourteen," Seishirou-san emphasizes anyway, and I lock my fingers with his own, idly staring at the color differences of our skin. He's slightly darker than me, but then, he sees more of the outside world than I do.

"I fail to understand why we're discussing my brother now of all times," I can't help but to say and realize how snappish that sounds only when it's too late.

"Indeed," Seishirou-san says, suddenly all business and I realize how much he loves this; this supremacy over someone who's unsure and innocent of what to do in a situation; the complete mastery he has, no matter what it is over: human, non-human or object.

That's what makes him such a good hunter of the subjects who try to hide or flee.

Or, God forbid, fight.

"You are aware that falling in love with someone of your own gender is classified as an abnormality here, aren't you, Subaru-kun?"

I kiss his hand instead and Seishirou-san chuckles at the gesture as he traces my collar bones and the arteries running under the skin of my neck, deriving an unnatural amount of satisfaction from the fact that I'm shivering.

"I defend myself by stating that my so called 'abnormality' would have never manifested itself without your reciprocal abnormality," I say.

He is silent, but his hands aren't and I gasp without meaning to.

"How many other abnormalities are you willing to forgive?" I can't help but to ask as he keeps moving.

A pause.

"Nothing else," he whispers right into my ear and I bite my lip, "I swear that to you. If I came to know that you had even another one, I would kill you right here. And that applies to anyone."

I'm silent for so long that he finally lets me go and turns my chin to face him.

"Subaru-kun," he begins and I'm suddenly terrified for Kamui; that he knows, that he was never fooled by the eternal role I play in front of them all, that he will bring the whole army down on my sleeping brother this instant and torture him senseless and then-

"I suggest you take off something, so we can bypass this miserable excuse for foreplay. What do you think?"

XXX

Kamui is breathing too heavily when I sit on the bed next to him at night.

"Kamui," I start quietly and try to lay a hand on his head. He's turned away from me but tries to shrug my hand off.

"Go fuck yourself," he hisses in the dark but breaks down halfway, "I wish you were dead."

I lift the sheets a little and turn on the cracked lamp he knocked over earlier. He's curled himself into a ball, away from me, although he's hurting himself more that way. He has bandages on his back, waist and thighs and while his skin is greasy from all the ointments he's been applied with, he's feverish from eight injections and six stitches.

"I know," I reply and put a hand on his shoulder instead. I'm wearing gloves so that way, he won't have to actually touch me. He just shudders.

"What you did today could have had you killed," I say, "Seishirou-san is not someone you can-"

"He didn't care," My brother exhales weakly, trying to move away, but he can't, "I know what I did was wrong; I shouldn't have ignored him but he was all right with-"

"I'm not talking about that," I say and he falls silent. We listen to the myriad of sounds that can come out of a house at night, like it's a living being. I remember all the places we've stayed together; that filthy hostel room, then the used apartment and now the two-floor house and wonder where we'll be next.

"You know?" he asks finally.

"I know," I say, "It was far too obvious. And this is what I do for a living."

He shuts his eyes and swallows hard several times.

"What do you see behind us? Right now?" I ask. We both are facing the wall. But we're not alone here.

"A woman," Kamui replied simply, "She's standing outside the window, looking at me and you. And she has…cat whiskers on her face, I think. But that's not possible, is it?"

"It's possible. And it's the truth. She was one of the subjects at the facility," I admit, "The man who was supposed to maintain her tormented her and killed her later when he thought he would be found out."

A highly censored version, but it'll do for a boy of thirteen.

"Dead? She isn't alive?"

"No."

"So, she's a-"

He lets himself trail off and his back heaves a little as he tries to regain his control.

"Ni-san, is that why today, you…?"

"Yes."

"But why?"

Kamui tries to turn to face me but he groans and falls. I sit up and help him move, supporting his waist and head with my hands until he can lie down again on his other side. He stares over my shoulder at what, for me, is just a fogged up window in the middle of summer.

For him, it's the start of a lifelong nightmare he will never be free of.

I try running my fingers through his sticky hair but he moves away irritably.

"Take it off," he snaps, looking at the glove I have on and I know he's forgiven me.

When I don't reply, he snatches it off impatiently and then stops. I try to look at it from his angle.

There are jagged slashes on my palm, a few inches long and in need of stitches because they're all still bleeding.

It's been made with a piece of glass. He recognizes it immediately.

"Why?" Kamui asks in horror, touching one and I flinch without meaning to. He wriggles away, scared. They're much deeper than the ones I scarred him with.

"I needed more blood," I say, lying down and stretching a little. We used to share a bed when he moved in with me, because the gun drills frightened him at night for the first year. Now staring at his soft features marred by pain and injury, I wonder if I'm the reason he's so easy to hurt.

The fogginess at the window gradually dissipates and Kamui relaxes next to me.

"I needed to hurt you so badly that they'd forget about what you saw. That they'd forget that you could be one of the subjects we cage and study and experiment on in that building I never let you visit, just for being slightly different."

I say it finally, wishing there were better words to explain myself, to justify my sin, but this is the best I can come up with.

"I don't understand."

"I had to make them all think about something else besides what you saw. It was the only thing I could do for you at the time," I go on, "But I didn't want to hurt you. I never did, but I had to show a doctor injuries serious enough to believe. So I added some of my own blood to your face when you passed out."

Kamui just takes another breath with difficulty.

"I'm so sorry," I say. I think he's going to swear at me again, but he says something worse.

"It's okay," he whispers, "They don't know the truth, right?"

"You're safe with me," I tell him firmly. It's the answer to a different question, but he's still too young to realize that. He just slides into sleep and I watch over his rest.

XXX

"There was a rather intriguing system in our past, Sumeragi-san," I say, leaning back in the chair I've taken without being invited.

Subaru stands with his arms crossed, waiting, his face dead. Kamui is sitting on the stairs behind him, watching the proceedings so quietly that I doubt his brother knows he's there. There are things I notice about Kamui when we're together these days, whether it's alone or in a crowd. They're very subtle things, like the way he can't ever hold my stare, push a conversation past superficial greetings and how he keeps flushing when I look at him. I'm sure Sumeragi-san is well aware of this, even he pretends not to see a thing.

Now, Kamui sits at the top of the darkened stairs, resembling a nighttime raccoon raiding the trash bins.

I knew that stairs were important when related to Kamui. Everyone had heard of the story; the way Sumeragi-san had privately taken his brother to his room, in their old house, right after his promotion and slashed him with glass and nearly killed him for not listening to a superior who repeatedly called out to him.

Seishirou Ni-san still thought it was funny. It had been a little over three years ago.

"Fuuma-kun," Subaru says, bringing me back to the present.

"I learned about it when I was in school last year," I go on, stretching out my legs. Knee-high leather boots can get rather restrictive at times. I look forward to seeing Kamui drowning in a pair of them if his brother enlists him for service.

I highly doubt his ability to survive the first roll call.

Kamui is wearing a thick black jacket even though it's just barely into autumn, with blue jeans and sneakers. He's started to adopt his brother's ways and is wearing soft black gloves, twisting the fingers of them carelessly while he listens in, his eyes going between me and Subaru.

"In that system," I continue, "Individuals in society thought to be…insane, dangerous or disabled, were rounded up by specialists who considered their abnormalities as harmful to the rest of the population."

"Forgive me, but I fail to see the relevance of this," Sumeragi-san says dryly. Kamui twitches behind him.

"I'm coming to it," I assure and feel a little thrill when Kamui catches my look and then turns to the wall; this will be so much more effective with him there.

"The army was called in to deal with the situation in the past," I resume, "They believed that these abnormalities were a manifestation of….how do I put it? Ah yes."

I smile at Sumeragi-san when I speak.

"Their nature to usurp power in established societies and cause unrest through differences," I say, "They believed that the most efficient way to deal with this problem was to teach them all equally that their antics wouldn't be entertained. They were all systematically taught their place in the world."

"I think you understand what I mean, Sumeragi-san. Men, women and children were all subjected to it. They were all shown that they had no right over what happened…even to their own bodies."

For a second, Subaru looks furious, but the next instant, he is as unemotional as ever.

"I wonder, Sumeragi-san," I conclude, "if we lived in those times and the army came for your younger brother, to teach him…would you allow them, those others, to touch him like that?"

Kamui flinches when I mention him but can only watch mutely. His eyes are on his elder brother, waiting for the reply that will rule his hypothetical fate.

"Or else," I offer, since choices are always more delectable in situations like these, "Would you hold your brother down against the floor and perform that task on his body yourself, first?"

I give it a pause for some dramatic effect.

"Would you…be his salvation?"

Subaru takes three steps towards me but Kamui weakly breathes out his elder brother's name before he can control himself. Subaru whips around to see the sixteen-year-old standing behind him on the stairs, gripping the handrail to keep himself upright and his eyes go wide.

He begins to go up to him instead but doesn't finish, because the boy runs down the stair first, trying to flee past both of us before he loses control. However, Subaru seizes him and stops him, holding his brother close.

He wraps his arms tightly around Kamui and I see that the younger one is trembling in his grip. I frown.

An interesting reaction to a simple joke.

"Get out," Subaru orders me, not letting go of Kamui, "I don't ever want to see you near him again. Do you understand me?"

I bow and leave. I leave the door wide open on the way out, just to make it more pleasurable and catch sight of Subaru's murderous expression before he turns and tries to soothe his terrified younger brother instead. Kamui is clutching onto the front of his shirt and asking him something desperately, while Subaru just shushes him softly and puts a finger to Kamui's lips to quiet him down. He helps his shivering younger brother sit down on a couch, but when he tries to take Kamui by the shoulder again, his brother flinches away, completely revolted by the gesture.

Subaru pulls his hand back as if he's been scalded and stares at Kamui in shock. Kamui looks horrified at his own action and tries to reach out to him but the damage has been inflicted already.

Subaru then comes over to slam the door in my face.

Seishirou Ni-san will certainly enjoy this anecdote.

XXX

When Sumeragi-san orders his twelve-year-old brother to get undressed and then lie on the bed with intimidating metal devices, implements and screens and electrodes circling it, the boy takes a deep breath and looks up at his brother.

"Kamui," Sumeragi-san says carefully, "Did you hear what I said?"

"We'll assess him for 210 out of the standard 367 abnormalities," I say and my superior smiles cheerily at Kamui who pulls off his shirt so slowly that he reminds me of a model in an advertisement who's trying to look seductive. Sumeragi-san makes a move like he's going to pull up a chair to wait the test out.

"You can come back in another few hours," my associate tells Sumeragi-san firmly enough that he gets the message.

"Is that necessary?" He asks me, ignoring my superior, "Isn't supervision allowed?"

"It's better to have as less people in the room as possible," I say, unwillingly, feeling grinning eyes burning holes into my head. A total lie.

"Ni-san," Kamui begs, clinging to the railing, wanting him to stay, but too bashful to ask.

Sumeragi-san just regards his brother for a moment before leaving. He has no other choice.

I give Kamui the necessary relaxants and sedatives until he's almost asleep and then the two of us start to hook him up to begin the computerized tests. He's so modest that I pull a sheet for his privacy.

We take the samples together and watch each category get wiped off the digital list as the test is conducted. It's a monotonous process and I wait for a red mark or a yellow one to come up sooner or later, but so far, he's pure.

"He's beautiful, isn't he?" my associate asks after an hour.

Standing up and pulling off the latex glove, he begins to run a hand over Kamui's slim body, starting at his delicate waist and displacing the sheet as he does.

The boy stirs uneasily in his sleep and calls out for his brother.

"Kigai-san," I reprimand him but he doesn't stop the obscenity.

"His eyes are purple," he goes on thoughtfully, "His brother's are green. How is that?"

"God works in mysterious ways," I say distractedly as he continues with his attentions on the boy, leaning over him and encasing the twelve-year-old in his shadow.

I understand the meaning for his popular nickname now. They call him 'The Devil.'

I may be a nameless junior nurse in this facility but I'm well aware of what I have to know. And I know of Sumeragi-san's formidable reputation. Maybe that's why Kigai-san finds pleasure in breaking those carefully drawn boundaries Sumeragi-san has set down around Kamui to keep him safe here.

"Sumeragi-san is fortunate to have Kamui-chan all to himself, don't you think?" he asks at last, "I don't understand how he controls himself from ravaging him every night."

"Kamui is his brother," I say, totally revolted.

"Does it make a difference?" Yuuto-san asks, but doesn't cease the motions of his fingers even while he speaks, "When we can kill the people closest to us, why can't we love them too?"

"Kigai-san," I begin, resisting the urge to vomit, "Please…"

"Oh, my apologies. Do you have an objection?" he asks, seemingly surprised.

I'm trembling but I can't do a thing here; I have to send the money I get to a family outside the premises and without me, they're destitute.

"No," I say finally.

"Sumeragi-san needs to learn that danger comes from within. He may be rising, but what can he do for the army, for real, when he can't even open his eyes?" Yuuto-san asks, smiling.

I can do nothing but look away.

XXX

"I lost another tooth, Ni-san!" Kamui says proudly, coming up to where I'm speaking with Seishirou-san. He holds the tiny white fang with his fingers, like it's a diamond. It's the first tooth he's losing while living with me.

I want to grab him, tickle him until he's screaming for mercy and then tell him about the tooth fairy and hide money and candy under his pillow at night to hear him gasping in wonder in the morning, but I can't.

"Go clean up the blood and throw that thing away," I order lazily and turn my back on him.

XXX

"Here's the report," he says and hands the printed sheet to Sumeragi-san another hour later as I proceed to rouse Kamui, who after the strenuous series of tests, is trying to fight off sleep.

He won't remember a thing of what took place in here.

He sits up and looks at his elder brother expectantly, who ignores him and scans the report. I know that the score is perfect. Kamui doesn't even have one abnormality. Sumeragi-san was reluctant to let Kamui take the test but was forced to do so by the authorities and now that it's over, his conscience can be cleared.

Finally, Sumeragi-san sighs and smiles gently at Kamui.

He cups his anxious brother's cheek with his hand and turns his face to look up at him.

"I'm proud of you," he says and Kamui flushes under the intensity of his brother's gaze. He looks down, smiling slightly and evidently pleased.

He brings up his own hand to touch his brother's and curls their fingers together.

Kigai-san smiles even wider.

XXX

"Have you ever had something that crawls put down your shirt?" Fuuma asks me during dinner at our house and I jump. Subaru doesn't bother to look up from his plate but Seishirou-san studies his brother as if wondering if they're actually related.

"Because in school some time ago, a lizard fell down the back of my jacket," Fuuma continues, "It was hell, but there's a rumor that says if you can put up with that, you're finally good enough to be considered a man."

He smirks at me while Seishirou-san sighs wearily and he and my brother exchange a look. The sort of look that makes Subaru blush really hard, which I'll be teasing him about all night until he puts me in a headlock and drags me up to bed.

"So, Kamui," Fuuma says, ignoring the other two glowering at him for 'forgetting' to put in a 'kun' at the end, "Are you a man?"

And all of this because I got glasses. I glare at Subaru and he meets my gaze calmly before looking down to work on his food.

"I had a dozen worms stuffed into my ears," I snap at Fuuma, "Beat that."

Fuuma's jaw drops. He's seventeen but looks a lot younger at once, like a child who's been harshly disciplined.

"This is what happens when you try to show off, Fuuma-kun," Seishirou-san says cheerily and neatly spears something off of his younger brother's plate while he's distracted.

The person who puts his fork down is Subaru. Or more accurately, he drops it and it hits the table.

"Is this true?" he asks, quietly and I curse myself inside for being so stupid.

"Seriously?" Fuuma asks, grinning, "Are you sure you're not kidding?"

"It happened," I mutter, knowing that my ass is in serious danger.

"When did this happen?" Subaru repeats, turning to face me properly, "Kamui!"

"Subaru-kun," Seishirou-san warns him and puts down his chopsticks.

"At school," I say, feeling a little light-headed.

"Don't lie to me," Subaru snaps, "You have six people in the whole academy and you're capable of fighting all of them at once."

Fuuma coughs delicately at that and I feel Seishirou-san kick him under the table. I try to stifle a laugh but fail and Subaru looks furious.

"Excuse us, Subaru-kun," Seishirou-san says abruptly and with a single look from him, Fuuma meekly gets up, follows him out of the room and shoots me a thumbs-up on the way out.

My brother and I are alone in the dining room, but I know the others can hear everything that takes place in here.

"Tell me," Subaru orders. I look into his eyes and wonder at the fact that an hour ago, we were peaceably reading together.

I would've told him the truth but the way he says that, like I'm a goddamn subordinate he can take for granted, sends that little bolt of electricity through my stomach and I speak before I can think it over.

XXX

"Ni-san, may I be permitted to use the restroom downstairs?"

Kamui is usually silent around others so I realize that if he's asking me, it must mean that he's been waiting to go for the last three and a half hours, since my meeting began.

Rain outside pounds against the glass windows and it makes the place feel dull and sleepy and grey, so I'm glad to have an excuse to look at him and speak to him.

He's kneeling on the floor, wearing my jacket and his sleeves are bulging because of the bandages under them. I try to imagine how he did that day, when he used the knife in the kitchen to make the fatal slashes on his arms. The incoherent apology note he left for me was stained with blood.

It's been tiring to watch him constantly ever since then. I know he won't ever do it again, but for the authorities, I have to write reports about my own brother and know each of his doings as if he's another animal or specimen instead of a fifteen-year-old boy.

"Of course you may," I say and he rises unsteadily. I know he specifically mentioned the downstairs restroom so that my other colleague knows where he is too, according to protocol.

"Wait," the man snaps and Kamui freezes, "Leave the door open when you're there."

My brother looks mortified at the very thought and instinctively wraps his arms around himself as he casts a quietly pleading glance at me. Thunder rumbling is the only answer he gets from the world.

"I'll stand outside instead," I try to offer, as a compromise, but the man shakes his head.

"I won't allow it," he says, "There are regulations to be followed, Sumeragi-kun, even if he is your brother."

Kamui swallows hard and stares at his bare feet.

"It's all right," I tell my brother, "Kamui, just get it over with. It's going to be fine."

Kamui shuffles to the bathroom and leaves the door open a crack.

"Wider!" the man calls and my brother hesitantly does it.

We can't see him, but we can certainly hear everything.

I'm silently burning with the rage that he's become numb to, because Kamui is my brother and I don't even have the power to stop him from being violated like this in my, no, our own home.

Kamui returns, unable to look me in the eye.

"Did you wash your hands your hands with soap, Kamui-chan?" the man teases and I want to kill him with the very gun at my belt. Instead, I go to the kitchen so I can fill Kamui a glass of water to drink and press it into his fingers, mentally pleading that he won't lose himself until we're alone again.

Just a few more minutes. For me.

And although it may be impossible, I know he's heard me, because he obeys.

It storms outside.

XXX

Fuuma is the one who holds ice to my cheek with his bare hands and helps me sit up. I grab onto his arms and I feel a tear running down my face as he supports me. He scrapes my glasses off the ground but they're chipped.

I'm glad. I'm never wearing them again.

"You deserved that," he tells me, as I crush the material of his sweater. Subaru is nowhere to be seen and I'm still a little disoriented.

"Where is-"

"The next room. Talking with Ni-san. Don't worry."

The pain goes down after a while and we stay there, kneeling on the floor together, our dinner still unfinished on the table above.

"You're lucky Sumeragi-san is your brother," Fuuma continues, "Seishirou Ni-san would've made sure I wouldn't walk for a month if I ever spoke like that. But Sumeragi-san is scary when he's mad."

He frowns at me then and I try to angrily wipe my eyes dry.

"I wasn't lying," I say, "When I was kidnapped, they put worms in my ears. Six of them in each one."

It's definitely not the priority now, but I somehow want him to know that it happened…that I wasn't lying.

"Whatever for?"

For the first time he looks sickened.

"They said I'd grown up my whole life listening to lies and poison here," I continue, remembering it all, "They said they had to clean my ears of everything I'd been taught. And so, there were worms. And every time I tried to run, they added one more."

I try to smile at him.

"So am I a man?"

He shakes his head.

"Yeah. I guess. Actually, fuck it, I'm going to hurl."

And the tears refuse to stop for me after that. It's ironic, because I'm laughing at the same time and have just been declared a man.

"He slapped you, Kamui," Fuuma explains patiently, like I can't understand, "He's done much worse to you, if you remember."

"That was different," I say, leaning back against him. And it was. He strokes my hair and although the gesture is the same as the Subaru has done for me countless times when I was sick or crying or injured, it frightens me because whether Fuuma or my brother touches me like this, it sends a thrill of forbidden pleasure through me and raises the hairs at the back of my neck.

"Not really," Fuuma says easily and I stare at him, temporarily lost, until I get my thoughts back.

I jerk away when I feel his mouth over mine.

"Subaru is in the next room, you fool," I hiss as he slides his hands over my shoulders.

"He's with Ni-san," Fuuma mutters, "Believe me, we could do a lot of things in here and they wouldn't notice."

He reels me in for a harder kiss and I end up under him as he presses a hand to my sides, under my shirt and I half-heartedly respond.

He gives up when he sees that I'm too distracted and edgy for anything more.

"Both times he hurt you," Fuuma continues, "Sumeragi-san wasn't angry at you."

He lies down next to me, resting a head on my collar and follows the line of my eyes as I stare out to the next room.

He pauses.

"He was punishing himself."

Seishirou-san laughs in the next room and Subaru says something I can't hear. I watch the doorway, and I only realize Fuuma is kissing me again when he irritably nips at my lip before pulling away.

"I hope I won't have to ask you to choose between us two one of these days," he murmurs and then leaves me there.

XXX

The man leaves fifteen minutes later and the water is still untouched.

As soon as the door shuts, Kamui takes the glass and hurls it to the carpet, where it spills but doesn't shatter and he makes a motion like he's going to stamp on it with his bare feet or smash it with his hands.

I'm quick to drag him away and push him onto the stairs where I restrain him as he screams and swears at me and thrashes like an untamed animal, trying to rip the healing wounds open again and tries to bite himself repeatedly. I extend his arms away from his chest and hold him down by his elbows, so it feels as if I'm preparing him to be crucified. Lightning flashes through the darkened house, illuminating his face in jarring streaks and for an instant, I'm holding something that isn't human.

I let him scream himself out and kick and I'm unable to do anything but whisper comforting words into his hair…words that he doesn't hear, touches he doesn't want to feel, until he's nearly unconscious from his own exertion.

"Better?" I ask quietly, when he's not as hysterical.

Kamui shuts his eyes and whips his head to the side when I try to wipe a stray tear on his face.

"That wasn't even the beginning," he replies, but his voice is shivering as I fix the bandages and try to straighten his clothes.

"I know that," I say, "I'm sorry."

I lift him in my arms and carry him to bed.

XXX

Author's Note:

Well, another chapter of 'Salvation' and I think it's pretty clear why this is rated M so far. I really don't know what came over me while I was writing this months ago for the first time….I do remember being really depressed, though.

Anyway, one tip to keeping the plot and timeline straight is to look at the ages of the characters. By doing that, everything else will set itself. Remember, Subaru is nine years older than Kamui, Seishiro is nine years older than Subaru, Fuuma is seventeen years younger than Seishirou and one year older than Kamui.

Please read and review. I treasure each review I get.