A/N: Wonder how it feels... I keep on trying. I doubt more and more, but guess I'll keep on writing. I think it's quite slow, but... well, don't throw anything too heavy at me! ^)
Here it is. Enjoy, if possible ^) And if impossible - don't kill me.
Chapter 2
I don't wanna break
Before
The tour
Is over,
I'm gonna make
It mine,
Yes I,
I'll own it
I'm gonna make
It mine,
Yes I'll make it all mine...
Jason Mraz – Make It Mine
This actually was more difficult than he imagined, he thinks to himself, walking slowly and quietly across the grounds. First, he almost got caught when he found Charlie's address. He doesn't even remember how he has run away, but he managed. Then, when he had already bought himself a ticket – everything has been too easy, he should have expected something like that – he suddenly noticed two of the teachers. Before they turned to his direction, he found a second to disappear.
He can't really complain, though. The roommate didn't even notice he was throwing something in some strange bag. All in all Knox has been quite lucky. And now he's ready to run away, hiding in shadows, but he will split and he'll be free. He said it. Neil would support him. Nuwanda would like him to.
Interesting, he thinks, all the time he's been living only on preparations to that runaway he's been thinking how his old Nuwanda, who is sleeping somewhere far away, would like the idea. How he'd surely join him. He chuckles quietly, looking around. A few tenths of steps more…
And a sudden sound breaks the silence. His heart falls and he freezes in the shadow, scared, heart pounding in his throat. God, no, no, only not to get caught…I can't right now…
Some dark figure walks so close from him. He doesn't see the face in the dark, and he can't recognize the man. Knox stands there, trying not to breathe. Go away, he begs, staring at the man helplessly.
The man walks by in no hurry. Knox can't even see his profile on the dark background of the night. His steps fade, slow and even. Knox waits. Seconds are like hours. Finally everything seems silent. Knox looks around. Not a shadow moves around him. He swallows hard. God, now this is scary, - he thinks and tries to grin to encourage himself. He doesn't think he succeeds, though. He takes a deep breath and dares to step out of his quite safe cool dark…
The breath burns his face, he gasps, jumps away – he faces the man, whose features are still indiscernible.
- Oh crap! – he can't help but exclaim.
The next moment he's running head-long, like crazy. He doesn't even think, it's all on instincts.
Only don't recognize me. No…
This is the only thought jumping in his mind to the quick, hard rhythm of his feet hitting the ground. He doesn't hear anything but this rhythm – his heel hits the ground – his heart hits his ribs – and again, and again…
So this is how it is – to run away. It's just an endless stream of rhythmical hits, of fear that gives your tongue a strange taste – and a constant, extreme lack of air. It's when your heart beats in your throat, in your ears – and somewhere deep in the abdomen, it's when nothing exists and everything is damn too real…
He doesn't know how come that he is in that dark corner, curled up and shaking. It's just that something in his mind suddenly snaps – and he finds himself like this. He opens his eyes in surprise and looks around, trying not to make any noise.
He sees the dark skies overhead, the full moon, cold and pale. There's nobody near him. He doesn't remember how he has got here. He remembers the run across the grounds, he remembers the rhythm – and after that he doesn't remember a thing.
He shrugs. He has to do something. He straightens and gets up.
His bag is still on his back, he understands. His senses return. His thoughts fill his head slowly again. He shakes his head to make them run faster, he can't stand them crawling.
He comes out from between the roots of some large tree, stumbling as his knees are still weak. He comes out on the trail and turns around slowly, trying to regain his breath.
There's nobody around. He's standing alone on the empty trail. He looks around in amazement, because there's nothing but sky – free sky, and earth – free earth, and air – the free air, the air of freedom.
He did it.
He ran away.
Now he's free.
He jumps up and does a little triumphant dance. He's ready to scream and shout. He's made it! He's out! He's free!
He suddenly stops and glances at his watch. He's just thought of the train he could not miss. Now he has to hurry! He looks around to figure out where he is – and easily understands. He knows this place. Knows perfectly well. It's a miracle that absolutely accidentally he's reached the trail he planned to go and didn't get lost. He looks up and smiles at the skies full of freedom and runs down the trail.
The compartment is quiet. Maybe a little bit too quiet for such an excitement in Knox's heart. He wants to jump off his place, he wants to pace and run, he wants to do something, he needs desperately to be active. His knees are still trembling slightly, a little lump of excitement in his throat won't let him sleep.
He stands up and stares out of the window. A grin doesn't leave his face. He's going to be alone in the compartment so he feels even freer. His heart jumps and turns somersaults inside him.
Not knowing what to do, he sits down, makes himself comfortable and checks his things in the bag for umpteenth time. Then jumps to his feet again, stands staring out of the window, then sits down again. Seconds are almost like hours.
He pulls a little paper out of his pocket. It's already crumpled. Knox straightens it with care and looks at it. It's Charlie's address. He's already learned it by heart. But he won't throw the paper out. Partially it's just a fear that he accidentally forgets. But partially it's also that the paper is a little material reminder of Charlie's existence. Not just a memory, but something you can touch. Something you can see. Knox needs something material right now.
He feels that little vibration that always goes through the floor when the train is ready to go. It's like a tensed animal, it wants to go, to run – but it's not yet time. Knox closes his eyes and settles back, squeezing the paper in his hand.
The train is slowly getting its power. It's preparing. One more tremble – and it lets out a loud call – its barbaric YAWP – and starts its way, leaving behind that Hellton, that Nolan, those lifeless beings that everybody has turned into.
Knox smiles. He's running towards Charlie, he's started his way. He's gonna get there. He's gonna be with Charlie as he's always been before. And – he's gonna fix everything and everybody. No, not he – they. Their dangerous mixture. The explosive they make when together.
This thought makes him feel wanna sing. All the darkest memories have somehow faded. It seems to him that all he has to do for everything to be okay is get to Charlie. That's all that he needs to return the chemistry. And then…
God!
He opens his eyes wide and looks at the ceiling.
God!
He suddenly thinks what it'll be like when they meet. He imagines Charlie's face – slowly lighting with a smile. Maybe – with wide with amazement eyes. Maybe – with that grin he always had, or maybe – with a wide smile. He sees him turning back into his old Nuwanda. He sees him – more alive than all the remaining Dead Poets together!
Knox's heart hits his ribs and he smiles, closing his eyes tight again. He almost feels Charlie holding him – because he hopes that'll happen. He imagines them together again, like before.
Stop, - he thinks, a smile on his lips lighting the compartment. – Stop, in the name of everything! You're not out of your mind. This is just ridiculous! Just – stupid!
But he can't help but admit that he likes it this way – he likes it ridiculous, he likes it stupid and funny. He likes it crazy, because he likes it Nuwanda. Because he likes Nuwanda himself. No, because he adores this guy without any common sense. He loves him like nobody.
And the funniest thing is that he doesn't even really stop to think about that feeling. He just lives with it. He doesn't care what it is.
He smiles.
He lies down and stares at the ceiling with that stupid smile of happiness on his face.
Just a little. This night that will fly by like one minute if he falls asleep. So little separates him from Charlie.
He closes his eyes – and he sees his best friends' faces. And Charlie's face is the brightest of all. His sparkling dark eyes, his expressions, his smirks and squints. And his laugh.
The sound of Charlie's sax floats from somewhere far away. Knox closes his eyes and feels that hand messing up his hair… tapping his back… he hears that laugh… hears that saxophone playing… those tiny tomtoms…
'To indeed be a GOD!'
Knox smiles semiconsciously.
And Morpheus in Charlie's mask takes him to the land of dreams…