Death is just something as a hunter you grow used to (like it's an uninvited guest that just won't get the hell out) because you know you can't escape it no matter how hard you try.
People will die and some of them will be the ones we care for and love far more then ourselves (for Dean and me it's all of the time).
(we each have a long list of dead and our own oceans of tears)
But when it was Sam's time to bite the dust (which without Dean he would have gone a lot sooner) he couldn't handle that and instead of moving on, like any other normal person would, he choose to trade his life for Sam's.
He did so not even knowing that he was hurting someone he had left in the dust years ago and I doubt in the last moments he even gave me a second thought.
That's what you get from the man you claim to love (now you get to deny it until your blue in the face) two broken, and our stepped on, hearts from the same guy in one lifetime.
But I had no idea that he would get a third chance to break it all over again.
-
I should have left that day, when the tears couldn't be stopped (they came like rain drops but I wasn't alone) but some reason I stayed with the Winchester I had sworn to hate.
(the moment he made me feel weak, but trust me after that day I will never be again)
"Would you like to stay with me?"
In his swollen eyes I didn't see the monster the world wanted him to be but someone that needed me (after all Dean wasn't here to do so) and so I only had one answer to give.
"Sure, it's not like I have any where else to be (besides killing those sons of a bitches), but two beds, no hitting on me, and I drive, got it?"
"Got it."
And with that a weak excuse for a smile and those damn puppy dog eyes of his kept me there for months and months (each filled with protecting the little brother).
And I had a feeling that if it had been any longer (before that one fateful night) I would have found Dean in his features once again and found him in his lips.
(and it would have been down hill from there, besides who could break-up with someone that damn cute?)
-
But those long months (filled with road trips, pie that never ends, and of course the thrill of the hunt) came to a halt the moment the dead came knocking on our door.
(which had two beds but they were a lot closer then the start of this strange friendship)
"Dean?"
As they had their family reunion (filled with the hugs they had only shared once before) I watched from the shadows and it felt like I was intruding in their lives, like I didn't belong.
(which is now whole because god finally thought of the Winchesters)
Every single part of me wanted to run to him, put my arms around him like I had never gotten the chance to do, and kiss the lips that had said goodbye one too many times.
('I'll call you' 'no you won't' still rings clear)
"Jo? Wow, what has it been, years?"
And then that silly of grin fell on his lips and he had me hooked and instead of hating the man that crushed my childish heart so long ago, I finally gave in and gave him that hug.
(and with the man, alive and kicking, I love before my eyes I couldn't see the little brother's eyes ablaze)
"Yeah, years."