Ch. 2 "Sensible Heart"

By the time I stumbled down the porch steps and into my car to rev the engine, Charlie had chased me down, motioning me to lower the window.

Nimbly I did as he requested, all the while my heart continuing to pound in my chest. From nerves, excitement or fear, I wasn't sure. But the look on Charlie's face was only adding to my anxiety. Was he stopping me? Was there something he needed to warn me about?

"What's up, Dad?" I asked cautiously, watching the internal struggle take place across his features. He let out a few mumbled curses under his breath before stepping closer to the window.

"Look Bells, I couldn't let you head down to La Push without first warning you…" My throat and chest tightened, "When you left honey and never returned, Jake didn't handle it too well…he ran away for a little while, thinking you were dead and that somehow it was his fault. When he came back, he got into some bad things. Drugs, mostly. He dropped out of school for awhile there, but he's gotten back on track. He's been doing better as of recently. I'm not sure how he'll react to seeing you, what it might trigger in him. He's always been like a son to me, you know that…but we grew closer when we thought we lost you, and I don't want to see him go back to those dark places. So, maybe you should just stop by and see Billy, I'm sure he'll pass the message that you're back along to Jake. Just take it easy on the kid."

Charlie must have noticed the sudden paling of my face and the pained expression in my eyes because he reached in to gently squeeze my shoulder and place a kiss to my forehead, "Take my advice, just go see Billy. For today." He turned to leave and head back inside after giving me an apologetic half smile.

"Hey dad?" He turned back to face me, "I love you," I softly whispered, feeling the need to right my wrongs.

How did I have it in my mind for two years that Jacob, my best friend who saved me from myself, would have continued on living?

I was living in some lie that life for all those I loved had stopped after I left. Was I senile to think that everything would be the same when I came back? The answer to that was clear; yes. If I had been stronger, I would have continued to stay away. In the long run, it would be easier. Easier. I kid myself into thinking it was easy for the ones I left behind. It was selfish of me to ever think that.

I felt like I could drive the twisting roads down to La Push blind. How many times had I driven these same roads two years ago to go see my best friend, the person I now came back for? I would have felt an overwhelming happiness that this was finally happening, but Charlie's words still haunted me. Drugs…running away…depression. How had my Jacob, my bright and full of life Jacob, done those things?

Things had changed. People had changed. I changed, and he changed. I was delusional to think everything would return back to normal now that I was here. The thing I wanted most wouldn't be there, because the person I wanted most was no longer there, as the person he used to be. But then again, neither was I.

Twenty minutes later I was in La Push. Finally. Finally.

I sat there, staring at the same small, red house pushed up against the forest for what felt like hours. I was taking Charlie's advice, but how could I be sure Jacob wasn't there? What if he opened the door to see me, a ghost of his past standing there? How would he react? Hell, how would I react? I hadn't thought that part over yet.

My feet betrayed me as my thoughts were set on the fact that my dad had told me to go see Billy, which must mean he was alone in his house, right? Maybe Charlie knew Jacob was out somewhere, or had a place of his own. Right? Right. Right.

Relief washed over me when the old, rusty brown door squeaked open and there sat Billy Black. His hair was filled with grey specks and it was much shorter than I previously remembered it being. His face had aged, just like Charlie's. Yet there was still a light in his eyes.

"Isabella," he spoke my name with an oddly contagious smile, not looking as nearly frightened or like he'd seen a ghost as my dad had. I stared down at him, taking in his new face to replace the younger one I had engraved in my mind. Just like Charlie's. Just like Renee's. And just like Jacob's.

"Charlie called me and said you were on your way down. He didn't want you to end up giving me a heart attack," he continued to smile at me with a small chuckle before I was leaning down to hug him like it was the most ordinary thing, like I hadn't been absent from his life for two years. Guilt ate at me, squirming around my heart.

"Hi, Billy."

I pulled back a few seconds later after Billy gave my back a few pats and placed a fraternal kiss to the side of my temple. The overwhelming feelings of being in this house had tears dripping from my eyes.

Quickly I wiped them away, letting out a shaky breath, "Sorry…I'm just a mess," I laughed at myself to try and ease the tension.

"Well…you've probably been through a lot," he replied with a hint of curiosity.

The same scents still sifted throughout the Black house. Billy urged me inside and into the kitchen, passing the same light brown couch in the living, and into the same dull white kitchen. It smelt like the rain and the forest, natural. And like cleaning detergents.

"You look as gorgeous as ever, Bella," Billy gave me a once over under the lights of the kitchen. I shied under his gaze, glancing down at my feet. I feared the next words out of his mouth to be inquisitions; where were you, why'd you leave, how could you leave?

"It's great to see you, Billy," I replied, my voice showing an octave of emotion.

"Oh, it's great to see you. Never thought I would," I winced at his words, looking down at my hands toying with the hem of my shirt.

In an attempt to switch the way the conversation was rolling, a mumbled out, "So, you and Sue? I guess that's just as surprising as my dad dating again…"

His smile widened on his aging face, "Yeah, who woulda thought?" He chuckled lightly, "This weekend is actually our anniversary. I invited Charlie, Ali and yourself over for dinner tonight at Sue's place when I talked to your father on the phone a few minutes ago. The whole pack will be there celebrating, I'm sure they'd love to see you. Sue's kids and Ali's kids will be there, too."

"Ali's kids?" I guess Charlie didn't feel the need to mention that fact to me earlier. Besides, they were engaged. Didn't I deserve to know about the family I was being bound to?

"Oh sure, Colin is her youngest, he's part of the pack. The kid gets into a lot of trouble 'round here. And Nessa is 19, Jake's age. They've been seeing each other recently, she's good for him…" I could practically feel the sting of the slap in the face. Ouch. Guess I deserved that one. Billy had every right to hate me, especially with after my dad told me about Jake's mishaps after my absence…

Tears welled up in my eyes. I wasn't even sure of their cause. Jealousy? Regret? Pain? Whatever the reason, I didn't feel welcome any longer.

"Right, well…I should get going…" I murmured, turning to make my way towards the door I only just previously entered. As I gripped the doorknob and forced open the door that still always needed a few shakes to open fully just like it did all those years ago, Billy's voice had me stopping in my tracks.

"He's down by the beach."

I practically ran to my car after that, managing not to stumble. I had worked on that over the years; my clumsiness. I wasn't so fragile anymore. I didn't need to be taken care of. I managed for two years to prove to myself that I didn't need to rely on those who felt they needed to control me. To watch over me. Now was not any different.

Even though I was mentally repeating Don't go to the beach, Don't go to the beach, Don't go to the beach, it was inevitable that I would end up there with the voice in my head keeping me company.

Billy had every right to say that to you…

You think I don't know that?

I felt like I had been thrown into some sick reality show. Where my potential stepsister was dating my…my what? My nothing. I left, I ran, I abandoned. I had no claiming rights. But that was the whole reason for coming back, all because of him. All because I need him.

I parked between a clump of cars in the parking lot overlooking First Beach. There were crowds and clusters of people all over the place; near the beach, by the few bonfires burning, near the diner off to the right…

Nerves consumed me as I stared, looking for the familiar group of boys who towered over everyone. Whose intimidating physiques had everyone parting a pathway for them. I was so lost in my own high hopes and anxiety as I sat in my jeep that the high pitched ringing of my cell phone caused me to jump from my skin. My elbow hit the side of the metal door as a result, causing a tingling sensation to trail up and down my arm.

"Ow, ow, ow…" I searched frantically for the cell phone in my bag. Why the hell did I ever allow them to buy me this?

"Ow…hello?" I breathed into the small flip phone, gripping at my sure to be bruised elbow.

"Bella, it's good to hear your voice. How are you?" The voice rang through the phone.

"Uh…better, I guess. How are you?"

"Better, as well."

"I'm…uh…in Forks…" I mumbled, biting my lower lip as my eyes started searching the beach through squinted eyes as the sun obscured my vision.

There was silence on the other end of the phone, causing even more nerves to add to the bundle in my stomach.

"I know, Bella." Pause. "…Do you think that's a good idea?"

No. "Yes." My voice cracked as I mentally scolded myself. Not only did I perfect my usual clumsiness over the years, I also worked on my ability to lie. Before, I pretty much sucked and couldn't lie to save my life. Literally; flash back to Laurent. But, that got better over time as well. Except for now, of course. My voice betrayed me.

A disapproving sigh was all I received from the person on the other line.

My eyes caught something then; a group of ten or so trudging their way up from the beach and towards the diner. The group towered over everyone else, and their shirtless bodies had everyone they passed gaping in awe.

Everything shifted. My breathing came out as pants, "Look, I have to go…" I mumbled into the phone, opening the door and sliding out into the surprising warmth of the day.

"Miss you always, Bella." I ended the call without replying, stuffing the phone somewhere in the back pocket of my jeans.

My mouth went dry, and in that moment as I watched the large group continue their descent with a few girls at their sides, I knew it was them. I knew it was them when they walked like they were flanking their Alpha, when I caught sight of their short cropped hair and the way they stood out amongst the other, ordinary people. I had the same feeling I experienced earlier that morning inside my kitchen when I hurled up all the food in my system. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach as I searched and searched the ten faces of the group walking a few yards away from my side to find the face that never left my mind for the past two years.

And then, one of the members of the pack stopped walking and remained still. Just as still as I was. My heart stopped beating in that moment, my mind screaming that it was him and that he somehow sensed me. I watched with disbelieving eyes as the man turned, his eyes catching mine. My heart clenched when the face I saw wasn't Jacob's, but an unfamiliar one.

We stared at each other from across the lot, my mind boggled and confused as the face of one of the pack members stared back at me, showing no sign of emotion. Then I saw it; the familiar awkward hunch that was distinctly Quil, the hunch that was so distinguishable to him and the way he stood. Now that I put a name with the face, I could see small glitters of his younger, sixteen year old self. But no longer did he resemble that youthful boy; though I knew he was only nineteen, he looked to be in his mid twenties. Whether it be because of his frightening demeanor or his face that looked aged with knowledge and history.

Right as something seemed to register on his face – the same look Ali and Charlie wore when they first saw me – he was left with a look of complete confusion on his expression. And then Quil was there, standing right in front of me as the pack continued their descent over the small hill leading towards the diner, not yet noticing his absence.

"Bella?" He spoke my name cautiously, as if expecting me to drift away with the wind like a hallucination. The sound of his voice brought me back in time to two years ago, when we were sitting in Jacob's garage, watching Embry and him Jake wrestle over some witty comment made about prom. A very human time for the three of them, and a very emotionless time for me. Quil was sitting at my right, betting that Embry would win the match against Jake…

"You're alive," he stated as if it was the last thing in this world he expected. A job well done for me, I guess. And then it hit me; the way he was staring at me for so long with a rigid expression had me thinking that he actually thought I was dead, not alive whatsoever. But the realization that he – they all – must have come to was that I was a vampire, and it now made sense that Quil's hunched over body was that of almost attack mode. What would the pack's protocol have been for me if I was a vampire? Kill? Kill without a second thought?

For the third time that day I felt ready to vomit.

Quil's eyes continued to roam over me; not in a seductive 'I want you' kind of way, but as if he doubling checking. Double checking my heart beat, the pink flush on my pale face, the very human scent I still had…

"Where's Jacob?"

He shifted on his feet as I tried to peer around his bulky frame, but he reached out a gentle hand to stop my movements, "Look, I don't really know what's going on right now, or if I'm just fucking imagining this and going insane…but you can't see him."

"Says who?" I snapped back, a little more animosity in my tone than I'd intended. Yet not enough to scare a werewolf.

"Says me. Are you back in town, for good? Or just passing through?"

Why the inquisition? "For good." Well, I hadn't made plans either way. But now, now I didn't want to leave. I could get an apartment, or move to Port Angeles somewhere…

"Let me break the news to Jake that you're…you're…well, alive…and back," His hazel eyes tried to plead with me.

"No. I'm not going to let him find out from someone else that I'm here. I need to tell him, I need to see him…" Just as I was about to make a dash around his side to get away from his concealing frame, a voice calling out for Quil broke my train of thought.

"Quil! What're you doing? We're fucking starving, hurry up and get sorry your ass over here!"

Jacob. His voice was rich and deep and so…Jacob.

"Bella, please," Quil tensed, "I'm trying to do what's best for both of you," He continued to try and get me to back down.

"No," My eyes welled as I looked up at him, hoping the simple statement and the sincerity in my voice would sway his decision.

"Yes."

"No."

He let out a frustrated sigh, "I forgot how stubborn you can be…" he mumbled with a half grin, "Let me try and talk to him first at least?" All I could do was nod. This was it. This was it.

"Quil, c'mon!" Jacob's voice became a bit more impatient as I peered around Quil to see him begin to head over towards us from the opposite side of the lot, where Quil had previously stood. The pack was a few yards ahead still, waiting for their brothers.

"Jake-" Quil raised a hand in protest as Jacob came closer and closer, "Now, before you do anything crazy…" He trailed off, uncertain.

"Is it a leech?" Jacob's voice was suddenly as sharp as knives. I knew he couldn't be far now, maybe one hundred feet or so. My heart was doing all kinds of jumps and flips. Suddenly I felt unsure. I was afraid to see him, to see all the changes in him that Charlie had warned me of. Afraid to see his reaction and even my own reaction. I wasn't ready. Or else if I was, I would have run out from behind Quil's concealment and wouldn't be second guessing myself.

"Quil…I'm…I'm not ready," Whatever those words meant, I hoped he understood their meaning. I spoke in such a soft whisper, too afraid Jake would have heard or me hell, even smelt me…

Weird werewolf senses.

"No wait, stop," Quil protested to Jacob, his voice urgent, "I'll meet you inside? I'm just talking to a friend and need to be alone, okay?" Well, Quil was a much better liar than me, that was for certain. I was unaware of how close Jacob had gotten to us, but I guessed it wasn't close enough for anything to change. Because seconds later Quil was facing me and pushing me back to my car, opening the door and ushering me inside. All the while hiding my small frame.

"I won't tell him anything, at least not for today. He'll see into my thoughts tonight, so it's then or never," He was still whispering, occasionally checking over his shoulder to see Jake retreating, yet mimicking his movement and looking back over his own shoulder in curiosity.

"No, no…tell him. Warn him. Let him decide." I was the queen of indecision.

Quil nodded, "Give me five minutes to get him inside before you drive away…" he made a move to shut the door, then paused, "Oh, and Bella? It's good to see you…alive," His smile and the affection in his voice made my heart warm. Then Quil was gone, and five minutes later so was I.

I exceeded and broke every speed limit on every road, glad my jeep, unlike the truck, could actually reach over 65 mph. There were no tears during my reckless drive home, which was reached in record time. I was too shaken from my almost encounter with one of the three people I loved most in this world. Seeing Charlie would have been hard but since I wasn't expecting it that somehow made it easier. I would still have to call Renee, which wouldn't be as emotional as it would in person. And seeing Jake, well…you know how that went.

I trudged inside, my mind wandering as I stood in the kitchen, staring at the faucet dripping water every few seconds.

"Bells?" My dad gave me a gentle shake on one of my shoulders, arching an eyebrow at me as I blinked and came to.

"Sorry…I was…spacing out. It's been a long day…" I mumbled, not meeting his gaze since mine felt too vulnerable.

"Did ya see Jacob?"

"No…no. I took your advice and only saw Billy…" Well, I hadn't exactly taken his advice. Up until the point I coward away, my intentions were to see him.

"Well, that's good kiddo. Did he tell you he invited us over for dinner at Sue's? We'll be leaving here in an hour. Ali went out to Sue's already to help with cookin'."

"Why didn't you tell me about Jacob and Ali's daughter?"

"Hmm?" Charlie mumbled as he took to gather bills and envelopes and stack them on the counter as if trying to play off the comment.

"Billy said Jacob has been…seeing Ali's daughter. You didn't feel as if I needed to know that?" I was on the edge of sobbing. And again, I wasn't even sure where the tears were coming from. Maybe the day was just too overwhelming.

Charlie sighed, turning to grip my shoulders, "You two have always been friends, I didn't think it would matter…You said tomorrow we would talk, and I'll do some talking too then and explain things here more," He then changed the subject, "Anyways, like I said, we'll be leaving in an hour and I need to go shower. Be ready by four."

"I can't."

In response all I got was a cocked eyebrow.

"I can't go there, Dad. Billy said the whole pack will be there, Jacob included. I think it's best if I just stay here for a little…I'll cook dinner for myself." Lies. I had no appetite. All I really wanted was sleep. And Jacob.

Charlie seemed to hesitate, "Well…I understand. I'll just head over there for a little to congratulate them then I'll come back so you're not all alone…on your first night back and all…" he began to slowly retreat up the stairs.

I was too drained to put up any fight.

"You should call your mom soon. I let her know you were safe and here when you went to La Push. She'll want to hear from you," Charlie added from the top of the stairs, and almost as if on cue the phone rang. I winced, preparing myself for the onslaught of yelling, tears and affection.

"Hello?" My voice came off more tired and annoyed than I intended.

Silence. All that I could hear on the other end was the shaky breath of the caller, "Um…hello? Mom?" I asked, this time my voice spiking with curiosity. The breathing continued. I hung up quickly, wrinkling my nose at the awkwardness of the situation. Creepy.

I waited until I heard the shower running before I took to exploring my new, unfamiliar…yet somehow the same, home. I flipped through the stacks of bills first, noticing my dad's name were on all the letters. Guess that confirmed that Ali didn't officially move in. But then again, there wasn't exactly room for two more kids…Hm, that had me wondering if Charlie had plans to move to her house, or even buy a new one.

Next I shifted through the fridge, finding it stocked with vegetables, fruit and everything else healthy imaginable. Surely this wasn't my dad's doing. Maybe this Ali chick would be good for him…I made my way to the living room, the couch and my dad's chair still in their usual places. The picture frames were still in their exact spots, as were the books and magazines…yet there were small bundles of flowers in vases placed accordingly around the room. Again, definitely not Charlie's doing.

Too tired to take my quest elsewhere, I plopped myself on the couch to lie down on my side, curling into a small ball as I stared at the television, which was softly playing the news. Rain, rain and more rain made up the seven day forecast.

I couldn't put a time frame around how long I laid on the couch, staring now at the ceiling. The thing that stirred me from my half slumber was the door bell ringing. I noticed the shower upstairs wasn't running any longer. Nothing about my body had the intentions of getting up to answer the door.

"Bella? Will you get that?" My dad hollered from upstairs.

I whined as I stood up, dragging myself down the hall, wondering who on earth this could be. I squinted my tired eyes, running a hand through my windblown hair so that the thickness and length of it was all settling over my right shoulder and down to my abdomen.

I opened the door, wondering if this was some sort of illusion. Or dream. Did I fall asleep on the couch?

I had to take a step back under the sheer tallness of him. My eyes started at his shoe clad feet, slowly running up to the pair of cutoffs situated at his waist, then to the wrinkled black shirt that looked like it was a last minute decision to throw on. I took in his face lastly, my chest heaving with every breath I took. His jaw and cheekbones were more chiseled with age and experience, his full lips were still the same pale musk but were now pushed into a thin line at his mouth, his nose looked slightly crooked, as if it had been recently broken, and his eyes…his eye were as black as night, hidden beneath his furrowed eyebrows. His once short and slightly spiked hair had grown only barely to the length of his ears.

I found myself having to hold tightly onto the doorknob to support my wobbly legs at the sight of Jacob, only a foot away from me. I guess Quil wasted no time in telling him of our encounter. His eyes were frozen into place on mine, unlike Quil's who roamed practically every square inch of my body. His nostrils were flaring as he sucked in deep breaths, as if having to test the air that proved of me being alive, and not a…vampire.

And then the space between us was gone, and Jacob was standing directly in front of me. I had to crane my neck to even look up at him, my exposed and naked eyes trying to somehow delegate his own blank and callous ones.

My eyes began to slowly lower, all the while holding his as Jake fell to his knees in front of me slowly, his body showing signs of defeat and complete vulnerability that his eyes would not allow. And then, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, his arms were around my waist with his fingers gripping my sides and his face burying in my neck. His warm tears dripped down my neck and chest. The hotness of his cheek pressed into the nape of my neck and his fingers on the bare skin between my shirt and jeans branded him straight into my skin.

My chest felt compressed by a ton of weights, making it hard for me to breathe – yet alone believe – that this dreamlike scene was playing out in front of my eyes.

I watched as my hands ran through his hair before grasping desperately onto the back of his neck. My forehead settled on top of his head, a flood of tears falling down my cheeks to the symphony of both of our sobs.

No words were exchanged.

A/N: well…this is the first time this has ever happened. I wrote this in one day. It kind of just…poured out of me. Hell, I even dreamt about this chapter as weird as it sounds. I literally woke up, sat in front of my laptop, and typed the first four pages. So, I hope you all like it.

Wow, 10 reviews? I'm so happy! Thanks to all of you who I completely love, especially those who have also been reading Hear You Breathe and reviewing that one too. This is for you all(: Your reviews mean a lot.
Please review and let me know what you're thinking. I'm hoping you're sort of confused in a way…as odd as that sounds…