Chapter Two- New Start

Life was different now. No longer did she rely on alarm calls or her phone ringing at odd hours alerting her to a death. Instead, she woke to the sounds of nature. Her circadian rhythm was now perfectly in tune with the world that surrounded her. It had taken a while to settle, but she had made the best of it from the moment she had touched down at Saranac Lake airport.

That first morning she had awoken in her new home had been somewhat wonderful. Panoramic views of the Adirondack Mountains took her breath away. She had visited with Jane years ago. A short trip camping hadn't really been her thing, but Jane had wanted to go, and anything that Jane wanted, Maura would happily give to her. She knew then that she loved Jane, loved her in ways best friends didn't, but she was sure it was the most perfect love she had ever felt before. A love that in many ways was reciprocated even if neither verbally acknowledged it.

They had spent that weekend under the stars, lying close together in their matching sleeping bags by the fire. Conversations had taken them far away from their real-life lives into worlds of fantasy, and if she was honest, longing. Jane talked about who would be the perfect person for her, and Maura could have sworn every word described herself. Wishful thinking maybe, but when she thought back to Jane at her engagement party, holding her tight, the way her eyes had searched her face, she knew that Jane felt it too.

She had made a friend in her second month, Maggie. She had a cabin further around the lake and she ran a small yoga retreat that Maura had discovered from an ad placed in the local store. Yoga was something she had always enjoyed, and Maggie was a lot of fun to be around.

They hung out occasionally, going for coffee and sharing walks. It helped to have someone to do things with again. And she was nothing like Jane, not in looks or mannerisms. Maura clung to that, absorbing herself into life here with nothing that reminded her of Jane.

She missed the Rizzolis. When she had arrived, she had emailed each of them and explained her need for space. Only Angela had ignored her request and replied with more than a good luck and wishing her well message. Angela had wanted to know why she needed space? When was she coming home? She implored Maura to think again, it would all work out if she just came home or at least let Jane know where she was. Maura left it read. She didn't reply; she couldn't. It wasn't fair to drag Angela into this any more than she already was. It wouldn't be fair to put that pressure on Jane, to cause ripples of misunderstanding between her and her mother. In her heart she knew that Angela would understand, wouldn't judge if she and Jane had been together, but Jane hadn't come after her. She hadn't tried to stop her leaving, and so, Maura had to respect that. Nobody else needed to know why Maura had really left. She hadn't looked at her email again. It was easier to set up a new one and use that for her new life and not be held back by guilt.

Her own mother had listened intently as she broke down one afternoon during a brief telephone call. It seemed easier to talk to someone 5000 miles away in Paris. It amazed her that after all these years, her own mother had been there for her. For so many years they had been distant, but now, thanks to Jane and the Rizzolis, they were better. When her mother arrived uninvited on her doorstep a week later, she wasn't surprised and she had hugged her in a way she hadn't ever done before.

"Maura, you know at some point you need to go back?" Constance Isles had said while she concentrated on her painting.

"Do I?" Maura had answered. She had her laptop open on the table in front of her. Both women were enjoying the view for different artistic reasons.

Constance placed her brush in the jar of murky water and picked up her cool glass of gin and tonic. "You know you do. Eventually you and Jane need to talk… get it all out there and work through it."

Maura sighed and looked up at her mother. "I did that, Mother. In my letter."

"Words on paper can be misconstrued, Darling. One needs to see the face, to read the words that aren't spoken aloud."

"Maybe. I'm not sure I can." She took a sip of her coffee, enjoying the richness of it as it soothed her, adding warmth. "I'm not sure I can stand to look at her and see the way she looks at me as she lies and tells me she feels nothing."

"So, you do know that she loves you?" She picked up her brush again and added a stroke here and there, dragging the brush through the paint.

Maura nodded. "I believe she does, but not in the way that…"

"Poppycock!" Constance said, laughing. "Anyone who isn't a fool can see the way that she looks at you, the way that she touches you. Which, by the way, she doesn't do with anyone else, including that man she married."

"Casey, his name is Casey."

"His name is fool. If he saw you two together and didn't work it out, and then married her? He must know he is second best." Her glass of gin and tonic swayed her attention as she picked it up again to sip it.

"Well, it doesn't matter now. She is married and, in a few months, she will be a mother, so there is nothing more to be said. She has made her choice and I will not be responsible for creating problems for her."

Constance opened her mouth to speak, but Maura raised her hand.

"No, Mother. I love her, and loving someone means doing what is best for them. She chose him, that's what she wanted, the least I can do is give her what she wanted."

"I am sure you think that that is what is for the best. However, I will not cease pushing you back to Boston. You cannot run away forever, Maura. That is not the way of an Isles, and it is certainly not the way you deal with things. You face them head on, and I've never known you to just give up."

Maura shrugged. "I'm not that person anymore, Mother."

"Poppycock." Constance smiled.

AN: Prepares for backlash! haha