A week and a honeymoon later, Owen and Amelia went back to work. Amelia almost felt like she was looking at life in a new light; she was whole and happy and healed, although she knew she still had millions of demons inside that she needed to face. One day at a time, one step at a time, one breath at a time, she chanted to herself, knowing that each day was always easier than the last, each day with Owen by her side was easier than the last. Each moment she passed Owen in the halls of the hospital, she grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly with a smile and he squeezed back. They didn't always see each other during work unless Amelia was down in the ER or Owen was in surgery with her, but she was always happy to see him during the day.

Nights at home were different, with the pair spending their nights in bed having endless sex. It wasn't much different from before they were married, but one night Amelia heard the words she had been waiting endlessly to hear.

"Amy, I want to have a baby," he whispered to her, and her eyes teared up. Coming from a big family she had always wanted kids; her sisters had plenty of kids and Meredith had had three with Derek – Ellis had been born after he died, but they still had three together. She technically had one, but baby boy had lived for 43 minutes before dying in her arms. Addison had promised her that her drug and alcohol abuse hadn't affected his condition, but she was sure she had sugar coated it because she was 'fragile'.

"I want one too," she whispered back, wondering if it was too soon after their wedding, but in the back of her mind she knew that Nancy had come back from her honeymoon pregnant and had five kids. She was already in her forties, it was never 'too soon'. With a smile she leaned down and kissed him tenderly, her fingers running through his ginger hair.

"Let's have a baby," she smiled, biting on her lip.

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Five months later and Amelia still wasn't pregnant. Every worry was running through her mind, causing her anxiety levels to rise. Was she too old? Had her years of damaging her body destroyed her chances? She and Owen had made an appointment with a fertility specialist, but before the appointment she chased down Meredith at her house.

"So, I know you and Derek used a fertility specialist," she asked her sister in law, and Meredith sighed but nodded. It still hurt to think about Derek, even after almost three years.

"We did, it didn't really do anything though. Bailey was a surprise, and then after awhile Derek wanted another baby, and Ellis was a complete surprise," she said with a smile as she watched Ellis run after her big brother. Amelia slumped in her chair, her head in her hands.

"He wants children so badly, I'm terrified I won't be able to give them to him," she confessed, and Meredith came over and wrapped her arms around her.

"Amelia, there are other ways of having children. If you can't give birth to one, you can adopt like we did with Zola, they can take your eggs and you can use a surrogate, you can try invitro…there's so many options out there." Amelia sighed and took a sip of her water.

"I know I can, I know I have all those options. But there's just…something about carrying your own baby," she finally said, looking down at the floor. She wasn't putting any other option down, she simply remembered the feeling of being pregnant before and wanted that again – this time with a healthy baby.

"I know, Amelia. I've been on both sides, and both are equally rewarding. I love all three of these crazy kids and never thought I'd want to be a mother, but I see your side as well. I think Owen would take anything at this point," Meredith said with a smile, lifting Ellis into her booster so she could have a snack. Amelia smiled and swooped in for a kiss; Ellis was her favorite, although she felt bad for picking favorites. She had moved to Seattle when Bailey was a baby and Zola was a toddler, but Ellis had grown up with Amelia in her life and had a strong attachment to her aunt. Amelia smiled before she stood up.

"Well, Owen and I have an appointment, wish us luck," she said sadly, leaving the house and driving to the hospital where she met Owen.

BREAK

Amelia had endless labwork and exams, as did Owen, and there was an hour between the exams and their appointment with the fertility doctor. She was anxious as hell and made her way to the surgical floor inbetween, checking up on her patients and generally wandering the halls before Owen found her.

"Amelia, come back to the office, it can't be that bad," he told her, and she allowed herself to be led back to the waiting room, where she figeted for the good part of half an hour before they were called back to see the doctor, where Amelia could only look down at her hands.

"Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Hunt. We have a lot to discuss here," the doctor said. Amelia didn't bother to find out the name of the woman who would probably be telling her she wouldn't be able to have children.

"You're in your forties but you're fertile, there's plenty of eggs left. That's not the problem. You were an alcoholic. You were addicted to drugs. Those are the issues we're dealing with. It's not impossible but it's hard. Not difficult. Once you get pregnant I don't think it will be an issue, but getting there is the issue." Amelia's eyes shone with tears as she heard the news and she looked down at the floor. She had done this, her mess of a past had done this. She wanted nothing more than to give Owen a child, and it was going to be hard. But not impossible. Beside her, Owen cleared his throat and spoke up.

"Is there anything we can do to help?" he asked, reaching for Amelia's hand and giving it a squeeze.

"We can always do fertility treatments to help boost your chances and see how that goes. You're both doctors, I don't see why you can't do them at home," the doctor said, Amelia still looking at the ground. She nodded in reply, however, and the doctor bustled out of the office to get the kit. Amelia looked over at Owen, sobbing.

"This is my fault, I destroyed my body and now we can't have a baby," she said, tears running down her face.

"Amy, that's not true, you heard what she said. It might be hard but we can have one, and fertility treatments will help. We'll have our baby, we'll have tons of babies sweetheart," he told her, kissing her on the forehead. She finally cracked a smile, sighing slightly.

"I just feel like a failure at this right now," she said, as the doctor came in with the syringes and medication. Amelia looked at in dauntingly, knowing that every day, several times a day, she was going to be stuck with needles.

This is so we can have a baby, so we can have a family, she told herself, closing her eyes and breathing. Opening them she smiled at the doctor in thanks, before she and Owen departed.

They were going to have a baby or she was going to die trying.

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So chapter two! I hope you guys like it so far And um, sorry to people who were reading and expecting Derek, but I'm following canon for the show, so no Derek, I really don't appreciate comments of people upset that he's not in this fic when I'm simply following the show. I have plenty of other fics with him in it AND there will be more in the future with him in it!