Am I okay…?
Am I okay…. Let me think, Agent Giggles- NO, I am definitely not. I am anything but okay. -I think of this response but somehow keep my mouth shut. He looks so… sincere and worried and I may be pushing my luck; but- apologetic…?
So I speak nothing.
Though I want to say so much... I want to know that how dare he ask me if I'm okay! Shouldn't he know better? He should know it because he's the reason I work alone nowadays on every damn mission…!
After ditching me on a date on New Year's Eve and cheating on me for a skinny model and humiliating me in front of his friends; he has the nerve to ask me if I am okay.
After shattering my heart into a million pieces; making me cry day-I and day-out; making it difficult for me to sleep, eat or hell… even breathe! He just comes back one day and asks me if I am okay.
After hurting me so much that I had to go out with random guys just to forget him, I deliberately took up tough and dangerous missions- just to prove to myself that I am not exactly useless… after landing into such a mess tonight- he suddenly arrives; saves the day, becomes the hero and expects me to be okay with it. After breaking my trust, mocking my love and leaving me alone and forcing me to wish if I could end my life; he still has the nerve to return to me and ask me if I am okay.
Then he places his coat around my shoulders and I ask to myself if I am okay with this… I get the answer in positive. So, though I am not okay, I nod my head in affirmative.
He heaves a sigh of relief and then does something unexpected. He hugs me tightly. I try to stop myself but instinctively, my hands are already at his back. While hugging, he says that he is sorry for everything he did. And the next thing I know, I am crying into his chest. He stokes my hairs lightly and whispers slowly- "Don't worry Carmen, this time I'll make everything okay. I promise."
And I know that though I haven't been okay in the past few months; now that I have him with me; I will be okay. Because of all things that I am rarely sure of in his case; of this I am always sure that once he says something from his heart; he usually does it. And this time; I am sure he'll make everything okay…