I meant to post an update last week, but that just didn't happen. Thank you all very, very much for the reviews!
Morgan finished his text to Savannah and hit send as he waited for Emily to arrive for their lunch. She had told him not to tell anyone else that she was in town yet, because she needed to speak to him alone first. Honestly, that had scared him. But he knew that she was staying with JJ while in town, and JJ didn't seem upset or worried at all, so he tried to not to fear the worst. Unfortunately, trouble followed Emily like a shadow, and he knew so little about her past with the CIA and Interpol. He feared there was line of Ian Doyles with Emily's name at the top of their hit lists.
His phone beeped as Savannah texted him back and he almost dreaded reading it. Things hadn't been easy for them for a while now. Her patience with his work schedule was waning, and she wanted a commitment, a marriage, kids probably. Derek just didn't know if he was ready for that. He loved Savannah and he knew that they could have a nice life together, at least if his work schedule didn't destroy their relationship. The problem was that he felt no burning desire to marry her, he didn't feel compelled to make it official or legal or whatever. He also just didn't know how he felt about having children.
No, that wasn't entirely true. They'd had a pregnancy scare a few months ago, and the whole thing had sent a wave of panic screaming through him. And that was probably as good an indication as any that he was not meant to be a father. It's not that he didn't like the idea of being a father; sometimes he imaged having kids and it was kind of a nice feeling. It was just that it didn't feel right at this moment in his life, like his timing was off or something. But Derek knew, he was 45, if he wasn't ready to be a father now, he never would be.
He glanced at the text. Fine. See you later then.
"Hey," a friendly voice greeted him, a voice that he didn't hear nearly enough.
He looked up and stood and quickly pulled her into his arms. "Hey, yourself," he said, giving her a squeeze and a peck on the cheek. "How was the trip over?"
Emily shrugged as they sat. "Oh you know, the usual for a commercial transatlantic flight."
"That much fun, huh?"
"Eh, I shouldn't complain. It left on time and came in pretty much on time, so all things considered it wasn't too bad. And I was in business class, so it wasn't as cramped."
"No first class for you?"
"Business class seems respectable, first class just seems snobby. Though I can't really blame anyone for wanting to be more comfortable on a plane."
"Very true. I never really understood the whole mile-high club thing. Two minute sex in a dirty space that's barely big enough to move in." He shook his head.
"It's all about the thrill of getting caught," Emily said.
Derek grinned. "Oh, is it now? Your confidence in that theory suggests that you're a member, Princess."
Emily smiled and leaned closer to him, speaking quietly. "I am not answering that, but I will say that a private jet makes all the difference."
His eyebrows shot up. "Oh does it now? But that wouldn't really be about exhibitionism then."
Emily eyed her menu. "Depends on who's on the jet with you."
"Okay seriously, there is a story there that I need to know."
She laughed. "Not today you don't."
Their conversation quieted down somewhat, but he continued to smile. God he missed her. It was always easy to forget how much he missed her when he wasn't talking to her or seeing her, but as soon as he heard her voice, it felt like she'd just left all over again. He sipped his water. "So, how's London been?"
"Foggy and damp. I have plenty of reasons to miss D.C., but I never though the sunshine would be one of them."
He chuckled. "Yeah, when I think D.C. I don't really think sunshine."
"If you lived in Britain you would."
The waitress appeared then and took their orders with a smile that showed her teeth. After she left, Morgan reached across the table for Emily's hand. "You said you needed to talk to me about something. Are you okay?"
He saw her body go instantly tense and her gaze fall toward the table cloth.
"Emily?"
She finally looked up, her smile and easy demeanor gone and replaced by a tired and more anxious version of herself. "Yeah, I'm okay. I'm not in any danger or anything like that."
"Okay...is Declan doing okay?"
There was a smile, small and brief, but it appeared at the mention of the boy. "Yeah, he's doing great. In high school already, can you believe it?"
He shook his head. "Man, where does the time go?"
"Too fast, it all goes by way too fast."
He nodded. "Emily, are you going to make me guess what's going on with you?"
"Huh? Oh god, sorry no, I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to tell you." She squeeze his hand, and then released it, moving hers to her lap.
"You can tell me anything."
She nodded. "I know...um, you remember last time you were in London and we were, uh together?"
"Hard to forget that." He said, straightening in his seat, his body going tense. While that night with Emily had been wonderful, amazing even, he still did not feel good about his infidelity.
"Well um, I don't really know how to say this, Derek, so I'm just going to say it. I'm pregnant."
His eyebrows shot up and then his mouth fell open. He stared at her in silence for several very long seconds before his mouth slowly closed and he swallowed, his adam's apple bobbing. "You're pregnant?"
"Yep."
"With my baby? Our baby?"
She nodded. "Yeah."
"Our baby," he repeated. He was saying the words, but he couldn't force the meaning of them through his shocked brain. Emily was pregnant. With his child. Their child. Their baby. He'd put a baby in Emily. Oh god, he'd put a baby in Emily. He'd cheated on his girlfriend and gotten his best friend pregnant. He suddenly felt hot and slightly dizzy and the collar of his shirt began to feel oddly tight.
Shuffling noises took his attention and he came out of his head to see Emily pulling a book out of her purse. Was she actually going to sit there and read until he finished freaking out? But she pulled something out of the book and handed it to him. Derek looked at it. It was a black and white photo; no, not a photo, a sonogram picture. He could see a head with a nose and mouth a little body and a leg or maybe both legs, it was hard to tell.
Then it hit him. Their baby. He was looking at a picture of their baby. His child.
He held up the picture. "This is our baby. We made a baby."
Emily nodded back at him. "We did."
Suddenly he frowned. "But...condoms?"
"I guess we're not so good at putting them on. Or you just have insanely determined sperm."
He snorted at that, his eyes drifting back to the sonogram photo, mind whirling with the new information.
"There's something else I need to tell you, Derek."
"Seriously?"
"I know, it's a lot. But this is connected."
"Okay...?"
She tensed again and seemed to grow even more nervous than she was before.
"I can handle whatever you've got coming, Emily. I think you already told me the most shocking thing you could have told me."
Now she snorted. "I wouldn't be so sure about that."
"Really? What could you have possibly...wait, are you with someone else?" His heart rate suddenly jumped and his stomach began to throb. "Did you meet someone over there? Are you getting married?"
Emily's eyes bugged out of her head and she held up her hands. "Whoa, slow down. No, I am not getting married and I'm not seeing anyone. Though your reaction to that idea actually makes this a little easier to say."
Morgan nodded for her to continue, his heart still pounding and a thin sheen of sweat dotting his forehead and neck. He breathed in and out to relax himself from his sudden feeling of panic and tried really hard to not think about why he'd suddenly been so panicked at the idea.
"The first time we were together years ago, it was a friend comforting another. I was really messed up about the Matthew thing and seeing Jonathan, and I felt safe with you and cared for, and that meant a lot to me. Over the years that changed for me, especially after everything with Doyle. It wasn't just one friend comforting another, you stopped being just a friend to me. I didn't say anything back then, because after everything you'd been through because of me, I couldn't ask you for more, I couldn't suddenly change everything on you. And then I left and well, absence makes avoidance that much easier." She stopped and inhaled. "What I'm trying to say is that I-I love you, Derek. And not as a friend or a partner or a surrogate sister or whatever. I love you. And if you feel the same, I think it's worth trying, for us and for our baby, who could have a real family, not just a mom and a dad that share custody. That's if you feel the same. If you don't that's okay. I know you well enough to know that you'll want to be involved with the baby no matter what. And I know this has been a lot for you to absorb, so take you time and think and we can figure out everything after you've had time to process."
Derek just nodded numbly.
"So, is work keeping you busy?" Hotch asked. They seated themselves tightly around a circular table in a bar that was already throbbing with people and way darker than it needed to be. It was one of those ridiculous but trendy places, where you could barely read the menu. But it was clean and the service was good, according to JJ, so none of them were too bothered. In fact most of them had smiles, except Hotch, who rarely smiled and Derek, who was lost in his head. Emily wasn't about to nag him to come out either, she'd effectively taken his whole world and turned it upside down.
"Very, actually," Emily said, focusing on Hotch. "Just thinking about all the work I'll have waiting on my desk when I get back makes me shudder."
"It's the paperwork. When you manage people, the paperwork never seems to end," He said.
"God, that's the truth. Strauss actually thought telling me that I wouldn't be in charge of the BAU would stop me from coming back." Rossi shook his head.
Emily chuckled. "Yeah, I have my own secretary and I still feel swamped all the time. I'm certain without him, Clyde would come to my office one day and just see a massive pile of papers with feet sticking out."
"Him? You have a male secretary?" Garcia gasped.
"I do. And no, Pen, it's nothing like the movie Secretary with a gender reversal."
Her excited demeanor drooped a bit and JJ chuckled beside her. "Well, that's disappointing. Is he cute?"
"He's very young, but yes, he's good-looking."
Garcia's eyes lit up again, "Ooh, do you smack him on the bottom for good work, Mad Men style?"
JJ laughed out loud at that, and even Hotch cracked a smile.
"I don't, no. I'm pretty sure that that constitutes sexual harassment these days." Jake would be so horrified if she smacked his ass. Hell, she'd be horrified if she ever smacked his ass.
Garcia deflated once again. "I suppose that's true."
Emily eyed her smirking. "So, did you and Derek get sent to the sexual harassment seminar again this year?"
The tech looked scandalized. "No! And we haven't been sent in two years, thank you very much."
"That's because the Bureau finally gave up," Reid cracked.
Garcia's mouth dropped open and she turned to Reid, but didn't get a chance to speak as the waitress came by.
"Good Evening, folks. What can I get you tonight?"
Hotch, ever their leader, listed off a handful of finger foods for them to nibble on and ordered himself a scotch. They went around the table ordering drinks, except for JJ, who asked for cranberry juice. When it got to Emily, she shifted in her seat. "Seltzer with lime, please."
Emily brushed her hair behind her ear and tried to ignore the curious eyes suddenly on her as the waitress finished writing down their orders. When she left, Garcia was quick to ask, "You're not drinking tonight, Em?"
"Nope, no alcohol for me tonight."
Rossi nudged her. "We know JJ's excuse, what's yours?"
Emily pressed her lips together, her pulse suddenly racing through her veins and glanced quickly at Morgan. She really wished she could have given him a little more time to process before telling the team, but that didn't look like it was going to happen. She finally looked back at Rossi. "Uh, same."
He frowned in confusion, not quite understanding what she was trying to say. It was Reid who seemed to get it first, blurting, "Wait, are you pregnant?"
She nodded. "Yeah, sixteen weeks."
"What?" Garcia squawked. "Oh my god, you're having a baby?!"
Emily winced. "Yeah and thank god, you're not drinking yet."
The others laughed lightly at that and Garcia frowned in mock offense. "Hey now, it's a big, unexpected thing, I'm allowed to react strongly."
"Fair enough," Emily conceded.
"Were you on fertility treatments?" Reid asked, his brow creased in a look that said he was analyzing something in his head. Emily just wished whatever puzzle he was turning over didn't involve her uterus.
"No, I wasn't trying to get pregnant."
"Really?" He said. "That's remarkable."
"So my doctor tells me. She's awfully impressed with my lady parts."
The wrinkle in Reid's forehead deepened. "Is she qualified to handle a high risk pregnancy?"
Emily shrugged. "So far as I know."
He went to open his mouth again, but Garcia cut him off. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up now, Spence, you're missing the most important question. Emily, who's the daddy?"
She cleared her throat. "I'm not, uh, ready to discuss that."
"Is he going to be involved at least, this mystery guy?" Rossi asked, his pleasant look suddenly less pleasant and she knew he was thinking what she'd told him about years ago, when she got pregnant as a kid.
"We haven't gotten to discuss it much, but I know he'll want to be involved."
Garcia gasped and then leaned toward Emily, speaking in a whisper that was hardly a whisper. "It's Clyde Easter's, isn't it? You're having a half-British baby, aren't you?"
Emily chuckled. "No, definitely not Clyde's. But the image of him trying to change a diaper is wonderful, so thank you or putting that in my head, Garcia."
She instantly deflated, then tapped JJ, who was sitting between them and leaning back and rubbing her belly with a hand. "Help me out here, Jayje."
"With what?" she asked, "I'm not going to harass Emily with possible babydaddies."
"Party pooper," Garcia said, before turning back to Emily. She bit her lip. "Wait, a couple months ago you mentioned a cute Dutch spy came to your office for a consult. Was it him?"
Emily chuckled. "No, I think don't think he was in London long enough to get anyone pregnant."
Garcia went silent for several seconds, before she suddenly began flailing her hands. "Oh, oh, the French guy. He works with you, not under you, but in another department. You said he was good-looking, Emily."
"You make it sounds like Emily's inviting half of Europe into her bedroom," Rossi said, amusement lighting his eyes.
"Well, it's not my fault she works in an office with half of Europe," Garcia said. Then the tech turned her attention back to Emily. "So, the French guy?"
"Michel?" She asked, almost amused with Garcia's enthusiasm for her little game.
"Yes! I knew it was a feminine name. Is that a half-French baby?" She asked, face alight with her enthusiasm. "Oh, that's like a romance novel, a forbidden romance with a handsome Frenchman," she continued, babbling without actually letting Emily answer, which didn't bother her in the slightest, she just sat back and watched Garcia prattle on.
"It's not the French guy's," Morgan's almost angry voice startled them all, especially since it was the first time he spoke all evening. His voice was quieter when he spoke again. "It's my baby, I'm the father."
As nervous as she was about the team's reactions to that information, part of her almost relaxed with his admission. He had claimed their baby and that just made her really happy. She already felt less alone in this whole mess. She met his eyes and offered him the slightest smile, ignoring the fact that the table was still plunged into stunned silence.
"Oh drinks," JJ announced, as the waitress approached. The woman clearly noticed the tension as she hurriedly passed drinks around, eying them all with concern written all over her face. But then she simply gave them a 15 minute eta on their food and hurried off.
No one jumped up to speak, everyone busying themselves with their drinks as they tried to puzzle out the newest announcement at the table. Emily wanted to blend into the walls. They all knew that Derek had a girlfriend that he had been seeing for a while, and they could clearly tell now that he'd cheated on Savannah. He had cheated on Savannah and Emily had cheated right along with him and they'd made a baby because of it.
"I didn't get to ask you earlier," Morgan spoke and she started, looking across the table at him with wide eyes. "You went to the doctor, the baby is okay? It's healthy?"
Emily nodded. "Yeah, she said the baby looks completely normal and I got the results from a CVS test a week ago, no genetic defects or chromosomal abnormalities detected."
Morgan swallowed, his eyes locking onto hers and she noted his body softening slightly as some of the tension leaked out. But not for long. "What Reid was talking about, high risk, what does that mean? Are you at risk? Is the baby?"
"It just means that I'm probably too old to be having a baby. My doctor said that a lot of the risks go up, but since everything appears normal and I didn't miscarry, she isn't too worried. Though when I start getting farther along in the pregnancy, she'll want to see me more frequently." The doctor had rattled off so much information that Emily barely remembered half of what she'd said.
Morgan was not entirely satisfied by her statement, as he quickly turned to Reid. "What are the risks, Reid?"
The ice clinked in his glass as he started, his head spinning between the two of them. When Emily shrugged, Reid sighed. "Emily is at an increased risk for gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, even preeclampsia, placental abruption, placenta previa, preterm delivery and fever and heavy bleeding after delivery. She's also more likely to require a c-section. Outside of the chromosomal abnormality issues, the baby is more likely to have a low birth weight, have metabolic issues and to need intensive care after birth." He paused. "Incidents of miscarriage, stillbirth and maternal death are higher as well."
"That's a lot of potential problems," Rossi said, eying Emily, his face full of concern.
"And like I said, my doctor says that the baby and I are fine," she said. And then they fell into silence again.
Garcia was the one who broke it with fluttering hands and eyebrows twisted in confusion. "Okay, I have to ask...what the hell is going on? Derek, what happened with Savannah? And since when are you two together?"
"We're not together," Emily said quickly, explaining to them what she had to the JJ, though with far fewer details.
"And Savannah?" Garcia asked, turning to Morgan.
He sighed and ran his hands over his head. "I cheated on her. I'm not proud of it, but that's what happened. And that's as much as I'm going to say about this right now."