Hiding in Plain Sight

by OriginCountry

Kevin is tired. Tired of being forced to do things he doesn't want to do, to act in ways he finds unappealing, and of his own pathetic cowardice. He's kept up the facade he's been hiding behind for three years since it's easier to lie than face the burden of being himself. He knows that the charade can't last forever, and now that it's senior year he's finally ready for it to end.

2. Breaking Point Part 2

Kevin was glad that the expected scolding from Mrs. Wells had been cut short when he and Edd had returned to class together. She was too distracted by the fact that she had completely failed to notice Edd's absence to really pursue any punishment for taking a 20 minute bathroom break. Edd's excuse went over well enough too; though Kevin had to wonder how he got away with saying he was busy in the Nurse's Office without any subsequent note as proof, the possibility that Edd could lie to a teacher probably never crossed Mrs. Wells' mind.

Edd had even told her that Kevin had helped him to class, both bringing attention to the length of time Kevin had been gone and explaining it away with the same move. Maybe it was Edd's polite confidence or his blemish-free record, but either way Mrs. Wells had accepted his excuse without any problems. It was pretty impressive to witness.

Kevin kept a watchful eye on Edd throughout their morning classes and passing periods, making sure that Micheal didn't show his ugly face. Though he hadn't voiced his intentions to protect him, Edd seemed to be aware that Kevin was paying close attention to his movements. Class after class Edd made eye contact with Kevin, whether it happened when they were just sitting down or in the middle of lecture, his bright eyes and little smile always made Kevin's heart beat faster.

The brief attention from Edd made it hard to focus on classwork, Kevin's mind caught up in all the possible meanings behind Edd's hopeful looks.

Biology had been by far the worst, Kevin was too strung out from his adrenaline cool-down to really focus on the second half of Mrs. Wells' lecture, and the parts of him that could pay attention were too busy watching Edd. It didn't help that Edd sat right in front of him, his lithe neck and narrow muscular shoulders harder to ignore now that Kevin started to suspect that Edd might actually like him back.

Now that thought was truly distracting.

Kevin tried to listen to the lecture, but the delicious heat from Edd's touch still radiated throughout his arm. Why had Edd touched him like that, out of the blue? Edd had to like him, though Kevin couldn't get his hopes too high. After all, Nat touched Kevin a lot more than that, and he was pretty sure his friend was only playing. Though his friend was basically attracted to everyone, so maybe there was something there. Either way it didn't matter to Kevin, Nat's playful pinches and slaps were nothing like Edd's gentle caress; there was no comparison. He would gladly just be friends with the guy if all he got in return was an occasional touch.

Kevin realized that he'd been staring at the back of Edd's head for longer than appropriate; in case anyone began to notice he shifted in his seat so he could better see the projected powerpoint slide. Nothing Mrs. Wells said registered in his brain, he would definitely have to reread the chapter later to ensure he didn't fall behind. Most likely for every class until lunch too, he could tell that paying attention just wasn't going to happen for the rest of the day, too much was on his mind.

When the lunch bell finally came around, after a long and tedious AP Chemistry lab, Kevin was looking forward to seeing his friends and talking to Edd again. He was hoping to get to know Edd better, having a crush on someone he barely talked to was beginning to feel silly and sort of contrived, and he desperately wanted to get rid of that feeling. Talking to him earlier had left wondrous butterflies in his stomach, plus Kevin thought he actually managed not to make a complete fool of himself. That could change though, but as long as his tongue kindly cooperated, embarrassment shouldn't be an issue.

Getting Edd's number, on the other hand, might pose some problems.

He couldn't just ask him, right? He needed some other reason as cover or he might scare Edd away. But if Edd did like him back, scaring him away might not matter, he'd just answer on the spot. It was all very confusing, Kevin really needed to talk to Nazz. She actually knew what she was doing when it came to dating, he could trust her sage judgement.

As he walked toward the cafeteria Kevin spotted Edd and Marie by her locker. He started to head in their direction, hoping to catch them before they left to get lunch. Edd was talking excitedly to her, his exuberant hand movements making Kevin smile. Marie didn't seem pleased at whatever Edd was saying, if her eye rolls meant anything, but Edd didn't appear to notice. He was getting more and more excited, both his hands and mouth moving quicker, in response Marie flicked her blue bangs out of her face and shut her locker door. As she turned she caught sight of Kevin, which only made her turn and walk away quicker, Edd following by her side as he continued to talk.

"Hey, Edd!" He called down the rapidly emptying hall, Edd turned immediately while Marie stood still in her spot. "Wait up!"

"Greetings Kevin!" Edd said once Kevin had caught up, smiling he anxiously readjusting the plastic bag that held his temporary school supplies. Marie sighed and rolled her eyes again as they began walking toward the cafeteria together.

"You didn't forget that we're on for lunch, right?"

"O-of course not, I've been looking forward to it since you asked earlier," Edd said quickly, rosy swirls blooming across his cheeks.

"Which reminds me, why are we hanging with this idiot man-child again?" Marie asked flatly, focusing solely on Edd.

"I'm right here y'know."

"Oh, believe me," she turned and flashed Kevin a sarcastic smile, "I know."

Kevin gritted his teeth, which only seemed to amuse Marie more. Obviously she was just trying to aggravate him, so Kevin decided that a response wasn't justified; it would only give her what she wanted. He sucked in a lungful of air and regulated his breathing, stuffing his hands deep into the pockets of his green hoodie.

"Marie!" Edd exclaimed, looking stricken, "You very well know why—so don't be rude!" He stopped walking and crossed his arms, shifting all his weight to one foot as he continued in a slightly smug tone, "And besides, earlier you didn't seem so opposed to the idea when you knew your girlfriend would be present!"

Kevin snickered at the dumbfounded look on Marie's face, which earned him a scowl in return.

"Do you really want me to go into how excited you've been for the last few hours, Edd? More precisely, why you've been so excited—because I will if you keep pushing me."

Edd looked mortified, his face suddenly turning a deep shade of red as he tried to stutter out a response. Kevin remembered that look of fear on Edd's face, he'd caused that expression multiple times throughout their childhood. He couldn't help but feel angry at himself and Marie, but before he could call Marie out for being a dick, Kevin noticed her expression. She appeared to be genuinely mad at herself for whatever she had just done.

Ducking her head Marie sighed, "It's fine, I'm sorry—don't get like that Edd. I was only joking anyway—you can take a joke, right Kevin?"

Kevin shrugged and clicked his jaw, but otherwise ignored the question, instead softly addressing Edd, "Let's get going, I'm sure Nazz and Nat are already there."

Marie looked displeased, to say the least, at being overlooked; but also slightly apologetic. Ignoring him she talked quietly with Edd as they continued walking. They didn't seem to be arguing, but Edd didn't look too happy either, responding to whatever Marie was saying quickly without the excitement Kevin had witnessed earlier. Kevin didn't mind that he wasn't included in their conversation, he had a feeling that they were talking about him, or whatever their almost-argument had been about. He made sure to give them some space so he wouldn't have to overhear any of Marie's insults.

Kevin wanted to cheer Edd up. He didn't know why Edd had reacted the way he did to Marie's words, but still he didn't like it. He never liked the sight of anyone upset, but his usual displeasure was at least doubled when it came to Edd's downtrodden expression. He was sure that Marie would be distracted by Nazz once they got to the cafeteria, so he could have Edd all to himself without her nosing in. Maybe he could cheer him up then. Hopefully things would go his way.

They huddled closer together as multiple streams of students converged on the cafeteria doors. Soon they were inside the light-filled cacophonous room. Orange and white rectangular tables were laid out in a disorderly grid, with the 'cool' tables being by the wall with giant glass windows overlooking the courtyard garden, while the 'loser' tables were along the opposite wall, closest to the kitchens and lunch line. The division had just naturally happened, the jocks and popular kids claiming the best seats in the house while everyone else followed suit and self organized. By now the division was ingrained into school society, but that didn't completely stop social cross-pollination; which to Kevin was a blessing.

Kevin led the way to his typical table at the far corner of the room, where the glass wall met its painted cinderblock counterpart. He could already see Nazz and Nat sitting there under the annoyingly bright mural of Peach-ums, the school's cartoon slice of pie mascot. When Nazz looked up in surprise from a giggle-filled conversation with Nat, eyes zeroing in on the two people behind him, a realization hit Kevin: he had completely forgot to ask his friends if Edd and Marie could join them for lunch. He inwardly groaned and prepared himself for the inevitable jabs and pushes he'll have to give Nat to ensure his loud friend didn't reveal anything about his crush. He could already see that mischievous gleam in Nat's eye as he sat down next to him.

"Uh, I hope you guys are fine with Edd and Marie eating lunch with us."

"Of course it's fine!" Nazz smiled happily from across the table. "Here, Edd sit next to me, it's been forever since we've talked!"

"Not on purpose, I hope," Edd grinned as he slid into the seat across from Kevin, his foot briefly brushing against Kevin's calf. Kevin jumped a little, a blush staining his cheeks. Only Nat noticed, earning him a curious glance.

"After all the stuff I've told him, I'm not surprised he doesn't talk to you," Marie teased, scooching closer to her girlfriend as she plopped down by Nazz's other side.

"I sure hope you're not spreading this 'stuff' to just anyone," Nazz practically beamed in response, snuggling up to the blue-haired annoyance.

Kevin would be lying if he said that he didn't feel a pang of jealousy seeing his friend being so intimate in public. It wasn't that he wanted Marie, or the couple's happiness, it was just that nobody batted an eye at two girls being so touchy. Nazz had never announced her sexuality to anyone at school, but she wasn't exactly hiding it either. She definitely wasn't hiding the display of affection that was going on before his eyes, but quickly glancing around Kevin didn't see anyone reacting negatively—or even noticing. It was good, it made Kevin happy that Nazz and Marie didn't have to go to lengthy measures to hide themselves, but he knew that if he and Edd ever did something like that he would feel the male judgement seep out of the inevitable glares from nearby tables.

"Ah," Nat crooned from behind the hands cradling his chin, "Young love. So sweet, so pure!"

Nat suddenly turned and nudged Kevin's side with his elbow, a sly grin on his face which could only mean trouble, "Don't you wish you could have something like that Kev?"

Kevin glanced at Edd for a microsecond, his green eyes meeting Edd's blue, before nervously looking back to Nat. "Of course, I mean, who wouldn't?"

"Oh, don't worry your pretty little head, sweet cheeks! You'll always have me by your side." Nat leaned in closer to Kevin before whispering in his ear, purposely loud enough so the other three could hear, "Your backside, that is."

"Jesus, Nat!" Kevin blushed, pushing his laughing obnoxious friend away as Marie and Nazz chuckled.

"Awww! Foiled again!" Nat pouted and played hurt, before batting his eyelashes at Edd. "Unrequited love is just the worst, isn't it Edd?"

"I-I suppose so," Edd said, sheepishly looking up from his sandwich before taking another bite.

"Well, they say the first step to getting over a crush is to sleep around—"

"Who says that exactly?" Nazz asked, holding back a wave of giggles.

"Why, me of course. But please don't interrupt me, this is important." Kevin rolled his eyes as Nat made a big deal out of clearing his throat. "Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted; if this dense hunk of all-american football star won't have me, maybe I should try for a more sophisticated and quiet type." Nat paused, shooting Edd his best 'I'm charming, don't feel weird' smile and winked, "What do you say, Double Delightful, wanna give it a shot?"

Edd's eyes went wide and looked around the table before bursting into a fit of laughter. Kevin was this close to kicking Nat hard under the table, because really the guy was trying to push his buttons, but he felt his mind go numb at the sight of his laughing crush. Edd's laugh was bubbly and contagious, soon Kevin found himself snickering along with Nazz and Marie as Edd regressed to adorable giggles. It was even better that all the laughter was at Nat's expense.

"Hey, I know I'm funny, but not that funny!"

"I'm sorry Nat, it's just that your proposal was so ridiculous!" Edd exclaimed as he caught his breath. "Perhaps it's the way you phrased it all, I have no idea; but I couldn't help myself!"

"Denial, denial; that's all I get!" Nat dramatically sighed, playfully crossing his arms like a big toddler. "I wonder what I'm doing wrong."

"I think I could name a few things, it's a long list though, so get ready." Nazz stuck out her tongue at Nat before taking out her phone, fingers flicking across the screen, as if she were actually searching for said list. Who knows, maybe she was.

"Har-har blondie, we both know that my wear-em'-down strategy only works in the long run, it can't be judged after only a few tries!"

"Dude, I wasn't the one who doubted your abilities, that was you."

"Wait Nat, you were being serious?" Edd interrupted, the red of his cheeks heightening the blue of his eyes. "I wouldn't have laughed if I knew that! But the answer is still no; we barely know each other…"

"He wasn't serious," Kevin said with finality, eying Nat; daring him to disagree.

Nat indulgently picked his nails and grinned, "Eh, you'll never know, that's just how I roll." He then took a moment to consider what Edd had said. "But I swear, we do know each other—weren't we partners for that history project all last year?"

"What? No, I don't believe I've taken a history class since sophomore year."

"Huh, maybe it was a dream then—or maybe it's because I'm always hearing so much about you fr—OW!"

Nat clutched his side from where Kevin had 'accidentally' elbowed him, the asshole was smirking too. All because he knew he had succeeded in provoking Kevin.

"Sorry for interrupting such an enlightening conversation, but Edd take a look at who's coming over," Marie pointed over Kevin's shoulder.

Everyone at the table turned to look at where Marie was pointing. Kevin heard Edd sigh as he noticed a fashionably dressed redheaded cheerleader weave through the maze of tables. He only recognized her pretty round face and pointy nose when she got closer.

"Can't she take a hint?" He heard Marie mutter as the girl came to a stop next to Edd. Kevin found that pretty ironic considering her own past with her now best friend.

"Hiya Double-D!"

"It's Edd, Sarah."

"Yeah sure, whatever," Sarah beamed, nervously picking lint off of her PCH Cheer Squad sweater. The loud little girl from their neighborhood had grown up to be an attractive sophomore, though Kevin found it upsetting that he never knew, until now, that she was a cheerleader like Nazz. He only had himself to blame; he only paid attention to his blonde friend if he ever looked to the sidelines. He guessed he never noticed Sarah's face when the squad consistently fawned over him after every game. "So, do you have an answer yet Double-D?"

"Edd, and yes I do."

Kevin had never heard Edd speak like that before, his voice disengaged and flat. Completely different from his normal animated and emotion-filled self. The chilly change settled Kevin's jealous nerves, for Edd's response was definitely going to be negative, though Sarah seemed oblivious to that fact.

"And?" She eagerly asked.

"Like every time before; no."

"Wh-What?!" Sarah's lip trembled, her grating voice stuffed with sadness and anger. "Why won't you go out with me?"

"Because he isn't interested in redheads, silly!" Nat piped up, nudging Kevin under the table.

Kevin clenched his jaw, Nat was seriously testing him today. He looked down at his half-eaten lunch, trying his best not to stomp on Nat's foot or look at Edd. He found that he couldn't resist, quickly glancing up only to see Edd immediately look away; Kevin only able to fully glimpse Edd's flushed face for a second before he returned his attention to Sarah.

"This is none of your business Goldberg!" Sarah barked at Nat, fists tightening as she turned back to Edd. Her voice completely changed to one of uncertain determination as her hands quivered at her sides, "You don't like m-me because of my h-hair? I can dye it if you want!"

The plastered indifference on Edd's face seemed to crack at Sarah's words. His eyes sad, he sighed, "No, please don't change yourself for me, or anyone for that matter, especially if you're only trying to get someone to like you. I'm actually quite partial to that color, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm not interested in pursuing a relationship with you, now or ever. I've denied your advances countless times since the beginning of the year, why do you think I'd change my mind now?"

Kevin didn't catch whatever Sarah said in response, for a waterfall of blood was rushing through his ears, drowning out all sound. He was aware of her angry expression as she stomped away from the table, but all that he could think about was Edd offhandedly admitting that he's attracted to red hair. That plus all the looks they've been sharing since the run-in with Micheal sent Kevin's mind reeling. It was becoming more and more likely that Edd had feelings for him, or at least that's what the evidence was pointing to. Of course it could just be wishful thinking, meaningless coincidences strung together by Kevin's mind to form what he wanted to see. Even so, a smile still snuck onto Kevin's face as he tried to regain composure and refocus his attention back to the table.

"You let her off too easy in my opinion."

"She's confused Marie, and it's still Sarah I'm dealing with, she could explode at any moment."

"Yeah, well, she's been badgering you for weeks now and only I can do that!"

"Weeks?!" Nazz looked at Edd in shock, then back to Marie. "You should have told me this was going on, I could've helped! She's on my squad, I've had to deal with shit like this before."

"I think it finally sunk in now though," Nat said, eyeing the huddle of girls comforting Sarah's furious tears a few tables over. "Who knew that Edd was such a heartbreaker!"

Edd's blush tinged the top of his ears a rosy pink as he ducked his head, distracting himself by plopping a apple slice into his mouth. He's so adorable, Kevin thought; no wonder everyone wants him. After chewing his apple Edd finally responded, "Believe me, I wasn't planning on becoming a so-called 'heartbreaker'…"

"So, um, why don't you want to go out with her?" Kevin asked casually, before anyone else could say anything. "I mean besides the crazy, she's not that bad looking."

"I think 'the crazy' is ample reason not to be associated with her," Edd giggled, his earlier blush deepening. "Besides, I'm actually interested in someone else right now."

"Oh, are they interested in you too?" Nat asked, that sly grin of his defiling his face.

Edd looked up at Kevin through his dark bangs, momentarily scrutinizing his face with his limitless blue eyes before shifting to address Nat, "I-I'm not completely sure, I definitely hope so, but I suppose only time will tell."

Edd was referring to him, right? Why else would he look at him like that, so unsure but hesitantly hopeful. There was no other reason, unless Kevin had something on his face, then him being the object of Edd's interest. Was Edd waiting on him to make the first move? Should he just go ahead and ask him out, hoping for the best? He couldn't with his friends and Marie there, especially if it turned out that he wasn't the one Edd was referring to. He needed to be absolutely positive that Edd liked him, Kevin wasn't sure if he could handle rejection from the guy he's been dreaming about since the beginning of high school. He had to discuss this with Nazz, or even with Nat at this point, before attempting to make a move.

"I'm sure they like you Edd! How can they not, you're so precious!" Nazz asserted, shooting Kevin a questioning look.

Kevin had to look away to hide from Nazz's accusing eyes, and to conceal the shameful blush he felt spreading across his cheeks. Taking a moment to scan the cafeteria, he found himself looking at a table filled with members of his team and their chatty girlfriends. That's how he discovered Micheal staring at him.

The blond boy had a scrunched up expression, as if he was calculating a complex equation—though Kevin was sure he couldn't even do pre-algebra without cheating. When he noticed Kevin's curious glare, a devious smirk spread across his rat-like face. God, Kevin wanted nothing more than to stride across the room and smack that smile off Micheal's smug features, but unfortunately that would probably mean a suspension. Micheal wasn't worth that, but something about his expression spelled trouble though, like he knew something—like he knew about Kevin's crush.

But how? Kevin panicked; Michael wasn't that smart, how could he know something like that? He was probably just jumping to conclusions, but Kevin knew it didn't matter if Micheal knew his secret or not, it was obvious that he'll give him trouble after school at practice no matter what. How much trouble, Kevin couldn't guess. He'll have to fill Nat in on what happened during first period to ensure that he'd have backup if things got ugly.

Kevin sneered and turned away, hoping Micheal would stop staring at him. He briefly peered down at the remnants of his lunch, but soon his eyes automatically looked across the table at Edd. He was studying Kevin with concerned, worry-filled eyes while Nazz and Nat were engrossed in an argument. What did he see? Who was Kevin to him, just another mindless jock? A pathetic coward? These questions rolled through Kevin's mind while Edd's eyebrows furrowed and a small frown disturbed his delicate lips.

Kevin quickly turned away, eyes accidentally meeting Micheal's again, whose ugly smile only grew wider by the second.

Lunch was definitely not going the way he planned.

-o-

"Seriously, just ask him already!" Nat huffed, the sharp smack of metal echoing through the locker room as he pushed the doors open. "If I have to sit through another lunch filled with you two making googly eyes at each other I swear I'll leave and eat in the AV room like some depressed freshman."

"And that's a bad thing?"

"Oh, how funny, go ahead and pretend you don't love me! But really man, why haven't you jumped on that lil' cutie-patootie?"

Kevin sighed, "I just don't know if he likes me like that, alright?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Nat rolled his eyes and dialed his combination. "He's so obviously into your dumbass it's not even funny anymore!"

"How would you know? You flirt with anything with a pulse!"

"Rude. And anyway, wouldn't that mean that I know when someone's into me? Ever think of that?"

Kevin slumped down onto the bench in front of his locker. "No…"

"So trust me when I say that that boy totally wants your gaybies." Nat tugged off his shirt and deposited it into his locker. "Like, all over his face and preferably by yesterday—seriously every time either of you mentioned anything remotely romantic both of you stared at each other like we didn't even exist."

Kevin bent down to take off his shoes. "Ugh, dude, do you have to make everything so graphic?"

"If it gets the point across, yes!"

"So all the time then?" Kevin joked, hoping to change the subject before their teammates started to arrive. Since he was captain and Nat vice-captain they always got to practice early after school, usually to loosely lay out a plan of action for the team. Today though, Nat was determined to stay off track.

Nat frowned, "I'm not that easy to distract Kev, so stop that." He began to pull on his uniform as he continued, "Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good sexual tension filled stare down, but you two are so obviously dancing around each other that it's almost infuriating to watch! Just kiss already!"

"Believe me, I'd love that…"

"Then do it, ask him out! When did you become so timid?"

Kevin sighed, shrugging off his shirt, "I've never asked someone out before—" He paused to slip into his practice uniform. "—and I dunno, I want to be absolutely sure he likes me. If he rejects me… I just don't know man, I really don't."

"You know it's literally physically impossible to know either way unless you ask him, right?"

"Yeah, but—"

"Trust me, he'll say yes! But even if he doesn't, at least you'll know. And then you can stop wasting your time and move on—that's what I'd do."

Kevin shut his locker and turned to face Nat, studying his features. "Why do you care so much anyway?"

Nat shrugged, "I just want to see my main man happy, and you won't be if you stay stuck in this yes/no limbo." A smirk blossomed across his face as he batted his eyes, "And plus, I think you two would make the absolute cutest couple!"

"You're damn right about that," Kevin murmured through a smile. He was glad someone else agreed with him. The thought of holding Edd's hand as they walked down the hall, Edd wearing his letter jacket grinning ear to ear, and seeing Edd cheer for him from the bleachers all flashed through his mind; Kevin knew for a fact that they'd be sickeningly cute together. Just thinking about their possible relationship made Kevin's heart flutter with anticipation.

He hoped that Nat was right, that Edd felt the same way about him. Maybe Edd even had similar thoughts, images in his own mind of them together. Even if none of his own preconceived moments ever occurred, he would be happy just to be with him. Because Kevin knew that no matter how wonderful fantasies could be, reality would always be different, probably a thousand times better than what his brain could come up with. But of course it would never be reality unless he actually took the initiative and asked Edd out.

Though Nat was sure that Edd had feelings for him, Kevin wouldn't know for certain until he got around to asking him, and that task still felt daunting. Nat's positivity was enough for him to decide that yes, he would eventually confront Edd this year, but he still had to muster up the courage to do it—and that might take awhile to find.

The locker room doors opened and a few members of their team began to trickle through, laughing and jostling each other, building excitement for practice. Kevin immediately hid his vulnerable self behind the more 'bro-y' mask he used when with his teammates. His body and mind were trained over years to be more aware of his actions and how his team perceived him, all to convey the so-called normalcy that wasn't there. Nat always noticed the difference and it was one of the few things he never joked about, for which Kevin was immensely grateful.

He and Nat greeted the guys as they passed them, taking note of who was present. Both Henry and Stephen didn't make eye contact with Kevin, hopefully they were on their best behavior due to the threat that morning. It was a good sign that Micheal wasn't with them like he usually was, maybe without his lackeys he'd be more cooperative than the stare at lunch led Kevin to believe.

No, of course not, Kevin groaned to himself as Micheal sauntered in last, a sickly smirk on his face. He felt his brow furrow from annoyance as Micheal ignored Nat's exuberant welcome, making his way to his locker without so much as a word to either of them. That wasn't a good sign.

"Alright!" Kevin shouted to catch the attention of the room. "Now that we're all here, get ready and meet us out on the field. We'll be doing passing and tackling exercises today, so prepare yourselves!"

He turned and jogged down the sloping hall to the manicured turf outside, Nat following him as the sounds of the locker room faded away.

"Geez, what's his deal?" Nat said once they were stretching on the field, waiting for Coach and the rest of the team to arrive.

"Probably gonna give me some shit today because of the whole thing with Edd."

"I wondered about that, but you never know with that guy," Nat rolled his shoulders, cajoling a pop from his joints. "I have your back no matter what he does, don't worry man."

Kevin frowned. "I'm not worried, he's just crazy irritating."

Nat was about to respond, but cut himself off as the team began to run out and join in the stretching. They'd only begin the real practice after 20 minutes of limbering up, by which point Coach Rene should arrive.

-o-

It was already halfway through the stretching time, and Kevin was only just beginning to feel relaxed. Though Micheal should have already been out on the field by now, he was nowhere to be seen, and Kevin couldn't find it in himself to care. He was feeling loose and happy, ready for practice, and he wouldn't allow thoughts of that douche to bring him down.

Though his father was the one to force him into it, Kevin actually enjoyed playing football—and he was an exceptional quarterback. He just didn't care for all the stupid shit that came along with it; basically everything Micheal embodied as a supposed third generation player, whatever that meant. Shit like all that unnecessary macho business which made everything more serious than it needed to be, but luckily it seemed like Micheal was one of the few players who actually cared about that outdated garbage.

Most of his team were decent guys who just wanted to have fun and get scholarships for college, but Kevin still worried about how they'd react to him being gay. Not because he particularly cared about their approval or anything, but because he's spent his whole life trying to fit into a box that was the wrong shape, being someone he wasn't, and he just didn't really know how to be himself. He didn't think he'd be much different, but people would probably take awhile to adjust. Their expectations shattered, people would be confused and angry, possibly lashing out at him if he wasn't careful. He didn't know if he could deal with that kind of torment, but it was just so tiring hiding himself from most of the people in his life. Thank god he at least had Nazz and Nat, but they weren't enough anymore. Unfortunately he didn't get to talk to them about a coming out strategy at lunch. He knew that he had to do it, that he wanted to, he just didn't know how.

He continued stretching as his thoughts consumed him, that paired with the relaxation from physical activity distracted him from the approaching muffled footsteps. Kevin was reaching for his toes when a nasally voice interrupted his flow, rising above the chatter coming from the rest of the team.

"I hope you're happy, captain," Micheal spat out, "I missed homework credit because of your little heroic act this morning."

Kevin stood up to see Micheal standing before him, arms crossed, anger painting his face. Henry and Stephen were behind him, but they both looked a bit sheepish and hesitant to be there. He glared at the trio as Nat jumped up and stood by his side.

Kevin's hands tightened into fists. "Are you just gonna stand there and annoy me, or are you gonna get to stretching like an actual decent member of the team?"

Micheal's face burned red, his anger growing. "No! I wanna fight you! You act all tough, so prove it!"

He couldn't be serious, Kevin blinked in surprise, sure he was built, but Micheal barely stood taller than Nat's chin! He had to be kidding, but it quickly became obvious that Micheal was being true to his word when he moved into a fighting stance, arms up—ready to strike. It was hard not to burst into a fit of laughter because Kevin knew he could easily knock the asshole out with one punch, embarrassing Micheal forever. As much as he wanted to do that, Michael just wasn't worth the trouble. Plus, Kevin knew that cool indifference would make Micheal look like a complete idiot, because by now the rest of the team had huddled into a loose circle around them, everything would be seen.

"You have to be joking."

"What? Too scared? You were all prepared to defend that fag earlier, but I guess you're just a pussy after all!"

"Hey, that's uncalled for!" Nat exclaimed, murmurs of agreement spreading through their team.

Kevin ground his teeth together and tried to control his breathing. He thought he had the upper hand over his emotions because Micheal served no threat, but anger started to spill out of him from every pore, all due to that small, seemingly insignificant word Micheal had called Edd. Memories of his father saying that word were cycling through his brain, over and over—his father's voice getting louder with every passing microsecond, making his ears ring. He could feel his already tight fists clench further, and his face contort in rage. He had to get himself under control, taking deeper and slower breaths, but nothing seemed to be working. All he could think about was wringing Micheal's thick neck, his fingers twitched expectantly.

Micheal smirked at Kevin's silent fury, probably mistaking it for defeat. "Aw, look how angry he's getting! You don't like that word much, right? Always demanding I don't use it, there must be a reason for that—lemme guess, you're a fag too!"

Kevin didn't hear the wave of disapproval from his teammates aimed at Micheal, or even feel Nat's calming hand on his shoulder, all he could hear was Micheal's voice mixing with his father's, chanting 'fag' on repeat, reverberating against the inside of his skull. All he could see was the distain on Micheal's face, and the disgust and loathing on his father's as they uttered that word, their faces syncing as they continued to chant.

He hated them, he hated them so much. He hated how they made him feel, that he wasn't strong enough to bear it, that a word could cut him down so quickly and easily. Kevin gave in to the anger, gave up trying to contain it, letting it take over and boil in his veins.

He was vaguely aware of the vicious shriek that emanated from his mouth as he drove his right fist straight into Micheal's stunned face. Kevin's fist connected with Micheal's jaw with a sickening crack, momentary pain blooming across his knuckles. He could feel the rush of satisfaction as the blond boy thumped to the ground, out cold.

It had only taken one punch to knock him out, like he knew it would.

The satisfaction Kevin felt faded as he looked down at Micheal's fallen form, a red mark adorning his jaw where a bruise would be in a matter of hours. Shame suddenly overcame him, he had allowed this to happen, he had gotten out of control. He looked up to see the shocked expressions of his teammates, everyone staring at him like he was some sort of alien, nobody saying a word.

"What in God's name is going on here?!" Coach Rene shouted, pushing her way through the thin circle of teenage boys. She came to a stop and Kevin couldn't look at her, he didn't want to see the look of disappointment that must now decorate her face.

He heard her sigh and take a breath. "Antione, Will; please take Micheal to the Nurse's Office. Nat, you lead practice while Kevin…" He looked up, she didn't look angry or disappointed, just a bit sad; her dark eyes kind. "Please follow me."

Only then did his team start murmuring amongst themselves, parting to allow Coach and Kevin through. He didn't hear what they were saying, but he wasn't sure that he wanted to. Kevin could feel a wetness on his cheeks, when did he start crying? Everyone could see his tears, he felt humiliated and just wanted to collapse into himself and disappear; to hide away from their judgement. They were probably laughing at him. Normally he'd get angry at that possibility, but he felt so wrung out and spent; hollow and empty.

Kevin followed Coach into the labyrinth that was the Sports Complex next to the field, up bleak concrete stairs and down long orange and white corridors to her office. He'd only been there a few times in the three full years he's been on the team, but it appeared exactly as he remembered. A large white desk dominated the center of the room, which Coach Rene was now sitting behind, studying him as he plopped into the green vinyl chair positioned facing the desk. Shelves of trophies from her career in the IWFL lined the walls, and multiple filing cabinets made the room feel even more crowded and cramped. He tried to look anywhere but her face, concentrating specifically on the yearly photos of his team, the PCH Cobblers, that were framed behind her desk.

"Look at me Kevin," she demanded, quiet but firm. "Tell me what happened."

He shifted in his seat uncomfortably, but nonetheless looked up at his coach. She was a handsome woman, stout and powerful with short black hair and deep olive skin. She could be vicious and knew how to whip his team into shape, but she wasn't mean for the sake of it. She was levelheaded and smart, Kevin had accidentally grown quite attached to her. He'd like to think she cared for him as well, and he hated hiding things from her.

"He deserved it."

She chuckled, eyes crinkling, "I have no doubt about that, but I still need to know what happened to determine if you deserve punishment or not."

Kevin debated whether or not to tell her everything, to just leave it at the fight and nothing more, but the serious look she was giving him flung that idea out of his head. He knew he'd have to reveal everything, or most of it, anyway.

He took a breath and began by explaining what happened that morning in the bathroom with Edd, making sure it sounded like he accidentally stumbled upon the situation. When she didn't say anything he continued by laying out the events right before the punch, how Micheal was late and literally asked for a fight. As he was beginning to explain the actual fight itself, he could feel his shame start to fade. He wasn't exactly happy, but he felt better—more at ease.

"…And he called me a word that just made me so angry, furious really… I tried to calm down but I just couldn't. I snapped, I'll admit that, I lunged at him and landed a good one right on his jaw," he paused, becoming aware of his throbbing red knuckles. They hurt a lot more than he expected. "And that's when you found us, I guess."

She studied his face again, he could see her considering everything he had told her. After a moment, she spoke up, "What was this word? Musth've been a doozy if it made you snap like that."

Kevin averted his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck, debating what he should say. He swallowed nervously, deciding it best to tell the truth, "He called me a fag, ma'am…"

He really hoped she'd leave it at that and just punish him, hoping that she wouldn't pry.

"Are you gay, Kevin?" She asked intently, her voice even and steady.

Kevin gulped, his mouth going dry. He could just lie to her and accept whatever she was going to deal out, but looking into her eyes, he didn't see the burning hatred he expected. "Y-yes, ma'am—but please don't tell the team! I don't want anyone to know yet."

"It's okay Kevin, I'd never betray your trust like that." She said, a small, almost motherly smile forming on her lips. Now she knew, and she wasn't yelling at him. The fear Kevin felt slowly loosened its grip on his mind, she had to notice his relieved expression because she added, "You're the star player for the team, I don't give a crap about who you like or what you do in your spare time as long as it doesn't interfere with your abilities."

"T-thanks Coach."

"Now, this fighting business on the other hand, that's unacceptable."

"I understand—"

"But," she continued, holding up a finger to silence him, "You didn't ask for it, it just happened. I can't say I'd react any differently if I was put in your position either. You're a good kid Kevin, just don't let it happen again."

Kevin blinked, "What? I'm off the hook?"

"Yes, I suppose you are," she chuckled. "Now go home early and get some rest, be sure to ice that hand too. We don't want your throwing arm damaged with this tough season coming up."

Kevin let a smile sneak onto his face, after so much uncertainty and anger he was relieved to feel even remotely happy. "I will Coach, thanks for understanding."

"Kevin?" She asked just as he was about to open the door, he turned to look at her. "Don't worry, it's going to be okay."

He met her small smile with a nod, turned back around and hurriedly left her office.

-o-

After changing into his clothes and collecting his backpack from his locker, Kevin found himself walking down the wide paved path that led from the football field to the far side of the Sports Complex. He knew this path well enough, he'd made the same trip at least four times in the last two years; every time he got out of practice early. In fact, he only just recently walked down the path the week before—when he pretended to have a stomach ache to get out of the last hour of play drills. He didn't like missing practice, but he always made sure to exercise extra hard on the weekend to make up for lost time. In Kevin's opinion the extra work was well worth it.

Soon the shiny new Gym became visible through the trees. It had massive windows of reflective glass similar to those in the cafeteria, the sky and treetops mirrored in the smooth surface. Each individual window was around four floors tall, indicating the large open space within. Though it looked massive from the outside, the Gym was in fact two separate buildings disguised as one. The first half enclosed a pair of multi-purpose basketball courts while the other housed an Olympic-size swimming pool. It was the half with the pool that Kevin was heading towards.

Kevin knew that all Peach Creek High athletic teams held practice on the same days of the week; Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. It was this rigid schedule that allowed him the opportunity to sneak onto the bleachers overlooking the pool. Well, not really 'sneak' in the normal sense, because anyone was allowed to watch practice and the bleachers were always fairly full, but Kevin had to be extra careful since he wasn't supposed to be there. There'd be some awkward questions asked if he was spotted watching the swim team instead of participating in his own training, and he didn't want to give up this occasional ritual.

It was worth the risk to witness the magic of Edd in the water.

He carefully made his way to the top row of the bleachers while the swim team was distracted doing routine laps. This was the spot he always sat in, far enough away so that he could only be seen from the pool if someone was actively searching, and he doubted any member of the team would ever look up past the first few rows filled with enthusiastic fans and pretty girls doing homework. He got comfortable and watched the pool.

Though Edd wasn't the best on the team, there was something about the fluidity of his motion through water that was captivating. It might be Kevin viewing through rose-tinted glasses, only seeing the beauty in his crush, but he was fairly certain that half of the girls on the bleachers were there for Edd too. So Edd's magnificence couldn't just be his own mind playing tricks, it had to be real.

Edd climbed out of the water with the rest of his team, quickly lining up at one end of the pool to prepare to dive in again. Droplets of water cascaded down his softly sculpted torso and legs as he got into position, the lines of his body working harmoniously together when he and the rest of his team dived into the crystal blue water at the sharp shriek of a whistle.

Edd rolled through the water like it was second nature to him, cutting the surface with his long strokes in a hypnotic rhythm. He definitely had the best form of his team, or at least he looked the most at home in the water, but he was not the quickest. Kevin wondered if he merely didn't have the power or stamina to be quicker, for Edd was the smallest out of anyone in the water, but he wasn't sure if size equated to strength in water like it did playing football. He did know that speed was key to swimming, that it was how teams were compared, but he really wasn't there for the competitive aspect of the sport.

He was there to see Edd in his element, filled with grace and confidence. Edd had the same certainty in his movements as he had when answering a difficult question in class. Kevin thought it was hard to ignore him then, when Edd's excitement for knowledge seemed to overflow, but that was nothing compared to how his body demanded attention in the water. Kevin was glad that he sat far away, because he had to admit that it felt a little weird staring at his basically naked crush in public. Though he doubted anyone would suspect anything if he were caught, he still couldn't shake the anxious bubble forming in his throat. Since he realized his sexuality, Kevin basically trained his body not to pay attention to the guys in the changing room, or anywhere else really, so actively focusing on Edd's elegant arms and minuscule orange speedo felt scary, if not a bit invigorating.

Edd rebounded off the far wall of the pool third, rolling over into another stroke, long legs pumping hard. As the distance between Edd and his two teammates ahead of him closed, Kevin realized that Edd had been taking it easy and pacing himself earlier. Now he was overtaking the guy who touched the wall second, and soon was right on the heels of the guy in first place. When Edd was the one who reached the starting wall first, Kevin jumped to his feet and was about to let out a cheer before he caught himself. Nobody else had gotten up, though they were clapping enthusiastically. Kevin was relieved that he was too far away from the other onlookers to be noticed, so he quickly sat down and clapped with everyone else.

He hadn't gone unnoticed however, because when Edd slipped out of the pool and caught his breath he pushed his goggles up to his forehead and looked straight at Kevin, making eye contact as best you could from across a massive room. Edd was too far away for Kevin to register what subtle expression dawned over his face, but he could see the wide gap-toothed grin that easily replaced it. Edd beamed up to the bleachers and waved. Some of the girls in the crowd waved back, but Kevin knew that wave was meant for him and only him. He blushed, hoping Edd couldn't see it, and waved back. He'd been found out, and he was surprised to find that he didn't mind. That smile had to mean something.

From there on out whenever Edd exited the pool to get in line to prepare for another dive, he would briefly look up at the bleachers and smile contentedly when he saw Kevin. The way Edd looked around every time, it was like he suspected Kevin to leave whenever he wasn't paying attention—Kevin being there a constant surprise. Kevin had to admit, he was tempted to bolt after that first smile, but only because he was nervous and didn't know what to do besides smile back. It also didn't help that with every additional smile doubtful questions started to pollute his mind.

What did these smiles convey? What did Edd expect to happen after practice—would he want to talk to him? How would he explain his presence by the pool? It's as if Kevin's mind was trying to appeal to his cowardice, pointing out what things could go wrong or were socially questionable. But he stayed, he couldn't be anything to Edd if he kept running away. Sure he'll have to answer some unpleasant questions, but if that's all it took to see Edd's smile, it was worth it.

Not to mention that since Edd noticed Kevin sitting in the bleachers, he had finished first every lap.

Before Kevin knew it, the swim coach blew the final whistle and dismissed practice. Swarms of students started to leave the bleachers and head toward the exits while Edd was overtaken by a cluster of his teammates, apparently congratulating him as they pushed into the locker rooms. Edd looked over his teammates' heads up at Kevin, who was waiting for the place to clear out so he wouldn't have to deal with the after-practice traffic in the parking lot. Kevin couldn't read Edd's face before he was out of sight behind the rest of his team, but he decided to wait longer and talk to Edd after he came out of the locker room—maybe congratulate him on a good practice or something, anything to get a conversation going. They hadn't been able to really say anything to each other at lunch, and since Edd knew that he was there, he couldn't really sneak off like usual. He might even be able to ask him—but only if the time was right.

That's how Kevin found himself leaning against the wall by the Gym entrance, waiting for Edd to push the doors open and see him. He didn't have to wait long, only around seven minutes (he counted), before Edd popped out from behind the buffed metal doors. Edd was facing away from him, busy talking to a guy Kevin felt like he knew, but had forgotten his name.

"Bye Dom, be safe getting home!"

The guy, Dom, had to be on Edd's team. His dark auburn hair was wet and plastered to his forehead, and he had fading red marks around his eyes where goggles had been minutes earlier. He smiled at Edd and said goodbye. When he turned to leave Dom's eyes met Kevin's over Edd's shoulder, and Dom instantly grimaced. Kevin didn't have time to properly dwell on that look before Dom completely turned and walked away. He was soon met with Edd's big curious eyes; the very thought of that slightly unsettling expression evaporating at the sight.

"Oh! Hello Kevin," Edd said cheerily, a big grin settling over his features as he swung the plastic bag stuffed with school supplies over his shoulder. "I hoped that you'd be waiting for me, I'd like to thank you for today."

"For this morning? Don't worry 'bout it Edd, like I said; that's just what friends do."

"Um, n-no, not that," Edd averted his eyes and played with the handle to his bag. "I'd actually like to thank you for watching me practice. Nobody has ever done that before."

"What? Are you serious—not even Marie?"

"Nope, never; she's always too busy," Edd shook his head. "It was really nice knowing someone was cheering for me from the crowd, it made practice very enjoyable."

"Well I mean, I'm pretty sure half the bleachers were rooting for you," Kevin mumbled through a blush. "They'd have to be crazy not to though, you're amazing in the water. Like a dolphin or somethin'!"

"Ah, yes, I'm well aware of my 'fans' Kevin," he said a bit sourly before looking up through his lashes at Kevin, "It means a lot more to me that you were there though, someone who I actually know relatively well. Especially since I imagine that it was quite difficult getting out of your own practice."

"Uh, it was nothing—don't mention it," Kevin half-heartedly grumbled, the ache in his knuckles reminding him of what he had tried to forget. "There wasn't any practice today, so I thought maybe I should see you in action; I'm glad I did."

"Please feel free to return whenever you can," Edd giggled, a subtle pink blush staining his cheeks. "Half the team already thinks you're my lucky charm! I've never been able to repeatedly best Dom like that, he was fairly irate in the locker room after practice."

Kevin chuckled at the idea, him bringing Edd luck. He was glad Edd liked him being there, even if he didn't acknowledge the compliments he sent his way. Maybe next time he'd sit closer to the pool so Edd could see him easier. Edd probably looked even more amazing from the first row too.

"So, are you planning on walking me all the way home?"

Kevin blushed and rubbed the back of his neck, he allowed himself to get lost in thought while they began walking towards the front of school. What was his plan anyway? He couldn't follow Edd all the way to the cul-de-sac without his bike…

"No," Kevin said quickly, wondering how he could bring up his idea. The slight look of disappointment on Edd's face gave him the courage to just ask, "I was actually planning on taking you home on my bike, that sound good?"

"On your motorcycle?" Edd repeated back to him, voice wavering. Kevin began to worry if he made a mistake asking, so he just nodded, not trusting his voice. He was genuinely surprised when he heard Edd heartily declare, "I'd love to!"

"Rad," Kevin attempted to look indifferent, but Edd was brimming with unexpected excitement, causing him to smirk. "You're really excited aren't you? I thought you'd be scared."

"Oh, motorcycles are without a doubt terrifying—highly dangerous and prone to accident, but that doesn't mean that they aren't fascinating, and dare I say; thrilling, machines," Edd said rapidly, taking a breath before continuing, "And I have to admit, I watched you and Nat restore that motorcycle all throughout summer vacation. You turned a hunk of rusty metal into something quite marvelous, I'm excited to see how it turned out firsthand!"

"You mean I restored it while Nat drank mimosas and watched," Kevin joked, allowing himself to smile. "I could really have used some decent help though. You should have stopped by if you were so interested."

"I was tempted, but—uh…" Edd trailed off, his mood changing before Kevin's eyes. He looked embarrassed and a bit afraid. "I-I just wasn't certain that you would desire my help. In the past you haven't been the most, uh, eager to accept my advice."

Kevin frowned, disappointed that Edd would think of him like that. He had left his garage door open all summer with the hope that Edd would notice and wander over to help. Kevin had been sure that his project would interest Edd, and was pretty devastated when he never showed up. Now he realized that Edd hadn't come around because he was afraid of him, thinking that he was still the prideful bully who would make fun of Edd's excessive knowledge. Kevin couldn't blame him for that, he was a complete dick back then, but now he was grown up; almost a legal adult.

"Of course I would want your help Edd, you're the smartest guy I know! I'm sure you know waaaay more about machines and motorcycles than I do."

Edd nervously ran his long fingers through his damp black bangs, "I r-realize how silly I must seem, allowing insipid social anxieties to get in the way of actually doing things—"

"No, stop. Please," Kevin interrupted. "There's something I have to say if we're gonna be friends," he sighed, meeting Edd's startled eyes, hoping to clear their past in order to make way for the future. "I'm really sorry for how shitty I was to you as a kid. You never deserved it, I was taking my own problems out on you and that's extremely unfair… It's just that you always seemed so happy and so perfect—kind, smart, you name it. I guess that's why I bullied you, because you were everything I wasn't… I'm sorry Edd, I'm honestly a different person now."

Kevin had started out firm and confident, but his feelings were harder to distill than he thought. He desperately hoped Edd would understand; to forgive him, to allow the guilt he's been carrying around to lessen or maybe even disappear. He hadn't even realized the severity of his guilt until he opened his mouth, trying to explain in words; conveying everything he had come to know about himself was different than just accepting it and moving on. Hopefully Edd could see how he was trying to be sincere and honest.

Edd gnawed on his lip, his face a mask of contemplation. All Kevin could do was nervously wait.

"I accept your apology Kevin," Edd said with a tiny voice. "But I owe you an apology as well." Edd breathed in and gulped, collecting his thoughts, "It's been obvious to me that you've changed. You've never said anything mean or even remotely belittling to me since we've started high school, you're even in all my AP classes! And yet, I still avoided talking to you because of what you've done in the past, allowing that one image of you to be the only one I accepted. For that, I'm sorry… I should have given you a second chance long ago."

A rush of relieved emotions washed through Kevin, and all he could do was stare slightly slack-jawed at Edd. That was the first time he'd ever tried opening up to someone like that, really saying how he felt, and in return he received acknowledgement for all the hard work he's done trying to become a better person. It was simple, Edd couldn't have known how important his words would be, but it felt wonderful merely being noticed. He wasn't able to express his gratitude in words, so before he knew what he was doing Kevin swooped down and wrapped Edd in a big cozy hug.

At first Edd recoiled from the unexpected contact, causing Kevin to panic, but he eventually relaxed into Kevin's arms, returning the hug. Edd's body was warm and fit almost perfectly against his own, the subtle scent of chlorine mixed with lilac shampoo caressed his nose as Kevin allowed his chin to rest on the top of Edd's head. He heard Edd sigh contentedly against his chest, his warm breath permeating the fabric of his shirt. Kevin wanted to stay in that position forever, but he knew he'd have to end their hug before he took things too far. It definitely wasn't the right time for that.

"…Sorry 'bout that," he said after reluctantly pulling away. He could feel the heat radiate from his cheeks.

"Don't be!" Edd smiled, his face a beautiful pink. "It was nice."

Kevin grinned, "Yeah."

"I'm glad we cleared the proverbial air," Edd giggled absent-mindedly..

Kevin nodded and smiled, one weird tension between them gone as they walked in a shroud of pleasant silence toward the parking lot.

-o-

Once they reached the school parking lot, which was now almost empty, it was easy to spot Kevin's big brooding motorcycle. He had really spent a lot of time restoring it to pristine condition, compared to how he found it as a beat-up junkyard wreck, it was a whole new bike. Kevin admired the long sweeping lines of the frame which he had hand bent back into shape, and was happy to see Edd doing the same.

"This really is a magnificent machine!" He exclaimed, fingers dancing over the seat and saddlebags.

"Took a lot of sweat and tears to get what you see now."

"Well worth it, seeing the result," Edd said, eyes scouring the bike before glancing expectantly up at Kevin.

Kevin quirked his brow. "So, still wanna ride?"

"Most definitely!" Edd nodded exuberantly.

Kevin opened the saddlebag on the nearest side of the rear skirt, dropping his worn backpack into the cavity. He gestured for Edd to do the same.

"Alright, put your stuff in there and take out the helmet and put it on. Then climb on and hold onto me, tight."

Edd did as he was told and soon he was sliding up behind Kevin, wrapping his arms around his abdomen.

"What about your helmet?"

Kevin looked over his shoulder, only able to see a glimmer of Edd's worried eyes through the helmet visor.

"Don't worry, it's only like a 10 minute ride max. I didn't exactly plan on this happening so Nazz still has my spare, next time I'll be sure to grab it."

"Next ti—?"

Before Edd could finish his question, Kevin cut him off by revving his motorcycle. He flipped the kickstand up with his foot and started maneuvering out of his parking spot. Edd's arms reflexively tightened as Kevin began picking up speed, steering out of the mostly empty lot. Once they were out on Peach Tree Avenue he revved the engine again and took off down the road, the chilly wind tugging his short red hair back.

The sun was beginning to set, casting the town in long bluish-violet shadows. The imitation cast-iron street lamps in the manicured center median started to flick on one by one, ruining the light orange twilight sky. There were few cars driving around, mostly business people returning to their tidy faux-tudor houses lining the road in their mildly expensive sedans and SUVs. For a glorified upper middle class suburb, Peach Creek always looked oddly idyllic when it was mostly deserted.

Kevin eased into a nice cruising speed, and was happy to feel Edd's tight grip lessen as he got more comfortable. He wanted to make the experience enjoyable, because he really was planning on a 'next time,' hopefully every day they had practice. As they neared the turn to their street, Kevin even thought he heard Edd laugh behind him, which had to be a good sign. Kevin had to stop himself was grinning, only because he didn't want bugs in his teeth. Edd's arms felt wonderful wrapped around his torso—comfortable and natural. For the first time in awhile things felt right, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. This was how things were supposed to be.

He began to slow down, taking the slip lane gracefully, and rolled to a stop in front of Edd's house; the first driveway on the left.

"That was exhilarating!" Edd exclaimed, easing off the bike—and his helmet.

"Quite an experience, right?" Kevin smirked, resting his elbows on the handlebars.

"Oh definitely, the wind, the speed; everything!" Edd was a little wobbly on his feet, which amused Kevin, but seemed to be able to handle himself. He retrieved his plastic bag and returned the helmet to its spot. "I have to take you up on that offer for another ride."

"Actually, I was thinkin' that I could take you home after every practice… I have to stay late for football, so no point in letting you walk home all alone. Sound good?"

"Sounds like a marvelous idea," Edd said, hands anxiously picking at his bag of books. He looked up and met Kevin's eyes, his extremely kissable lips forming a small smile, "Kevin, I'd like to thank you again for today… I'm thrilled that we cleared up everything between us. I'm looking forward to getting to know you better."

"Yeah, me too."

He smiled at Edd, eyes still on his lips. He could just do it, lean forward and catch Edd's mouth with his own, expressing everything he wanted to say with one gesture. Edd's mouth parted to allow his tongue to dart out, wetting his lips as it went. Kevin glanced up to see Edd's blue eyes focusing on his own mouth, his pale cream skin tinted by the red setting sun. Kevin's heart beat faster in his chest, this was really going to happen. He started to lean in, excitement thrumming through his veins.

He swore Edd began to lean in too, but the perfect moment was shattered by a shrill text notification.

"Sorry! That must be Marie making sure I'm walking home safely."

Edd took out his phone and sighed, sheepishly looking up at Kevin.

"I-it's alright," Kevin rubbed the back of his neck, disappointed.

"This reminded me of something actually," Edd held out his phone to Kevin. "I'd like your number so we can schedule a time for me to transcribe your notes, I need them before our next quiz."

"No problem," Kevin fished out his phone and handed it to Edd. He smiled as he created a new contact on Edd's phone, putting a flame emoji after his name so it would stand out. He also hoped it'd seem cute. "Here you go, all done."

"Thank you—me too," Edd smiled again, all honey and sugar, before handing Kevin's phone back to him. They stayed there for a long second, looking at each other before Edd cleared his throat. "Well, with that I have to wish you goodnight! See you tomorrow, Kevin."

"See you 'round."

Kevin watched as Edd turned around and walked up the path to his front door, lamenting their lost kiss. At least the interruption had led to them exchanging numbers, but they'd been so close to kissing! Now he knew it would happen though, that moment wouldn't be the last if Kevin had anything to do with it, he had to feel those lips against his own.

He sighed once Edd had shut the door behind him, kicked off from the curb and turned to park his motorcycle across the street in his driveway. Even though his father's car was nowhere to be seen, the sense of dread that always accompanied Kevin arriving home rose in his throat like acidic bile.

He hated going home.

-o-

"Dad, I'm home!" Kevin shouted from the doorway, listening intently.

He knew his father wasn't inside, but it was never a bad idea to check. When no response came, the house eerily silent as usual, Kevin let his tense shoulders soften and relax.

He shut the door behind him and locked the deadbolt. Stepping over to the side table along the foyer wall, he dropped his keys into a small ceramic bowl he recalled making in kindergarten. Various other sentimental objects littered the tabletop, old photos that were faded from light exposure, and even a beat-up softball he and his father used to throw around in the backyard. Kevin grimaced at the clutter, it wasn't like his father cared about any of that crap, he wondered why it was all still there after so many years.

Kevin turned and went upstairs to his room, the only place in the house where he felt truly comfortable. It was neat and tidy, the way Kevin liked it, but not obsessively clean. It was a hodgepodge of tools, books, and sports memorabilia, but everything had a place and the floor was clear of clothes. The last vestiges of daylight filtered in through the window overlooking the front yard, making his usually bright room a bit gloomy. He flicked on the lights.

He kicked off his shoes and threw his backpack unceremoniously onto his bed. Kevin went to his closet and changed into his comfy house clothes, preparing to do his evening chores. He had to stick to a schedule if he wanted to continue doing well in class. Kevin knew he wasn't exactly the best student, but he was determined to get accepted to college even if he didn't get a sports scholarship.

He went downstairs and headed to the kitchen to prepare dinner, having to push the collection of empty bottles from last night into the recycling bin before he could use the counter. It was up to him to keep the house clean, his father was basically never home (a fact which Kevin had come to relish) and didn't lift a finger when he did finally arrive. Kevin wondered if his dad thought the house just cleaned itself or something, because even though the furniture and fixtures were quite expensive he never treated them with any respect.

After the counter was wiped down, sticky spilled alcohol scrubbed off, Kevin opened the fridge and pulled out the plain noodles he made at the beginning of the week. Placing a big sauce pan on the gas range, he portioned out the noodles and went to grab a jar of red sauce from the pantry. He grabbed some spices and herbs too, crushing the garlic and chopping some parsley when he got back to the counter. Pouring the simple ingredients into the pan, he turned on the stove and stirred the pasta until it started to simmer. He then added some salt and black pepper, along with a pinch of cayenne pepper flakes—finishing it off with some cheese and olive oil.

It didn't take long for everything to be done, he'd been cooking for years now and making pasta was quite routine. Kevin took out a bowl from the cupboard, filled it with steaming tomatoey pasta, and covered the pan. His dad at least knew how to reheat things, so Kevin always left enough food for him if he wanted it later. The stove off, napkin and fork in one hand, hot bowl of pasta in the other; Kevin started to head back to his room. As he passed the refrigerator, Kevin remembered to get an icepack from the freezer, his knuckles had been bothering him while he was cooking. Now he was ready to get some work done.

Upstairs at his desk, Kevin ate his pasta and skimmed over the chapters he missed that day because he had been distracted by Edd. He tried not to think about all the other shit he had to deal with at school, but the icepack on his right hand was hard to ignore. Kevin grinned, at least Micheal got what was coming to him—but he still didn't know how his team had taken it.

Though he had let his anger get the best of him, which had terrified him in the aftermath, he didn't feel ashamed anymore. Coach was right, he had been forced into a situation and he had handled it to the best of his ability, he just had to try not to snap again. Maybe being open about himself, truly owning who he was, would stop the anger from building up like it had.

He really hoped the guys on the team hadn't judged him too harshly for the sudden violence, or for crying; most of them hadn't known him back when he was a bully in middle school, so his actions probably seemed out of character. Sure he tried to portray himself as a tough but fair leader, but the majority of his teammates had never seen him truly angry before; not in the way Micheal made him. In those moments he was scared of himself, he couldn't imagine what other people thought.

Kevin sighed and kept reading the textbooks laid out in front of him, filling in his notes with the stuff he missed. He kept the books open when he was done writing so he could look them over as he started his homework. Luckily they were only at the start of the second or third chapters in most of the books he'd been assigned, so the homework load was a bit lighter than it could be. After he finalized his chemistry lab, as well as beginning some paragraph responses for English, Kevin noticed his phone light up next to his computer where it was charging.

The Green Menace:

hey dude

u there?

u didn't come back to practice so i wanna make sure ur ok

It was Nat, sending him a string of messages like usual. Nat was worried about him apparently, which made sense seeing as he hadn't talked to him since before the fight; Nat hasn't heard his side of the story.

Kevin decided he needed a break anyway, so he entered his password and responded.

Kevmeister:

It's all good, didn't get in trouble or anything lol

The Green Menace:

good!

that cumstain deserved it anyway lol

u were pretty badass tbh

Kevmeister:

I dunno, he made me snap

I thought it was pretty embarrassing

The Green Menace:

nooo man not at all!

all the guys were on ur side too

M was obviously outta line, like who asks for a fight? pathetic lil losers thats who! :P

also just so you kno, sum of the guys r catching onto the gay thing

That's what Kevin was worried about, his reaction to Micheal's accusation practically shouted the truth to anyone who was actually paying attention. He had partially avoided texting Nat earlier because he didn't want to learn of his team's reaction, but he definitely needed to find out before he saw them in the halls tomorrow.

Kevmeister:

I kinda figured

How many are we talkin bout here?

And what do they think?

The Green Menace:

uhhhhh

the whole team lol

it didn't seem like they cared, but u don't really get to talk much in a pile of big sweaty men ;)

it doesn't matter anyway dude, if any of them give u a problem just knock em out like M

Kevmeister:

Shut up lol

I don't want to have to fight anyone, today was a one time thing

The Green Menace:

coulda fooled me big guy

but seriously, don't give a crap about what they think, they barely even kno u

care about what ur friends think, u can always trust me and blondie

Kevmeister:

Thanks man, I know I can count on you and Nazz

Kevin put his phone down, thinking that their conversation was over. He turned back to his homework. All he had to do was a few more responses and he'd be done for the night. He was staring at the blank notebook page in front of him, wracking his mind for some sort of unique insight or perspective to write about, when his phone lit up again. Irritated, Kevin picked it up and glared at what Nat had sent him.

The Green Menace:

soooooooo

u gonna tell me what went on between u and ur lil cutie?

Kevmeister:

What are you talking about

The Green Menace:

don't play innocent! i saw ur bike in the parking lot when i left, i know what that means ;3

Kevmeister:

I dunno what you're talking about

The Green Menace:

hmmm, riiiight

lets see what nazz has to say about this

Kevmeister:

Nat I SWEAR to god you better NOT be starting a group chat

Nazzinator:

What I miss?

You already told him about the team knowing he's gay?

The Green Menace:

ya ya, now he's trying to deny ditching practice to stalk his crush

Nazzinator:

Nat are you trying to use me as backup? I told you before that I'm not going to blindside Kevin again, he's too sensitive!

Kevmeister:

Omg, first off, I'm not sensitive but thanks for taking my side

Secondly, how'd you know about the team thing, I guess that means you know about the fight too

And thirdly, Nat fuckin SHUT UP!

Nazzinator:

Dude, own your sensitivity, because you obviously are 3

And I'm on the cheer squad? Y'know, where like two-thirds of the members have boyfriends on the football team? I don't know why you're so surprised lol

The Green Menace:

we get it blondie, ur a real social butterfly, now can we get back to kev possibly smackin all up on sum pink delicious swimmer lips?

Nazzinator:

You were the first one to tell me Nat! :/

But yeah, I want to know if Kev has made his move. Edd's crush is totally you dude, I'm trying to get Marie to confirm but she won't tell me any specifics!

All she says is that he likes some asshole

The Green Menace:

so thats obviously kevin, right?

tell us what went down!

Kevmeister:

ALRIGHT! You fuckin harpies UGHH

We almost kissed, okay? I drove him home on my bike and it was magical!

HAPPY NOW?

The Green Menace:

i'm picturing it now… his hands all over ur rock hard abs… ur blush, his giggles… the wind tugging at both of ur clothes… ahhhh!

told u he'd say yes!

Nazzinator:

Both of you are so dramatic lmao

So… boyfriends?

Kevmeister:

I hope you know that you're the literal worst Nat

I haven't asked him anything yet

We're just friends, but I'm like 90% sure he's into me

Nazzinator:

90%? So what's holding you back?

Don't tell me you're too nervous!

The Green Menace:

u almost kissed but u didn't ask him yet? dude…

90% is the best ur gonna get

listen to ur friends, ASK HIM OUT!

Kevmeister:

Lemme take my time! I don't want to rush him into anything

We barely even know each other anymore, I can't just tell him outta the blue that I've had a crush on him for years. He'll think I'm insane!

Nazzinator:

He likes you, so who cares about that other junk?

Just get it over with lol

Kevmeister:

Sorry guys, gtg

My dad just got home…

Ttyl!

Kevin turned off his phone and set it back on his desk, both relieved and disappointed that he had to abruptly cut off the conversation with his friends. He sat still, listening to make sure he was right. Kevin kept his bedroom door open when he was alone in the house so he could hear when his dad arrived, and now he was certain that he could hear the telltale sign of his father's arrival; the garage door opening.

That sound was the end of Kevin's freedom for the night, it always made him cringe. It wasn't like his father explicitly forced him to do things against his will, it was just that Kevin had to be another person around his dad, even more extreme then at school. He couldn't allow anything his father deemed to be 'weak' or 'fruity' to slip through, he always had to act the way his father expected. Kevin supposed that in a sense he was being forced to do something against his will, because if he didn't meet his dad's expectations for what a man should be, he'd probably be beaten or kicked out. So he never failed to meet those expectations, for he never wanted to discover how his father would react.

All he had to do was wait a little under a year, when he'd move into a dorm and start his first semester at college. Only then would he truly be out from under his father's scrutiny. Until that time he could only be more himself around his friends, and apparently now at school, since his team now suspected his sexuality. Kevin found that he was hesitantly indifferent to what his team thought, as long as the news never got back to his dad.

The garage door slowly closed with a soft hum, and Kevin began to settle into his expected role. He heard the door to the garage in the foyer slam open, followed by obvious stumbling in the living room. Kevin knew his father would be drunk. The only reason he wasn't home earlier was because every day after work he'd go to a sports bar overlooking the Peach Creek Promenade and drink until he could barely drive.

"Kevin?!" He heard his dad yell from the bottom of the stairs, "Get your ass down here!"

"Alright!" Kevin shouted back.

He sighed and stood up from his chair, walking out of his room to pause at the top of the stairs. Kevin pushed his hands deep into the pockets of his flannel pajama bottoms and settled his shoulders. He took a breath and sauntered down the stairs, ready as he'll ever be to face his father.

When Kevin got to the foyer, he immediately noticed that the coatrack by the door to the garage was knocked over, and his dad's briefcase was laying discarded in the middle of the floor. He had to stop a grimace from appearing on his face as he turned to go through the archway leading to the living room, where his father was undoubtedly sitting on the couch. This was all part of the same odd routine, where his dad would sit there and ask about Kevin's day, obviously disinterested and typically too drunk to care.

"Sit, boy," his father pointed to the plushy armchair opposite his position on the couch. There was something a bit off about his voice though, he was obviously drunker than usual but that wasn't it.

He sat across from his father, who was leaning listlessly against the arm of the couch, his suit a disheveled mess. His dad's eyes were closed and he didn't say anything. There was a tension in the air that made Kevin nervous.

"What's up dad?"

"I got a call from your coach today…" his father slurred, an odd venom to his voice.

Kevin felt the panic rise in his chest, he told Coach not to tell! He fidgeted uncomfortably in the armchair, taken aback and utterly mortified. He breathed in and let out the air slowly. His father still wasn't looking at him, so did he really know? This wasn't the reaction he suspected, being ignored like this. Something wasn't right, he couldn't help but feel like the whole situation was off for some other reason.

He nervously licked his lips. "What'd she say?"

His dad's eyes flitted open, causing Kevin to jump a little. "That you got into a fight, that you have to be careful with yer hand."

Kevin let the tension in his body lessen, immensely relieved. Coach hadn't ratted him out. He couldn't completely relax though, because his father's frighteningly green eyes were staring at him.

"You can't go around doing shit like that Kevin, you don't want to injure your arm and ruin your chances at going pro," his eyes narrowed as he studied Kevin's body, "You don't look like crap though, so I guess you won?"

"Yeah, he was out in one punch."

"That's my boy!" His dad yelled drunkenly, a toothy grin adorning his face. "Glad you didn't break yer hand!"

"My knuckles hurt like a bitch though," Kevin smiled meekly.

"Hit em' in the face, huh? That's hell on your fists, lemme show you where to strike next time…" His father tried to stand up straight but ended up careening over, almost knocking over the lamp by the couch. Luckily Kevin jumped up and grabbed him in time, or else he'd have to clean up smashed porcelain. His father mumbled over and over, warm acidic breath assaulting Kevin's nose, "…Here, lemme show ya…"

Kevin's dad was a big man, heavier and taller than him. It was difficult holding him up, he was basically carrying all of his weight. His father's stale scent; barely disguised musk mixed with alcohol, was repulsive and made the task even worse.

"I should really go upstairs and finish my homework dad."

His father suddenly pushed himself away violently, stumbling back into a wall, jarring a framed family photo. "Not gonna let yer old man show you how to fight? Figures you'd be a pansy…"

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Kevin was beginning to loose his temper, which he knew to be stupid because his dad wouldn't remember any of this. He should just ignore his outbursts like usual.

"It means—" His father hiccuped. "—That I know it was you."

"Wha—?"

"I know it was you, Kevin!" His dad yelled and lunged, trying to grab Kevin by the collar of his loose t-shirt, grabbing a bunch of fabric around his shoulder instead.

Kevin turned and ran, letting his shirt rip if that meant getting away from his father. His father was still yelling and attempting to stumble after him, but Kevin was too quick. He hurdled up the stairs and slammed his door shut, locking it behind him. He leaned against the door and breathed, hoping the thrum of his rapidly beating heart would settle.

"Kevin!" His dad hit the door, the hinges creaking, "Open this damn door!"

Kevin jumped back from the door, the wood shaking with each impact from his father's knuckles. He shrunk away, backing up onto his bed in the corner, the sickening sound of flesh hitting wood filling the room. He hugged his legs, desperately hoping that the door would hold. He didn't know why his father was so angry all of the sudden, maybe it had something to do with the weird vibe Kevin had picked up earlier, or it could just be a drunken tirade—but that didn't matter because his father's fists would hurt either way.

His father had never actually gone this far before though, usually he just yelled and made a threat to get a point across. There were unpredictable mood swings and 'playful' banter that was just disguised harassment, but he could handle that. Kevin wasn't used to actually being physically threatened, sure he worried that it could happen, but it never had; until now. It was terrifying, Kevin didn't even know if he had it in him to defend himself against his dad, to actually hit someone who raised him—even if he was justified doing so.

"Open the door Kevin…" His dad's voice shakily wavered from the other side of the door, the insistent pounding getting lighter and lighter. "Please…"

"N-never!" Kevin shouted, "Go away, leave me alone!"

The violent knocking ceased, but Kevin could see the door move a little as his father slumped down to the hall floor. He could hear his father's sobs, which was something he'd never heard before; not once in his entire life. A shutter ran through his body and he hugged his knees tighter. He could feel his own cheeks get wet as he began to cry. His tears rolled over his cheeks and fell to his chest. He shivered, realizing that his shirt was torn from the shoulder down the side, exposing his front to his falling tears. He just wanted this to stop.

"…I knew it was you when I saw it, I knew it was you…"

He could barely hear his father's muffled words, but it was enough. He realized what this was all about; the magazine from the night before. That stupid, overpriced piece of glossy pornography he bought on a whim. That's what caused all of this, a fucking whim.

Kevin let out a jittery sob and rolled over, scrunching his eyes shut, wishing everything would just go back to what it was like before. He wished his mother were there to hold him like she used to, whispering soothing encouragements in his ear. He tried to hum the song that she'd always sing, but couldn't because his throat was too tight, so he just tried to remember what it sounded like; but that didn't work either, his head throbbing from all the endless crying.

So he lay there in silence, breathing in and out, trying to calm himself.

He was okay, everything was going to be okay. Kevin kept repeating those words to himself, hoping they'd come true. His father might not even remember anything from that evening, like so many other nights in the past. Kevin had to believe that to be true, he didn't want to think of the other possibility. Now he knew for sure that his dad suspected the truth, that he had from the moment he opened the trash can, but his father won't recall this ordeal, this horrible confrontation. Kevin hoped that tomorrow he could pretend that nothing happened and just go back to living normally, hiding behind his array of masks.

But he knew that he couldn't, that things have changed now. That night had revealed his father's reaction to the truth; violence. Kevin knew for certain what would eventually happen, if his dad was in fact blackout drunk and had to re-comprehend what he already suspected to be true. Tonight was just a taste of what was to come, the precursor to a confrontation that Kevin never wanted to happen. He couldn't let it play out like that though, ending in a brutal fight between him and his father. He had to change it somehow, but what could he do?

Kevin rolled over and opened his eyes. He didn't know how to get out of the inevitable. The lack of control felt horrifying, but he couldn't give up, he had to try. He wiped away his tears and looked around his room, the familiar posters and trophies felt safe, like home. Kevin's eyes hesitated before looking at the locked door, wary of what could be behind it. A continuous seam of light outlined the door, the bright light in the hall contrasting against the dark wood. The fact that he could see that uninterrupted light was more soothing than he could describe; it meant that his father wasn't standing out there, waiting.

Kevin let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding, relaxing as he cradled his face in his hands. He still didn't know what to do, he couldn't think of anything. He felt exhausted, his head throbbing, thoughts almost an incoherent sandbox that he didn't have the energy to sift through.

Rest, that's what he needed. He had to attempt to sleep, hopefully everything would be clearer in the morning.

Kevin got up and stripped off his tattered shirt, throwing it into the laundry basket in his closet. Next he eased over to the light switch by the door, his eyes never moving from the pooling seam of light; the reassuring reminder that he was alone. When he turned off the light he fled back to the safety of his bed, pulling the blankets over his body. When he settled, Kevin reached out to his desk next to the bed, grabbing his phone to set an alarm for the morning.

When he turned it on, his phone vibrated as new messages popped onto the screen. Two were from Nazz and Nat, but those didn't register in his brain. He could only stare at the last message, sent only ten minutes earlier.

Eddward Vincent:

Goodnight Kevin, I hope you had an enjoyable evening! Could Marie and I sit at your table again tomorrow? I don't want to be a burden so I understand if you refuse, but know that today I had a lovely time with you and your friends. Sleep well and see you tomorrow!

There was a little wave emoji after his name, which made Kevin crack a small smile. He shifted around on his bed so he could look out the window. The cul-de-sac was dark except for the occasional streetlight, no movement at all except for the gentle rustle of trees. Across from his house was Edd's, which was almost identical to his own except for the paint job and minor decorative details. Only one light was on, which had to be Edd's room.

Edd was over there, thinking about him.

Kevin had the urge to call him and tell him what had happened, to ask to go over to his house and sleep; to be safe and without fear. It was a stupid, silly thought; but it came from desire, not logic. He wanted to see Edd, to be himself whenever he could; to not care about what others thought.

In that moment Kevin knew he couldn't survive compartmentalizing himself for much longer. To solve his problems he believed that he had only one option in front of him—he couldn't hide himself anymore.