Disclaimer: Excuse me, but does anyone know any synonyms for 'I don't own anything except for my OCs'? Anyone?
AN: Welcome all, to the first actual episode/chapter of Mahou Sensei Lina Inverse! Lina's still settling in at the moment, so things might be a tad slow, but don't worry, the pace should pick up a bit soon enough. Enjoy, doods!
Well actually, before we get to the main chap, some responses to the reviews you guys made!
lord Martiya: In all honesty, I don't really have the bearer of the fragment completely planned out yet. However, I do know that it will be neither Negi nor Eva; it'll be someone else. As for who... THAT is a secret, dood!
Dark Lord Sigma and MASmaster: Glad ya like it! Sorry, but if you recall, when Cephied split Shabranigdo into seven pieces, he sealed them into humans... as such, the Kyoto Demon God is not a fragment. And as for who has it, that is a secret! However, fear not! I DO have OTHER plans for dear Demon God Sukuna, and it WILL make an appearance at some point after the Kyoto arc! The details of its appearance, however, are also a secret. Lina's first day on the job is actually next chap, as of this one she's still settling in, but Eva will be bugged quite a bit by our heroine, don't worry, dood.
tojaka: Glad ya liked the prologue! And don't worry, Lina will cause plenty of chaos that I'm sure you'll like, or your money back.
Well, now that that's over with, ON WITH THE FIC! Enjoy!
Episode 1: A New World! And a New Teacher Too!
1111111
1111 Mahora Academy, Dean's Office 1111
Dean Konoemon Konoe's (rather large) head suddenly snapped up in surprise. A powerful magical energy signature had appeared out of literally nowhere somewhere on campus.
"Dean Konoe!" The middle-aged teacher, Takamichi Takahata, burst into the office.
"Yes, I know Takamichi. Please go investigate."
"Yes, sir!" Takamichi left to do his job. As he did so, Konoemon leaned back in his seat and sighed.
'I can only hope that no trouble comes of this…'
… No trouble? YOU sir, obviously do not know Lina Inverse… oh wait, that's right… he doesn't. But the delicious irony will show up soon enough.
…You really shouldn't tempt fate, Dean….
11111 Lina's location 11111
Takamichi was moving as quickly as possible to investigate the anomaly. Imagine his surprise when he found what appeared to be a young girl wearing bizarre attire sleepily waking up from unconsciousness. Being something of a gentleman and a good person overall, he decided to help her out before questioning her. He landed by her.
"Are you all right, miss?"
Lina, feeling groggy, replied, "Yeah, I'm fine… just a little out of it." In her grogginess, she failed to really notice that she was talking to a fellow sorcerer.
Takamichi also realized that she likely wasn't in any condition to answer questions. So,
"I'll take you to the nurse, miss."
"T-Thanks…" Lina fell asleep again, resting, as Takamichi carried her off, bridal style. Before he left, though, he couldn't help but notice the strange energy that permeated throughout the area around where Lina had been. It felt… familiar….
It felt a lot like the energy used to travel between the Human World and Mundus Magicus, actually. The energy of inter-world travel.
'Just who is this girl?' He thought.
1111 Nurse's Office 1111
Lina awoke once more, feeling much better. She sat up from the bed she was lying in, noticing she was in some sort of hospital like room. She remembered that man, whatever his name was, bringing her here. Seeing no one else in the room, she sighed and thought to herself for a moment, attempting to sort things out.
'The last things I remember are those Mazoku and being dragged into that portal. I guess I'm in a different world, then… I'll have to see if I can still use my magic later. I wonder where Amelia, Gourry, and Zel are? In other rooms here?... That might be a problem with Zel. Hmmm…'
Coming out of her thoughts, she looked down to see she was now in a hospital gown.
'… Whoever changed me better have been female…' She mused, irritated.
Her previous thoughts were forgotten as a woman with a rather… ample… chest came into the room.
'Oh god, she better not be anything like Naga…'
"Oh, you're awake? Are you feeling better?"
"Um… yeah, I guess. Just a little confused." Lina couldn't help but feel inwardly relieved that no, this woman was not like the one who shall be referred to as 'goldfish poop.'
"Oh, that's good. My name is Shizuna."
"Uh… I'm Lina. Lina Inverse! And, um… was anyone nearby where you found me?"
"No. Why do you ask?"
"Well, I'd thought maybe some friends of mine would've been around too." 'Damn. We must've gotten separated.'
"My apologies, Lina-san."
"Don't worry about it."
"Well then Lina-san, would you mind if the Dean has a word with you?"
"No, not really." 'I need to find out more about this new world anyway.' And so the two women left.
1111 Dean's Office 1111
Lina, still clad in hospital gown, gaped a bit. She really couldn't help herself. Seriously, she had never seen ANYONE with a head that big! Or eyebrows that huge! Sure, Prince Phil had fairly large eyebrows, but they were NOTHING compared to this old dude's! She idly wondered if he had a pet sheepdog. He certainly looked like one himself, with those brows covering his eyes.
Konoemon himself felt a little amused at Lina's gaping. He chuckled a bit, and said, in good humor, "Well Lina-san, whenever you're done staring…" (Shizuna told him Lina's name)
Lina shook her head. "Oh, uh sorry."
"Hohoho. Don't worry about it, it's not the first time. Getting to business, I am Konoemon Konoe, Dean of Mahora Academy, and I would like to talk with you for a little while."
"Nice to meet you, old man! So, well… what do you want to know?" She was a tad wary despite Konoemon's warmness.
Konoemon, on the other hand, chuckled good-naturedly at the nickname Lina had given him, and said, "Well, first, I would like to know where you are from. According to Takamichi, who brought you to the Nurse's Office, the energy in the area you appeared in had the feel of that which is used to travel to Mundus Magicus, or the Magic World-"
"Mundus whatnow?"
"Mundus Magicus, and, well, it's an alternate world to this one… and, according to what Takamichi said, the energy felt similar, but wasn't quite the same… I'm guessing that you yourself are from a different world then, Inverse-san?"
"Uh, yeah…" Lina said, surprised, eyes widened slightly.
"Interesting. Well, then…" the Dean interlocked his hands on his desk and leaned on them. "My next question is, how do you know our language?"
The room went silent for a moment. A crow could be heard cawing outside. (1)
"…Don't point out plot holes, old man. It's not important anyway."
"Oh, uh, well then… Would you perhaps tell me about your world, then?"
Lina's wariness of Konoemon had decreased some, so she, somewhat reluctantly, complied and explained about her world and situation.
(Later…)
"Hmmm… Intriguing…" Konoemon mused, leaning back. 'Lina-san's world really does sound quite fascinating, hohoho…' Leaning forward again, he asked,
"So, you say a type of demon known as a 'Mazoku' has some plans involving this world? What might they be?"
"Well, uh…" Lina replied a tad sheepishly, "I don't actually know what their plans are…"
"Oh?" Konoemon was on the confused side.
"Ya see old man, in all honesty, I was only in that general area because I wanted to see if I could find any treasure in those ruins. When I found out about the Mazoku there, I figured I might as well just deal with them while I was at it, seeing as those things are never good to have around… so yeah, I dunno what exactly they're up to. Yet."
"Hm… I see. Well, Lina-san, we'll be sure to keep an eye out for them, as well as those friends of yours."
"Thanks old man."
"Well, I'm done with my questions. Do you have any for me, Lina-san?"
"Well, I would like to know about this world…"
"Hohoho. Okay, Lina-san."
(Later (again)…)
Lina gaped again. She had figured out that this world was more advanced than hers earlier, but she didn't think it was THAT much advanced! And to think how bizarre and magical this academy was… wow.
"…That's a lot of information to take in…"
"Hohoho. You'll get used to it, Lina-san."
"Yeah, I guess old man… oh, wait, I just remembered. What am I gonna do while I'm here? And where am I going to live?"
Lina was really asking herself those questions more than she was asking Konoemon, but he decided to answer anyway.
"Well, Lina-san, you could work as a teacher here at Mahora."
"Huh?"
"That's right. The PE instructor has been wanting to retire for some time now, but we have been unable to find anyone to take his place so he could. I believe you may be fit for the job, Lina-san."
"Uh, thanks, but… I dunno…"
Konoemon got an odd feeling. This feeling caused him to say, "You'll be paid-"
"YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A NEW PE INSTRUCTOR!" Lina shouted enthusiastically.
The Dean jumped a little at the sudden raise in volume, before chuckling. "Alright then. You are now Lina-sensei, Lina-san!"
"Thanks."
"And as for where you can live… well, let's see…" 'There's the room Kagurazaka-kun and my granddaughter share, but I was thinking of putting Negi-kun there once he gets here in a few days…hmmm… Ah! I've got it!'
"Lina-san, I believe you can stay with Evangeline."
"Who?"
"Oh, she's a student here… and is also a vampire."
"A vampire, huh?" 'I remember that one vampire Naga and I fought way back when… This 'Evangeline' better not be anything like he was, the weirdo…' (2)
"Eh, sure old man." She answered.
"Okay then, Lina-san." Konoemon pulled out some paper and began writing, "Just give her this note from me. She'll be rather grudging, but there's nothing she'll be able to do about it."
"Okay… but where does she live?"
"Oh, out in the woods in a cottage. You can't miss it."
"Alright. Thanks again old man!"
"No problem, Lina-san…Oh, and you'll keep the existence of magic in this world secret, yes?"
"Yeah, sure…" 'Even though I personally think it's kinda dumb. Seriously, back on MY world, there was none of this 'hide your magical abilities' crap!'
1111 Elsewhere 1111
One Chao Lingshen suddenly got the odd feeling that she had another ally for her plans. Weird.
1111 Dean's Office 1111
"Oh, one more thing before I go, old man."
"Yes, Lina-san?"
"…Can you get me some new clothes?"
"Hohoho. Of course, Lina-san."
1111 Later, In the Forest 1111
Lina, now wearing a suit, was headed for Eva's cottage. Said suit was grey and worn rather casually, with no tie and the front unbuttoned a bit. A suitcase containing more clothes, including her old outfit, and also her class roster was at her side, and the Dean had even given her some money to go clothes shopping with later. (3)
As she made her way to her destination, though, she thought to herself, 'I still need to test out my magic…' She stopped in a clearing. 'White Magic shouldn't be a problem since it relies on the user's life force anyway, no worries there. Shamanistic magic may be possible, depending on what the nature spirits in this world are like. I think I'll test that one now…'
Lina pointed her hand at a tree and shouted, "Fireball!" Sure enough, a blast of fire emerged from her hands and blew up the tree.
BOOM!
Lina smirked. 'I guess the spirits are similar enough.' Adopting a thoughtful look again, 'Now, as for Black Magic... I probably shouldn't test that stuff out here. Same goes for Chaos Magic.'
Hey, Lina may not mind causing destruction, but she ain't stupid. After all, casting those big spells here would likely end badly. The Dean might be pissed off, for one. Sure, he was kind of silly, but Lina could still feel that he had a great amount of power. So yeah, Black and Chaos Magic testing is a no-no, for now.
So, she continued on her way.
1111 Eva's Cottage 1111
Lina knocked on the door to the quaint-looking little cottage. A girl with long green hair and wearing a maid outfit, Chachamaru, answered. Lina found herself wondering what the heck those antenna things on the girl's head were.
Chachamaru paused a moment. "…Yes?"
"Uh, hey. I'm Lina Inverse. The Dean sent me."
"I see. For what purpose, Lina-san?"
"I'm going to live here."
From inside the cottage came an irritated voice. "WHAT!" A little blonde girl came to the door.
'Is that the vampire Evangeline? Great, she's a midget. Well, as long as she doesn't transform into a pitiful 'true form' like that other one…' Honestly, Lina found it a little hard to take the girl seriously, despite the power Lina could feel she held. It seemed diluted for some reason, but it was still there.
Speaking of Eva, she was not in a good mood. She scowled at Lina. "Damn old man…" she muttered. Lina, somewhat irritated at Eva's attitude, held out the note Konoemon gave her. Eva snatched it out of her hands and read it.
"Tch… Fine, whatever. Chachamaru, show Inverse to her room."
"Yes Mistress. Come, Lina-san."
"Yeah, sure…" She glared a little at Eva, Eva returning the look. 'Yeah, well f00k ya too, bitch.' Lina thought as she went to her room with Chachamaru. Eva went to her own room in the meantime, but not before shouting,
"You can live here, Inverse, but don't expect Chachamaru to clean up after you! And you're making your own food!"
Lina just grumbled under her breath.
"My apologies for Mistress' behavior, Lina-san." Said Chachamaru.
"Don't worry about it too much." Lina replied, still a little irritated.
The two women reached the room, which was hidden behind lots of dolls and other junk. Chachamaru moved it all out of the way.
"Thanks," Lina said as she entered her room. Chachamaru bowed in response and returned to her chores.
In the room, which was mostly bare save for a few shelves and a bed, Lina placed the suitcase with her clothes, old outfit, and class roster in it on the bed.
'I'm going to have to spruce this place up later.' She thought, pulling out the class roster and reading it. Seeing both Chachamaru and Eva on the list, she smirked a bit. 'Well, if Eva pisses me off, I can always work her into the ground or something, heh.'
Suddenly, a massive growl shook the room.
GROOOOOWL!
…It sounded a lot like a really pissed off dragon, quite frankly.
Eva and Chachamaru busted into Lina's room, Eva shouting, "WHAT THE HELL, INVERSE! DID YOU BRING A FRIGGIN PET DRAGON WITH YOU!"
Lina just looked at the both of them sheepishly, "Uh, no… I'm just hungry."
SMACK!
That would be the sound of Eva face faulting. Chachamaru remained stoic, though she found it quite strange that Lina's stomach would make a sound like that.
"…Mistress, perhaps I should cook for Lina-san just this once?"
1111 Kitchen 1111
Eva and Lina were sitting at a table, Chachamaru standing near her mistress. Eva was gaping at how much food Lina had just eaten.
'I…have never seen… absolutely ANYONE… EVER eat that much food! For God's sake, Inverse just ate an entire WEEK'S worth of food!'
"…Can I have more?"
'AND SHE STILL WANTS MORE?'
And while Eva gaped, Chachamaru, on the other hand, found herself wondering about the illogic of the situation. In addition, according to her research, Lina had just broken several world records involving eating. Effortlessly, no less.
By now, Eva had switched from gaping to angry, "What the hell, Inverse! Do you have to eat so much freaking food!"
"If you must know, yes! A delicate maiden like myself needs all the food she can get!"
"DELICATE MAIDEN MY BLOODY ASS! How can you qualify as 'delicate'? You ate all that food like a wild animal that had been starving for weeks!"
"Get off my back, Eva! You're a vampire anyway, right? You drink BLOOD to survive! And I'm sure Chachamaru can just eat elsewhere!"
"Actually, Lina-san, I do not require susten-"
"SO WHAT! So I'm a vampire, sure!" 'Which I suppose I shouldn't be overly surprised that you know, since I doubt the old man would send you here without that knowledge.' "That doesn't change the fact that you eat too damn much! Seriously, where does it all go, anyway? Certainly not to those breasts of yours!"
Lina snapped. She grabbed Eva in a headlock.
"TAKE THAT BACK YOU BRAT!"
"BRAT! I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT I'M OLDER THAN YOU!"
"Uh, Mistress, Lina-san," said Chachamaru distressedly, attempting to break up the fight, but to no avail.
"WELL, I GUESS YOU'RE AN OLD HAG THEN!"
"SCREW YOU, INVERSE!" Eva bit into Lina's arm and started to drink her blood.
"OW! YOU LITTLE-" Lina stopped suddenly as an idea struck her. As this happened, Chachamaru finally got the two apart, Eva growling.
"What, Inverse! 'You little' what!"
"Oh, uh… nothing, nothing at all… I'll just be going to my room, kay?" And Lina walked off.
"…Strange," Eva muttered, "But I guess I win. Ha!" She smirked, then turned to Chachamaru. "Go purchase more food."
"Yes mistress." Replied the gynoid, also adding, "…Perhaps you should apologize to Lina-san, mistress?"
"Apologize? Never!" Eva snorted and went upstairs, "I'll be in my room!"
"…" Chachamaru seemed a little irked by what had happened, but filed away those thoughts to deal with later, moving to do the task she had been assigned.
Meanwhile, Eva, up in her room and lying on her bed, thought, 'Damned Inverse… reminds me of HIM some… and I hate to admit it, but her blood's actually pretty good. I think I know how to have her pay rent, then…' She smirked a bit, then frowned, 'But why didn't she use a spell against me in her anger? I can feel her power, and I'm sure she had something to do with that spike of magical energy earlier… which I should either ask her or the old coot about… so why? I'm certain she wanted to, I know I wanted to cast something… though I couldn't thanks to that blasted curse… hmmm… and what was that strange chill I felt when Inverse went to her room?'
And as Eva continued musing, a doll sitting on the shelves, Chachazero, had her own thoughts. Oh yes, she had heard the commotion downstairs. Hard not to, really. 'I think I might like this new girl,' she thought.
And as for Lina… she was sitting on her bed, snickering to herself in a very disturbing manner. Oh, she would get her revenge….
And as for how, well, let's just say she's found a spot to test out whether her Black magic works or not….
1111 Later, Outside the Cottage 1111
It was the middle of the night, long after everyone on campus had went to bed, including Eva. Lina however, was still very much awake, and set about her plan for revenge. She, still wearing her suit, and having brought her stuff (her suitcase) with her, walked outside the cottage a little ways, then turned toward it.
She put the suitcase down and smirked. 'Let's see if this works…' She held up her hands to cast a spell, and chanted,
Darkness beyond twilight
Crimson beyond blood that flows
At this point, she could feel magical energy gathering in her hands. She smirked again, 'So I know this at least works. And I think I know what those Mazoku are after, now… a fragment of Shabranigdo must be hidden on this world somewhere… I'll tell the old man about it later.' She continued chanting,
Buried in the stream of time is where your power grows
I pledge myself to conquer all the fools who stand
Before the mighty gift bestowed in my unworthy hands
Let the fools who stand before me be destroyed
By the power you and I possess…
A large red orb of pure destructive energy was now in Lina's hands. She prepared to fire it.
1111 Eva's room 1111
Eva, swearing that she could hear something outside, woke up from her slumber. She then felt a massive amount of magical energy.
"DRAGOOOOON SLAAAAAAVE!" came a shout from outside. A blood red light started to flash outside and soon engulfed the room. (4)
"WHAT THE FU-" Eva began, and then-
BOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"HAHAHAHAHA! REVENGE IS AN ENORMOUS BITCH, ISN'T IT EVA! HAHAHAHA!"
1111 Later that night 1111
Lina, Eva, Chachamaru, and Chachazero, all by some miracle alive and relatively unhurt, were all outside the large, smoking crater that used to be Eva's cottage, not to mention a large amount of nearby trees as well, Zero on Chachamaru's head. Lina looked smug. Eva was somewhere between tears, wanting to kill Lina brutally, and complete and utter 'OMGWTF'-ness. Chachamaru was annoyed, and it showed on her face. But, as for Zero…
The cutely psychopathic little doll had a damn near reverent look on her face.
'S-So much glorious destruction! It's… It's so beautiful!... I think… I think I'm in love…' Zero thought, staring at Lina and blushing.
…Okay, scratch what I said. The look wasn't so much 'damn near reverent' as it was 'rabid fangirl who wants to bear your children.'
…Well, what did you all expect? Zero loves destruction and chaos, and destruction and chaos is what Lina causes on a regular basis. You do the math. (5)
Ahem, that aside…
"What the hell, Inverse! I can understand getting revenge, but don't you think that destroying my whole damn cottage is going a little overboard!" Eva glared at Lina.
"Well…" Lina replied somewhat sheepishly, the smug look gone, "Maybe a little…"
Eva gave the redhead a deadpan look, growled, and then sighed. "Inverse, you're damn lucky that I had already figured my cottage would be destroyed by some assassin out to get me or something at some point…" She turned toward the wreckage, "Because that caused me to make this." The vampire loli held up her hand and chanted something.
A large magical circle appeared where the cottage used to be, and in a flash…
FLASH!
…It was back!
"…Cool." Lina stated.
Eva smirked at the praise, then frowned, "Don't do it again, Inverse." And walked back inside, "Or else."
'Oooh, I'm so scared… not' Lina thought with a half-lidded stare as Chachamaru walked up to her, a still blushing Zero in tow.
"Lina-san, please refrain from such violent outbursts in the future." Chachamaru stated, not in such an annoyed state of mind now that the cottage was back.
"I'll try Chachamaru, but no guarantees."
Chachamaru paused a moment, then said, "Why do you not address people with honorifics? I am curious."
"Well, sorry, my bad. It's just the way I talk, heh."
"I see."
"By the way Chachamaru, what the heck are those antenna things anyway? It's been bugging me since I first saw them."
"Well Lina-san, those are my ears. I am a robot."
"A what?"
"A robot is a mechanical and artificial being."
"Artificial? You mean like a golem or a doll or a puppet or something?"
"Yes, you could put it that way, though a robot is more advanced."
"Oh, okay then."
A moment of silence passed, and then Chachamaru bowed, though not enough to knock Zero off her head.
"Well, Lina-san, I must be going. I still have to purchase that food that mistress told me to obtain. However, before I depart, would you take Chachazero? She wishes to speak with you."
"Uh, sure." Chachamaru handed Lina Zero, and then flew off into the distance.
"…So, you're Chachazero?"
"Yep, Lina-sama. But you can call me Zero." Zero, notably, was blushing a little harder now. Lina decided to ignore it.
"Uh… why call me sama? Not that I don't like it or anything."
"Well, Lina-sama, it's because you destroying mistress's cabin… that was kickass!"
Lina grinned a little, "Thanks, I guess, heh."
"And don't listen to Chachamaru! Be as violent as you like! It's awesome!"
Lina's grin widened. "Hee hee. Nice to have a fan."
"Um, Lina-sama? Can you put me on your head?"
Lina shrugged. "Sure, why not?" And so Zero's new spot became Lina's head. Lina picked up her suitcase, and the two retired to her room for the rest of the night.
And Eva, in her room, couldn't help but think, 'The 'Dragon Slave,' huh? I've never heard of such a spell… though it's obviously quite powerful. And I could swear I felt demonic power… so many mysteries to you, Inverse…' The loli smirked. 'And I will solve them.'
1111 The Next Morning, PE fields 1111
Class 2A was abuzz with the news of their old teacher's retirement, not to mention the new teacher they were going to have.
"I wonder who he is?" asked Sakurako Shiina.
"I heard it's a girl!" said her friend Madoka Kugimiya.
"I heard that too! And apparently she doesn't look much older than us!" exclaimed the last of the 'Cheerleader Trio,' Misa Kakizaki.
"I wonder if we can prank her?" questioned Fuka Narutaki.
"Sister, we really shouldn't…" said Fuka's twin sister, Fumika.
And of course, this was only some of the buzz. But honestly, I'm too lazy to write the comments of 30 schoolgirls, so this is all you're getting. Moving on….
"U-Um, I think that's her…" said Nodoka Miyazaki ever so shyly.
Sure enough, she was right. Lina was indeed walking towards the group, now clad in a white t-shirt and grey sweatpants, and wearing a black headband. Zero was on her head (which many of the girls found a little odd, but cute in a way). Lina eventually stopped in front of the group, and the noise quieted down. The redhead cleared her throat, then said, in a fairly authoritative voice,
"I'm Lina Inverse, and I'm your new PE instructor! A pleasure to meet you all!"
1111111111
Next time:
Asuna: Isn't Lina-sensei a little young to be our teacher?
Negi: Um, hello, my name is Negi Springfield…
Asuna: Ah great, this kid's even worse…
Umbra: I'm baaaack! HAHAHAHA!
Dezga: (SNORE)
Lina: I just got here and already the craziness is beginning… am I a 'weird magnet' or something?
111111111
And so the first episode ends, dood! Stay tuned for more and be sure to review!
Notes:
(1) If I'm not mistaken, a crow's caw sounds similar to a Japanese word meaning 'idiot' or 'stupid' or something to that effect. Which is why it can be used for comedic effect in stuff like this!
(2) This, and comments related to it, are references to one of the Slayers OVA's. Specifically, the one wherein Lina and Naga have their very first adventure as a team. Obviously, it ends with the dysfunctional duo fighting a vampire whose true form is… well, look up the OVA on Youtube and see! (I'm aware that many of you probably know this, dood, but I just felt like pointing it out anyway).
(3) Lina's suit is based on some Slayers NEXT eyecatches, some of which were in a high school setting. Remember them?
(4) Funny story about this, actually. As you may or may not know, the Dragon Slave is ALWAYS used in EVERY first episode of a Slayers season. Now tell me… what 'episode' of Mahou Sensei Lina Inverse is this chapter? (Hint: look at the top or at the little thing above the 'Notes' section).
(5) In all honesty, Zero's little crush on Lina is probably going to be used mainly for (perverted) comedic effect. Whether I'll do anything else with it or not is debatable, dood.