Chapter One Summary: Daniel and Lantash have a talk and come to some conclusions. O'Neil insists that Jacob remove Lantash only to have Daniel assure the Generals Hammond and Carter, as well as him, that Sam requested Lantash to come to her. Per'sus and the President agree that it would be best to tell no one that Lantash is in Sam. All of them feel that this would be best; however, they aren't sure why they feel that way. Lantash and Sam attempt to comfort one another, and Lantash has Janet call Jacob as Sam breaks down, and he cannot soothe her. Lantash has made an important discovery about Sam and what their blending will mean to them because of it. It shocks them both and Sam tells her father about it.
"Italics" – Symbiote – Host Communication
Always Be Ours
Chapter one
Waking to Reality
"Daniel? I am glad you are here. I wish to apologize. I had no control over what happened. I would have stopped it if I could."
"It wasn't your fault, it was ours. We should have seen to it that you were tested. I, um, I just wanted to check on you. I'm heading up to General Hammond's office. Jack's going to be throwing a fit, y'know."
"I am aware. It was her choice, Daniel. I would not have done this if it had not been."
"I know. I'll make sure they know, too. I'll be very sure to explain what happened. I was close enough to hear her. I'll be sure they're aware that it was a free choice on her part," Daniel assured him. Then looking at him with an unwavering gaze, he continued, "I was trying to get to you myself. I wanted you to know that. You do have friends here, and I would have taken you and not thought twice about it. I just didn't get to you in time."
"Thank you. That means a great deal to me. I know that was not the case at one time, so I am doubly grateful for the knowledge and what that statement says about you and about us." He paused before saying, "How is your arm? I hope I did not do a great deal of damage to you."
"Oh, it's fine, really. A little bruised, but I'll be all right. Listen, I'll let you get some rest, but I wanted you to know. I care about her very much. If there is anything you need, anything at all, I want you to tell me. Don't let her stop you, okay?"
"I will, Daniel, and I thank you. I will remember."
"Lantash, there's one other thing you should know. As far as I know, no one knows what happened in there, except those of us that know right now. I think we should keep it that way. Sam doesn't need to be bothered by curious people right now. They can find out down the road. That said, for now, you need to get some rest. I'll check back with you later."
Lantash frowned. "I believe you are correct, Daniel; it might be wise to keep my whereabouts unknown for the moment. Thank you; I believe I will rest."
Daniel nodded and waved as he headed out the door.
Sam sat up in the bed gasping, tears running down her face.
"Samantha, wake up. Please, wake up. There, are you awake now? Come, are you aware of where we are?"
"He's gone isn't he? Martouf's dead." She could barely get the words out she was shaking so badly. It was not a dream; it was real, all too real.
"Yes. I am sorry. Please do not grieve so," Lantash shoved his own pain away, as he tried to comfort his mate. His new host. How was he to bear this? He must, of course; he had no choice. She was the center of his universe, and Martouf would expect no less of him than he expected of himself.
"You have no room to talk to me about grieving, Lantash. You can't tell me not to grieve when your pain is so sharp it's physically hurting us. When you can't hold in anymore, and it bleeds into me because it is so deep, don't tell me not to grieve. And, it does just that: it bleeds; you bleed with the pain, just as I am bleeding with it. We are both bleeding to death with it, Lantash, and I don't know how to stop it, for either of us."
Sam sounded so desolate it broke his heart all over again. He would have to put them both into a deep healing sleep soon, if they could not comfort each other, at least a little. "It will become less, Samantha, my love. I promise you. Although some of the pain of losing the host, the mate, that was so loved always stays, it does get better." Lantash focused his thoughts on comforting Samantha, rather than on the loss, they had both just experienced.
Sam realized how difficult this was for Lantash and tried to focus on him. Perhaps he was right, and they needed to help each other. Of course, he was right, it was just so hard right now, when all she wanted to do was lie down and die with Martouf. But, she couldn't leave Lantash anymore than he would, or could, leave her. They still had each other and that was everything right now.
"Are you going to be all right? Were you hurt badly? I am so sorry. I should have asked you before now; it was very selfish of me to ignore your injuries. I should have been helping you instead of falling asleep. In fact, I can't believe I did fall asleep. It doesn't even make sense," Sam's confusion showed plainly in her voice.
Lantash sighed, "I was injured more from the zat blast than the projectiles. Most of them missed me, and with time, I will be able to recover from both the projectile injuries that I received and the zat blast. I promise you that there is no doubt, but that I will recover with time, so do not worry, please, there is no need. As for the sleep that you entered, I did that, so that you would not go into shock. You were about to do so, and it is easier at first, if you sleep some after a blending. Not necessary, but helpful. I am sorry if that upsets you, but I felt it would simply be easier on both of us, if we slept for a short while."
"You have nothing to apologize for, Lantash. You are much more experienced at this than I am, and I remember that I was not able to function at all afterwards, so no doubt you did what was best for both of us. Thank you for that," her soft voice helped to soothe him slightly.
"You are welcome." Lantash hesitated, and then said quietly, "Samantha, I could not save him. I would have tried. When he realized what you were offering, and how badly injured he was; he knew I could not heal him, and that we would both die. He wished me to go to you. The thought of us being together made the parting from us easier for him."
"What—what did he—say to you, Lantash?" Sam wanted to know, and yet she was almost afraid to hear his final words. She was already in so much pain, as was Lantash.
"His words to me were—"You cannot save me. Do not die with me. Go to her. Take care of her for me. For us. Please. I love you both. Go with my love and my heart for you both, always." He paused again to regain control of his voice and his emotions. "I could not refuse him, Samantha, I could not. I am sorry I could not save him for us, my love. I should have tried harder. Perhaps…but no, that is a foolish daydream, for I could not have succeeded, and we would both have left you. Please do not mourn so, my dearest love, he would not wish you to, I promise you," Lantash whispered his last few words.
"Lantash, I loved you both so much. So much, and I never had the nerve to tell you so. I was so afraid that it wasn't real. One weekend is all we ever had and even then, I wouldn't tell either of you. I'm so ashamed; I was such an emotional coward. Why couldn't it have been me? At least I would have been sleeping, and you would both still be alive," Sam's self-disgust and bitterness over the outcome colored her voice and tore at his heart. "Did he hear me at the last? Did he hear me tell you I loved you both? Do you know?"
Lantash immediately reassured her, "Yes. He heard you. We both heard you. It meant a great deal to him, and he was glad it was not you. He was very worried about you. Please, my love, trust me, he would not want you to feel this guilt. You did only that which you had to do. Stop blaming yourself."
"I should have asked. I should have checked. I'm so sorry."
"Hush, now, it is all right. We will be all right. Try to sleep some more. They will be in to check on us again soon, and if we are asleep, they will leave us alone for a while longer. They will not be worried yet, and I will answer them, if they become concerned. You should rest, my love."
"I'll try. You'll still be here when I wake up, won't you? You really are all right? You aren't just telling me that, are you?" Sam's fear for him was very evident in her emotions.
"No, I am not just telling you that. I would not lie to you. I will be here. You will always know you are loved by me. You will never wonder about that again. I will love you, always. That, I also promise you, Samantha."
"As long as we're alive, he will live on, won't he? He'll live on in us? And his love for us—it will be alive, too. We—we will always have that won't we?"
"Yes. He is here within us. Now, please, rest, my love. A blending is not always easy under the best of circumstances. The more stress you undergo from our blending, the harder it will be on you. Rest now, my love."
"I know. I love you, Lantash," Sam told him quietly.
"As, I love you, my Samantha; as I love you."
"You get that damn snake out of Carter, Jacob, and you get it out now." Jack O'Neill was close to breaking something in his anger at Lantash. There was no way he would believe that Lantash did not take an unwilling host. Carter would not have offered.
"No," Jacob's answer was very blunt…and implacable.
"What do you mean no? You heard what Daniel told Janet. He jumped into her when she leaned over Martouf. I want him out of her," Jack's voice grew louder as he threw his statement at Jacob, while he paced in front of him.
"No," Jacob remained just as adamant in his refusal.
"Damn it, Jacob. Get that damn snake out of Carter."
"No. No, Jack, I am not removing Lantash from my daughter. When she wakes up, we will find out if this was her choice. She said something to them, Jack. We don't know what it was, and until I know, I am not removing him. Besides, do you want to kill them both? That's what you are asking me to do. That is my daughter and I will not do it. Hell, even if she wasn't my daughter, I wouldn't do as you ask. So, no. That's my answer, and don't even think about saying it again, Colonel," Jacob's voice slowly became more commanding, as if talking to a junior officer, which, of course, he was.
"Stop pacing, sit down, and think logically for a few minutes, Jack," General Hammond added. "Jacob knows better than we do the risks of removing a symbiote that's just been impla, er, blended. I agree with him in this. Until we know what she wants, and until it's safe, we can't do it."
"Fine. It's not safe? Then the minute it is, it's gone, and I don't care if it kills him. She is not going to be a damn host."
General Hammond looked relieved when a knock on the door garnered their attention. "Come in, Dr. Jackson. How's the arm?"
Making sure the door was tightly shut, Daniel answered, "It's, um, it's much better, thank you, General. I, um, I thought that maybe you were discussing what happened to Sam."
"Yes, as a matter of fact, we were. The Colonel thinks we need to remove Lantash, as soon as it's medically safe to do so," General Hammond confirmed the topic under discussion.
"Yeah, well, I kind of thought that might be what you were discussing. As you know, I was very close to them. I mean, I made my way over to Sam, as soon as I could," Daniel told them, his voice and manner calm, if tired. "She was talking to them. I heard her, and she was telling them that, if Lantash could hear her, and if there was no chance that he could heal Martouf, but that he could live, then she was willing and ready to be his host. She told Martouf she loved them both, and then—she kissed them."
Knowing where the real objection was going to lie, he turned toward the man he considered his best, although prejudiced, friend, saying quietly but firmly, "After she told Lantash to come to her, Jack. I really don't think she's going to be willing to give him up. I thought you'd want to know."
"I thought as much, Daniel, but thanks for telling us. I appreciate knowing that Lantash didn't take an unwilling host, as some here seemed to think," Jacob said tensely.
"I still think it's unwilling, Jacob. Carter just shot them and they were dying. She wasn't thinking straight. She never wanted to be a host again. I can't believe you're defending his actions," Jack answered him, his voice and words, incredulous.
Before Jacob could respond, Daniel stepped in and did so himself, "Well, I can tell you, Jack, that I think she meant every word. She loved them, and she didn't want Lantash to die. If she had to lose one of them, at least she would have the other. I think you need to accept the fact that Sam loved them, still loves them, and she's going to be in a lot of emotional pain over losing Martouf, even though she'll be glad to have Lantash. And she will be glad," Daniel stated calmly.
"I agree, Jack. Let it go. She's Tok'Ra now, and I'm almost sure that when she wakes up, you're going to find that she wants it this way. Start accepting it because this is the way it's going to be," Jacob said firmly.
Someone again knocked on the door, and they all looked at it as it opened. General Hammond suddenly stood at attention, saying, "Mr. President, High Councilor Per'sus, please, come in. I wasn't aware that your meeting had finished." The aide left, shutting the door firmly behind him.
"Sit down, George. The High Councilor and I didn't want to interrupt you by having you come to us, so we thought we'd come to you. General Carter, neither of us are sure what to say to you. I understand Major Carter is your daughter. General Hammond told us that the Tok'Ra has, er, blended with her," the President began, when Jacob cut into his statement.
"I think the important thing that we all need to remember is that my daughter, the Tok'Ra Martouf, and his symbiote Lantash, were in love with one another. She was a willing host, Mr. President, I assure you."
"I see." The president closed his eyes briefly and sighed, "In that case, this is an even more tragic event than we had at first thought. I'm sorry. Please give her my condolences." He frowned for a moment. "I haven't noticed anyone mentioning the incident, and I am assuming that there are very few who actually know what happened. For her own peace of mind, it might be best to leave it that way until she has had some time to grieve."
"I'll tell her, and I agree with your assessment, Mr. President. She doesn't need the extra gossip and talk. She'll have enough to cope with. Eventually, of course, it will help that the treaty signing is successful, as it will mean that he did not die in vain. It would have been truly tragic if it had achieved its purpose and stopped that. For now though, the entire situation will be very difficult, as I am sure you are aware," Jacob replied.
"I agree," Per'sus said, and then continued, "I know you are probably not aware, Mr. President, but when we join with a host our memories intermingle. In one way, Major Carter will always have Martouf with her, now, for he will live on in Lantash. In time, it will become a comfort for her."
"No, I did not know that. I hope that at some time in the future we can get together again, High Councilor. I hope you won't think me rude, but I find the concept of the symbiote fascinating. It sounds like something that would be an amazing experience."
"It is, Mr. President. I, too, hope that our paths will cross again. If you ever decide you wish to become a host, you must let us know. In the meantime, Jacob will be remaining to be with his daughter, and he can answer any questions you might have."
"That's true, and I may take you up on that offer. I am sincerely curious and intrigued by the idea. What an amazing relationship it must become." The President said.
"It does indeed. I wish I had the extra time to spend with you, but I am afraid I must go," Per'sus said, with a soft sigh. "Jacob, please keep us informed as to how Lantash and Samantha are doing. Convey to them our sorrow at Martouf's passing. Also, Selmak, I wish you to use your authority and position as an elder and council member to bestow upon Samantha all of the rights and privileges of both a surviving mate, and a Tok'Ra. She is to inherit Martouf's belongings, all of them. I will not have that disputed. Since Lantash, also, survives it cannot be, but some may try. His personal assets were many, varied, and worth a great deal. I do not doubt that certain quarters will attempt to revert it back into the communal holdings and that I will not have happen. They belong to no one except Samantha and Lantash. One other thing. She is to have whatever she desires as far as the rituals are concerned, even if they are against our normal practices. See to it."
Jacob bowed his head and Selmak's deeper tones reached them as he responded to the High Councilor, "I thank you, Per'sus, on Samantha and Lantash's behalf and ours. It is as it should be, I agree, and I will see to it that it is accomplished, you may rest assured. I hope that keeping this to ourselves for now will meet with your approval, as well."
Per'sus nodded, "Yes, I agree. No one need know yet that Lantash survived." He frowned before adding, "In fact, I must admit that I feel very uneasy about announcing Lantash's survival, although I cannot understand why. I simply feel it would be best to keep his survival quiet for now. I will warn Anise that she will not find him, and that for now we are telling no one for Samantha's benefit."
Nodding once again, Jacob said quietly, "Thank you and I will convey your condolences. I am sure they will be in a great deal of emotional pain. I remember what it was like for Selmak when Saroosh died, and we blended. He mourned her deeply, and with both Lantash and Sam loving Martouf, I'm afraid it's going to be a rocky road for them for a while."
"I agree," Per'sus said, as he turned toward the knock on the door knowing it was his attendant as he sensed the symbiote. He opened the door to see that he was correct and sighed, before turning back to the group. "I am afraid that I must go. Until we meet again," he said, as he bowed his head before leaving the room.
"Colonel O'Neill will accompany you, High Councilor," General Hammond stated, nodding to the Colonel to do the courtesy bit.
"Of course," Jack agreed, gritting his teeth. "This way, sir."
As the door closed behind them, the President spoke, "What a fascinating man and culture. I just wish our first meeting could have happened under better circumstances."
"George, if Major Carter chooses to stay with the SGC, she is to maintain her position and rank. Please convey to her that she does have a choice as far as I am concerned. In fact, she can have pretty much what she wants. It's not everyday someone kills their lover to save their president. That took some mighty strong will on her part, and I respect the hell out of it."
Knowing that Major Carter would have done the same whether it was to stop Martouf blowing himself up, or killing the president, General Hammond answered, "I will, Mr. President. To tell you the truth, I hope she chooses to remain. Major Carter is a brilliant astrophysicist and an excellent officer. I would hate to lose her."
Nodding, the President said, "Be sure she has time to adjust to everything, George. This won't be easy on her, if I understand the situation correctly. She'll need both time and understanding, I'm sure. See that she gets it, and don't let anyone give her a hard time. Moreover, that is a direct order from the Commander in Chief. You know, she may need time off, George. If she does, then she has all she wants, full benefits and pay. See to it. I'll sign anything I need to sign."
"I'm considering trying to talk her into doing so, Mr. President. If I can, I'll take the time off with her. I don't think she should be alone. And definitely not in her own home, the one place they spent all their alone time together." Realizing the president probably didn't remember or know him from Adam, Daniel put his hand out. "I apologize. Daniel Jackson. I'm a teammate of Sam's. We're very close. She helped me through the trauma of my wife's death. I'll be there for her, now."
"Of course, I remember you, Dr. Jackson. I've wanted to meet you from the day I learned about this program. The man that opened the universe to us. You and Major Carter have a great deal in common, I would think, and I can see that you would be very close. You will probably do her a world of good." The President agreed.
Turning back to General Hammond, he said, "The same goes for Dr. Jackson, George. Send me whatever papers I need to sign. It's all classified and by the time it isn't we'll probably all be dead anyway. Unless we take a symbiote in which case we probably won't be on earth, either."
To Daniel, he said, "I wish I had time today to talk to you, but I don't. You will be receiving an invitation to the White House, though. All, er, three of you. I want to talk to you and find out all about the world out there. What I really want, of course, is to go out there."
"Well, sir, the day before you step down from office, write yourself a presidential order giving you x number of trips through the Stargate." Daniel smiled at him.
The President smiled, saying, "I really like the way you think. I might just do that." Then he sighed, as he paused and looked at the men in the room, before he said quietly, "My people are under the impression that Lantash is dead along with the Tok'Ra Martouf. I'm not sure why, but my gut is telling me the same thing everyone else's seems to be saying, that we should not enlighten them that they are wrong. What do all of you think of the reaction we are all having?"
Jacob answered, "Personally, Mr. President? When I get that strong a feeling that I have to ask someone else's opinion, I follow it no matter what they say. So, I guess I'm saying "zip your lip and follow your instincts". There must be a reason for it. We don't know how many here know either, but for now we are not telling anyone. As you've said, we have that same feeling."
"I have to agree with Jacob. Whenever I get one of those, I follow it. Sir, with this program, the fewer people who know anything about it, the better off we are. Moreover, we should do it, if for no other reason than that Major Carter really wouldn't want her personal life talked about. The least we can do is attempt to mitigate it as much as possible, until she has recovered from this loss."
"Right. This report passes no one else, George. It comes directly to me. It is for your eyes and mine only. There are to be no other mentions made of the change in Major Carter's physical person. No medical findings. Nothing. At least for now. Let me think on it for a while, all right?" At General Hammond's nod of agreement, he went to the door, but he didn't open it.
He looked back at them and emphasized, "Only those of us that already know about this. Need to know, only, from here on." He opened the door then and sighing, he motioned toward his aide and then turned to him as he approached, saying, "Yes, I'm ready to go." Turning back to Generals Hammond and Carter, he said, "Please keep me informed. Good day, gentlemen."
"Do you think she'll wish to stay here, Jacob?" George Hammond asked, after the president left the room.
"I don't know, George. The Tok'Ra are a very tight knit group, and their dedication to the cause is very strong. I'm sure Lantash will allow Sam to decide, though, if for no other reason than the trauma of losing Martouf and her possible need to be with friends. We'll just have to wait and see."
"To tell you the truth, though, if O'Neill's attitude doesn't change drastically, I'll do my best to get her to leave." Jacob grinned suddenly, saying, "Of course, with Lantash's added strength, she might just knock him on his ass if he bothers her to much. Lantash won't allow her to be harassed or mistreated in any way. And, if he takes over and belts O'Neill, they won't even be able to court martial her because she won't be the one that does it. I'll be sure to tell Lantash that, if she doesn't go back with us."
George Hammond nodded. It wasn't the best solution, but it might end up being the only solution. He sighed as he realized how much more complicated his life might just have become.
"Lantash? Lantash, are you there?"
"Yes, my love, I am here. You did not sleep long. It is as well, because we need to discuss something, and we should do it as soon as possible simply because it is rather important, and eventually, I will need to become dormant."
"What? Why? Lantash what do you mean?"
"Samantha, have you been—intimate with anyone other than Martouf and I, well, directly after, you were with us?"
"No. No, I haven't. How can you even think I would do such a thing? Just because I slept with you and Martouf doesn't mean I make a habit of sleeping with men. I don't understand. Why are you asking me this, and why are you going to become dormant? Lantash?" Sam asked, panic beginning to creep into her voice.
"Samantha, I did not believe you had been intimate with anyone else, either before or after, but I felt I must ask the question. I was fairly sure when we were together last weekend that it had been quite some time, since you had been intimate with anyone. Nor do I really believe the answer to my next question will be yes, but I will still ask it. Were you aware that you are with child?"
"What? No, I can't be; I take meds that would stop me from becoming pregnant. I take pills and, and," her voice began to shake and fell to a whisper, "Oh, god, no. I forgot. We were off world. We couldn't get back and it messed my cycle up. Since I wasn't having a relationship, I wasn't worried about it. I was going to get a shot the next time it was due. When you came to earth last weekend with dad, it didn't even occur to me that I could get pregnant. Last weekend when we, we—"
"Last weekend, when we showed one another our love, Samantha, whether we spoke it aloud or not. We did show it, I believe you know it to be true now, do you not? Martouf and I have felt for some time as if you are our mate. Now, you are in every sense my mate, Samantha. I can still hold you and love you."
"It feels as if you are holding me, Lantash. It's an odd feeling, in one way, since there is no one here with me. But you're right, I can feel you holding me. We will always have him with us, won't we?"
"Yes, love, we will."
"Lantash, are you sure? I mean, are you sure that I'm, that I'm going to have your baby? Yours and Martouf's? If there is any chance you are wrong I want to know."
"Yes, I am quite sure. There is no mistake. And Samantha, there is every possibility that it would not have mattered if you had been able to take your medication or not. The changes brought about in your body by Jolinar and the naquadah in your blood may very well have negated any of your earth-based attempts to prevent conception. So, do not blame yourself."
"It was actually more my fault than anyone's. As the only symbiote, it was my responsibility to see to it that Martouf's sperm count was negligible. I did not think to do so, therefore, this child can be laid solely on me."
"Would you prefer not to have this child, Samantha? I did not consider that you might not wish for this. If you do not, I—I will try to understand, my love."
"Not? Oh, yes, I want it very much. I didn't mean it in that way, Lantash. I don't want to be disappointed if I'm not pregnant. I don't want to start believing it, and then find out I'm not, that's all."
"I see," Lantash sounded relieved. "You have nothing to fear. As I stated, there is no doubt whatsoever. I am positive, Samantha. I found it as I began our deeper blending. Samantha, do you wish me to leave your body? It would only truly be dangerous to me. I believe you would be fine."
"Why? Why would you wish to do that? Don't you want to be with me anymore?"
"Of course I do. I am thinking of you. You will be alone for the next several months, Samantha. I must remain dormant, or I could kill our child. That must not happen. This is a part of Martouf. I will be aware enough to see to it that your body functions correctly. I promise you that nothing will go wrong during the time you carry our child. I put off our complete blending until we had discussed this. I may delay it until after the birth at any rate, as I believe it might be safer for you and the coming child."
"If you learn to reach a deep state of meditation, we could possibly communicate, but for the most part, my love, I will not be able to be a comfort to you. I cannot take the chance of coming forward for more than a few minutes at a time. Consequently, there will be little time for us to be together. I am sorry."
"I love you, Lantash. I don't want to take the chance of losing you by you blending with someone else. If it was successful and you survived, they might not want me, or what if I didn't like them, then where would we be? I can't take that chance. So, no. I don't want that."
"There are many men who would be only too happy to love and cherish you, but I will not press you for now. It is all right, Samantha. Perhaps we will discuss it more later. For now, perhaps you should try to rest some more."
"No, no, not yet. How long do I have with you, Lantash, before you go to sleep?"
"A few weeks, two months at most, possibly less. If you were farther along it would definitely be less so we must be thankful that since it must be this way, that you are only five days. It is just now seating to the uterine wall. I will be watching carefully to see that nothing goes wrong. So far it is fine."
Suddenly remembering why this was all happening as it was, she cried to him, "Oh, God, Lantash. He's gone. He's gone, and he'll never hold me again, never touch me again. I can't, I can't bear it. What will I do? How will I go on? How will I bear this without you, too?"
"Samantha. My love, please, do not grieve so. Please, Samantha" Lantash begged her, as she began to sob uncontrollably, the reality of Martouf's death and their situation, finally setting in.
"Dr. Fraiser," Lantash took control of Sam and sat up in the bed. "Dr. Fraiser, are you there?" he called, making Sam's voice sound much deeper than it had before.
Hearing him and rushing around the curtain, she saw Sam sitting up, her face a frozen mask, no emotion showing. "Would you be so kind as to call Jacob?" Lantash asked her. "I believe Samantha needs her father. She has just truly realized that Martouf is, in fact, no longer with us, and I cannot seem to calm her." It was obvious that there was a world of pain being kept in check by the symbiote, not only Samantha's, but his own.
"Of course, I'll have him contacted at once. Should I give her a sedative in the meantime?"
"No, I do not believe so. Not yet anyway. I would prefer that she be allowed to grieve and then, if necessary, I will increase some calming chemicals. I do not wish to have her injected with sedatives at this time, and I doubt she will want that either."
Janet Fraiser nodded, but looked surprised. She would not have expected the symbiote to wish Sam to grieve. She definitely had more to learn about the Tok'Ra. Sam had never really said much about them, other than to say that the face they put on for others was not really who they were. When she had asked if that was good or bad, Sam had always said that, they didn't show their emotions, but that didn't mean they didn't have them. They were actually very emotional beings with a lot of passion and at times, compassion, in them. She guessed Sam was right because only someone with compassion would request that she be given the time to grieve without interference.
And perhaps, truth to tell, Lantash, too, needed that grieving time. He and Martouf spent over a hundred years as blended mates. That was a long time to live with someone and then lose him or her. The pain had to be intense.
Picking up the phone, she called the General's office to see if General Carter was there. "Lantash asked me to call him, sir. Sam is awake and very upset about Martouf. Yes, sir, he asked him to come to her as soon as he could. Yes, sir, I'll let him know that he's on his way, now."
Walking back to him, she surprised a look of utter desolation on his face. "Lantash? General Carter is on his way. He should be here very soon," she told him softly. "Are you sure there's nothing I can do for either of you? I mean, is it just Martouf, or is she upset about, well, anything else?"
"If you mean does she regret asking me to blend with her, I do not believe so. She has not said so, at any rate."
"Oh, well, good, good. I didn't know if," Jacob interrupted her as he rounded the curtain.
"Sam? Sammie, I'm here, sweetie."
Lantash released control to Sam and her father watched as her eyes immediately filled with tears. Her lips began to tremble and her hands shook. "He's dead, dad. Martouf. He's gone. I killed him. I killed the man I loved. The man that Lantash loved, too. It's so awful, dad, there's so much pain for us. For both of us. I don't know what to do. I don't think I can live with this."
"We can undo the blending, Carter. You don't have to live with that thing in you," Jack O'Neill spoke up from where he stood by the curtain. He had seen Jacob hurrying into the infirmary and realized that Sam was awake. They weren't going to force his Major to keep that snake in her if he could help it. He could not believe she had chosen to take it, and if she did, she hadn't been in her right mind.
"No! You won't take Lantash from me," Sam cried, nearly hysterical at the thought of losing Lantash, too.
"Hush, my love, he will not part us, I promise. Your father will not allow it and neither will I, even if I have to take you through the gate to remove you from them. Please, Samantha, do not get so upset. I will take care of you."
"I know. I just don't even want him hinting at parting us. Ever."
"Just stay calm. Please." Lantash increased several different chemicals trying to help her regain some of her emotional stability.
Taking a calming breath and feeling the soothing feelings flow through her, she felt Lantash take her in his arms. How strange it felt for him to cradle her from within. "Colonel, I will not be parted from Lantash. I asked him to join with me, and I intend to remain joined with him. I'll leave Earth before I let you take him from me," she said, her voice once more calm and rational. "If you don't mind, sir, I'd like to be with my father now. Alone."
"I think that means you need to leave, Colonel. I think Sam deserves the privacy she asked for, and as her physician, I'm asking you to leave. Don't make me make it an order," Janet Fraiser said calmly.
Jack O'Neill stared at her for a moment, clenched his jaw, spun on his heel, and left the room. Samantha Carter and her symbiote, Lantash, collapsed into her father's arms as she sobbed out her pain at the loss of the man she loved. While she allowed herself to grieve on the outside, she was comforted on the inside by the feel of Lantash holding her.
As she finally cried herself to a state close to exhaustion, she realized she had to tell her father what she had learned. She wanted him to know while Lantash was still around to help in case he was unhappy about it. Using the tissues Janet had brought for her, she dried her eyes and blew her nose. She had to tell him. "Dad?"
"Yeah, Sam, I'm here, I've still got another shoulder if you need it," her father said, trying to help her with gentle love.
"There's something I have to tell you. We have to tell you, that is, Lantash and I have to tell you."
"Sam, what's wrong? Is something going wrong with the blending? Is Lantash having trouble for some reason?"
"No, not exactly," she replied, looking down at the bed and plucking at the cover with her fingers.
"Sam, what's wrong?" Jacob demanded.
"I really don't think I can handle you being upset with me right now, dad. I'm going to need you a lot during the next several months."
"I know, Sam, I understand. But you'll have Lantash as well as me and, if you decide to stay on earth instead of going back with me, then you'll have your friends," Jacob assured her.
Sam shook her head and her eyes once again filled with tears, "No, Dad, that's just it. I won't have Lantash with me, at least not very often or for very long at a time. He'll be asleep for several months," Sam said quietly.
Jacob frowned. Why would Lantash blend with Sam and then leave her alone to cope with the loss of Martouf?
"Possibly Samantha is with child, Jacob. It is the only reason I know that a symbiote would sleep for "several months" waking only for very short intervals," Selmak said calmly. "She needs your support if that is what it is, Jacob."
"Who the hell's the father Sel? What kind of mess do we have here?"
"I suggest you ask, if that is indeed the reason behind her statement."
Jacob looked down at his daughter. Her eyes were shadowed and tears were still close to the surface. She was emotionally overwrought; there was no doubt about that. Moreover, regardless of the circumstances, he loved her. "What's wrong, Sam?" He asked gently.
"I'm pregnant. Lantash is going to have to sleep so he won't be able to be with me."
"How's the father going to take this, Sam? Will he be all right with it?"
Sam's eyes filled with tears again. "He never knew, Dad. I didn't know until Lantash told me. He's happy about it, though, at least as much as either of us can be happy at the moment. It's part of him, though. It's important that this baby be born. It will bring him back to us in a way."
"Sam, are you saying that Martouf and Lantash are the father?"
"Yes, this past weekend when he came with you. It was the only time we were ever together. We were going to take a week off together as soon as the summit was over. But now, last weekend is the only time we'll ever have together now. I'm glad we had those two days and that this baby will be born from our time together."
"Oh, Sammie, I'm so sorry, but at the same time, I'm so happy for you. I take it from what you've said that you definitely want this child."
Jacob frowned, after what she said really registered with him. But, Sam—that means you are no more than a few days pregnant, a lot could go wrong. I mean, at this point it's still just a bunch of dividing cells. What if you lose it? What if Lantash is wrong and you aren't pregnant?"
Lantash came forward to answer the questions, "Jacob, there is not a doubt. Selmak can assure you that we would not make a mistake of that magnitude. As for the cells dividing, so far, they are perfect, and I will continue to monitor them for any problems and correct them immediately if I find any anomalies. Furthermore, she is five days pregnant. It is just now attaching to the uterine wall, all is well, and Samantha is healthy. There are no problems, and I would be aware of them if there were."
"It is perfectly healthy at this point, Jacob." Lantash emphasized to him. "The only thing I am still unsure of is if there will be more than one child. You may ask Selmak if you do not believe I know what I am talking about, and if you do not, then please do ask him. I do not want Samantha upset at the thought of losing this child that she wants so very much. It is her only link to Martouf. I will not let her lose it, Jacob. Not as long as I am within her to prevent it."
"Sel's already told me. So, let me go back to talking to Sam."
"She will pick up the conversation as if no time has elapsed. She will not realize that I have been talking to you."
"All right."
"Yes, very much so. Both of us want it, but it means Lantash either has to change hosts, or go to sleep. I don't think I could bear for him to take a host that wouldn't love me, or if something happened to him trying to change hosts so quickly."
"But, what if it was someone that did love you, Sam? Someone that you could love, too?"
"Dad, there isn't anyone like that, and we both know it. So, it just isn't an option. It has to be this way, but I want to be with people that will care and give me support, can you understand? I really want to be with you, though, so I'm not sure, yet, what I'm going to do."
Jacob smiled and said, "I want you to do what will make you happy and comfortable, Sam. The President gave George orders that you are to be allowed to stay at the SGC with no change in your status if you choose to say here, so don't worry about that, okay?"
"Thanks," Sam smiled faintly and continued, "I'm really tired, and I don't know why. I want to spend time with Lantash, but I think I'm going to take a nap first."
As her thoughts returned to the more disturbing events that had taken place, her eyes again filled with tears, "Dad, I want you to understand. You can't let any of them take Lantash from me. Promise me. Promise me that you won't allow them to take him. I don't think I could bear to lose him, too," she said.
As her father cradled her and spoke to her softly, reassuring her that no one would part them without her consent, she wept for the man she loved and the one she still had who was also grieving the loss of one he had truly loved deeply. So much pain. So much love. She would love both of them forever, but Lantash was hers now, and he would remain hers.
"Cry for both of us, my love. We will miss him, but we will also have him always within us. I promise you, we will not forget him, my Samantha."
"I know. I believe you. I'll be all right soon. I have you. I always will, won't I? I think that's another reason I don't want to end our blending. I just can't face the idea that your new host might not feel the same. Promise me that I will have you with me."
"Yes, you will. Always, Samantha. I promise you will always be mine, just as Martouf will always be ours."
TBC
C