Poke poke poke.
Lunch was awkward. Ben was to stay behind with a mass of paperwork to sign, giving away his right to bear arms and his personal freedom, and Rey assumed to meet his new 'babysitter.' It was unfortunate they couldn't share their first lunch on his release day but she supposed there would be time for that.
So for now she sat across Finn and Rose, and for once in this trio, silence fell over them, tense and silent, something Rey wasnt too keen with. She studied Finns face, downtrodden, his usual bright features sagged off his face as if he'd given up thr will to use his muscles. Rose followed suit, pushing around a bed of grains on her plate from one side to the next. Her knuckles were white and her brows twitched together, as if holding back on an explosion of words. Rey knew it was coming. They weren't usually the quiet ones of the bunch, so this was very far from their usual character.
"Well, I know this is coming." Rey shovelled a bite of meat and rice into her mouth, savouring the taste. She hadn't had the stomach to eat all morning, in fact not even for dinner last night - she knew Ben wouldn't be sent to the bunker down below but her nerves were frayed regardless and she couldn't wait for reassurance.
Swallowing the lump of food and waiting for it to slowly pass she started again. "You guys obviously have something to say. So just get it out."
Finn immedately layed down his fork on his plate wirh a small ding, it was almost as if he was waiting patiently for a grant of permission to speak his mind. His round dark eyes stared into Reys, it was uncomfortable, they used to be very kind and now she felt like she was under the microscope.
"I don't know how you could celebrate this." He threw his hands up dramatically, almost whipping Rose against her cheek. "Sorry.." He murmured quickly in her direction before letting the dramatics take over him once more. "I just don't, Rey."
He laid his hands on the table, his fingers curled in to make small fists. Rey stared down at them.
That's okay. They don't understand what we have.
"My sister died for the cause..." Rose whispered, and Rey immediately noted the shaky breath she took. "Fighting them, and she's not the only one. There's so many more stories like mine and hers ..." She snapped her head up to accusingly glare at Rey, her eyes wavering, her necklace bold across her chest. "It almost feels like it was somewhat for nothing. Letting one of them go basically unscathed! And not to mention it's damn Kylo Ren that gets to walk free, one of the worst of them all. While my sister is dead."
"I understand." Somewhat. But will they understand me? "I'm in no way condoning his previous behaviour, believe me. He tried to kill me multiple times, as well as you Finn, but-"
"-how is there a but!?" Finn interjected, taking a stand with his significant other. "He tried to kill you. Kill others, with full intent to cause harm! Why the hell should that be set free!"
Rey set her fork down. Appetite lost, she instead rested her elbows on the metal tabletop and sat her chin on her sideways fist. Her patience was beginning to wear thin, and it wasn't because of her best friends interrogation, but because everyone thought they were entitled to her explaining this to them. It was mind numbing at this point, but she threw in extra effort because they were her friends.
"I know you guys, but you're not fully understanding the mental grasp Snoke had on Ben." Rey exasperated, heat flooding her face, she wasn't sure if it was caused from anger, frustration, or sadness. Maybe all three. She felt very strongly for his cause. "Years and years of mental anguish led him to that point-"
"Notice she calls him Ben." Rose noted, shooting Finn a side look, hauntingly angry, a look which led Rey to believe things would never be the same between them. Finn gave her a sympathetic look and nodded his head toward the exit, looking as if he was asking her to leave. "I'm gonna leave... This topic just makes me upset is all.."
Shakily, Rose curled her fingers under the lunch tray handles and lifted, sliding out from the bench pews with ease and sauntering off into the exit doors.
Reys eyes fluttered shut. It hurt. Rose would come around eventually but this looming feeling of resentment would hang over their heads for a long while.
"I'm sorry." Finn wiped his mouth on his napkin he slid from under his own tray. "I just dont know if I'll ever come around to this idea of him being one of us. His regime kidnapped me as a kid for all gods sake. People like that don't care. Plain and simple."
"But Finn, if you lay your stories atop each others you almost get the same thing. He was robbed of his childhood. Tormented and haunted by Snoke, everything taken from him, people turning on him, led on a course he didnt choose. Tell me you see it! You fought with them until you made the switch. It just took him a little longer."
Finn merely shrugged. "I stopped when I was faced with killing an innocent. Something they never got to take from me." He downed his last sip of water from the frosted glass. "Rose'll come around. Shes hurting, she'll need time."
With that, Rey watched her previous best friend excuse himself from the table to empty his garbage in the disposal and disappear into the vast expanse of hallways.
She let her eyes fall onto her plate, the once seemingly appetizing balls of seasoned meat and heapfuls of rice now sparked no urge to scarf it all down. These past few months were no easier for the once scavenger now turned hero. People either wanted to pull her aside to pull her into large lung squishing hugs, or, mostly this option, declared her stance on the Ben Solo trials wrong. For the most part she was ostracized by her community with shooting glares and low whispers, which normally she wouldn't have batted an eye at but ... Well damn we just saved your lives!
Ben played a prime role in the fall of the First Order. With key intel on weak points, cargo supply depots and his brute strength in combat there was no way they'd be the winning side. After Crait she thought he was gone, the light she had thought shed witnessed fizzled out with the remainder of most hope for the Resistance.
They'd hid away on Jathea with the remainder of their ships and allies, which was only a handful mind you, and skittered around like frightened rats. The First Order still had all the firepower, and with a depleted fleet, they had to sit in wait while scheming non stop. Leia hadn't slept much, sending out beacons and radio calls to whoever would listen with pleas and promises of a winning end game. They were too skittish to join up with their own fears of being oblitterated. Leia understood. Rey didn't. Finn and Rose trained, and as happy as that made Rey, it made her even happier to watch their young love bloom. She hoped it would come to full bloom one day, where they didnt have to look over their shoulders at a looming threat just overhead.
And Rey just... existed. Not that she wasn't helping in any way that she could, but her mind drifted easily. She'd feel Ben's presence casting over sometimes, but their comnection was dark, and silent as ever. She would reach her hand out in the darkness of her room and whisper his name in hopes of reconnecting. Rey hated being wrong but hated being wrong about him was worse.
Then he came back to her. She had been tinkering on the falcon, some faulty wiring which was a normally wasy replacement for her own expertise but the location was awkward, contorted aroung piping to get to it. In the darkness she heard his voice. Rey?
"I nearly cracked my head right open.." Rey murmured to herself at the empty lunch table, eyes glossed over at the memory. Few peopled peered over to her with dissmissive looks.
Ben! She whispered, clutching the throbbing back of her head with her greasy palms. Rey twisted around to try and find him, but in the guts of the ship she saw nothing. But she felt him, and that's all she needed. But he had betrayed her, he let the darkness consume his mind after their fight together in Snokes lair. What do want, why are you speaking to me now of all times? Rey crawled out of the pit and sat cross legged on the metal floor, throwing her tools into the plastic pail beside the grate. Confusion and anger boiled inside of her, thinking to herself that she couldn't take his flip floppy behaviour all the time.
Ben appeared before her. His hair wild, eyes dark and sunken. Purely and utterly defeated. He gazed down at her with a look she recognized from their elevator ride up to Snoke, when she could see the light beaming from his eyes.
Rey stood and instinctively reached out to him, touching his shoulder then the healing cut on his cheekbone. She felt him like he was in her reality, eerie really, but oddly comforting. The light was there, but it was shadowed by emotion. Ben... What happened. Why now?
I need to come back. His voice was hushed, as if not alone. He was their leader now, why abandon that? He reached up to touch her forearm with his index and middle finger, unsure of his words and his touch. Rey appreciated the gesture. You were right.
After lunch Rey meandered toward above ground holding cells, a short walk from the court where she last saw Ben. The halls were still frequented from people who wanted to lodge complaints against the judge and jury, all holed up angrily by the doors to the front office. She feverishly hoped they'd all forget it all and let it blow past but their twisted features and balled fists said otherwise.
Officers exited the rooms and ushered people away from the exits, their loud swoopong voices telling them that they cannot block exits, then extending their arms to form a line against the wall. As they all skittered about to form a line, some budging, they freed up the window and Rey could peer in curiously, keeping a safe distance from the crowd. She could see him standing in the connecting room to the office, he towered over his mother and the older female officer, such a big presense he was.
What would he do now? His freedom was next to nothing. Everything he grew up knowing was snatched away, did he have other hobbies? Rey smirked at the idea of a creative Ben, painting or carving out intricate details of a face with precision. No weapon hitched to his belt, he looked naked.
He caught her eye, just a sliver of his face turned toward her, the lights overhead illuminating his face. His expressions were hard to read, unchanging like stone but his piercing eyes always remained.
Rey raised her hand in a faint wave as she leaned against the cement load-bearing pillar in the middle of the hall, like a sheepish school aged child waving at someone who'd never notice her.
But of course he noticed her.
A mob of people were shooed away from an officer upon Leia's behalf, their squinting eyes peering in through the window, gawking at the show of the removal of his own weapons to the state. Through the silhouettes he saw her, cool, calm, and collected, being an ever so watchful eye. Though if he were being honest he'd rather nobody see him, he didnt argue against his restrictions but to be berated through 2 inch thick glass was tricky. He couldn't reprimand them or take their tongues for such an act.
Ben figured it was going to he a hard adjustment to normal life after all his shenanigans.
"This is Dal, he will be your officer through day shifts." The small older woman extended her arm to a young man in a grey uniform, his face earnest and hard, completely unbiased to the situation. He gave Ben a hard half nod.
Ben gave a slight nod back. What the hell was he doing - normal conversations? He barely had them. He didn't converse or surround himself with normal people. How does one act? He peered back at Rey. She would know, right? He shook his head slightly at the thought with an inward grimace. What a pair they were - him and the girl that raised herself alone on a junk planet. He was sure they would make do.
"So who's this?" Rey inquired curiously, peering over Bens shoulder to the man clad in uniform. He gave a curt nod in her direction but remained silent. Rey held herself back from embracing Ben in a tight congratulatory hug on instinct, though her desire to do so burned.
"He will be Bens guard." Leia began to explain after the three of them strode up to Rey beside the pillar. "We're hoping under good behaviour it wont be necessary, but for now its one of the lenient rules he has to play by."
Rey resisted rolling her eyes. Lenient they were but did these people not realise they would all he dead without him? She peered up into Bens eyes, and he did not resist his urge, she could see the dismal glare he had paired with a slight smirk on his lips.
So a babysitter?
Ben smirked again, the two of them spiraled into their own world of direct communication, Dal and Leia fizzling out at their sides like they didnt exist.
Apparently. Ben raised his arm to show off a thin wrapped wire across his wrist, just barely budding out from under his dark sleeve. A tracker isnt enough, they think I need a newly graduated welp.
With a grimace, Rey retorted. Well they can't spare people that have actual agendas on keeping an eye on a grown adult can they?
Rey couldnt resist making snide comments to him. Apart from him taking them no problem now without blowing up, they're small slow burn veangences she thinks she's more than granted.
Leia waved a bejeweled hand between the two to snap them from their spiralling disassociation. Clutched in her fingers was a crisp sheet of paper. "Just so you know, Rey, much to Bens chagrin, he has to check in to the office every morning and night. Eight am and eight pm."
Rey pinched the sheet from the womans fingers and scanned her eyes over it. An official copy of every rule Ben has to abide by.
"Not allowed in any hangar bay?" She raised a quizitive eyebrow. "That's a load of dung."
"Can't have me taking one of the, what three broken down ships left?" Ben remarked with a grimace, matched by Reys own, and Leia's downturned smile.
"And who's fault is that?" Leia rolled her eyes with a small strike to his upper arm.
So this is what normal feels like. Rey thought to herself idly, watching mother and son banter like how normal people would. Leia would be the type of mom she would want, stern with a strong sense of what's right, and a quick wit. Ben was lucky to have her, and Rey could only hope he felt the same.
She stared further into the sheet of paper. No access in the hangar bay unless written consent and appliable supervisors are present. Absolutely no possession of a weapon, ie. blasters, lightsabers, sabers of any kind, automated weapons, and denied access to controlling ship blasters. Full supervision within rights ie. all day supervision, night appointed guards are to stand watch outside quarter doors (personal use of restrooms exempt). The rest were small trivial things, but added up this amounted to quite the list. Rey scowled. She understood the no weapons, and kind of understood the restriction of entering the hangar bay. But to have a tracker on and a guard? A guard, who Rey admits, would fail immediately in a one on one fight against Ben.
She kind of felt like they were prodding him in the direction of going mad.
By this time Leia had excused herself, she was a busy woman and all, leaving a small secret wink in Reys direction which Rey interpreted as a please watch him wink.
"Have you eaten today at all?" Rey folded the paper and handed it back into his hands, her finger brushing against the bare skin of the top of his hand. Immediate shivers crawled up her spine - she liked the feeling, she wanted to lay her hand there and feel the warmth of his own but she retracted, holding her hand near her chest. She'd held his hand in his holding cell, in their own private space, but in the openness of this headquarters frightened her - the commotion it would cause so early on wouldn't be good for him. "I've ehm, eaten already but I wouldn't mind accompanying you."
Ben reached the paper into the breast of his uniform. "I haven't, no. I haven't been eating much recently."
"Well don't get your hopes up, the cafeteria isn't the best." They started walking down the hall, officer Dal stalking behind them silently, like an animal prowling behind its prey. Rey eyed him over her shoulder. Wasn't she enough to watch over him?
Maybe the cafeteria was a bad idea. There were always server droids kicking about in the kitchen for the wandering stomach, but Rey figured the place would be deserted shortly after lunch. It was not, a handful of round tables were taken, but that was less than half the amount so they should be okay.
Eyes. Peeled open and curious. Squinting angrily, accusingly they sit at their tables, gawking like how they do at drama based holo-shows. Rey marched on, her stomach lurched until she slid into a table, Ben following suit. Her fingers curled around the edge of the table, her own eyes on high alert. She couldn't help but feel increasingly anxious in open space, with so many potential threats againt him she felt the need to keep her eyes open for his back.
Rey pursed her lips. Ben of course had no care in the world for that, instead he ate normally as he would. Even without a weapon his self confidence in his own abilities shone through, and weirdly she thought, that was comforting.
"Maybe next time well eat in private."
Reys head snapped back to his direction for a split second. He must have felt her unease at the situation. "Good suggestion."
A few tables down she spotted them. Finn and Rose, carrying on with the lunches they hadn't had the stomach for earlier, most of the food gone by now but their forks hovered over their plates. Surprise lined their faces with a sprinkle of disapoinent.
Rey blew a hair out of her face with a slight roll of her hazel eyes. This was going to be a strung out process.
This chapter went by so slow, I'll be sure to work on that. Leave a reviee if you enjoyed! (also if there are many spelling errors I apologize, wrote this on my phone with no autocorrect)