A Gilmore Girls fanfic
Author: mz lynx
Disclaimer: Don't even own a set of dvd's...
AN:
At the Heart of Things
Chapter 2: May I Call You Lorelai?
"So, Miss Gilmore… By the way, may I call you Lorelai?" He holds his breath, knowing from experience that these first few minutes would be very important. If he was to "crack this nut" (to use a highly improper, and strictly behind-locked-doors psychiatrist joke) he needed to connect with her. In reality, he doesn't care much whether he calls his patients by their first or last name, normally that is. But in this case he feels that it would make a difference, an important one. He has a feeling that family is a huge factor here, if not the factor, meaning that referring to her by her family name would not help. In fact, it might just do the opposite.
Her nod is hesitant, almost invisible, but it's there. Maybe not exactly the response he would have like, but still, it is a start. And, considering what he has read between the lines of Laura Jones' notes, it probably should be seen as a good start.
"Good. My name, in case you didn't catch it earlier, is Robert Marshall. You can call me Robert, or Dr Marshall, whichever feels best for you."
"Okay." Her tone of voice betrays nothing, neither does her face.
"Tell me, Lorelai, why are you here?" He watches her carefully, yet intensely, looking for clues while hoping that his brusque, to-the-point and probably totally unexpected question will push her into revealing something, anything.
"What do you mean, why am I here? Shouldn't you know all about that, huh?" She looks defiant, puzzled, a little hostile, but in her eyes he sees a hint of something else, something that just might be relief.
"No, actually I know very little about that, about you." He keeps watching, getting confirmation when she relaxes – just a fraction, but still – and when the hint in her eyes grown correspondingly stronger. Definitely relief. So, he thinks, she doesn't want to pick up where she left things with Laura Jones. She wants a new beginning. Interesting. Well, that shouldn't be too hard. Carefully choosing his words he continues:
"Yes, I know some basic facts about you, and your medical history. Like, for instance, I know that you just turned 30, that your grandmother just passed away and that you have been seeing Dr Laura Jones on and off for the last decade because of depression and break-downs. Not that much more. I have not seen any medical files, nor any of the notes taken by Dr Jones. I have neither spoken to anyone from your family, nor have I Googled you…" That statement made her smile softly.
"Need I continue? No? Good. As I said, I know some basic facts. If absolutely necessary for your sake I might have to do some research into your medical records, yet I would prefer it if we could work with what you can tell me."
Another fraction of relaxation follows.
"So, I'll try again. Lorelai, why are you here?"
She sits quietly, thinking for a while. He allows it, welcomes it, knowing that if he is to get to the truth he needs to be patient, needs to let her find her own pace. Needs to have her know that this will be the case. Pushing her… Well, pushing could be good, in the right time and fashion. This, however, is not the time. He prefers to limits his pushing, saving it for when necessary, or when it will have the most effect, otherwise using more subtle methods.
"As you said, my grandmother just passed away. Lorelai 'Trix' Gilmore, a.k.a. The Reigning Lorelai. She…"
She breaks of whatever she is about to say, apparently not quite satisfied, shakes her head slightly, and starts over.
"Two weeks ago, instead of picking up my grandmother at the airport I got to pick up the pieces when she died. When she 'got killed', actually, in a car crash on her way to Heathrow about to fly over here to see me. Well, technically, to see us, I guess, but she did pick that particular time to visit because of me. Because of my birthday, because of things I thought she needed to see, meetings I booked."
Her voice is calm, too calm for her words, and he makes a mental note to get back to this later. Now, however, is not the time to do anything but listen, listen and make those mental notes.
She is silent again, clearly debating whether to continue or not. So he too is silent. It reminds him of going "picture-hunting" with his grandfather the wild-life photographer as a small boy; waiting for the animals to show up, staying down so that they wouldn't notice him, being quiet so he wouldn't scare them away …
Lorelai Gilmore reminds him of those elusive, easily-scared animals in more ways than one.
"Logically speaking, I know it's not my fault she's dead. It's the idiot who just had to get to the airport 90 seconds faster, not really caring how he did it… Well, he didn't, now, not at all. Then, again, neither did she. But. Logic isn't always my strong side. If it had been, life would have been different. Really different."
She halts again, draws breath, opens her mouth, closes it again as no sounds come out. She tries again, same result. He stays silent, while reflecting that suddenly she reminds him less of a shy animal and more of someone about to step off a ledge, bungee jump, throw herself out off an airplane. Terrified, yet elated. Scared and unsure, yet somehow wanting, needing it. Again, like those animals, he guesses. Seeing the food he and his grandfather left during harsh winters; weighing hunger against fear, the need to eat against the risk of it being a trap, survival instincts… His line of thought suddenly broken by her voice he focuses once more.
Her voice is weak, but growing stronger with each word, a drive in it that awakens hope in him. Could it be…?
"But, you asked me why I'm here, and that's not really why. Yes, it's why I broke down – this time, but it's not why I'm here. I'm here because I'm a nut job, a basket case, a neurotic emotional failure that can't be relied upon to get out of bed without drugs."
Yes!!! He had to restrain himself from not getting up and do a jig. I've got her! By God, I've got her!
To Be Continued
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