Everything was foggy.

He walked through it hesitantly, wondering if the fog machine at Victrola had malfunctioned. He kept reaching forward and moving his hand back and forth around him. He didn't know where he was going or what he was searching for. He had this feeling of being lost, but how could he be lost if he had no destination?

Suddenly his hand touched something cold. It was metal. It was round. He gripped his hand around the metal and suddenly it was a doorknob.

He pushed the door open and stepped into the room. Multi-colored strobe lights were coming from every direction. He flinched and walked forward as a bright pink one shone too strongly in his eyes. Finally the light left and he could see.

There were people everywhere. There were tons and tons of nameless faces, laughing and partying. He looked around, trying to find someone he knew. He didn't recognize anyone, so he walked toward two girls facing away from him: one blonde, one brunette.

He was about to tap the blonde on her shoulder, when they both turned around in sync. He still couldn't make out their faces.

"Have you seen Blair Waldorf?" he asked. He didn't even recognize his own voice.

The girls said nothing. Then he blinked and all of a sudden they were hugging each other. It was Serena and Blair. Serena was giving a confused Blair a tight hug. "Blair! I'm so happy to see you! I thought you were lost! Gone! You just disappeared!"

Blair gave a small laugh, "Relax Serena, I was only escaping."

Serena smiled, "Don't ever scare me like that again."

Blair nodded. Then she looked toward Chuck. "Oh my gosh," Blair said and giggled. "Look Serena, he came to help me. How cute."

Serena started giggling too.

"Well, now that you're here, you might as well enjoy the show," Blair said, turning to point at the stage across the room.

Chuck looked over to the stage and suddenly he was alone in the room again…except for the lone figure on the stage facing away from him.

He sucked in a breath as he watched Blair unzip her mayflower dress and let it fall to the ground. He gazed, fascinated, as she moved her hips back and forth. She raised her arms in the air, and slowly trailed one hand down her other arm until she reached her shoulders. Sliding her fingers across the back of her neck, she paused at the edge of her shoulder and turned her head to look at him.

Instead of the come hither look that he always saw whenever he relived this moment, her eyes were wide and sad. She looked like she was about to cry.

He flinched and closed his eyes tight, trying not to remember the look on her face when he rejected her that last time. It seemed so long ago. He opened his eyes and she was still there. Facing him now, fully clothed in the full red coat she'd worn that day. Her hair held back with her multi-colored headband. She was holding her black school bag in front of her, clenching the handle tight with both hands. She was still staring at him but now with an accusing expression on her face.

He started to back away. He couldn't look at her anymore. The further he backed, it seemed the closer the stage came to him. Finally he turned and ran.

He was running down a long hallway. He came to a door, opened it and ran through. He froze.

Since when did Victrola have a stable?

And there was his father. Big Bad Bart was actually brushing down his prized steed. Bart had sold the horse years ago. Chuck didn't know why he had it now.

Bart looked over at him. "Son, come here," Bart said, motioning him over.

Chuck walked forward hesitantly. Bart reached out with his free left hand and took a hold of Chuck's right hand.

Chuck watched in slow-mo as his father brought his hand up and laid it flat against the brush held in place against the horse's mane by his father's right hand.

"Always, always, brush down the horse when you're done riding son. An Arabian is the best breed. It has strong blood lines and everyone will envy you for it. If you don't take care of it, the Arabian will lose its beauty, and you might miss things that you otherwise wouldn't notice. Like cuts and sores and any other damage Blair is going through," Bart said.

Chuck had taken over the motions of brushing down the smooth coat but he froze as the last of his father's words sunk in.

He looked up in astonishment at Bart.

Bart started shaking his head at him in disappointment. "What am I going to do with you Charles?"

Bart turned and walked away.

"Father," Chuck tried to call out. He wasn't making any sound. He didn't know why he wasn't making any sound.

He tried harder, straining as he tried to yell for him to stop. It was no use. He'd messed up too many times. He still tried some more… but Bart just kept disappearing into the distance.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. He slowly turned around. It was Blair.

She had a small smile on her face, which slowly turned into a self-satisfied smirk.

"I guess somebody else wanted me after all."

Chuck jerked awake. He sat upright in his chair and looked around, wondering if Blair was there with him.

He saw Serena and Dan sitting on two chairs nearby, Serena was asleep lying against him. Dan looked over at Chuck's sharp movement before looking back to the TV in the waiting room.

Apparently Serena had told Dan after all.

Chuck sighed and sat back in his chair again, resting his head against the wall behind him. He checked the clock on the wall. Five thirty in the morning. It was hard to believe only four hours had gone by since they'd arrived at the hospital.

Chuck closed his eyes again. He knew he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep after a nightmare like that. He just didn't know what else to do to try to escape his memories from earlier that evening...

Blair wasn't asleep like both Serena and Chuck had thought. She was actually listening to the lights of the city. That became apparent when she started humming.

Chuck looked over at the girls finally. Serena was still holding Blair, but Blair wasn't lying against her now. She was humming some unknown tune and staring wide eyed out one of the limo's windows.

"Don't those lights sound so pretty? Lights can make sound. I never knew!" She started smiling dreamily. "Imagine if they could talk. What would they say?"

She finally leaned against Serena again before looking down at the seat in between Serena and Chuck.

She looked up at Chuck. "Oops," she said.

Chuck couldn't have given her an expression if he tried. He just waited, wondering what she'd say or do next.

"You've got spiders," she whispered.

Chuck finally raised an eyebrow and looked at Serena. Serena gave him a weird look too. She opened her mouth to say something, but never got the words out.

Blair slapped her own arm.

Chuck and Serena snapped their heads to look at her.

Blair started shuddering. "Ew, spiders!" She slapped at her leg now.

She pulled away from Serena and slapped at her leg again.

"Make them go away!" she cried out before trying to hit them again. She looked down at the floor and then across the limo and almost died at the number of spiders making their way across the floor.

She crawled up onto the seat and started shrieking.

Serena tried to hold her, but it was no use. Blair was pushing at everything around her, even the side of the limo door. She was trying everything and anything to get away from the spiders.

She finally grabbed the latch on the door and started pushing it open, not knowing that she was about to leap out of a moving vehicle. She had the door a quarter of the way open when she was dragged back into the car.

"No! No! Spiders," she screamed and started shaking again. She pushed and clawed against this new evil force stopping her from getting away from the spiders.

"Blair, listen to me," Chuck growled into her ear. "There are no spiders. There are no spiders. It's not real. Calm down Waldorf. It's not real." He found himself repeating words over and over to her again. She must be entering a seriously bad phase of this trip on whatever the hell the guy had given her.

Blair wasn't listening. She couldn't calm down. Her heart was beating faster. She tried to breathe, but it wasn't working.

"She's having a friggin panic attack Chuck! Do something!" Serena shouted at him. She'd been the one to close the door.

Chuck had Blair lying across the long seat, trying to calm her down. He'd been fighting with flailing limbs and was relieved when they stopped. Now he realized that her breathing had changed. It was coming out hitched and irregular.

"Shit!" Chuck muttered. "Breathe Blair. Breathe damn it." He laid against her and breathed in and out in long breaths. "Feel me Blair? I'm going to breathe in and I want you to breathe in with me, okay?"

He held himself close and whispered in her ear, "Breathe," before sucking in a breath. He almost sighed in relief when he felt her try to do the same thing. "Let it out," he whispered. She puffed out and almost immediately sucked in another breath of air. "Slow Waldorf. Breathe in slow," he said, trying to keep his voice down so he didn't freak her out more.

Blair was trying to stumble through this weird maze she was in. She felt like everything was closing in on her and she was gasping for air, but somehow she managed to follow the slight rhythm she felt. She tried to match her movements against it. And slowly everything faded away. She just breathed in and out slowly now. Listening to the voice in her ear…she couldn't remember how the voice got there, but that was okay because the voice was making the air come back.

The limo finally came to a stop at the emergency room doors.

Serena opened the door. Chuck wasn't sure if Blair was ready to move yet, but he wanted to get her inside as quickly as possible. He scooped her up and slid her to her feet out onto the sidewalk before following quickly. Serena held Blair up as best she could, but Blair was really starting to lose her balance again. The panic attack had made her a little faint.

Chuck grabbed her before she could fall. He pulled her to him and she clung to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and dropped her head to his shoulder. He needed to get her inside, now. He put one arm around the back of her waist and stooped to put the other behind the back of her knees before lifting her up.

Serena dashed forward to get extra help, and soon a paramedic came to help Chuck.

Chuck didn't want to let her go, so the other guy backed off until they got inside. Then he had to lay her down on one of those moveable beds he'd always seen in movies but never in real life.

Blair was passed out at this point.

They wheeled her away and a female doctor was already checking her pupils as they went through the doors to the emergency ward.

A male doctor came over to Serena and Chuck, needing answers.

"What is she on?" a Dr. Green asked.

"We don't know," Serena said. "Somebody slipped her something…. She might have been…." Serena couldn't get the words out. She didn't have to.

The doctor nodded, "We'll check into it."

"She's hallucinating," Chuck said quickly, trying to think of anything that would help.

Dr. Green nodded, making a quick note on his clipboard. If it was GHB they were going to have to test for it quickly before it left her system.

"Yeah, she was freaking out about spiders. She almost jumped out of the car on the way here… and she's been drinking," Serena said, nodding her head, her panic starting to fill her again.

The doctor glanced up, trying to cover his alarm. If she was given Ketamine, also known as Special K…mixed with alcohol…. The doctor wrote down another note. Ketamine should never be mixed with alcohol…it could lead to a coma.

"Is she on any prescriptions? Anything at all?" the doctor asked. He made a note about LSD. The drug caused people to go into bad trips much like the blonde girl was describing.

Serena quickly nodded, "Lexapro."

"For anxiety?" the doctor asked, writing down the medication name.

"No, depression," Serena said softly and quickly.

Chuck looked over at Serena, quirking an eyebrow. Since when did Blair take anti-depressants?

The doctor nodded, writing more furiously now. The Lexapro would either combat the drug to stop its effectiveness relatively quickly, or it would really mess with the user's head because of the strain on serotonin inhibition.

"Anything else? Any important medical history? I know you're not a parent, but anything you know will help."

Serena opened her mouth, and shut it quickly. She clamped her eyes shut. She wanted to say it, but she really didn't want to in front of Chuck.

"She…" Serena tried to begin. She opened her eyes and glanced over at Chuck who was giving her the oddest look.

"The faster we get through this, the faster we can help your friend. Does she have any medical condition we should know about?" Dr. Green said to her seriously.

"She's been bulimic for years, but she was doing better… but lately… I don't know!" Serena said, flicking her eyes at Chuck who was looking at her with his eyes squinted, clearly trying to figure out what the hell she was talking about.

Serena shifted nervously. Nobody knew about this except for her, Eleanor, Harold, and now Chuck. She didn't know if Blair was still throwing up everything she ate. Blair hadn't mentioned anything to Serena about still having problems, and if Blair was doing it she was hiding it very well… but there was always the possibility, so Serena couldn't rule it out.

"Anything else?" the doctor asked. He made a note to be sure to check red blood cells and electrolytes—only two of the many body levels affected by bulimia. Anemia would hinder the healing process… and an electrolyte imbalance would impede her coming down from the drug by making her more lethargic and possibly influence disorientation which would only make her more confused and panicky.

Serena shook her head before wrapping her arms around her waist and staring at the floor.

"Thank you. We'll keep you posted. And please contact a parent immediately. There are some important papers that need to be filled out," Dr. Green said before rushing toward the doors that led to the emergency ward.

Serena stood stiffly, not really knowing what to do. Chuck was standing in shock, trying to take in everything he'd just learned.

Serena finally looked up and glared at him. "If you tell anyone, I will kill you myself," Serena threatened. She had trusted him with the information about Blair possibly being pregnant and she shouldn't have. She didn't want to tell him all that stuff about Blair now, but she didn't have a choice at the moment.

Chuck nodded quickly. He wasn't going to tell a soul.

Chuck banged his head back against the wall a few times. It didn't matter. Nothing could compare with the pain he was feeling inside.

He'd never hurt this much for someone else in his life. He'd never cared this much about someone either. He had wanted to be with her so much, and she told him he was sick.

"You ruined my Cotillion on purpose. You did all this for your own enjoyment and didn't care what it would do to me…which is exactly why you and I can never work," Blair said angrily, clearly pissed that he had manipulated Nate into causing a scene in the middle of the dance floor.

"Wait, slow down there Waldorf," Chuck said, trying to make her calm down as he scrambled to fix this. He reached for her and tried to pull her to him.

She pulled back, like she was completely disgusted. "You make me sick," she spat at him. She yanked away from him. He had no choice but to let her go.

"This thing between us, it's over," she said, her eyes never more serious, "for good." She ended with finality.

"Look Blair, wait, I didn't mean it—," he tried to explain. She couldn't be breaking this off. He didn't want that. He needed her.

"Don't talk to me," she snapped at him before completely pulling from his grasp.

He stared in panic after her, wanting her to stop. But she kept walking away, not even looking back as he called out her name, "Blair!"

And she kept walking… and then she was gone… and he'd actually gone after her. He couldn't just let her go. And then she'd been with Nate. He'd finally realized that he was in love with her…it was the only possible conclusion to come to as he felt this giant size pain in a part of his chest that he'd never used or felt before.

And he hadn't learned. Did he ever learn? Just like the lesson his father tried to teach him in that dream. Bart would never have been caught dead brushing down a horse like a stable hand. And Bart had never had that conversation with him. It was his own messed up head remembering the words she'd said "You did all this for your own enjoyment and didn't care what it would do to me."

After being rejected and thwarted and dismissed at every turn, the only thing he knew was his own pleasure at making her hurt. Ironically, sending that message to Gossip Girl hadn't given him any pleasure once word hit the masses. Instead it brought nothing but pain as Nate learned the truth and dismissed Chuck from his life as perfectly as Blair had already done.

He hadn't thought or cared about what would happen to her. But he cared now. Just like he'd always cared but didn't know how to show it. He could say he "didn't mean it" as much as he wanted to. It didn't stop the end result.

It didn't turn the clock back and make him able to undo the mess he'd made. If he could, Blair would be with Nate. Nate would be completely oblivious. Blair would have gone to that party with Nate. She would drink, have fun, and possibly even make out with her boyfriend. No other guy would have come near her.

If he could turn back the clock, she would still have all her friends. Kati and Is would have been by her side and known that she shouldn't leave with that guy. The guy wouldn't have even come near her. He got to Blair because she'd been alone. No one was around her. It was just like she'd said in the hall of her building, tripping-out on the floor, "Gone, gone, gone. Everybody's gone!"

And the cuts and sores and damages Bart had referred to in the dream…he couldn't believe he'd known Blair for as long as he did and had no idea what was going on with her. Nate had never mentioned a thing…but then again, it wasn't something Blair Waldorf would deign to tell her boyfriend anyway.

He knew that happiness wasn't on the menu when it came to being a part of Manhattan's elite Upper East Side. He had said those very words to Nate not too long ago. And yet… he never knew how true those words were until he found that instead of drowning her sorrows—like Chuck did on a regular basis—she was so far gone she was actually taking prescription drugs. He knew she was down and that the past few weeks hadn't been easy for her, but he never knew how unhappy she was even before that.

And the idea that she had been deliberately hurting herself…he didn't want to think about her forcing herself to… yeah, no, he wasn't going to think about it. And he was already beating himself up enough… he didn't want to think about what his final words to her all those weeks ago must have done to her… Serena said she didn't know if Blair was still doing… that. He was going to choose to believe that she wasn't. He could only take so much before he wanted to shoot himself in his own foot.

He opened his eyes and glared at the TV in the room. It was showing some infomercial and was repeating itself over and over again. He'd rather shoot the TV instead of his foot.

He glanced over at Dan. He was still watching the stupid infomercial and stroking Serena's hair while she slept. If only Chuck could sleep as soundly.

Chuck shook his head. He needed a drink and lots of them, but he wasn't leaving. He was going to stay right here until the doctors finally came out and told him that Blair was awake. He knew she had to sleep this off; he just couldn't stop feeling so impatient. He had to know if she remembered anything—if she would talk to him, that is. He was going to hunt that son-of-a-bitch down if it was the last thing he did.

Because although he'd already figured out that she'd been taken advantage of, it didn't quite drill home until the police officers showed up to question him and Serena about an hour after they'd brought Blair in.

"It's no use. I can't get a hold of her," Serena said with frustration. She had just returned from outside. Hospital policy stated that no cell phones were to be used indoors.

"Serena, chill. Eleanor has to have an emergency number. You just need to find it," Chuck said. He was sitting in a chair, leaning his elbows forward onto his knees. His hair was standing on end because he'd run his hands through it a million times already.

"And where would I look? I don't want to leave and go back to her house," Serena said, looking at him slightly perturbed.

"Look, you have Blair's cell phone don't you? See if it has anything," Chuck said.

"Oh," Serena said. She hadn't thought about that. She quickly reached into her bag for the orange phone. She browsed through until she found one. "This might be it." She walked outside at a brisk pace.

Fifteen minutes later she came back in with her eyes suspiciously bright once again.

"She's coming. She's going to charter a G-4. She'll be here as quickly as possible," Serena said. She sat down with a huff in the chair next to Chuck.

She did that thing again where she wrapped her arms around her waist and leaned forward.

Chuck was not about to comfort her. No way, no how. But if he was feeling torn up about this, she had to be feeling even worse for leaving Blair alone at the party to begin with. He sighed. What the hell was wrong with him? He couldn't believe what he was about to say.

"Call Humpty Dumpty. Brooklyn'll come over to keep you company," Chuck suggested. He must be really tired if he was suggesting that Dan be in the same vicinity as him.

"I can't," Serena said quietly.

"Suit your self," Chuck said, shrugging.

There was a long silence.

"She's not going to want anyone to know…" Serena whispered quietly.

Chuck slowly nodded. "I know." Blair was never going to want this kind of publicity. She'd been humiliated enough. If everyone knew about this… he shook his head. At least the people at the party had just brushed off their questions. They probably figured Blair was just enjoying her new favorite pastime. He was disgusted at the thought.

"I can't ask Dan to come down here. I'd have to tell him why," Serena said miserably.

"Like I said, suit yourself," Chuck said with a little exasperation.

"Excuse me, are you the two teens that arrived with Ms. Waldorf?" asked a man in a suit who wondered in front of them from near the admissions desk.

Chuck immediately sat up straight but Serena only lifted her head. They both nodded.

"I need to ask you a few questions," the man said as he flashed his badge and introduced himself. A Detective Ron Whitney…and here's the kicker. He's special victims unit.

Chuck felt kicked in the stomach, once again, when he realized what that meant. He didn't follow stupid television shows, but he knew enough about law and order reruns—who could escape them?—to know that this particular unit was for sex crimes.

The man sat down with them—asking their names—just as another one arrived, the first's partner apparently. Chuck quickly dismissed that one. He just wanted to dismiss both of them. It didn't matter what their investigation uncovered. He was going to have the guy killed if he didn't do it with his own hands. It seemed like yesterday that Nate had jokingly mocked, "So you kill people now?" Not then, Nate ole boy, but now was definitely as good a time as any.

"We need to know the events, any information you can give us, leading up to the time you brought Ms. Waldorf into this hospital," Detective Whitney said, looking in between the two, wondering who would speak first.

"So… she really was…," Serena started to ask… but at the look on the officers' faces, she looked down and gasped. She clamped her lips together and tried not to break down again.

"Yes," the officer nodded. "The nurse said something about a party?" he questioned.

"Yeah, she…I… we…" Serena kept stuttering, not able to get over her part in tonight's events.

"What she's trying to say is that Ms. Van Der Woodsen and I were going to visit Ms. Waldorf," Chuck said, talking over Serena. "She wasn't there when we arrived, so we waited and that's how she came home."

The man made a note. "Where was Ms. Waldorf coming home from?"

Serena made a motion like she was going to start talking but Chuck quickly interjected, "Some party apparently? We don't know where or who she was with. You'll have to ask her when she wakes up. Right now, your guess is as good as mine."

He felt Serena turn to look at him. He could see her out of the corner of his eye. He didn't want to look at her now.

"Do you have any other information that could help us in anyway to discover the identity of the attacker?" Detective Whitney asked, slightly perturbed that he was unable to get more information at the moment.

"Caliente," Serena finally spoke again. Everyone looked at her. "Caliente. One of their cabs brought Blair home. I saw it driving away after she got out. Maybe you can check their records—see if the driver remembers anything about how she got into the car."

Finally, Whitney had something to work with.

"So, you don't know where this party was… do you know anyone else who could tell us?" he asked, looking at Chuck suspiciously.

"No sir," Chuck said. He was keeping things as simple as possible.

"Very well," Whitney sighed. "I need phone numbers and addresses for the two of you. Is there a contact number for Ms. Waldorf's parents? I assume there's a reason they are not here?"

"Her father lives in France, and her mother's out of the country on a business trip but she'll be here soon," Serena said quickly.

"Here's my card," Whitney said, handing it over to Serena. "Please see that Mrs. Waldorf gets it and calls me immediately upon arrival."

Serena nodded jerkily.

"If you two remember anything, any detail at all, do not hesitate to contact me," Whitney said sharply. He noticed the look on Serena's face. "Don't worry Ms. Van der Woodsen. We'll find him."

Serena nodded slowly, looking down again as the men walked away.

As soon as they were gone, Serena turned on him. "What was that?"

"What?" Chuck said, pretending he had no clue.

"You just lied to the police! Why didn't you tell them where she was at? They might not find him if we don't tell them everything!" Serena said.

"If you're that worried, why didn't you just say something when they were here," Chuck snapped.

"Because I didn't know why you were lying. So, now you're going to tell me or I'll catch up with them and reveal all," Serena said threatening.

"You said it yourself," Chuck muttered, not looking at her. "She's not going to want anyone to know."

Serena just looked at him, tapping a foot, waiting for him to continue.

"And believe me, if cops showed up asking questions everyone will know in minutes," Chuck said. "Plus, the party is almost over anyway. There's no way they would be able to track them down."

"So what? Someone might have seen something! We can't just ignore that possibility," Serena argued.

"Someone did see something. And I'm not going to ignore it," Chuck said.

"What do you mean?" Serena asked, confused.

"Kati and Is saw that son of a bitch. I'm taking them out for a little 'I Spy' at the first opportunity," Chuck said dangerously soft.

"And what'll you do if you find him? Chuck you need to let the law handle this," Serena said, suddenly worried about what he'd do.

"Sure, I'll let them handle it… just as soon as I'm finished with him," Chuck said the last like he was talking about the weather.

"Chuck, calm down. Get some rest. I'm not leaving until Eleanor shows up and I assume you're doing the same?" Serena asked.

Chuck just nodded before collapsing back into his chair.

"They said they'd let us know when she wakes up. She's resting and stable. The meds just need to leave her system completely," Serena said.

"I know all this Serena," Chuck grumbled.

"So you also know that you have time for some rest too. Sleep Chuck," Serena replied. "I need to call Dan." She sighed. "I'm not going to tell him anything, but I need to hear his voice."

Chuck rolled his eyes before closing them and turning his head away from her.

"Whatever, van der Woodsen," he muttered.

Chuck had fallen asleep pretty quickly, only to awaken a few hours later from one of the worst nightmares he'd had in years.

He really wished he'd gotten back to that party to find Serena giving Blair a hug. She was just in that long bathroom line too. Serena just missed her when she walked by. They could both laugh at him all they wanted just as long as Blair was safe.

But it wasn't true. And there were no clocks to turn back. Blair had been violated in one of the worst ways possible

He didn't know what he was going to do next. He didn't know if he could see her when she did wake up. He didn't know what to say to her. He didn't know how she'd react to the news… or if she'd remember anything that happened to her.

But he was about to know everything.

"Chuck," Dan's voice came through his weird haze of half-doze, half-aware.

Chuck managed to get his eyes open. Serena was rousing herself and trying to orient. Dan was looking at him. Chuck raised his eyebrows in question.

"She's awake."

To be continued…