A/N: If anyone recognizes this challenge from my last SUEvivor fic, then yes, I'm using it again. Hopefully it will be different from the last fic. Hey, it's hard to think up something for TEN people to do in one chapter!
CHALLENGE 1: QUESTIONS.
The ten Mary Sues were standing on a beach, waiting for anything to happen. So far Zsarojiu had burst into tears and Liza had let it slip that she was a time traveler (seven times).
"I love beaches. They remind me of Lost!" Jade the Sue said.
"Hey, look!!! There's a ship coming!!" Jessa cried, pointing to the horizon.
"Aye, so thar is!!" Catalina said, standing up and drawing her sword.
"Please stop talking like a stereotypical pirate," Jade the Sue said. "Hey! Ally just robbed me!"
"I did not!" Ally snapped, quickly hiding Jade's purse.
"Sues, Sues, we must try to get along!" Roslyn told them, trying to restore peace throughout the group.
"What's all this bloody fighting?! Some of us are trying to sleep!" Jackie cried, staggering up to the others.
"And don't get me started on you, girl! Your not Jack Sparrow!" Jade the Sue snapped.
"People, the ship is here," Mary said quietly.
A row boat was coming up to the shore. When it got there, the author hopped out.
"Hello, Mary Sues! Welcome to SUEvivor: Pirates of the Caribbean. I'm your host, Jade, but call me Jade H., for Host," Jade H. said. "Are you ready to see your new home?"
All the Sues nodded.
"Then follow me!" Jade H. lead them to the row boats (more had come to take them to the ship) and they all got in. Soon they were at the ship.
All the Mary Sues got out and stood on the deck as Jade H. stood in front of them.
"For the next nine weeks, you will all live together on this ship. Once a week, one of you will be voted out. You will complete nine challenges until one of you is named the Ultimate POTC Mary Sue. I'll let you all get settled then I'll come back for you when the challenge is ready." Jade H. told them.
"Alright ya pathetic excuse for pirates, I get the first pick of the beds!" Catalina said.
"I said stop talking like a FREAKIN' PIRATE!!! You're a Mary Sue!!" Jade S. screamed.
"Well, this should be fun!" Jackie said.
Meanwhile, the others had gone off to find there rooms.
"I call dibs on the top bunk!!" Jessa cried, jumping on to her bed.
"I'll just sleep on the floor, like I did when I was a slave. I was a slave you know. Have I mentioned that?" Zsarojiu asked, but no one was listening to her.
"I want the bottom bunk, then," Kristina said in a very dignified voice. But then Liza knocked her out of the way and put her stuff on the bed instead.
A while later they had all gotten their stuff put away. Catalina was standing at the ship's steering wheel thing with a compass, turning the wheel every now and then.
"You know this ship isn't going anywhere, right?" Ally asked her.
"You shush up, or ya walk the plank!" Catalina growled. Everyone rolled their eyes.
"My ship is MUCH bigger then this. It's called 'The Dark Pearl.' And it's totally different from 'The Black Pearl'!" Jackie said. She was staggering around shouting orders to people, much to Catalina's annoyance.
"Hey, there's Jade H.'s ship! It must be time for our first challenge!" Mary said.
Soon, Jade H.'s ship came up to the Sues and Jade H. got out.
"Ready for your first challenge?"
XOXOXOXOXOXO
Jade H. and the Sues entered a tavern that was empty all except for two people: Jack Sparrow and Will Turner.
Liza started screaming and jumping up and down. "OH MY GOD!!!! IT'S WILL AND JACK FROM THE MOVIE!!!" Then she covered her mouth. "I mean…I'm not a time traveler!"
"Will! How have you been?" Mary cried, running up to hug Will.
Will stared at her. "Do I know you?" he asked.
"Don't be silly," Mary said, then she dug her finger nails into his arm. "I am you sister, and your going to play along"
Will stared at her. "Ow."
"What the bloody hell do you think your doing?!" Jack cried. Jackie was challenging him to a duel.
Meanwhile, Ally was trying to rob him, Jessa was trying to get on The Black Pearl, and Liza was trying to get a lock of his hair.
"OK, that's enough! Sues, these men are your judges, not your victims. Now, on with the challenge. What's going to happen is, Jack and Will are going to ask each of you a question that any TRUE Sue could answer perfectly," Jade H. told them. "Please sit down."
All the Sues took a seat at the bar. Immediately, people came up and stuck patches with wires on them on the Sues arms.
"…The hell?" Jade S. said as she watched one of them stick a patch to her forehead.
"You are being hooked up to lie detectors and AMSQAA machines. The AMSQAA is the Absurd Mary Sue Questions Answer Analysis machine. It shows how ridiculously Mary Sueish your answers are. Jack, Will, you can start," Jade H. said.
"Right. Our first question is for Catalina," Jack said. Catalina smiled smugly. "You're a Pirate!Sue, so what would you do if we met on the open seas?"
"Oh, that's easy! I would pretend to hate you to add sexual tension to the story! Then we could get into fights and I could beat you at everything!'' Catalina said.
Jack and Will looked impressed. "OK, now for Roslyn. What would you do if me and the rest of The Black Peal crew came into your tavern?"
"I would listen in on your conversation about going treasure hunting and then convince you to take me with you by being so Sueish," Roslyn answered.
Jack and Will nodded. "Alright, Jade S., since you're an author insert Sue, how would you 'subtly' praise your author?" Will asked.
"I would exaggerate all of her looks to make her beautiful, use her name, and build up everything she does, even if it doesn't matter," Jade S. told them.
"Mmm hmm. OK, Liza, someone finds out your not from the Caribbean. What do you do?" Will asked.
"I kick their butt to intimidate them, therefore making them so afraid of me, they don't tell anyone. Or, I just have my author kill them off," Liza said after thinking about it.
"Kay, now Mary. What do you do if Will forbids you to date me because I'm such a bad influence on your innocent mind?" Jack asked.
"Oh, I would defy my beloved long lost brother and we would run away and have a totally romantic night. Then he would realize how wrong he was, and Jack and I would get married!" Mary said, clapping her hands. Jack edged away from her.
"Umm, anyway, Zsarojiu : What are the tragedies in your life?" Will made the mistake of asking.
Zsarojiu blinked back tears. "I was abandoned at birth and raised by wolves. Then I was adopted by horrible people who abused me and loved my half sister more. Then everyone died in a fire, and I was captured by pirates. They sold me into slavery and raped me. Oh yeah, so did my adopted father. Then I broke a nail!" All the Sues gasped. "Oh, you poor thing! I've never broken a nail before!" They cried.
"Wow, that was tragic. Anyway, Jessa, you're the StowAway!Sue. Why did you decide to leave your home?" Jack asked Jessa.
"Well, my parents were trying to force me into an arranged marriage, and I never want to be married. Not after all the hurt I've been through at the hands of other people! I wanted to be free, so I went on a ship to go treasure hunting!" Jessa said.
"OK, Kristina, what do you say to people who tell you you're an Elizabeth!Sue?" Will asked.
"I tell them that that is utterly ridicules! I can't be the clone of Elizabeth. My name is Kristina and I'm blond! Besides, Elizabeth is dead in my stories," Kristina said. The lie detector beeped a little. Kristina's eyes got wide. "Oh, fine! I am the carbon copy of Elizabeth! Happy?"
"What do you mean Elizabeth is dead?!" Will cried.
"Never mind that, Will. Now Jackie, how are you possibly different from me?" Jack asked her.
"I'm a girl and my name is Jackie," Jackie said, pouring rum down her throat.
Jack shrugged. "Good reason. Alright, Ally, why do I fall in love with you?"
Ally shook her head. "Because I impress you with my theft abilities, of course! I mean, I am good. See?" Ally was suddenly wearing Jack's hat. "You never even saw it coming!"
"Hey! Give me the hat!" Jack demanded.
Ally smirked. "No"
"Do It!"
"No."
"Yes!"
"What do you mean Elizabeth is going to die?!"
"OK, that's enough!" Jade H. interrupted. "We need to figure out the results."
"Right. OK, Catalina, you did not lie to us about your answer. AMSQAA gives your answer a level of nine, ten being the highest Sue level. Roslyn, yours is six, Jade S.'s is nine, Liza got an eight, and Mary got a nine. Also, Zsarojiu got a ten, good going, Jessa has a nine, Kristina, you lied, so that takes your score down. You have a four." Kristina looked outraged.
"Jackie, your really weird and since you're Jack in women form, you got a five. Last but not least, Ally. Your answer got a nine. The hat trick was very entertaining," Jade H. looked over at Jack, who was trying to snatch his hat back as Ally held it over her head.
"Anyway, tonight's immunity winner is…. Zsarojiu!" Jade H. announced.
Zsarojiu looked like this: OoO "What?! I can't be voted out?!"
"Yep. Sues, the voting ceremony is later on tonight. See you then."
XOXOXOXOXO
A few hours later it had gotten dark and all the Sues were on the ship. Ally was still wearing Jack's hat.
"Hi, Sues!" Jade H. said.
"How did you get here?!" Liza demanded.
"My hosting powers. Anyway, it's time for the voting," Jade H. said. She held up a hat that looked a lot like Jack's. "One at a time, you will all come up here and write down who you want voted out, then you will put it in this hat. Zsarojiu won immunity, so she can't be voted out, and she'll go first."
Zsarojiu slowly came up to the pirate hat and wrote a name on a piece of paper. She held it up to the camera and said, "I'm voting for Mary. I'm the only Tragic!Sue around here!"
One by one all the Mary Sues voted and stood back as Jade H. picked up the pirate hat.
"First vote, Catalina."
Catalina raised her sword threateningly.
"None of that, now, Catty. Next vote, Kristina…. Mary….. Catalina…. That's two votes Catalina, one vote Kristina, and one vote Mary. Next vote, Ally…. Ally…. Kristina…. Liza. And the first person voted out of SUEvivor, Pirates of the Caribbean is….."
TWENTY MINUTES LATER.
"….Kristina."
"Wha-Bu-Huh?" Kristina sputtered. "Why me? I'm so original!"
"Sorry, Kristina, bur none of us can deal with people who lie like you did. It's a disgrace to Sues everywhere. And you really are just a knock off of Elizabeth," Roslyn said apologetically. Jackie looked around nervously.
After watching Kristina storm off, Jade H. turned to the Sues. "Alright ladies, see you next week!"
END OF CHALLENGE ONE.
NEXT WEEK ON SUEvivor PIRATES: Ally and Jessa form an alliance and Jade S. and Liza become friends. Jackie and Catalina continue to clash over leadership of the Sues and it leads to a shocking twist in the game!
A/N: I know it wasn't very funny, but after ya write about seven Sues, it takes the life out of ya. The less Sues there are, the better it gets, so keep reading! And thank you, reviewers:D