Chapter Two: The Careless, but Fatal Accident
When we left off on our lovely story, Hermione was a lone hobo by the train track for the Hogwarts Express. Now I must give updated information about everyone else. Let's start with Myrtle, Snape and Harry. So Snape is recovering from the eternal dizziness given to him by Myrtle, who is dangerously making out with Harry. Apparently, Myrtle doesn't get out much. Anyway, Harry is sitting in a girls stall helplessly being pushed around by obsessed Myrtle, who has obviously been waiting for a long time to do this. After about 15 minutes, Myrtle takes a break from Harry and walks over to the stall Snape is recovering in, just to give him some more wrath. Half-conscious, Harry manages to drag himself out of the torture-filled bathroom, leaving Snape to the unknown.
To Malfoy's relief, that was the last we ever heard from Snape. According to Malfoy, Harry was all his. That is of course, after we get rid of Mr. Filch. But that was the easy part. We all know that Filch (otherwise known as "filth") is extremely emotionaly attached, and will do anything for his stupid cat. So you take the cat away, and Filch is at your knees begging! It was the perfect plan! At least, so Malfoy thought.
So Malfoy began "Operation Do Harry" by kiddnapping Filch's cat while he was sleeping in the corridor (bad habit) and then hanging the cat in a pillow case out a window 500 feet above the ground. Then he cast a noise-making spell down the corridor Filch was in. As Filch was rudely awakened, he saw to his horror that his cat was gone! "WHO THE BLEEPITY BLEEPING BLEEPERS BLEEP BLEEPING STOLE MY BLEEPING CAT?!?!", Filch yelled. Malfoy released a little wimpy girly snicker and tiptoed up to the window where Filch's cat was. Filch, knowing Malfoy, went to Malfoy's dormitory first thing. "WHERE IS MY BLEEPITY BLEEPING CAT?!?", Filch roared. Then, Malfoy pointed to the window. Filch stared at the scene, horrified beyond measure at his cat approaching death so quickly. Immediatly, Filch hobbled towards the window as quickly as possible. But what he didn't know, is that Malfoy loosened all of the bricks underneath the window sill with his pocket-chain saw, so when Filch got his cat, the window collapsed, sending Filch and his cat to an unpleasant death. But when the window broke, it started a GIN-ORMO crack in Malfoy's floor! "My floor! I just waxed it today!", exclaimed Malfoy.
Sadly, everything in Malfoy's dorm fell into the lake near Hogwarts to lie there forever until a heroine would come upon it, bringing it to sunlight.
The person who took Malfoy and Filch's deaths the worst was Harry, of course. He just sat in his dorm complaing. "Now I have nobody to DO!!", he thought. "who's going to sleep with me and my and teddy when I have a bad dream?!" Harry was discouraged.
Find out more in Chapter 3!