This was born from text messages between me an my brain twin. I don't know what happened… all I know is that it was funny.
Like every other time, they had no idea what started the argument. All that mattered (or could be remembered) was that something had been said that was offensive. And then, as humans say, it was on.
"What? So you're too much of a prude to cruise for it?"
"I just think private things should be kept private."
"Too bad the lambo's don't feel the same way."
"Oh so that's the rumor now?"
"That's what you call the screams coming from your room?"
"There has not, and never will be, screams coming from my room."
Wildfire and Zack walked their way back from patrolling the area around the Ark. Normally they would have been driving, or more accurately racing, back to base, but the recent rain had rendered Zack absolutely unable to drive. The possible damage to his shinny black paint was too much of a risk. Wildfire tossed her head in a circle while shuttering her optics. It was the closest thing she had come up with to mime a human "eye roll."
"At least your gettin' some from them cuz you sure as hell aren't gettin' anything from THIS set of twins."
"I am not getting anything from the lambos. But even if I was you can't fool me. You know want me."
Wildfire's red head snapped to the side to look at the black truck with a mix of shock and fury. The fem had to curb the urge to punch the mech right in the face. She didn't want to spend the night in the brig… again.
"I'm sorry? What happed to Mr. Prude? You know, besides a death wish?"
"You started it." The tuck transformer smiled coyly.
"I wouldn't even consider even touching you if you where the last mech in the UNIVERCE. And if you where, I'd kill myself."
Zack put his clawed hands over his chest plating and melodramatically wailed.
"Oh! How you wound me! I can no longer function because of you harsh rejection! Oh great Primus here I come!"
"Who the pit do you think you are?" Wildfire snapped. "Romeo? Oh wait, Romeo couldn't get laid either and he killed himself. Yeah, you're Romeo." The red sports car sneered.
"Clever!" Zack barked. "But trust me; I'd rather die single before even thinking of you."
"HA! But you WOULD think of me! Disgusting."
"As if! You're the must unappealing, ugly, repugnant smelter rejected waste of metal that I have ever had the misfortune of knowing."
"You know," Wildfire grinned evilly. "The humans say if you're mean to someone that just means you secretly like them! I guess you really loooooooove me!"
"Blegh!" Zack said with a scoff.
As they approached the entrance to their kind's home base Wildfire's twin brother was waiting for them.
"You know Wildfire, with all the taunting you do to Zack the same could be said about your feelings for him."
Wildfire stared at her brother who had no doubt been listening into their conversation via the open comlink. She really wanted to be able to pop her brother in the face for that one. Tek, being his normal, socially inept self didn't understand what he had implied. He simply fallowed the logic Wildfire had set forth.
"AH HA! I see someone is a pot calling the kettle black."
"Please! Tek just watches way too much Dr. Phil!"
"Sure, sure. Make up some excuses. It won't change anyone's opinion now." Zack said smugly, pleased with himself.
"Dr. Phil makes quite a few astute observations, but I fail to see how that…" Tek started innocently.
"Tek shut your mouth before you say something that really pisses me off."
"Aw, I love you too pookie!" Zack mocked. He then very quickly had to dodge a fist to the face.
"That's it, I'm petitioning Prime again to let murder be legal." Wildfire grumbled as the three of them headed inside to report to Prowl.
"If only!" Zack sighed, almost wistfully. "But all he'll do is stick us in the brig to cool off for a while. But I'm sure you'd like being locked up with me wouldn't you cupcake?"
"That's it. I guess I'll just have to do murder the illegal way!"
Zack barely missed having his head sliced off by one of Wildfire's swords.
"Holy Frag!" Zack said as he grabbed the fem's wrists and grappled her to the floor.
Tek merely looked back over his doorwings that gave an irritated flick.
"HELP! I'm too good looking to die! Hey watch the paint!"
"Watch this!" Wildfire nearly stabbed the mech's shoulder armor taking off a long streak of black coloring.
"Ahhhhh! Not the paint job! NOT THE PAINT JOB!"
"Optimus! Wildfire and Zack are fighting… again." Tek monotoned as he opened the door to the main briefing room.
Optimus Prime, Prowl and Jazz all looked up from what they were doing to watch Tek sidestep from the doorway and see a tangle of black and red shouting Decepticon curses at eachother. Optimus bowed his head and rubbed the bridge of his nose with a thumb and forefinger.
"Oh Primus what did I ever do to deserve this? … Prowl, Jazz. Could you escort these two to the brig yet again?"
"Yes sir." Prowl sighed.
"No problem Optimus." Jazz grinned.
The two lieutenants quickly moved out into the hall, and after a brief struggle the two warriors were separated. They were both missing some paint and sported a few dents, but other than that they were unharmed and in Zack's case, alive. Prowl helped the truck to his feet as Jazz pinned the wild fem's arms behind her back.
"Salvation! I survive to look at myself in the mirror another day! My looks live on!"
"March solider." Prowl huffed. "If you keep this up you two will SHARE a cell."
Zack made a surprised squeak at the blatant cruelty in the second in command's threat. Jazz smiled as he marched the still angry fem down to the bowls of the ship.
"Aw Prowl." Wildfire said with a little laugh. "I didn't know you had such a dark sense of humor."
"Humor?" Zack scoffed as Prowl walked alongside him. "I think cruelty is the operative word.
"Come on, you lovebirds. Knock it off." Jazz giggled.
"Don't think I won't turn on you Jazz." Wildfire hissed. "Don't ever say that again!"
"Threan'nin a superior officer Wildfire?" Jazz grinned. "I think that just earned yourself extra time.
"Whatever. As long as I can share a cell with Zack all will be well. I mean the lambo's will get their afts thrown in there soon enough. I'm just trying to save room."
"Don't listen to her!" Zack yelled. "I can share a cell with the twins!"
The group arrived at the brig and the two officers separated the two bots into different cells. Once she was inside Wildfire's cell hummed and glowed reddish orange. She had slipped through normal bars too many times and now was relegated to the high security cell. However, their cells where still side by side and should Zack get too close to Wildfire's cell he would be putting his life in danger. When the doors were locked Zack turned around and hooked his hands around the bars of the door.
"Don't leave me leave me here with her! She's fraggin' crazy!"
Prowl put his hands on his hip joints and shook his head.
"You two need to learn to get along anyways. You'll stay here together until you can tolerate each other."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
Prowl sighed and waved Jazz out the door. Jazz happily bounded after the police datsun leaving both the truck and mustang to their misery. Zack slummed against the bars.
"I hate mustangs." He grumbled to himself. "At least with the lambos I can get out of this without damage… relatively anyways."
Wildfire paced up and down her side of shared engeron bars of their cells keeping her optics locked on Zack. For quite a long time the angry transformer paced like a cadged lioness. The flamed bot's temper undiminished by confinement. Zack finally gave into his fate and released his hold on the bars to slump against the bars farthest away from the pissed fembot.
"I'm doomed I guess." Zack said heavily. "You're planning on killing me the minute RedAlert is distracted… I know it."
Wildfire didn't bother answering him right away when he already knew what she was going to say anyways.
"All I need is one little old Con attack." She finally snarled. "Where are those damn seekers when you actually want them?"
Zack took up residents in his favorite corner (the one farthest away from Wildfire) and not so secretly whished for the cons to attack some random place far away.
"Please Megatron send someone to attack so I can get out of here. Please oh PLEASE!"
The farther away the better. If the Autobots had to leave in a hurry they might just forget them down here and Zack, and his exterior, could stay behind bars and well out of reach of a crazy mustang. On top of that they probably wouldn't have to listen to Prime or Prowl give them a lecture on friendship, teamwork and another load of useless slag.
The hours dragged by slowly. Minutes turned into hours. Hours to days. Wildfire gave up pacing a long time ago, or maybe it was only a minute, and sat down in the middle of her cadge. What seemed like years dragged on and on through the brig with no hope of Decepticon attack or appearance of the Lamborghinis to spice up the boredom. After what seemed a millennia Zack finally broke the silence.
"This… is just a train of fail." Zack grunted from his corner.
The black flamed mustang rolled onto her side (when she had laid down Zack didn't know) to fix the truck with a board stare.
"Well YOUR are the conductor of the fail train."