It had to have been a dream.
That was the only reasonable explanation.
Hermione opened her eyes, praying that she would be in her bed upstairs and that last night had never happened. Instead, he heart sank.
She had been sleeping on the couch in the library.
She sat up quickly, the events of the previous night rushing over her like a tidal wave.
What had she done?
She got to her feet, straitening her blouse and trying to pull herself together. She had no idea where Remus was, but at that moment she didn't care.
She had slept with him.
She had slept with her former teacher. With Harry's only remaining family, his mentor. With another woman's man who was old enough to be her father.
What had she done?
She practically ran upstairs to the bathroom, not caring how early it was and how much of a racket she was making. Luckily for her, no one woke up to investigate. She locked the bathroom door, crying as she turned the shower on as hot as she could stand, scrubbing her skin pink.
This couldn't be happening, she thought to herself. Of all the things to have gone wrong in her life, she would have never imagined that this would. She had betrayed herself, betrayed Harry, betrayed Tonks. She had become the other woman. The most disturbing thing about all of this to her was that she had enjoyed it. Last night, she had allowed it to happen and she didn't know why other than she had wanted it to. On some level she had wanted to sleep with Remus.
"Oh God." She whispered, disgusted with herself, "Oh God…"
She began to cry harder, unsure of what to do.
How could she ever face him again? How could she ever face anyone again?
She walked to her room and changed into clean clothes, trying not to look at herself in the vanity's mirror. Glancing at the clock, she saw that it was six twenty-three. Any other morning, she would be down in the kitchen with…him. Sucking in a deep breath she numbly walked out of her bedroom and headed towards the stairs, knowing that this conversation had to happen sometime. It would be better for it to happen before anyone else woke up…and before she lost her nerve.
Walking up to the kitchen door, her hands began to shake as she turned the knob and opened the door.
As soon as Remus saw her, he stood up and rushed over to her, a look of worry across his face.
"Hermione I…"
But before Remus could finish, his voice gave out. He ran a hand through his unkempt hair as he flicked his wand at the door causing it to close. He muttered a silencing charm on the room before he dared to even look at Hermione again.
Hermione nervously watched him as he did this, realizing that he was feeling just as bad about what had happened as she had. His face was pale, his clothes the same from the previous night, wrinkled and disheveled, his hair an absolute mess.
"Hermione…I am so sorry. Last night should never have happened."
She stiffened at his words, chiding herself as she did so. What had she been expecting him to say?
"Professor, I-"
"Hermione, I think that we are past formalities." He stated, waving her off, politely.
She looked at him, her heart fluttering again, "Remus…you weren't yourself last night. Harry said that you have been taking the full moon transformations harder recently and—"
"But that doesn't excuse me forcing myself on you."
Hermione looked away, unsure of what to say next. Slowly and carefully she chose her words and spoke them in barely a whisper, "We cannot change the events of last night…" she coughed nervously before continuing, "…I think that it would be best for both of us if we forgot that it had ever happened. You are right. What happened last night was a mistake."
"Hermione—"
"No, Remus. We can't talk about what happened because nothing did." She stated suddenly finding strength. She took a step backwards, "It was just sex and nothing more. It wasn't even you. You have nothing to feel guilty about and I think that it would be best for the both of us if no one ever found out about it." For the first time she looked up and met his gaze, her hands shaking betraying her new found strength, "If you'll excuse me, I think that we shouldn't see each other for awhile. Just until this all blows over and we can act normal around each other again."
They both stood there in an awkward silence, neither of them knowing what to do. There were so many things that Remus wanted to say, but he was unable to. Instead, he took a step towards her.
She instantly took a step back.
"It's too weird, Remus." She blurted out, tears beginning to form in her eyes, "I can't handle it right now, I just…can't."
With that, she turned around and ran out of the room.
Remus stood there, comprehending what had just transpired as he listened to Hermione run back up the stairs and into her room, slamming the door shut. He winced at the sound, walking over to one of the chairs at the kitchen table and practically collapsed into it.
What had he done?
He pressed his head in his hands, wanting to weep, but lacked the strength to do so.
How could he have let this happen? How could he have lost control?
He had been feeling worse and worse recently as the full moon approached, but last night was something entirely different. Last night was the first time that he had completely lost control of his actions and because of it he had done the worst possible thing that he could have done.
He hadn't remembered everything that had happened, but when he woke up next to Hermione in the library, the state of disheveledness that they were both in, it didn't take him too long to figure out what had happened. He had instantly bolted out of the room, careful not to disturb Hermione, not wanting to be there when she woke up. He knew that they would have to talk about it at some point, but he didn't want it to be when they were still entangled on the couch.
"Well, the conversation happened alright." He muttered, darkly, replaying the past few minutes over in his mind.
He had been waiting for her in the kitchen, knowing that she would come down. When she walked through the doors, she seemed to be different from when he had seen her last. She seemed…older more mature, if that was even possible. Hermione had always stood out to him since she first walked into his classroom when she was thirteen. He'd been fascinated by her. She had known the answer to practically every question he asked and was gifted magically, picking up spells quicker than any one he had ever known. Her essays had always been superbly written, her arguments filled with such conviction that would make any teacher proud. Over the past few years he'd watched her grow up in Grimmauld Place, coming and going during breaks, casually stating hello if their paths crossed. He'd learned a lot about her through Harry and then this summer they had started to really get to know each other. He was just starting to view her as more than just a former student, but as something else entirely…almost as if she was a legitimate friend. Then this happened.
Remus knew how Moony had felt about her, having put up with Moony's comments in his mind about the recent changes in her appearance since she first walked through the doors at Grimmauld Place that summer. She had finally figured out how to get her hair under control, letting her long hair fall in gentle auburn curls. Her wardrobe had since been updated with clothes that were, as far as he knew, "in style" that clung at all the right places, something he guessed Ginny had been behind. Yes, Hermione had grown up to be quite the young lady and Moony never let him forget it. Moony felt this way around anything that wore a skirt really, so he tried not give the comments any importance. Remus used to joke with Sirius that perhaps he and Moony would have made better friends, the two of them knowing full well that Remus was never anything but chivalrous when it came to women. Sirius had always waved him off saying that he didn't need the competition and he preferred Remus just the way he was. He had always been afraid of letting Moony out, not knowing what was going to happen and recently trying to stop it from happening was getting more and more difficult. Moony was beginning to fight back trying to take over his mind just to have a "little fun."
"And it was fun." Came Moony's husky voice from inside his head, amused at how the events of the morning had unfolded.
Remus shook his head trying to get him to shut up, absolutely hating himself. How could he have done this to Hermione? To Harry? To Tonks.
Oh God, Tonks.
Sighing nervously, Remus knew that Hermione was right. The best thing for both of them to do was to simply forget about what had happened and move on. Nobody ever needed to know.
Rising to his feet, he walked over to the counter and fixed himself a cup of coffee. When he reached up for the bag, he paused. Hermione was the one who always made the two of them coffee in the morning…
He shook his head, trying to quiet his thoughts, but finding that he was unable to.
"God…" He muttered his mind racing as he poured the coffee from the pot into his mug.
What had he done?
A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! I couldn't (and still can't) believe the response you guys gave me. You guys are amazing! Thank you guys so much!
Just to clear something up from the previous chapter (which I sort of did in this chapter), but incase there are still some questions, what happened between Hermione and Remus wasn't rape.
I also realize that I should explain where this story lies as far as the books go. In case you didn't catch it, Hermione, Harry, and Ron are all about to go into their 7th year. Just assume that everything happened in the 6th book, except for Dumbledore's death. The Death Eaters still attacked the school, but Dumbledore made it out of the battle alive. Harry is still going to go after the Horcruxes during his 7th year, but he is going to go back to Hogwarts as well, so this is slightly AU.
If you guys have any questions as to what is going on in the story outside of what is given in the chapters, feel free to ask and I'll do my best to answer them.
Thank you guys so much for reading! Keep those reviews coming!!