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Chapter 2: The Pretenders

Edward Cullen

I was late for Biology, so when I entered the classroom, everybody was sitting in pairs at the lab tables. I went to meet the professor and he said that there was only one person left without a partner.

Isabella Swan… Bella…

It figures.

No girl wanted to be near her.

No boy was allowed to be her partner.

Could I be any different? There was only one way to find out.

I hesitantly went to sit by her side. As I pulled the stool from underneath the table, she looked at me from the corner of her eye. I sat down and ignored her. I was mad at her. She lied to me, and... and now that I thought about it… she used me.

I've been used. Used by Bella.

Fucking Karma…

So we didn't speak. I just listened to Mr. Banner's lecture. Well, not really listened, more like pretended I was listening because Bella was staring at me expectantly. Like she knew that I've heard about her not so little "secret". She was waiting for me to acknowledge her or something. I didn't though.

Half way through the period, I felt a piece of paper on top of my hand. I looked down and noticed something was written on it.

I take it you already heard the truth about me.

-B

I looked at Bella, who was biting her lower lip, waiting for my answer. I took the pen from her hand and wrote down.

Yeah, is it the truth though? Or are they just rumors?

I had to know for sure that she was already taken. I needed to hear it from her. Well, in this case I had to read it from her handwriting that all that shit was true. I passed her the note along with the pen. As she read, her frown deepened and she bit her lip nervously. After Bella wrote something down, she passed me the note and the pen again. She looked ashamed and that was answer enough for me. But I read her note anyway.

Yeah, I'm afraid it's true, unless you are talking about Tanya and me eloping to England, well that's bullshit.

I read it and I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry.

I chose neither.

I was too angry at her. I needed explanations, but I wasn't going to demand them because that would make me a hypocrite.

On one hand, I was feeling disappointed because what we had, had been a lie and it was the first time that I had a crush on someone, or an infatuation, or a fucking obsession this soon. Plus, she disregarded me when I defended her this morning. On the other, the asshole in me wanted to see what I could get out of this. Maybe even be her friend and fool around with both of them.

Fuck, this was harder than it seemed. The most reliable option was the latter, because that was more ad hoc with my personality.

Plus, it would be a competition between that Newton boy and me. The difference would be that I was going to use my charm to get under their panties. This Mike had nothing on me. He seemed pathetic this morning pushing Bella. That's not the way into a girl's pants asshole!

Yes, that's what I was going to do. I was going to be the hypocrite, demand answers, forgive her and be her friend to get my threesome. I felt used and like a pussy, because I was whipped and we didn't even fuck.

Nobody fucked with Edward Cullen, not even this Bella. Plus, that comment that Emmett made... He saw right through me and it bothered me. As friendly as he seemed, maybe he would spread rumors about the new kid being whipped by the dyke Swan and I didn't like it. It was high school and I was Edward Cullen, so these things mattered. I had a reputation to build here.

Putting my plan in action, I grabbed the pen and wrote my answer.

Why didn't you tell me the truth? I would never judge you. I may be an asshole,but deep down I'm a good person(I used her exact same words),and…

Are you bi? Why did you made out withme if you don't like dudes? I feel used and shit.

Bella grabbed the note from my hand and stared at it. I could see her eyes moistening as she read it. She took the pen with trembling hands and replayed back.

Sorry, it was not my intention to make you feel that way, believe me. I was too drunk to think clearly. As for the truth, well I thought you would reject me as the rest of the school has done. Tanya and I don't exactly have friends and people are always avoiding us.

And for the rest of your questions, I owe you an explanation. I think I'd rather tell you in person, so how about you come to my house or I go to yours after school and we can talk privately. I would prefer to go to your house since I don't want Tanya around. I haven't told her about Saturday night.

Interesting…

I liked the idea because I would be alone with her. But was bringing her to my house a good idea? I'd never brought girls home. Well I had, but not like this, not on a "be-friends-and-let's-talk-and-not-fool-around" environment. Plus, Bella was going to see my room since we didn't have a pool house anymore. I used to bring girls to the pool house back in L.A. so my parents wouldn't notice.

So, I never had a girl in my room, because it was my own personal "Fortress of Solitude".But Superman took Lois there…Fuck!

And there was this other factor to consider.

Esme and Carlisle.

My parents were not oblivious to my sexcapades. In fact, my father was disappointed in me that I used girls for my own pleasure without committing to them. That's one of the reasons he brought me here. He said that in L.A. I was tempted by all the vices life had to offer. So I never introduced a girl to them. Bringing Bella home would be a big deal for my mom and I knew it.

Well, fuck it! My plan needed to work so I had to put on the whole façade.

But was I really fooling myself?

Bella Swan

As the bell rang signaling the end of the period, Edward took his unused notebook and left the classroom after fisting my hand around the folded note. I unrolled it and read his answer.

I'll meet you after classat the corner where there's a gas station. You can follow me home in your truck.

When I finished reading the note, I ripped it into millions of pieces and threw it in the trash can on my way out. I didn't need evidence of my correspondence with Edward, because I wasn't planning on telling Tanya about Saturday night. It hadn't meant anything and it would break her heart.

I sighed as the severity of my actions sunk into me. All the implications and the confusion that I had created. I screwed up big time. I hated the situation I was in.

Saturday night I had been so angry at Tanya because of her nose job that I recklessly went to Emmett McCarty's house to get drunk. I didn't know what I was thinking when I went. What was I expecting to happen? I knew the answer very well. I was expecting to see Edward Cullen again. That day I hadn't known his name so I called him the "market boy".

So, when I arrived at my destination, I looked around but he wasn't anywhere to be found. Deciding that coming had been a waste of time and without anybody noticing me I went upstairs. I knew the McCarty's house well because when we were kids, Alice, Tanya, and I, used to come here for his birthday parties.

I made my way to the second floor bathroom and lay in the tub, closing the curtains so nobody would notice me. Reluctantly, I took small sips from my bottle of flavored vodka, all the while thinking about Edward and Tanya. I wanted to be with either of them but for two completely different reasons.

At that moment I wanted either Tanya's love and protection or market boy's friendship and jokes. I drank desperately, scrunching my nose at the foul taste of the liquid.

But I knew that out of the two of them, I wanted her more.

I wanted Tanya with me because I regretted what I said to her on Friday and that day after her operation. I wanted to tell her that I was sorry and that I was going to support her in every decision she made in spite of my personal beliefs.

I knew she didn't need a fucking nose job but Irina, her sister, was always seeding strange ideas into Tanya's head. I hated Irina, she was so jealous of Tanya, always telling her that her nose was crooked, or that her hair was a mess or was constantly pointing out flaws that were not there. So naturally, when Irina heard about this Doctor Cullen coming to town, she insisted Tanya should get a nose job. She convinced her, of course, because Tanya always looked up to her.

She was older than Tanya, so it was normal behavior, but Irina was always taking advantage of that. In fact, the only problems between Tanya and I were caused by her "lovely" sister. Ever since we came clean about our relationship, Irina had been pushing us apart, always spreading bad things about me around town or setting up blind dates for Tanya with her male college friends. She couldn't accept the fact that we loved and needed each other, unlike her oldest sister, Kate and her husband Garrett. At first they were shocked, but then they accepted us with open arms.

But Irina…

Urgh!

And now more than ever, I hated her. She was being obnoxious and ridiculous because she was getting married. Everything was about her, "her wedding this, her wedding that". So things at Tanya's house weren't great. I knew she needed attention and support, because lately she had been depressed about her mother. In three days it was going to be the anniversary of her mother's death. It had been seven years since the incident, and I knew that these days were going to be very difficult for Tanya. They always were.

I had been such an asshole. I shouldn't have snapped at her about her damn nose job. But most importantly, I shouldn't have cheated on her with Edward…

Oh, God! Then there was Edward.

Why was he a problem? I just met him. But, when I saw him at the food mart, I knew there was something about him…

Something that had pulled me towards him. I've never felt that way. I had this strong urge to come close to him and talk to him. Maybe talk about the weather, or about the latest football game, or about whatever he was into.

Somehow, I approached him, pretending I was going to pick some fruit or whatever it was that he was buying. I manned up and "accidentally" grabbed the same apple that he seemed to want. Interacting with the opposite sex was something that I didn't do.

Ever.

Well, except with my dad, but he didn't really count. But, as I got to interact with Edward I felt at ease and even though the topic of conversation had been strange and brief, there was a spark in his eyes that radiated something. And that night, as I lay in bed I recognized why I was so taken by him.

Friendship.

I wanted his friendship.

And this was my chance to have a real friend.

I needed a friend.

Because even though Tanya was with me unconditionally, I was still missing something. I wanted someone who would listen to my worries, fears, and problems as an outsider.

But I was scared…

What if he found out what I was and would behave like every red-blooded teenager? Or worse, what if he decided he didn't want to become my friend because I was weird and defective? What if he was one of those homophobic people that I saw all over town?

But then… then, the bathtub make out session happened. How could I be so stupid? I had been drunk and angry at Tanya, then the feeling of guilt overpowering the anger, and I was confused as hell. And to strengthen my confusion, he walked into my bathroom, my territory, in all his wonderful drunken glory and then we started talking and getting closer physically and connecting emotionally and the opportunity presented itself and I had been curious and then…

Curiosity killed the cat.

And yeah, I was dead. Because I shouldn't have kissed him, because it felt so... so unlike kissing a woman. He was so masculine with his squared jaw and stubble, and then my hands trailed towards his hard abdomen, to the firm planes of his chest. And then the feel of his covered hardness in my hand. It had felt so different from what I was used to. I knew that I had been drunk, so my brain had deceived me, nothing I felt was real. It had been a momentary lapse of judgment, nothing more. And yeah, it felt different, so what?

Different good?

Different foreign?

I wouldn't know. But of one thing I was sure, what I did with Tanya behind closed doors, felt better because we explored and learned the ways of our bodies. So his amazing masculinity was created by a fragment of my imagination caused by vadka. It had not been real.

And then as I woke up on top of him, my mind somehow clearer than ever, I freaked out. I ran out of the house and into my truck and ten minutes later I was in my room, sobbing into my pillow. I cried all Sunday.

Tanya didn't call all day because she had been a bit mad at me. I stayed all day beside my cell and the house phone. As it rang, my heartbeat increased because of the nerves. But I was disappointed to hear that it wasn't Tanya, but Edward. The last person, who I wanted to talk to at the moment, was on the other side of the line.

I somehow knew that in spite of my bad judgment the previous night, I wanted to grasp on the opportunity to be friends. So I didn't cut him off abruptly or anything, I just wanted him to somehow understand that I couldn't deal with us right now. I had other important issues and he needed to know me before talking to me, because he was in for a surprise that I didn't dare spoil.

Edward would eventually find out and he would have the power to decide if he wanted to be my friend or not. It was going to be a decisive moment. It would serve to see if he was worth having as a friend or not. What if he was a pig, like Mike Newton or every other horny boy at school, who disrespected my relationship with Tanya by making stupid proposals?

And then today in the morning, I felt awful again. First, because it was heartbreakingly cute how Edward defended me against Mike. But I had to reassure myself and him that it was not his place to defend me. I could handle the asshole by myself and Edward shouldn't be my knight in shining armor because he might not be here to stay in the long run. I shouldn't get used to his presence.

The second thing that made me feel awful was when Tanya arrived at the scene with gauze covering her nose. It surprised me that Tanya and Edward knew each other, since I hadn't put two and two together. It was obvious that Dr. Cullen was Edward's father, as he was new in town as well. So the knowledge that my girlfriend and the guy I cheated on her with, knew each other made my wrongdoings so tangible that I could feel them in my back, as they grew heavier under me.

The three of us were standing there for a couple of seconds, surrounded by the gossipy crowd of Forks High. At that moment I had a vivid image of what Edward and I did at Emmett's party. My insides turned upside down, leaving a hole in the pit of my stomach. I felt dirty and so out of character, because that was so unlike me. I prided myself on being loyal, but after all, I didn't know myself that well.

Tanya had been so good to me and she didn't deserve this. She always protected me and was with me every step of the way. She was like the mother who abandoned me. She was the only friend who accepted me and she was my lover who guarded me from harm. Is that how I repaid her?

And then, there was this other issue. As Edward stepped into the Biology classroom I saw his face. I felt self-conscious because I was one hundred percent sure that the rumors had reached his ears. Suddenly, his opinion about me had an enormous effect on my emotions. He had a look of disdain on his face. I didn't know whether it was caused by my sexual orientation or by my big fat lie. So for the second time in his presence, I manned up and wrote the note that I just tore into pieces.

I went to my next class, P.E.

I loathed that class because, as usual, all the girls ran away from me as soon as I put a foot inside the dressing room. They weren't even good looking. They thought so highly of themselves. Didn't they notice that I wasn't interested in any of them? I just rolled my eyes and proceeded to change into my gym clothes.

Another reason why I hated gym class was because I felt self-conscious about the required uniform. For the girls, it consisted on a pair of white shorts and a white polo shirt. As the class began and I started running and jumping, the boys would ogle my legs or chest and I hated that. I tried to ignore the stares but they made me uncomfortable. I pushed it into the back of my mind because I couldn't do anything about it.

When the class ended, I started feeling a bit nervous. I was going to be alone with Edward. What was I supposed to say to him? I did owe him an explanation.

I felt bad for what I did. I would never drink again. Not only did I mess up with a potentially new friend, but I also cheated on Tanya. I never knew I could be capable of such things.

When I arrived at the gas station, I saw a silver Volvo parked in front of the convenience store. It must have been Edward's car. I parked my truck next to his vehicle and rolled down my window. He hadn't noticed that I was there, because he was scrolling through his iPod. Getting outside of my truck, I knocked at his window. He abruptly looked at me and rolled it down.

"I was starting to think that you wouldn't come."

"Well, I'm here now, aren't I?" I said, rolling my eyes at him.

"With you I don't know what to expect... next thing I know you could be a Russian spy from the KGB," he joked and I couldn't help but smile. Maybe I shouldn't be nervous; after all he was being playful.And a dork.

"Don't be silly!" I smacked him lightly on the head. He frowned and rubbed the spot where I hit him. Again, I rolled my eyes, "Such a girl, Cullen."

"Wish I was," he said under his breath, chuckling, "Well, get inside your truck and follow me."

I ignited the engine, following his car onto the main road. He started to decrease his speed and turned onto an unpaved road into the woods. We kept on driving though the misty forest, the thick trees encasing us. The atmosphere of the forest was dark and mysterious. I felt as if I was driving towards an unknown forbidden destination.

Maybe I was.

After what seemed like several minutes, the trees started thinning and the path became clearer. Light was at the end of the road, welcoming brightness after the condemned darkness.

When we got out of the forest, I could see a solitary three-story house in the middle of a green and alluring clearing. The structure was white and beautiful, as beautiful and big as Tanya's. We parked in front of it and I got out of my truck.

I was too caught up staring at the house, that when Edward tapped my shoulder, I jerked, startled by the contact. He chuckled, giving me his crooked sexy grin and something unexpected happened. My heart stopped and my breath caught in my throat.

What was that?

How could a simple expression on a boy's face cause this reaction to my body? Not even Tanya's beautiful smile did this to me. Nervousness crept again through my body. I should have known that this meeting was not the best idea. Maybe trying to be his friend was not a good idea either. I was standing in front of trouble himself.

"What's wrong?" asked Edward, looking at my furrowed brow.

I snapped out of it and gave him a forced reassuring smile, "Nothing, I-I... just spaced out."

Edward looked at me oddly before ascending the few stairs that lead to the main entrance. I followed him to the porch. He opened the door and moved aside, letting me in first. As I stepped inside, I gasped.

The inside was even more beautiful, it was so full of light. The back side of the house was made of glass and the brightness of the green forest was reflected on the shiny mahogany floor. The furniture was all white, even the grand piano that was placed at the far corner of the living room. I couldn't help but notice that everything was so neat and flawless. Surely, Mrs. Cullen must be a neat freak to have everything in white and in good condition.

"Mom, I'm home!" yelled Edward from behind me, snapping me out of my reverie.

I heard footsteps and I noticed that a caramel brown haired woman with kind eyes was descending the stairs. As she noticed my presence, her lips curved into smile.

"Edward honey, who's your friend," asked who I assumed was Edward's mother.

"She's Bella, Bella this is my mom, Esme," Edward mumbled, a pink tint visible on his cheeks. Was he embarrassed?

"Bella, I'm so glad to meet you... I'm surprised," said Esme, shaking hands with me. "Edward has never brought a girl home."

What? That was really unexpected. Didn't he say that he was popular among girls? Surely he must have had tons of girlfriends.

Edward cleared his throat and I turned to look at him. He scratched the back of his head and was staring at his shoes. Esme and I locked eyes and giggled.

Breaking the tension he was feeling, he spoke, "Let's go to my room."

We walked up the stairs. The hall at the second landing was also white and long. We passed door after door until he finally halted in front of a black one.

He opened it and I was met by an enormous room, where the back wall was also made of glass, just as the hall and living room downstairs. One of the conventional walls had a big shelf full of CDs, DVDs, and books. Next to that shelf was a plasma T.V. with its complete surround system. A black leather couch was facing the T.V. On the other side of the room was a queen sized bed. The floor was covered with a thick gold carpet. His room looked sophisticated and masculine. Something I was not used to.

Edward motioned for me to enter, closing the door and sitting on the couch. I followed, taking a seat next to him. He looked at the T.V. and I did the same, the black screen reflecting our awkwardness. I noticed that Edward was nervous. He was tapping his foot against the carpet and running his hand through his hair.

His hair...

It was so silky, so perfect.

Stop it!

Tanya's hair between my fingers felt good, too. I wished I could have hair like that...

I glanced at Edward once more and our eyes lock this time. After a moment or two, we both smiled and then, the next thing I knew, we were laughing hysterically. All of the tension lifting.

As seconds passed, the muscles from my stomach started to hurt, so I stopped, and breathed slowly. Edward stopped laughing too.

"That was awkward."

"Yeah," I agreed.

"So..." Edward shifted, adjusting his body so he could look at me.

"Yeah?"

"You are..." He trailed off, but I knew what he wanted to ask.

"Yeah," I said the same word for the third time, then added, "Sorry."

"What are you apologizing for?"

"For Saturday night, I guess," I mumbled, embarrassed by the memories.

"Do you regret it?" Edward asked, looking intently into my eyes.

Do I regret it?

"Yes," I sighed, "Sorry."

"Don't apologize anymore," he closed his eyes and threw his head back, exposing his thick neck. The neck that I kissed thoroughly in the bathtub at Emmett McCarty's house. I gulped.

"So, why did you kiss me?" he mumbled, rubbing his eyelids.

"Because I was drunk and it seemed like a good idea at the time... I wasn't thinking about the consequences, or your feelings, or about Tanya..." my voice broke at the end, the emotions of guilt coming back again just as tears moistened my eyes. I fought them back, not wanting to cry in front of a guy.

Edward opened his eyes and looked at me, noticing my change in mood. An involuntary tear slid down my cheek, causing him to frown in concern. "Please don't cry."

I nodded and dried my face with my hands. I forced a smile to reassure him that I was okay. He smiled back and again, my body reacted the same way it did outside of his house. I couldn't believe my reactions to him. My period was coming this week, so that must be it.

"So, Tanya, huh?" He asked playfully, trying to lighten the mood, "She's pretty hot."

I chuckled but didn't answer.

"So, it's none of my business, but... How did it start?" I knew that was coming.

"No, it's okay, I don't mind," I answered politely, "It's a long story."

He nodded, allowing me to continue.

"You see...when we were fifteen..."

Tanya'sfather was an alcoholic and depressed. He never seemed to be satisfied with his life although he was wealthy, had a wonderful family, and great health. He had the three things that most people yearned for in life. But that was not enough.

He had always wanted a son. He only had three daughters and his wife couldn't have more children, and it had been his mission in life to procreate a son. He wanted him to follow in his footsteps and work in the family business. But his dreams were shattered.

And he blamed his wife, because she wasn't able to give him that. He was ignorant, because he never knew, or wouldn't accept, that the sperm had the X or Y gene. To him, everything that went wrong in the world was because of women.

Women werejust useful for one thing: to serve men.

To serve them in all aspects. They had to prepare a hot meal for when he arrived, they had to clean his clothes, to have his children and educate them, and of course, they had to serve him in bed.

So, he blamed Tanya's mother for everything wrong in his life. He never paid attention to his daughters because he didn't care about them. It was his wife's chore to care for them. He was doing enough by giving them a roof, the best clothes, and food that money could buy.

Also, people in town knew that he went to Port Angeles for "business". The fact was that he was meeting with his mistresses. Tanya's mother was not oblivious to this, but she stayed with her husband for her daughters. Their father could pay for the best colleges, so they could have a bright future if she stayed with him.

One night, when the old man was drowning his sorrows with alcohol, the four women arrived with handfuls of shopping bags. They were joyful and noisy, and this irritated Tanya's drunken father. When he drank, he had the tendency of becoming violent, but it had never gone too far.

However, that night he began shouting at them, telling them that they were of no use, because the only thing they knew how to do was spend his money on bullshit. Tanya's mother got so angry that she told him that their daughters could buy whatever they wanted, because he always bought jewelry for his mistresses. It was only fair that their daughters would get their fair share of his fortune.

He got so angry at her retort, that he grabbed a fistful of hair from Mrs. Denali's head and dragged her to his office. Tanya and her sisters tried to follow them to help their mother, but their father locked the door. They heard shouts, loud thumps, and moans of pain. He was clearly beating up their mother.

They were scared and felt impotent. They wanted to help their mother. Kate called my father and, her then boyfriend, Garrett to come and calm down their father. But it was too late.

As Charliearrived at the scene and opened the door, the lifeless body of Mrs, Denali was on the floor, beaten and bleeding. A drunken Mr. Denali was crying beside her, regretting his actions.

Myfather arrested him that night.

His trial was held that same weekend in Seattle, where he pleaded guilty of charge for the murder of his wife under the influence of alcohol. He was sent to prison. Tanya hated her dad and had never gone to visit him. Not once.

Tanya's and Irina's custodies were given to Kate, because she was a legal and responsible adult.

Irina and Tanya were absent from school for months. They lost the school year, because instead they would go to therapy. Tanya wouldn't talk to anybody except her therapist and me. Those months were so hard for Tanya.

Tanya, Alice Brandon, and I were the best of friends, but when this incident happened, Alice felt left out. And at that moment in her life Alice and I couldn't deny Tanya anything, so she complied. I still talked to her, but we grew apart as she started hanging out with the Hale twins.

Tanya didn't wantto have anybody around, just us. We were ten or eleven, so we didn't play with dolls that much anymore. We would go to La Push beach to swim, or we would go to Port Angeles just to walk and hang out. Her sisters were grateful with me for spending my free time with her. I was okay with it, because I didn't have anything else to do, I always was all alone in my house since my father had to work and my mother left me when I was four.

So the years passed in pretty much the same fashion. Her sister Kate married her boyfriend Garrett and he came to live at Tanya's house because her sister wouldn't leave them alone. By then, Tanya and I grew closer together. We did everything together. Sometimes she would stay at my house over the night, sometimes I would stay on hers.

On the fifth anniversary of her mother's death, Tanya stayed at my house because she couldn't be at the place where Mrs. Denali died. We were hanging out in my room, lying on the bed, talking about anything and everything. Tanya turned to me and asked me, "Do you have a crush on someone?"

I shook my head no, "Do you?"

She hesitated before shaking her head. We stayed silent for a moment. Tanya grabbed my hand in hers and intertwined our fingers. After several minutes, she broke the silence.

"I hate men."

I stayedsilent; I didn't know what to say. That I hated men too? But that was not the truth. I found the boys in my class annoying, because they were always pulling at my hair and hiding my things, especially Mike Newton and Jasper Hale. But I didn't hate them.

However, I didn't have to say anything because she spoke, "Bella, would you stay with me forever?"

I looked at Tanya again and saw that she was crying. It broke my heart, because she was so good with everybody, she didn't deserve this much pain. I pulled her at my side and hugged her. She clung to me with all her strength, burying her face in my neck. I didn't mind the closeness because it made her feel better.

"Answer me Bella," she spoke against my neck, "Would you be with me forever?"

"Yes," I said against her hair, my right hand running through it.

"Really?" she tilted her head back to look at my face. Our eyes locked and I saw all the pain that was going through her body. She felt alone in this world and I was the only thing she had apart from her sisters.

"Yes," I whispered, reassuring her. We never broke eye contact, because as I answered her, the emotions on her eyes changed. Somehow I could feel that I took a bit of her ache with my answer. I liked this new look on her eyes.

Concentrated on my achievement, I didn't notice as she started leaning into me until her lips met mine. At first I was shocked, but as Tanya's lips started moving frantically against mine, all worried evaporated. Snapping out of it, I complied, gladly that I could provoke another reaction out of her besides coldness that she was showing lately. Her kiss became more desperate and aggressive, because she was taking away her agony, using me to forget about everything.

The kiss progressed and before I knew it, we were heavily making out in my bed. After several minutes, we stopped. Our breaths were labored and our chests were heaving. Oxygen entered my bloodstream and it flowed into my brain, making me realize what I had done.

I had my first kiss.

I made out with someone for the first time.

And it wasn't how I imagined, because it had been with Tanya, my best friend.

With Tanya, the girl I used to play dolls with.

With the one I bought my first bra with.

With the one who showed me how to put my first tampon on.

With the one who explained to me how babies were made.

And she was not just any girl. She was Tanya Denali, who I just promised I would never stay away from her. But that wasn't a problem because one of my virtues was loyalty.

I turned to look at her and caught her staring at me. She gave me a nervous smile and directed her gaze to the ceiling.

"What are you thinking?" she asked. I contemplated her question for a moment before answering, "I was thinking about the kiss."

"What about it?"

"I don't know..." I trailed off; confusion could be heard in my voice.

"Did you like it?" She asked, and again I hesitated before answering.

Did I like it?

"I guess..." I answered her truthfully, "You?"

"I loved it," she said, looking at me once again, smiling. I loved to see her smile, because nowadays she rarely did it. We stayed silent again, both smiling and looking at one another. Tanya spoke again.

"Bella, I like you," she confessed.

"I like you, too."

"No, you don't understand... I like you, like you..." My eyes widened in understanding.

"What?"

Tanya frowned at my reaction and turned away from me, giving me her back, "Never mind."

"No, Tanya... Sorry, I... I didn't mean it that way... it's just... that was unexpected."

"No, I guess I shouldn't have said it..." she said sadly.

Silence followed yet again. I was so stupid, of course I liked it. It had felt so good, different. I definitely wanted to try again. Plus, I loved Tanya. We've been through a lot together. She was everything I had besides Charlie. It was only logical that we'd stay together because we were meant to be. It was unconventional, but we could figure that out later. We were not the first ones to be like this...

Girl and girl together.

Making up my mind, I spoke. "Tanya, look at me... I freaked out a little, but you know... I like you, like you, too."

She faced me again, but this time with a shocked smile on her lips. "Bella, are you sure?"

I nodded, a smile visible in my face, becauseI was one hundred percent sure. She quickly hugged me, pressing me against her body and crashing her lips against mine.

Later that night, we decided that we would take things slow. That when we felt comfortable with the relationship, we would tell our families because this was for real and for eternity. We needed patience and courage to confront the society.

That week, we drove to Port Angeles and bought several books that would help us. We also entered some websites with information about homosexuality and sexual preferences.

And yes, I was afraid, very much afraid. But as long as Tanya was at my side I felt protected and happy...

"And that's how it happened... Tanya suffered a lot... I guess that discovering that we loved each other, like, ummm… you know… was what motivated her to live happily again." I explained to Edward. He seemed apprehensive by the Denali family's sad story.

"And have you ever told your father?" he asked curiously.

"Last year," I answered, more at ease now that he knew why things were this way. "He took it badly. Charlie was shocked; he couldn't believe that I preferred girls, and that my childhood friend was my, well… girlfriend. But a couple of months later, he started accepting me and respecting me. My mother was a completely different story though."

"Your mother?" Edward asked, confusion written in his face, "I thought she left."

"She did, but once in a while she would call to see if we were still alive, so naturally when I told her, she stopped calling," I shifted in my seat and stretched my legs before continuing, "It didn't hurt so much, she rejected me once so the second time didn't stir anything within me."

"And Tanya's sisters?"

"Urrrggghhh!" I groaned, "Kate is cool with it, but Irina..."

"Oh, I know Irina," said Edward smirking, "She is getting a liposuction next week."

"Is she?"

"Yep."

"I hate that bitch," I said with venom in my voice, "Tell your dad that he better screw up in her operation."

"I will," chuckled Edward, seemingly eager and curious about this whole affair. Honestly, I felt relieved, liberated, and so happy that I was finally getting this out of my chest.

"So people at school? How did they find out?"

"Well, we didn't tell them exactly, Tanya and I don't display our affection publicly, but you know how people are. They started spreading rumors. So every day, they pointed and stared at us. We got tired of all that bullshit, so one day we decided that one display of affection would be appropriate, just to shut up their mouths, so she kissed me at lunch."

"I wish I could have seen that," Edward murmured to himself, but I heard him. I leaned into his body and smacked him in the head for the second time that day. He scrunched his nose and narrowed his deep green eyes. I smiled innocently. He looked cute like that.

"That's what happens when you say those things..."

"Well, it's your fault, you are giving me those mental images, you know how guys love to see girl on girl action... I wouldn't be a male if I didn't; especially two hot ones like you and Tanya." He said, smirking mischievously.

Now it was my turn to narrow my eyes. How dare he? I should have known he was like the rest of them. But, I still wanted him around. Those kinds of comments didn't bother me as much coming from his mouth. Why was that?

I was in desperate need of a friend.

Dismissing his comment and rolling my eyes at him, I stood up abruptly and went to stand in front of the big shelf. I scanned through his CD/DVD collection and found that we had similar tastes in both. Something that I'd always hated about Tanya as she had different tastes in music and movies than I did.

I turned to look at Edward, incredulity written on my face, as I caught him staring at my behind. What a pig? But then again, this attention coming from him didn't bother me, and if I admitted it to myself, I even welcomed it. My stomach turned just by thinking about my acknowledgement of these feelings, my acceptance of loving to feel like a normal girl. Because something about him, made me feel...desired?

Standing in front of his bookshelf, immersed in my thoughts, my eyes focused at a random place when Edward startled me. He came running to my side, cheeks flushed.

"I haven't read those books," He said quickly, his eyes wide in shock. I looked at the books he was trying to cover with his arm, and saw... Harry Potter? Seriously?

I broke into laughter as I saw his reaction to hiding his books. So high and mighty Edward Cullenread Potter, huh? For a second there, I thought he wanted to hide playboy magazines or something along those lines. But he was so different from what he showed the world, because even though he said he hadn't read those, I knew better. This was one of his little secrets. Secrets that embarrassed him as if they were sins.

Laughing hard, I pushed his arm away and grabbed a tattered copy of "Goblet of Fire". I inspected it, smirking knowingly at him, as he just tried to look away. I couldn't resist how cute he looked when he was embarrassed so I decided to tease him, as he did with his hormonal comments.

"I love this book, mine isn't this battered though," I pointed out the torn green jacket.

"My friend Seth read it a couple of times," mumbled Edward, reaching for the book and putting it between "Prisoner" and "Order".

"Well, such a shame, because it's such a good book, especially the part where Harry invites Ginny to the Yule Ball."

"He does? Doesn't he invite Parvati?" he asked, confusion written on his face. I just giggled as understanding crossed his features, gradually narrowing his eyes at me, "Oh! You didn't!"

However, I didn't have time to move, as Edward launched into me, tickling my ribs and sides, pinning me to the bookshelf. I started laughing as soon as he touched me, writhing and twisting awkwardly, trying to get away from his grip. My arm muscles felt tired and my abs hurt from laughing so hard, almost preventing me to from noticing his wonderful scent.Almost.

I was drunkenly laughing as I started pushing against him, squealing, "Stop, stop it, please!"

"Never! You owe me; you know my biggest secret, now I'll have to kill you!" he said, smirking, his cheeks still flushed from the embarrassment and his hair messier than a few minutes ago. Squirming and rubbing against him, so lost in our little game and stupidly funny demeanor, I didn't notice when the door opened. A huge gasp could be heard, followed by a, "Sorry, I didn't mean to!"

Edward's hands froze on the spot, my eyes widening as I heard Mrs. Cullen closing the door. Edward snorted, chewing on the inside of his cheeks, as he ran out the alcove, yelling to his mother the famous and cliché phrase, "it's not what it looks like".

I felt awful that it was the third time that I'd seen this guy and I already was behaving like this. It was like if we were two magnets, attracted and inseparable. I tried to not behave this way with him, but it was inevitable. Would I be able to be his friend if this kept happening? Would Tanya approve of my friendship with Edward? This was all so foreign to me.

The amity, the familiarity, the comfort, the attraction.

Male attraction.

Inhaling, I fell to my knees, gripping my hair tightly. I really did want Edward as my friend. Everything he did, said, or thought, didn't bother me as much as when other boys acted that way. Before I started to ponder deeper into the subject, said guy entered the room, giving me a sheepish smile. Subconsciously, it put me at ease just a little bit.

"She was freaked out, but whatever," he shrugged, like it wasn't a big deal that his mom thought that I was an easy girl, "She says dinner is ready."

I nodded, wanting for a second to get out of this house. Was he fucking kidding me? Did he expect me to sit and eat dinner with his mom there? He must have seen my confused expression because he asked, "What? Are you okay Bella?"

Making up my mind, I spoke, "Actually Edward, I think I'll head home, my dad will be worried."

"Bullshit," he stretched his hand, reaching for mine. The frown in his forehead told me that he wasn't as comfortable and suave as the façade he was showing let on. However, trusting in him, I took his hand as he pulled me up. His frown disappeared and he squeezed my hand reassuringly.

"If you don't get that pretty ass downstairs and sit with my mom, she'll feel awful; she was more embarrassed by that than we were, believe me." He reasoned warmly, making me feel as if he really wanted me to stay with him throughout the evening. If I wanted to make this friends thing work, I knew what I had to do.

"Okay," I sighed, following him out to the hallway.

Once in the dining room, I saw Mrs. Cullen with a glass of Chardonnay in her hand. But she was not alone, as I saw who I supposed was Mr. Cullen. I gasped as I saw how perfect he seemed. He was a very handsome and groomed man, like if he was an actor of a Hollywood movie. Dr. Cullen was a surgeon stupid, of course he had to look perfect.

"Bella?" Edward said, bringing me back to reality. I shook my head and blushed, feeling the eyes of all the Cullen members on me. I tried to smile politely, extending my hand, but was taken aback when Dr. Cullen nodded coldly at me. He turned to Edward and said, "Son, can I talk to you in private?"

Mrs. Cullen just looked at her husband oddly and Edward gave me an apologetic smile, following his father out of the room and into the hallway.

Esme and I stood awkwardly for several minutes before she spoke, "Do you like pork chops with steam veggies, honey?"

I was about to answer when I heard Dr. Cullen raising his voice.

"What the fuck do you want Edward? A Lamborghini? I'll give you the fucking car, just don't brin—" he was cut off as Edward overlapped his voice.

"WHAT THE FUCK, DAD?" I was starting to feel nervous. What was this about?

"She's the police chief's daughter, and this lovely girl… Irina Denalisaid that the Swan girl is bad news Edward, that's the reason we moved here in the first place!" I gasped, a small tear sliding down my cheek. I was startled when I felt Esme's hand on my shoulder as her glass felt to the floor. Her widened eyes were looking in the direction of the hallway.

Edward snorted sarcastically, speaking with a mirthful tone, "And you actually take her word? This is a fucking stupid town."

"No Edward, here's where your Granddad was raised, and that girl was very charming, but this Swan, she… she's a…"

"A what, dad?" Edward asked; the same mordant tone coloring his pitch.

"Never mind, tomorrow I'll take you to Seattle so you can see the cars."

"No, I don't need a fucking car. You don't get it, do you?"

"No Edward… I don't know what goes through your head, I try to, I really do, but no son, I can't understand, I—"

"No dad, you would never understand. I hate that you are superficial, that you pretend to be perfect, with the perfect house, and the perfect car, and the perfect profession, and the perfect appearance, and the perfect clothes, and the doped Stepford wife, but somehow, it doesn't seem to be enough! I am never enough for you and I am tired, I am tired of this bullshit because, yes I like luxury, but one starts to hate them when they realize that they are useless, they are not my dad!"

At that moment, I understood him. He put up that façade just so he could be perfect and popular. Perfect so he could get his father's attention. Popular so he could be the king of the school, the rebel cool guy. That thought saddened me, but also angered me. Dr. Cullen was not a very nice man, and his words had hurt. I needed to get out, but my feet were stuck.

"You don't talk to me like that Edward!" Dr. Cullen sounded furious, "You are a selfish little brat, and are doing this to piss me off, aren't you?"

Edward just snorted, he sounded so much more calmed, as if he was breathing deeply. He must have realized that I could hear them.

"You don't know how hard I'd busted my ass to get you here, to give you the best education, the best things, and you, you pay me back like this? She's no good, Irina Denali said that Isabella corrupted her little sister, that she's a… a lesbian."

I was incredulous and hurt. How could Irina's hatred and Dr. Cullen's stupidity make me feel this way?

"DON'T YOU FUCKING TALK ABOUT HER LIKE THAT, EVER!"Edward shouted in my defense and deep down, that thought made me happy, but the other feelings and emotions were overlapping this sentiment. "Bella is the most fucking amazing girl I've ever talked to, she's natural, humble, shy, and friendly. She does not deserve this Carlisle!"

"I am your father, and you should have more respect for me," He was now breathing shallowly, "And I don't care, I just don't want you to be seen with her."

This was enough, Dr. Cullen had stroked a cord and it hurt. I needed to get out, I was suffocating, I was humiliated and fucking marred. Mrs. Cullen was in shock but responded when she saw my attempts to move my paralyzed legs. She smiled apologetically and squeezed my shoulder, "Bella honey, I, I am really sorry you had to see this, I…"

Gulping and getting it together so my voice wouldn't crack, I said, "It's okay Mrs. C, I need to get going, my dad needs me home."

She nodded and apologized again. At that instant, the door banged and Edward came in, his father following behind him.

"Bella, I am sorry!" he said exasperated. Edward's expression contorted with rage, but as he saw me, his facial muscles relaxed a little.

"Edward I need to go, my da—"

"No Bella, no. Don't go!" He reached for my arm, stopping me. I put my hand on top of his and pulled him away, giving him a forced smile that caused a tear to pour down my cheek.

"It's okay, I really need to."

Resigning, he just nodded and accompanied me to the door. As we got there, he opened it for me and we both stood in the doorway. I looked at his face, our eyes locking when I spoke, "Goodbye Edward."

"No, Bella, don't be mad at me, I, he… urgh… he's just so uptight and fucking close-minded," he struggled, convincing me that he wasn't to blame. I chuckled lightly, my eyes swollen from the few ushered tears.

"Don't worry, see you later." I was exasperated, ready to get out of there. He was making it difficult and after that scene with Dr. Carlisle, I was getting unsure of my friendship with his son. As I was turning around, he stopped me, searching my eyes.

"Can I still call you?"

I was silent for a moment, another tear sliding down my cheek. Was he serious? Was he ignoring his father's orders? Was I worth that much as a friend to him? Was he defying him just as Tanya and I would the kids from school?

But the fucking doctor was his father, whereas the stupid teenagers meant nothing to us.

Sighing, I met his intense gaze and nodded. His lip twitched, trying to form a smile, but couldn't. In that moment I felt the impulse to reach for him and hug him. I did. Briefly.

That reassured him that I was fine with him. That reassured me that I might make this work. I acknowledged the fact that somehow, in this few days, I had become important to him.

Pulling away from him and his soothing aroma, I waved my hand and turned around. He did the same, his expression blank. I felt bad for Esme and him—the pretenders.

As I pulled my car away from the Cullen's perfect mansion, I knew the direction I needed to take. I needed her badly.

I needed Tanya.

Big thanks to my beta magan bagan, for making this chapter readable. Big thanks to naelany and ForksReverie for being there whenever I needed an opinion.