So, I made an intro to my incredible idea, And, Then to my surprise, I got some people following it, and I was like: I have free time, and I have adoring fans...
NEW CHAPTER!
Disclaimer: If I owned Gravity Falls, I wouldn't be writing a fanfic about it, would I?
Also, There's Going To Be No Pairings in this, so, Just throw-away lines and gags.
"The Sun Was Shining, The Sky Was Bright
And Families were everywhere enjoying summer break
A Time For leisure, recreation, and taking it easy.
Unless your a member of my family"
(Que Mabel, Dipper, And Wendy bursting out of the sign)
"My name is Dipper. The girl about my size is my sister Mabel. The Tall Girl in the back is my father. You may be wondering what we're doing in a rusty old golf cart, fleeing from a creature of Hardly imaginable horror, Or why I'm Narrating while the narrator glares at me with the same look I would give a small and fuzzy but utterly insignificant caterpillar crawling onto one of my journals"
"Rest assured, there's a perfectly logical explanation"
"It Started on about the second day we Got to gravity falls"
(Que Start Of St-
"It was weird from the first day we got there, In All Honesty, but the second day was when it got real"
(Que Start Of Story)
Dipper Was, Of Course, complaining to Mabel about her latest phase:
"Mabel, I know you're going through your whole "Boy Crazy" phase, but I think you're kind of overdoing it with the "crazy" part"
Mabel, responds Typically. "What?" She pauses to blow a raspberry "Come on, Dipper! This is our first summer away from home! It's my big chance to have an epic summer romance with someone I'll probably never see again!"
"Yeah, but do you need to flirt with every guy you meet?" Dipper replies " You even flirted with ME and DAD!"
"The Fanfic I read seems to indicate It's a possibility!, Besides I got a good feeling about this summer. I wouldn't be surprised if the man of my dreams walked through that door right now!"
Stan, while looking especially fat, Walks through said door frame
"Ew!" Mable shuddered, While Dipper gurgled laughter in his corner of the room.
"Do I flirt With HIM now? Asked Mabel Silently to nobody in particular.
"Hey, look alive, people. I need someone to go hammer up these signs in the spooky part of the forest." Stan Interrupts
"Not it!" Yell Mabel and Dipper, one after another
"Not it!" Boos Soos's Ghost, While trying to levitate a screwdriver in such a way to fix a light, and while not succeeding, not really failing either.
"I Wasn't Talking to you, Soos"
Wendy Completely ignored Stan while reading a magazine
"Hacker, I need you to- wait, you wouldn't help me"
HackerX-3-2-11, (The man who, From your limited perspective, is going to replace Wendy) who, as if actually paying attention to Stan, said "I'm Feeling light headed and can't"
"I just said that you wouldn't help me, Kid!"
"Sure"
"That's It, I'd fire all of you if I could. All right, let's make it... Eenie, Meenie, Miney... you." Stan Decided, Pointing at Dipper.
"Be careful Son!" Wendy called, over her magazine
"Wait!" pauses Dipper "Grunkle Stan, Dad, whenever I'm in those woods, I feel like I'm being in danger."
"Not again" everyone grumbles
"Guys," Dipper pleads "I'm telling you, something really dangerous and mean is going on in these woods. Just this afternoon, my mosquito bites insulted me"
Stan, after glancing at Dipper's arm, replies " I admit the bugs do seem to have colorful language, But You probably learned worse words in school"
Wendy glances over and chips in " Don't Curse kids"
Stan Continues "Look, kid. The whole "monster in the forest" thing is just a local legend, drummed up by guys like me to sell merch to people like him." (He points to a fat guy giggling at a bobblehead)
"So Go On and quit being paranoid"
-Time Skip-
Dipper was walking through the forest, hammering up signs, starting to mutter about how cold it was without his Pitt Cola When suddenly,
BANG!
He hit a tree, but it sounded like metal... Heavy Metal...
(get it? The metal made a noise, but I said it was heavy metal, so the... ha... oh, nevermind)
Pulling the on metallic wedge revealed it as a door with some switches behind it, ones swiftly dealt with by Dipper:
CLICK! CLICK!
goes the metal as Dipper flips all the switches
WHOOSH! (which the sound of a door opening)
Dipper Flinches at the sudden expulsion of new noise. When he recovers, he tries again.
WHOOSH!
Yes, This is most definitely the switch doing the switching.
WHOOSH!
That switch, all right, All righty!
WHOOSH!
Uh... Dipper, the switch has been flipped
WHOOSH!
Oh, I get it.
WHOOSH
See, Dipper, think about it: what would a "whoosh" like sound do?
WHOOSH
Oh, come on Dipper, you're not that stupid- well, actually, ...
"HEY!" Defends Dipper "I know what to do now, I just need the switch in the on position!
Pft... Anyway, Now finally off the switch, Dipper glances around, looking for the cause of-
WHOOSH!
I thought we were done with that?
WHOOSH!
"We are, but I'm using the motion of whatever's opening to figure out where it is."
Oh, well Dipper does exactly that, and he reaps the sweet reward: the journal.
Glancing through it swiftly, he is amazed at how he was totally right, that the forest is full of dangers, and that the author said to TRUST NO-
"HEY BRO BRO!" Mabel Shouts in greeting with her full lung capacity.
"Aaaaaaaaaah" Screams Dipper before calming down
"Whatcha readin', some nerd thing?"
"Uh, uh, it's nothing!"
"HA! What? Are you actually not gonna show me?"
"Let's Keep This a Secret"
- Time Skip-
"What?" Asks Wendy, in total disbelief, because as you know, no secret that ever involves Wendy is ever getting out, and Mabel and Dipper tend to exploit that to its full capacity.
Dipper Replies ecstatically: "It's amazing! You Guys said I was being paranoid, but according to this book, Gravity Falls has this secret dark side!"
"That is really cool!" agrees Mabel
"Yeah But-" Wendy tries to argue before being interrupted
BING-BONG
"What? Who Was That?" asks Dipper
Mabel does a giggle squeal combo "Well, time to spill the beans. " she then, comedically, Knocks over a can of beans "Boop. Beans. This girl's got a date! Woot Woot!"
"Hold on" Questions Dipper "Let me get this straight: in the hour I was gone, ..."
"... And I was here the whole time ..." Wendy interrupts
"... you already found a boyfriend?" Questionly concludes Dipper.
"What can I say? I guess I'm just IRRESISTIBLE!" Mabel explains
Stan walks in "What are you guys talking about?"
Dipper hides the journal and replaces it with... "Gold Chains For Old Men Magazine?".
"That's a good issue" notes Stan
Mabel Bursts in Suddenly "Hey, family! Say hello to my new boyfriend!"
Norman said "'Sup"
"Hey ..." Replied the family
"His name is Norman, and We met at the cemetery. He's really deep."
In the background, You could hear Wendy mutter "she went to a cemetery?", But everyone ignored her because it's Mabel, and you don't question Mabel if you want to keep your sanity.
"So, you wanna go hold hands or... whatever?" Norman Questions Mabel.
"Oh, oh, my goodness." Mabel Giggled while running out "Don't wait up!"
"He was Odd" Stan Remarked
-Time Skip-
As it turns out, Dipper felt he was so odd, he looked in a book
"Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes," Dipper Reads from the book in a bad Siri impression "these creatures are often mistaken for... teenagers?! Beware Gravity Falls's nefarious... ZOMBIE!"
-Meanwhile-
"Somebody say "Crombie"? What is that, Crombie? That's not even a word. You're losing your mind." Stan questions to himself.
"Isn't some kind of cinnamon roll or something?" Wendy Asks
"I Dunno..."
-Now back to the action-
"AAAA..." Shouts Dipper as he watches Norman Gait over to Mabel
"Huh?" Asks Norman when he hands Mabel some flowers
" Daisies? You scallywag..." Mabel replies to Norman while feeling completely safe
"Dipper!" Dipper says 3rd personly "Do you really think your sister is dating a zombie or are you crazy? Why do I kinda think toward the latter?"
"It's a dilemma, to be sure," Soos-The-Ghost says, "Especially that second one, But, I couldn't help but overhear you talkin' aloud to yourself in the third person in this empty room."
"Soos!" Dipper jumps at the opportunity "You saw Norman! He's gotta be a zombie, right?"
"How many brains Didya see the guy eat?" Soos Ghost Reasons, while Dipper shrinks from defeat in the background "Look, dude, I believe you. I'm always noticing weird stuff in this town. Like the Pizza Delivery Man? Pretty sure that dude's a Vampire. But you gotta have evidence. Otherwise, people are gonna think you're a major league cuckoo clock."
"Huh," Dipper thinks, reasons, then agrees "As always, Soos, you're right."
"My wisdom is both a blessing and a curse. As is my now infinite life" Soos ponders while going to clean the toilets. (What? Ghosts can see the future, Duh.)
"I Need evidence, Dipper!" Dipper informs himself
-Time Skip-
"I've Watched them all day!" frustratedly shouted Dipper. He throws his camera down and himself into a chair behind him and just quietly sits, contemplates life, and sips Pitt Cola for a while.
Wendy, Stan, and Hacker, after having all gotten over wondering why he was talking to himself, went back to playing their poker game.
"place another bet Wendy" Stan gloats, having won thrice in a row.
"That's it, I'm going all in" Wendy decrees
"That confident" Stan chuckles
"Nah, She just wants this to be the last round," Hacker says tauntingly, having almost won once and convinced he will succeed.
Wendy growls in response.
"Guys Be quiet!" Dipper Whines "I'm trying to sulk"
Hacker, Taking the growl as a challenge and ignoring Dipper, figures "You know what? I'm all in Too."
Dipper sighs and picks up the camera again, catching just barely Norman putting his hand back on.
"Hah!" Stan Gloats harder "I'm all in Too!"
Wendy, Recognizing her opportunity to Strike "HA! I have a -"
"AAAAAAAAAAH" Shouts Dipper, knocking his chair over, his drink everywhere, himself onto the floor, And interrupting Wendy's big break. " I was right! Stan! Dad! I-"
"Kid!" Shouts Stan "Calm Down and figure it out outside!"
"But I- AAH! MABEL! TROUBLE!" Dipper frantically tells "I'll Save you, Mabel!"
He runs out just as chaotically and frantically as what he just said.
"What was that about?" Stan Questions his poker partners, who just shrug until Wendy retries her triumph: "I have a Royal Flush, By the way"
...
Leaving the shack behind, Dipper runs out and luckily, Sees Soos fixing a golf cart. Running up to him, Soos hands him a shovel.
This stalls Dipper enough for him to also receive the keys and a "good luck" from Soos.
"how did you know-" Dipper tries to question before he realized Soos vanished. Surprisingly, Dipper apparently Didn't know that ghosts slightly know the future, and-
"Ghosts Don't Work like that"
Well too bad, they do now. Go save Mabel.
"OH NO! MABEL!" Dipper shouts, his mind on his sister as he drove into the forest
-Meanwhile-
"Wait, did Dipper say Mabel was in trouble?" Wendy Suddenly Realized.
-Meanwhile-
"Finally, we're alone," Mabel notes dreamily while staring into Norman's eyes.
"Yes, Alone" Norman Agrees "Uh, Mabel, now that we've gotten to know each other, there's, Uh, there's something I should tell you."
"Please Be a Vampire"
"What?"
"You Didn't hear that."
"Oh, well, Anyway, Mabel, all right, just... just don't freak out, okay? Just... just keep an open mind, be cool! We're-"
"A VAMPI-re?" Mabel Sputters out as Norman is revealed to be gnomes
"Is this too weird? Do you need to sit down?"
"..."
"Right, I'll explain. So! We're gnomes."
"..."
"I'm Jeff, and here we have Steve, Carl, Bob, and uh, Shembulock. almost forgot his name there"
"That explains the odd muscle locations"
"Anyways, long story short, us gnomes have been lookin' for a new queen!"
"Because, the uh, spot on his arm was just, was a hat or something"
" So what do you say? Will you join us in holy matrignomey? "
"Heh, Heh, Heh"
"Mabel, are you okay?"
"Heh, -Huh, oh, I guess I'm ok"
"Well, then? holy matrignomey?"
"Oh, well, about that, Look... I'm sorry, guys. You're really sweet, but, I'm a vegan, and you're gnomes, and it's like, 'how'? Yikes..."
"We understand- Wait, your VEGAN? now we're definitely going to kidnap you"
"Wait, wha- AAAAAAAHH!"
-Time Skip-
"I'm Coming, Mabel!" Dipper shouted for the umpteenth time.
"HELP" Shouts Mabel, but her shouting came from far away, so it was more like "help"
"MABEL? I'M COMING TO HELP!" Dipper shouted like he was a professional yeller
-Then-
"mabel? i'm coming to help!" Was faintly heard amongst the forest.
"WAIT FOR ME!" Wendy shouted at velocity while hacking through shrubbery
-Then-
"wait for me!" Was heard faintly by the port-a-potties.
"Huh? Wait for you? Sure, ham bone, When you're done, say PICKLES!" Soos said, shouting the last word really loudly so the non-existent person in the toilet would know.
-Then-
"pickles" was faintly heard by the parking lot.
"Huh?" Responded Hackerx3-2-11 "Oh, Soos must be ordering something. SOOS! I WANT A PIZZA"
-Then-
"Huh? Did some one say "Cheesa?" What is that? female cheese?" Stan pondered aloud "Huh... Female Cheese..."
-Back To The Action-
"The more you struggle, the more awkward this is gonna be for everybody!" Calls out Jeff "Just, ha ha, okay. Get her arm there, Steve!"
"Let go of me!" cries Mabel
Dipper, who arrives at this confusing scene, asks "What is going on here?"
"Dipper!" Mabel cries "Norman turned out to be a bunch of gnomes! And they're total jerks!"
As she cries this, she is pinned to the ground and tied up.
"Hey! Let Go of my sister!" Dipper shouts bravely
A random gnome growls at him and scares him.
Suddenly, Wendy leaps out of the forest and shouts more authentically brave: "HEY! let go of my daughter!"
"Oh! Haha, hey, there!" Jeff Diplomatically responds "Um, you know, this is all really just a big misunderstanding. You see, she's not in danger at all. She's just marrying all one thousand of us and becoming our gnome queen for all eternity! Isn't that right, honey?"
Mabel, in an amazing moment of dignity and freedom, states "You guys are butt-faces!"
Dipper, having regained his dignity, bravely bargains with his shovel: "Give her back right now, or else!"
"You think you can stop us?" Cackles Jeff maniacally "You have no idea what we're capable of. The gnomes are a powerful race! Do not trifle with the-"
WHAM!
"What?" Wendy asks as all attention turns to her. "Soos gave me a bat, and he seems pinata-esque enough to me!"
Dipper shrugs and cuts Mabel free with his shovel, and the family drives away in the cart.
A few minutes later, Dipper stops the cart.
"Hurry, before they come after us!" Mabel Figures
"Calm down, Mabel. I wouldn't worry about it. See their little legs? Those suckers are tiny!" Dipper Reasons
"Yeah, Mabel, we could walk back and be fine" Wendy says overconfidently.
THUMP!
"What was that?" All of them say simultaneously
THUMP! THUMP!
Looking back, they see-
THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!
"A GIANT MONSTER MADE OF GNOMES!" Wendy Shouts
"Move! Move!" Mabel Encourages
"AAAAHH" Panics Dipper, driving at full throttle down the road.
THUMP!
PEW! PEW!
"AAAH!" Screams Wendy "CLICHE SHOOTING NOISES!"
"I'm a little More Worried at ALL THE GNOMES HE THROWING AT US THAN THE SOUND IT MAKES!" Mabel Soundly Reasons
"AAAAHH" Panics Dipper, while swerving left and right to avoid the gnomes flying at them.
THUMP! THUMP!
"WATCH FOR THE SIGN" Cries Wendy
"The sign? Like a bird call? Oh- AAAAAAAAAAAH" Screams Mabel
"AAAAHH" Panics Dipper, Trying to quickly decide between crushed by monster or cart crash.
CRASH!
"AAAAAAAAAHH" they all cry while falling towards the Mystery Shack
SLAM!
The cart impacts the ground and partially crumbles under its own momentum. Luckily, Everyone involved in the car crash is safe.
Unfortunately, I meant from the crash itself and didn't include giant gnome monsters in my statement.
"ROAR!" Screeches the gnome monster
"Stay back!" Wendy shouts, having recovered from the wreckage first.
THUMP!
The gnome creature took another step.
"RAAUGH!" Shouts Wendy, bravely charging the monster.
The monster picked up Wendy and threw her through the window into the Mystery Shack. The window had glass in it, too, So, ouch.
"It's the end of the line!" Jeff Shouts from atop the beast "Mabel, marry us before we do something worse!"
"There's gotta be a way out of this!" Dipper tells Mabel
"I gotta do it, Dipper"
"What?! Mabel, don't do this! Are you crazy?"
"Trust me."
"What?"
"Dipper, just this once. Trust me!"
Dipper, although confused, backed away to the side
"All right, Jeff." Mabel Decrees "I'll marry you."
Jeff ecstatically replies, "Hot dog!" And after Climbing down the giant gnome and giving Mabel a ring, "Bada-bing, Bada-boom! Now let's get you back into the forest, honey!
"You may now kiss the bride!" Mabel says cheesily
"Well," Jeff decides "don't mind if I do-AAH!
VVVVRRRRR!
"What's wrong with this Leaf blower?" Mabel pauses to question
look, I tried, ok? noises can be hard.
After shrugging, Mabel shouts, "This is for fooling me thrice!"
PEW!
and shoots Jeff towards the gnome monster where-
BOOM!
the monster explodes.
"You Did it!" Shouts Dipper
after blowing a couple more gnomes away, Mabel responds with "Yup!"
"Wait, Thrice?"
"Yeah, once when he dated me, second when he kidnapped me, and third when... Uh... Reasons Happened"
This made Dipper raise an eyebrow, but he did not question.
-Time Skip-
"Yeesh. You guys get hit by a bus or something?" Stan questions from his position of counting the money he earned from his latest attraction, The 100% Female Cheese!
Mabel, Dipper, and Wendy ignore him until-
"Uh, hey! W-wouldn't you know it? Um, I accidentally overstocked some inventory, so, uh... how's about each of you take one item from the gift shop? On the house, y'know?"
"Really? Ask Both Wendy and Mabel, Although completely different in tone
"What's the catch?" questions Dipper
"Yes, and the catch is: do it before I change my mind, now take something," Stan answered gruffly
Dipper picked out a hat, Mabel picked out a "Grappling Hook!" (which was questioned) and Wendy picked out a "granola bar"?
"Umm... Don't you want something more, usable?" Stan asked
"You want a granola bar?" Asked Dipper
"What Flavour?" Asked Mabel
So this Story took me three days to write. I can see why people don't upload every day now. Anyway, please remember, that If You don't complain about my inadequacies in the Reviews, I won't improve!