Professor Layton and the Objectionable Objection – Part 2 –
Luke's beady little eyes darted from one gentleman to the other. Then back and again. Then up and down and side to side until the entire room was spinning and black was white and unicorns farted rainbows.
"You have quite the lovely ascot," Layton remarked gravely.
"Thank you. I use it to kidnap small children, you see," Edgeworth replied with a nod.
"Oh. Would you mind terribly kidnapping this one, then?" Layton motioned to Luke, who was now crumpled and twitching on the floor and foaming at the mouth.
"I'd rather not," Edgeworth replied. "It takes away all of the fun if they know ahead of time."
"I assure you, he doesn't know. He doesn't even know that I'm not his real father," Layton said.
"Why do you never look at me in the eyes, daddy?" Luke asked from the floor.
"Ah dinna do notin!" the braided girl called suddenly. "Ah dinna—ah dinna! It was dem voices!"
"Were they magical voices?" Layton asked.
"Yes! Det told meh to burn all the things, and then—"
"They seem very magical indeed."
"That's not magic! She's obviously crazy!" Phoenix snapped.
"Shh, Phoenix," Maya hushed. "The professor is talking."
"Am I the only sane one here?" Phoenix sobbed.
"I'm sane," Edgeworth replied calmly. "I thought you would have known that after our years together, Phoenix. Frankly, I'm disappointed."
"You just admitted to kidnapping children with your neck decoration not three minutes ago, that is not sane," Phoenix hissed.
"I'm sane!" Luke screeched, sitting up like a very ruffled owl boy.
"I find that hard to—"
"I'M SANE, PHOENIX. I'M SANE AS YOU AND ME TWICE PUT TOGETHER AND THEN DIVIDED BY THE SQUARE ROOT OF KETCHUP." Luke's eyes were wide now, nearly as soulless as the professor's.
"I'm sane, Nick," Maya said, smiling sweetly.
Phoenix sighed. "Yes, Maya, you are sane."
"I believe in magic," said the professor.
"So do IIIIII," Maya gushed. "It's all sparkly and magical and did you know that I do magic? It's kind of my job, really, you see, and—"
Phoenix stifled a sob. "Maya, I wouldn't call—"
"And then my boobs get really big, you know? My sister had these massive chesticles, right, and then whenever she possesses me-well, I'm sure you'll see."
"I'm going to go sit in that corner over there and cry for a little bit, okay? Thanks," Phoenix said.
"You have quite the defence attorney," Layton remarked, looking down at the braided girl.
"The voices say I gotta kill 'im," she replied. "But they say I gotta kill 'em all, though."
"The voices are wise," Layton agreed.
"Is that a puzzle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Maya cooed.
"I believe it is a puzzle," Layton replied, pulling out the little toy. "I'm quite fond of them."
"I'm quite fond of puzzles, too," Maya replied, "if by fond you mean sexy and by of you mean with and by puzzles you mean boobs."
"Mmmmm," Layton growled gutturally.
"Have you ever thought about seeing?" Luke asked the braided girl. "Have you ever really thought about it? Have you thought about how, like, what you see could be totally different from what I see, but because we're both seeing something we think it's the same thing? Maybe you look like a monster to me but I don't even know because everyone looks like a monster to me and so I think it's normal."
"The voices say ah should cut yoo," the braided girl said lovingly.
"What is blueeeee?"
"Luke, snap out of it," Layton scolded. "We're needed in coat. Adieu, Misuta Naruhodo. I shall wait excitedly for your demonstration of extreme legal prowess." He tipped his hat, then dragged a jabbering Luke down the hallway.
Phoenix, on the other hand, had been rocking on a bench in the fetal position, sobbing softly to himself about how his mother had told him to be a florist, and how he should have taken her advice. He didn't hear them leave.