2

"Commander." Jacob's voice was subdued, sad. "We've done what we could for Garrus, but he took a bad hit."

I stared down at the table beneath me, trying to prepare myself for the news. Doctor Chakwas had made me leave the sickbay, insisting I was hindering the care she was trying to give the Turian. Since then I'd buried myself in the work of the ship, mission reports, research - anything to take my attention away from that part of the ship. My mind, however, continued to play those last few seconds over and over in my head and I couldn't help wondering if there was anything I could have done to change the outcome.

My eyes started to burn, which only served to piss me off. I needed to get myself together - there was no way I was going to cry in front of Cerberus.

"The docs corrected with surgical procedures and some cybernetics. Best we can tell he'll have full functionality, but..."

I looked up at Jacob, latching on to that bit of news: Garrus would survive. Before I could ask any questions however the doors to the room swished open, interrupting us. I looked up just in time to see Garrus saunter in, the familiar swagger back in evidence.

"Tough son of a bitch." There was respect in Jacob's voice. "Didn't think he'd be up yet."

I had to bite my cheek not to grin like a loon. I had already embarassed myself before with my exuberant reaction; Garrus hadn't seemed quite so happy to see me, a fact that I'd been going over and over in my head. That memory helped me stay stoic, for the most part; I couldn't stop my lips from turning up in what I hoped was only a pleased smile.

"Nobody would give me a mirror. How bad is it?"

The vanity in the question only served to amuse me; Garrus had always been confident about his "looks". I folded my arms and leaned against the table as I answered, "Hell Garrus, you were always ugly. Slap some paint on there and no one will even notice."

The Turian started to laugh then gave a pained grunt. "Don't make me laugh, damn it. My face is barely holding together as it is." He gave a little snort. "Some women at least find facial scars attractive. Mind you, most of those women are Krogan..."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Sarcasm was still his response of choice; some things never changed.

Jacob saluted me in familiar Alliance fashion, then exited the room. Garrus watched as left, a subtle change coming over his face after the Cerberus operative was gone. Turians were difficult to read at the best of times but if I had to guess I would say it was displeasure. "Frankly, I'm more worried about you." Concern tinged his voice. "I've heard bad things about Cerberus these past few years."

"Right now they're a necessary evil." The words tasted bitter even as I said them. "I need their resources to get this done."

He didn't seem pleased by my response but it was hard to tell. "I'm fit for duty whenever you need me Shepard. I'll settle in and see what I can do at the forward batteries."

My heart twisted but I managed to keep my face impassive, only nodding as I watched him leave the room. The doors swished closed behind him but I stayed behind, just staring down at the table and my hands. I closed my eyes, trying to get my jumbled thoughts in order but it was an impossible task; too many questions, not nearly enough answers. Had the Illusive Man lied to me about knowin who Archangel really was before he sent me? Had I lost the trust of one of my staunchest allies by choosing to affiliate myself, however "nobly", with the human organization? Seeing Garrus had only brought to bear how much I needed to see the others in my crew: Aidan, Liara, Captain Anderson, even Wrex. First Tali's mistrust, now Garrus': would I meet with this kind of resistance from every one of my former teammates?

I didn't think I could take that.

It was several minutes before I finally left the room, but my heart was no lighter than it had been when I'd first entered.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=

My body screamed for rest but I forced myself to do a last round of the ship, meeting individually with each of the different sections and getting myself used to the new Normandy's layout. It was a bigger ship than the Normandy 1 had been; I actually got lost for a spell in Engineering (which embarassed me to no end) but promised to get the couplings the two engineers needed before heading to the crew quarters. The mess captain persuaded me to look for some provisions on the Citadel and I made a mental note, after speaking to Chakwas, to look into finding the good doctor some brandy. I paused a moment, staring down the gangway towards where I knew Garrus would be, then headed into Miranda's office.

She seemed pleased to have me come by. Her mood wasn't quite as closed off as it had been previously - she was quite open in fact - but when she told me she was updating the Illusive Man on our progress a chill went through my body. I kept my feelings to myself, letting her tell me what she would about her past, but I couldn't get past her loyalty being first to Cerberus, then me. We agreed that we needed to find the Doctor, but I didn't answer her as to when we would be going.

I didn't even realize where I was going until I had already triggered the door to the forward battery. The doors swished open and I stared ackwardly at Garrus, unsure what to say.

"Shepard. Need me for something?"

"Have you got a minute?" My voice seemed timid to my ears; I pulled myself upright, walling myself off from the chaotic emotions.

"Sure, just checking the weapons systems. You can never be too careful."

I moved over to the railing, leaning against it while still listening to Garrus. He eyes followed my every move, shifting his body so he gave me his full attention. "Cerberus seems to have added a few upgrades to the Normandy designs. "I thought I'd seen every weapon available in our fight with Saren. Mercenary work showed me otherwise. Wish we'd joined them sooner."

"Everyone on the new crew working with you?"

"As well as anyone from Cerberus can be friendly with an alien. And they've got you vouching for them. I can't exactly doubt your judgment, not after I got my own squad killed."

"What happened to you Garrus? How did you get on Omega?"

"I got tired of all the politicking on the Citadel; nobody wanted to take any risks. Omega was filled with bad guys; people here needed someone to believe in, someone to stand up to local thugs." He began to pace. "I started doing some good. People noticed, and pretty soon I had people wanting to help me. Mercs who wanted to atone, security tired of playing by dirty rules. I gave them hope." He looked off to the side. "Then I got them killed." He looked up at me. "I've read your history, I know you understand some of what I'm feeling."

An old wound tore open a little; names and faces flooded my memory. Yes, I did understand: I had the dubious title of "War Hero", the only one to survive an assault that killed the rest of my team, and for that I would never forgive myself. "What happened?"

"One of my people betrayed me." He moved to the far side of the gangway; I followed and stopped by the terminal. "A Turian called Sidonis lured me away just before mercenaries attacked my squad. Everyone except me is dead because of him, and because I didn't see it coming." He looked down, then straightened. "I lost my whole team, except for Sidonis." The strength was back in his voice, and a fire in his eyes I hadn't seen before. "One day I'll find him and correct that."

"When the time comes, I'll help you however I can."

"Thank you." There was a wealth of emotion in those words, at least for a Turian.

I nodded, not knowing what else I could say. We both had our own problems; it didn't seem right for me to burden him with any more. "You have work to do," I said, turning to leave, "I won't keep you from it."

"Shepard."

The Turian's voice was gentle and I turned back around. "You came to see me," he said in the same soft voice. "I doubt it was solely to have me unburden myself on you."

"I don't..." I choked on the words and looked away. When I looked back he was still gazing at me, patience and understanding in his eyes. I was tired, and my emotions were chaotic again; it was hard to keep myself together. "Less than a week ago I watched as my ship was destroyed, then I wake up in a Cerberus facility being told I had died and been brought back to life, and that once again humanity's fate rested on my shoulders." It was hard to keep looking the Turian in the eye as I remembered the stress I'd been under - was still under. "I was told two years had passed and my friends had dispersed to who knew where, convinced I was dead. I was given a team of people who I can't bring myself to trust and a mission that, while noble, seems to hold ulterior motives." I drew in a shuddering breath, then looked Garrus square in the eye. "I need to have someone I can trust at my back, a friend I can... that I can lean on. I need to know if you still trust me." My voice cracked on the last word, dammit.

Two steps and he was at my side. I had to look up to see his face, he was so close. "Shepard." He made sure he had my attention before continuing. "I trust you with my life and the lives of those I hold close." He reached out and held my shoulder gently, his talons digging in but not hurting me. "If you need me for anything, know that I will always be at your side, no matter what we're going into."

I swallowed. Oh god, I was about to cry. Gritting my teeth together, body tense, I managed to nod and step back; Garrus leg go of my arm, staying where he was. I took a deep breath, then one more. "I need you to have my back tomorrow in Omega. I'll have my assistant forward you the dossier of the Doctor we're going to find."

Garrus nodded. "Tomorrow then, Shepard."

Another nod, then I turned around and exited the weapons area. I never heard the doors close behind me but didn't look back to see what might be the cause.