THE SONG FEATURED IS "YOU'LL BE IN MY HEART" BY PHIL COLLINS, I IN NO WAY MADE THE LYRICS (though I would totally take the credit if I could :3)
/watch?v=V35oRyAMmtU
( use that above link on YOUTUBE to hear the song)
this takes place the night before chapter one.
He was starting school tomorrow, his new life just hours away now. He was going to be walking on that campus, talking with people who had families that were some of the wealthiest in the country. Would they like him? Would he fit in? He never worried about that before, but he felt different now, like the armor he had on before had been warn away. He was a new person, going to have a new life...just for Yoite.
What would his teachers be like, how would the school work be different? Was he really cut out for this school or was he just kidding himself?
The thought's of the school and all the possibilities that came from it excited and terrified him, and both those emotions did not help him getting rest one bit. Clenched between his arms was a long scarf, stripped in Yoite's favorite colors, He was making this piece of clothing for Miharu when he had passed on, the chair still rocking with his limp body as the cloth draped over his lap. Miharu remembered seeing the ball of string Yoite had been using rolling slowly on the hardwood porch.
Miharu had had a tray of food with him at the time, but he froze when he saw it. he followed a strand coming from this ominous ball up the dark wooden chair, to see Yoite's limp form, his face calm and accepting, as if he were just sleeping. But there was no movement at all, not even shallow breathing, his body was empty of him now, Yoite had finally gotten his wish.
His friends had found Miharu later, standing their shell shocked, the tray still in his hands staring off in the distance as if Yoite and Miharu had both frozen in time, the boy never able to bring the lunch he had made to his companion, who had been working so diligently at his new hobby, making something for the boy to wear once the air started to get chilly, a little something to hold close when he wasn't around.
It wasn't until that tray was removed from Miharu's hands that the gravity of what he had seen hit him, That Yoite wasn't there anymore, that he had dissapeared just like he had wanted to that whole time... His friends jumped back at his gutteral scream of Yoite's name, the tray clattered to the floor as he tried to charge pass them, china breaking, tea and the food Miharu had prepared mixed on the ground as he flailed about
It took him hours to calm down, friends who had bearly seen a flicker of a genuene smile now saw true and raw emotion as they grabbed his arms, he desperatly was clawing his way to the limp body, trying to get a hold of Yoite once more, loudly pleading for Yoite to come back, that he couldn't leave him, that Miharu didn't want him to go away, he had even screamed that he loved the man, it startled them as much as they felt pity for the boy, He did not care if his friends were there, he yelled as loud as he could, hoping it would reach him where ever he was, hopefully to make him reconsider leaving Miharu all alone.
They had never heard him wail like that in their whole time knowing him, his face looked almost like a different person with the pain and anguish that dialated his eyes, making them red and irritated. Even after he had calmed down from that brake down it took him days to get him to open up at all, he had regressed further into his stoic behavior than he had ever been before. He had stopped talking all together, he barely ate at all, some of them were even worried that he might try to take his own life just to be with him. That time was truely the most horrible he had ever gone though. Yet he had pulled himself together, remembering the promise he made to Yoite, that one small conversation kept him going for years, and even though his feelings threatened to overwhelm him, he simply pressed on, studying with all his might, taking every step he could to raise himself above his peers, who didn't have half the conviction he did in his school work.
he turned to his clock radio...1:00 am..he needed help getting to sleep. He squeezed the scarf close to him...the last thing Yoite had done for him..half finished, yet He had no desire to complete it, he left the fabric just as it was, it still had his smell, Miharu still had a peice of him left..but he couldn't fall asleep, not with memories of that awful day rising back up inside him, it always seemed to when he was his most stressed, and transferring to such a posh school was definatly weighing on his mind. He rapped the scarf around him, covering the collar of his pajamas and his lean neck, his nose and mouth pressed against the woolen fabric as he breathed in. His hand drifted over to the radio, he thought listening to some music could help.
he caught the song right in the first few notes, soft stums of the instruments were vary soothing to his nervous demeanor
Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand
Hold it tight
Miharu gasped, he knew English vary well even though he didn't speak it regularly, it was one of his best subjects, but the words felt like they were ripped right out of the late Yoite's mouth. The scarf almost felt like the mans arm now, rapping him in a comforting embrace from behind, just like the actual man used to do all those years ago.
Miharu's eyes watered as he curled up, unable to turn off the song even though he desperatly wanted too. He knew this song was going to break him right in his bed, and he needed to be strong right now. He desperately wanted Yoite with him right then, it ached in his chest, it hurt so bad. Whenever a wave of emotion hit him like this he would always try to force it down, prevent it from overpowering him so he could be strong like he promised Yoite he would be, but he wasn't ready for this. He wasn't ready to deal with this school when he had no idea what it was going to be like, he was walking in alone with none of his friends...he had no protection from what lied ahead...it scared him
I will protect you from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry
"Yoite...is that you?" Miharu wispered, his eyebrows constricting in sadness, wrinkling his brow as he looked at the radio, sucking in his lower lip and biting it subconsciously. he tugged the blanket over him, shaking all over despite the warmth of the fabric against his skin. He felt stupid whispering that in the darkness, as if he would actually get an answer back, as if Yoite was there at all, he felt face redden in embarrasment and..longing as well, he so desperatly wanted it to be Yoite at that moment that was singing these lovely words in his bedroom that it was messing with his tired and foggy mind. his hands gripped around the top of the scarf, scrunching it as he took a deep breath, he could feel his throat start to hurt, his eyes start to sting. His hands were shaking even grasping the fabric so tightly
For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry
Despite the words of the song, Miharu's tears flowed down to the scarf. The conforting voice of this man was too much for him. He almost sounded like Yoite, if he ever spoke english that is. they had that same tone, that soft yet strong sound that had made Miharu's heart skip a beat when he heard it, almost the same as the man who hummed into his mouth when they had kissed, the man who rose emotions in Miharu that he never thought he had, who whispered in his ear that he would be there for him. He could see behind his closed lids a vision of The tall lean man, in his characteristic hat and big soft sweater he liked so much, saying the words of this song so softly to him. Miharu shook his head, wanting to reach out and touch what he was seeing, he was half dreaming now, soon he would be with Yoite in his own way.
'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always
The words had an eerie quality to them in this dark room, they almost fit too well, it was exactly what he wanted to hear, what he wanted the most was for Yoite to keep him safe and warm, to be there in his room, holding him tight and never letting go. He always did talk about him being strong, even in his last days he said that. Miharu didnt register that he was openly crying now, a heavy lump formed in his throat as he tried to steady his breathing. The boy was on the edge of sleep though, his body limp against his pillow, his sobs were slowly pulling him into that ethereal dream world, where Yoite would be waiting.
A figure moved in his poriphary vision, it reached out in the darkness and flicked on his light. For a split second he dared to hope that Yoite had come back from the grave, that his visions had become reality by the shinra bansho. But it was his grandmother, the woman who raised him like her own for so long.
"Honey, whats wrong? I heard you crying...did you have a bad dream?"
he sat up, rubbing his eyes with his sleeve, crossing his legs under the blanket "I..I..I'm fine...just a bad dream"
"was it about that man you hung out with? what was his name?..." she knew she had hit a nerve, his face contorted in pain as he flopped down, she really didnt understand what it had meant to him when he died
Why can't they understand the way we feel
They just don't trust what they can't explain
I know we're different but, deep inside us
We're not that different at all
"Grandma...could you...could you turn of the radio please..."
"what's that dear?"
"please..please turn it off"
She looked at the softly playing music, not comprehending what it was saying. She didn't speak English or had an idea what Yoite had meant to him, so she had no idea how disturbing the words of the song were to Miharu,
how did this man write words that struck such a chord with him? How could he even grasp something so complicated as what he had had with Yoite, how could he speak as if he were Yoite's ghost comforting him in the night.
And you'll be in my heart*click*
His grandma pressed down on the button "well, dear, if you want to talk I'm here. You know you can talk to me about anything right" He nodded, his back turned to her, he had regained a bit of his composure and felt vary tired now.
she patted his shoulder "Im so vary proud of you. I cant begin to tell you how happy you made your grandfather by getting into Ouran, we were so worried about your future" her hand rested there, he curled up with his eyes tight, focusing on steadying his breathing. She seemed at a loss on how to deal with him. It had been that way for a while, she used to be the one he opened up too, but now she almost felt like she had lost touch with her grandchild, that she had no idea where he was coming from anymore.
"...we love you honey, we always will"
"I know grandma...Im tired though"
"ok dear..I hope you feel better"
"good night..." She slowly walked out of the room, for a moment she turned as if she was going to say something else. What ever it was she had thought better of it and simply closed the door, leaving Miharu alone. Part of him wanted to click that radio back on, to catch the tail end of that song that had resonated with him so much, but he was too tired to move. His eyes flickered closed, subconsiously pressing his lips against the wool as he nussled it "Yoite.." he wispered, tasting the fabric as he mouthed the words "..I love you" with that he drifted off...his thought of school and stress drifted away as he finally drifted to sleep, knowing that the man he loved would be waiting for him.
...if only in his heart.